Pushing Her Away by Midnight Maiden

Pushing Her Away

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha...sadly

Pushing Her Away

The night sky was midnight blue. The wind was blowing gently. The full moon was shining in all its glory. There were no sounds except for the occasionally blow of the wind. A tall proud inu youkai stood in the center of the clearing looking at the moon in deep thought. The tall grass around him swayed from side to side. There was a stream next to him. You could see the reflection of the moon on the stream shimmering.

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It was night so Inuyasha decided to make camp after the hard day of shard hunting.

"Hey Inuyasha! I'm going to take a walk okay?" said Kagome.

"Feh, do what ever you want. Just be careful and don't go to far," replied Inuyasha.

"You want me to come?" asked Sango.

"No, it's fine, Sango," said Kagome.

Kagome didn't really know where she was going exactly. The night was so quiet. She kept following the moon. It looked so beautiful tonight. So on she went, not really caring where she was and where she was going.

After a while of walking she came to a clearing. She could hear the occasional blowing of the wind. Looking to the left she saw a small stream. And right next to the stream was the taiyokai that had tried to kill her on more than one occasion.

Kagome was awe from the image he made. The occasional blow of the wind would make his hair fly out. His kimono swayed with the wind. The grass around him billowed around him as if bowing down to him. The light of the moon shined down on him giving his pale skin a glow. The sight was just amazing. Yet there was something wrong in the air. Yes, she knows what it is now. It was sorrow.

Kagome had no idea what took hold of her or where she got the nerves. She found herself walking towards the inu youkai. When she got to him she slowly touched his back.

Sesshomaru knew that Inuyasha's wench was there the moment she got to the clearing. He was waiting for her to run away but he did not expect her to walk to him and touch him. Spinning around with inhuman speed he grabbed the hand that touched him. "Do you have a death wish, miko?" asked Sesshomaru.

"What gives you a reason to kill me?" asked Kagome.

"Touching this Sesshomaru is good enough of a reason," replied Sesshomaru letting go of her wrist.

"Why are you here?" asked Sesshomaru.

"You do know that I have a name right. It's Kagome Higurashi. Not wench. Not bitch. Not miko. Not anything else that you or your brother might be able to think of with your brilliant mind," stated Kagome.

"You will answer my question and you will not compare me to that filthy half breed, MIKO. We have nothing in common," said Sesshomaru icely.

"I refuse to answer your question till you are able to use my name correctly. And if you tell me to say that you have nothing in common with Inuyasha then you are asking me to lie, Dog," said Kagome making sure she emphasize the 'Dog' part.

"What did you call me, miko?" growled Sesshomaru.

"Something is wrong with the great inu youkai ears? I called you Dog since that is what you are technically," said Kagome.

"Do not refer to me as Dog, miko."

"Do not refer to me as miko, Dog."

Sesshomaru was kind of amused by Kagome's action. In centuries, no one had dared to go against him or talk to him like that and she, a human miko, dared to talk to him as if he was a pup. So he decided to put up with her for some amusement.

"Why are you here KAGOME," said Sesshomaru sarcastically.

"Thank you, I'm here because I was taking a walk, Sesshomaru-sama," said Kagome refusing to pay any attention to sarcastically way he said her name.

Looking around she asked, "Where is Rin?"

At her question the air filled with tension.

"What is your reason for asking of her?" asked Sesshomaru.

"Is there are reason why to ask about someone when they are your friend?" said Kagome.

"She died," said Sesshomaru icily.

Kagome was shocked. Sweet innocent little Rin died.

"How?" was all that Kagome could say.

"Last full moon the consul decided that Rin was a weakness in the taiyokai world so they killed her when I was away on important notices," said Sesshomaru.

"I am terribly sorry for your loss," said Kagome looking down at the ground.

Sesshomaru nodded but said nothing. Kagome looked down at her electronic watch and gasp at how much time has passed.

"I have to go now before Inuyasha start to get grumpy," said Kagome.

She flashed him one of her brilliant smile before walking back to camp.

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"Oi, wench where have you been?" asked Inuyasha when he saw her walking into camp.

"I was just taking a walk," said Kagome. Inuysha came over sniffing at Kagome.

"Kagome! Why do I smell Sesshomaru on you?!" asked Inuyasha alarmed. At that everyone tensed up.

Kagome was nervous but she knew that if she lied Inuyasha could tell so she might as well tell the truth.

"You smelled Sesshomaru on me because I saw him in a clearing." said Kagome. Everyone took that as an answer.

Sango said, "Whenever you see Sesshomaru make sure you come back to camp right away. He's not safe to be around."

Kagome nodded. She yawned and told everyone that she was going to sleep.

Next Full Moon

"Thank you so much monk for getting that driving that evil spirit away from us," said the town's lord.

"It was nothing. I'm just doing my job," replied Miroku.

"If it isn't too much, please let me repay you. Please stay in our village for the night," exclaimed the Lord.

"I would love to, but I also have my companions with-," started Miroku when the Lord cut in and said, "Oh! Your companions are invited to stay as well."

"Thank you so much of your hospitality," said Miroku.

Miroku just did his job of finding a place to stay in a nearby village. Sometimes Kagome would feel guilty for lying to the village people, but she was really tired of sleeping in the wild in the middle of the cold night.

There was something that caught her eyes. Looking over she saw that snake like creatures were flying around in the forest and sighed. She knew that tonight Inuyasha would be gone. He would be with Kikyo tonight. There was nothing Kagome could do to prevent that. Kikyo was his first love, and she would always remain second.

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The Inuyasha gang finished dinner and Inuyasha was gone. Kagome went over to the table and got a jar of sake.

"I'm going to take a walk, okay Sango?" said Kagome.

"Sure. Be careful okay?" said Sango.

"Ummhmm. Oh and when dog boy gets here tell him that he better not follow me unless he want to be sat into oblivion." said Kagome coldly. Sango looked up with wide eyes and nodded. Miroku looked at Kagome as if he was trying to comfort her. Shippo just shook his head and said, "Inuyasha can be so stupid."

Everyone in the room nodded and could only hope that the wound in their dear friend Kagome's heart would heal soon. There was nothing that they could do but hope and pray for her.

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It was the full moon again. And once again Kagome let herself be carefree, and just follow wherever the moon took her. Along the way she drank her sake. While her feet carried her to an unknown destination, Kagome thought of the one person who hurt her so much and who continuously haunted her. She thought of Inuyasha.

She wanted to hate him so much but she couldn't. Kagome Higurashi could never hate. She could only forgive. How she hated herself for it so much. Along the way she saw some of Kikyo's soul stealers and shook her head. She wouldn't follow them. No she would not herself anymore. Let him be with Kikyo. Who was she to interfere? So she continued to walk past them and kept following the moon, drinking her sake.

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In the clearing was a taiyokai, who was looking at the moon again. This was two full moons away from Rin's death. He hated to admit it but he missed her. She had grew on him. Clenching his hands he growled. He would not be weak. He promised himself that. He took a sniff of nature's scent when a strong smell of sake hit his nose along with Inuyasha's wench. No, Kagome he told himself still amused by her little argument from last time.

Five minutes later Kagome enter the clearing thoroughly drunk. She didn't walk straight anymore but more of a zigzag kind of a way. She wasn't looking at him but rather at the ground. He stood there waiting for her to acknowledge him but she kept walking. And she walked right into him. She made a little "Oof" sound and fell to the ground. Then she started to cry.

Standing up she grabbed hold of his haori as if clinging onto life, and start crying on his chest. Sesshomaru was astounded. They stood there, a miko clinging onto a taiyokai. She stood crying and mumbling something like, "I want to hate you so much," and a continuation of the question, "Why, Why do I love you."

If she were anyone else, Sesshomaru would have ripped them to shreds yet he didn't yet. Why? Weirdly he found the urge to hold on to her and to comfort her as well as himself.

After awhile the sake wore off and Kagome realized what she did. She gasped and let go of Sesshomaru giving them a distant and said "I'm sorry. It must be the sake."

"Indeed," was all that Sesshomaru said.

"Tell me. What drove you to cry so much," asked Sesshomaru, who was a little curious to what could break such a spirit.

"Inuyasha.." was all that Kagome said. Sesshomaru somehow understood her.

"Its time, I better get back." said Kagome wishing that she could stay longer.

Sesshomaru nodded. "Let me escort you. I still need you to kill Naraku."

Somehow his words hurt her and she winced. Sesshomaru saw the wince and was a little guilty about hurting her but said nothing about it. Kagome nodded and followed Sesshomaru. He formed his youkai cloud and Kagome got on. Sesshomaru didn't go with his normal speed, but went slower, so it was as if they are floating. Kagome sighed and leaned against Sesshomaru without realizing it. Kagome closed her eyes and fell asleep. Sesshomaru felt a feeling that he hadn't felt in centuries. He felt peaceful.

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Kagome woke up when she felt her foot touch landing. In a second the whole Inuyasha gang was out.

"Let go of Kagome, Sesshomaru." said Inuyasha. Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow at Inuyasha. When Inuyasha saw that Kagome didn't look scared or injured he said through clenched teeth, "What did you do to Kagome you bastard?!"

Sesshomaru looked directly at Inuyasha and said, "Why don't you ask yourself that."

Inuyasha growled and was about to say something insulting when Kagome said, "Inuyasha..."

"What is it wench?"

"Sit boy." THUMP and on the floor was Inuyasha. Sesshomaru felt his lips twitch in amusement. To see the hanyou kissing the earth was funny, no matter how many times he saw it.

Kagome turned to Sesshomaru and said, "Thank you for taking me here. I'm sorry about Inuyasha, Sesshomaru-sama."

Sesshomaru nodded and left on his yokai clouds. Kagome stood there looking after the inuyokai.

She turned around and saw that everyone was giving her weird looks and Inuyasha glared at her.

"You mind explaining that?" asked Inuyasha.

"What?" Kagome asked innocently

"What was that with you and Sesshomaru!" growled Inuyasha.

Kagome didn't answer but instead she walked to her futon and said, "It looks like I made a new friend today."

Sango and Miroku looked at her as if she was out of her mind for considering Sesshomaru a friend. Inuyasha was just fuming.

Over the year, Sesshomaru and Kagome would continue to have such meetings during the full moon. They never told each other where they would be, but the moon would just guide Kagome to wherever Sesshomaru was. Kagome no longer called Sesshomaru "Sesshomaru-same," but merely "Sesshomaru." They would talk about many things. Kagome found that she would not be killed if she made jokes or insulted slightly. Sesshomaru found that Kagome was very different from other humans. He found that he didn't want to kill her.

Kagome's friends worried for her, and about her relationship with Sesshomaru, and tried to convince her to stop meeting him. Kagome would just laugh and told them not to worry. Every full moon she would go out for a walk to talk with Sesshomaru. Sometimes they would just sit comfortable with each other's presence. Kagome's friends continued to worry for her , and were afraid that she might get hurt emotionally again.

Inuyasha began to notice that he did not get as many 'sits' as he used to. He was still mad that Kagome would go to Sesshomaru during the full moon. Kagome was not mad anymore when Inuyasha came back from Kikyo. Kagome find herself no longer loving Inuyasha but only seeing him as a brother. She enjoyed her visits with Sesshomaru very much. Each day brought them closer to the final battle with Naraku.

"What do you need from this Sesshomaru?" asked Sesshomaru.

"Nothing. We just want to inform you that you need to have a mate in three full moons. You do remember the youkai law right? At your age the taiyoukai must find a mate or else his land will be divided up for other lords," said the Consul.

"I understand. With that Sesshomaru walked out of the meeting room.

The next Full Moon

"I'm going, okay?" Kagome announced to everyone in the group.

They looked up as Kagome went to her 'ritual.' The shook their heads but went on with their work of making camp.

Kagome followed the moon once again, eager to see the taiyokai who was now her friend. Walking up to the clearing Kagome saw the taiyokai there looking at the moon again. There were fireflies dancing around in the clearing.

"Hi Sesshomaru," said Kagome. Sesshomaru nodded his head and said nothing.

"Rin has been dead for one year. " said Sesshomaru. Kagome looked down. She knew that Sesshomaru was still grieving over Rin's death.

"Cheer up Sesshomaru! I'm sure Rin is up there looking down, and she wouldn't want her Sesshomaru-sama to be sad. Come here, help me catch some fireflies!" said Kagome. She took his hand and led him to where most of the fireflies were and started jumping around trying to catch one. She was failing miserably until she tripped on a rock. In an instant Sesshomaru was there, and caught there before she fell. Brown eyes lost within gold eyes. Gold eyes lost within brown. Sesshomaru hair mingled with Kagome's black . The moonlight shined upon her face giving her an angelic appearance.

Before Sesshomaru knew what he was doing, he was leaning down. Kagome gasped and found her lips crushed against Sesshomaru's. After recovering from the shock she kissed back. Tongues fighting for dominance as both tried to heal each other's broken heart. They parted for air looking into each other eyes. Sesshomaru took out of his pocket a box. He gave it to Kagome. Inside was a necklace. The string was silver and there was a crescent moon pendant.

"The string is made from my hair."said Sesshomaru.

"Thank you so much. It's beautiful," said Kagome. Sesshomaru took the necklace from her. Walking around he parted her hair. Then he put the necklace on her.

"It's time for you to go back." said Sesshomaru. Kagome nodded and he took her home like he does every time.

"Have you found a mate yet?" asked the Consul.

"I will have a mate by that time," replied Sesshomaru.

"Our reporter has a part that you have been with a miko every full moon," said one

of the Consul.

"That is none of your business," said Sesshomaru icily.

"But it is. We will not let you shame the yokai community like your father. You will find a yokai mate or we will kill her," said the Consul.

"You wouldn't dare," growled Sesshomaru.

"Oh we will Sesshomaru. We killed your ward last year, and we will kill this miko if we have too," said the Consul. With that Sesshomaru walked out of the room.

The Next Full Moon

"We did it! We killed Naraku!" exclaimed Kagome who burst into the clearing hugging Sesshomaru right away.

"Remove yourself from this Sesshomaru, miko," snapped Sesshomaru.

"What's up with you? Why start the status calling, Sesshomaru?" frowned Kagome.

Sesshomaru growled, " Know your place in this miko, or I will teach you." said Sesshomaru icily. Kagome was shocked.

"What happen Sesshomaru? Why are you like this? Don't you know me?" asked Kagome desperately.

"You are merely a human wench. You were Inuyasha's jewel detector and to me you were merely Naraku's bait," said Sesshomaru. Kagome was near tears.

"Is that all I am to you Sesshomaru, a bait," cried Kagome. "Do you remember last time we met! You kissed me! So tell me why y-you kissed me if I was only your bait," cried Kagome.

"You were entertaining for awhile," said Sesshomaru as if he was bored.

"Then explain this!" cried Kagome as she pointed to the necklace that she was wearing. Sesshomaru came up to her and ripped the necklace from her.

"That means nothing." he said looking directly at her as he threw it into to lake. Kagome's hand shot out attempting to catch it but it fell. Kagome was on her knees crying. The rain started to fall hard. Dark clouds rolled in and thunder clapped.

"Why can't you love me?" asked Kagome.

"You are human," was Sesshomaru cold reply.

"So what if I'm human?" asked Kagome.

"Humans are weak and pathetic," said Sesshomaru.

"Does being human really matter that much?" asked Kagome.

"Listen to you Sesshomaru, you are no longer who I once knew. The one I love. The one Rin loved!" cried Kagome.

"Love is a weakness." said Sesshomaru.

"Love is what make you stronger, Sesshomaru. You live for love and you could die for love." said Kagome.

"Since you helped to kill Naraku, you are invited to my mating ceremony." said Sesshomaru.

"Your m-mating ceremony?" asked Kagome wide eyed. Sesshomaru nodded.

"So you have decided this a long time ago." whispered Kagome. "I will come Sesshomaru-sama," said Kagome using his title coldly. Sesshomaru nodded.

Sesshomaru turned around to walk away when Kagome called him name and he stopped to listen.

"Sesshomaru I hope you made the right choice. Let me give you some advice Sesshomaru. Don't lie to yourself, your heart. Cause if you do, one day when you look back you will be regretting it for the rest of you life. In your case that's bad Sesshomaru. You are a youkai and you have a very long life," said Kagome coldly. Sesshomaru resumed walking away leaving a broken miko crying in the rain. He had no idea how true those words were.

Sesshomaru's Mating Day

"Are you sure you want to do this?" asked Sango who is worrying over her sick friend.

Kagome nodded and Sango helped her put on her kimono. Kagome walked over to the mirror and applied as little make up as possible. She left her hair down. She chanted a spell and looked into the mirror. Satisfied she walked out of the hut.

"Are you sure you won't need one of us to come with you?" asked Miroku.

"No. I'll be fine. I have to do this myself," said Kagome. Everyone nodded and parted, making way for Kagome. She started to head West.

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Everyone was here at the wedding. Sesshomaru's eyes scanned the crowd to find the person he was looking for. There in the middle of the crowd he saw Kagome. She looked thinner and pale but still pretty. She wore a black kimono with cherry blossoms on it and silver rims. She walked towards Sesshomaru and his mate to congratulate them.

"Hello Sesshomaru-sama, Lady Hitomi. Congratulation," said Kagome warmly.

He nodded and his mate said thank you. He noticed that she didn't smell like she used to. There was a scent of magic around her. He also noticed that she was still wearing the necklace that he gave her.

Suddenly the wolf was there.

"Hey Kagome. Didn't know you were here too," said Koga.

"Mutt-face is not here," he said sniffing around, "so does that mean that you are ready to go with me?"

"I'm sorry Koga, but I never loved you, I love someone else. " said Kagome, apologetic.

Sesshomaru listened to the conversation, wanting to choke Koga to death for claiming for Kagome.

"Where is he?" asked Koga.

"He died last full moon," replied Kagome coldly.

Sesshomaru could do nothing but watch as she walked away.

It was time for the ceremony and Sesshomaru and Hitomi walked up the podium. The Consul went over the vows. Sesshomaru looked up to see that Kagome was sitting in the very back in the corner. After taking the vows he looked up and she was gone.

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Kagome walked away from the room without a sound. She felt very weak. That spell took a lot from her. She clutched her heart. It felt like it was being ripped into pieces and it was. She looked back one more time before heading towards her friends. It started to rain again. She soon found herself soaking wet. But all that didn't matter all. All that mattered was the inu youkai who left her behind.

-------5 Years Later--------

Sesshomaru was heading towards the village in which Kagome lived. He was greeted at the village by Inuyasha and Sango with their weapons ready.

"What are you doing here bastard?" asked Inuyasha.

"Haven't you done enough? Leave!" cried out Sango who looked very mad. There was a hate so deep in her eyes.

"My business here is with the little Miko, not you. Move." Sesshomaru replied.

"Leave! Kagome wouldn't want to see your unfaithful face again." spat Sango.

Sesshomaru was about to kill her when Miroku said, "He deserved to know the truth."

"She is in the back yard near the cherry blossom tree," said Miroku. Sesshomaru nodded and head to the back.

There was no one in the back. When he got to the cherry blossom tree he saw a big gravestone there, and walked towards it. He expected Kagome to be out any moment to yell and scream at him. And he was willing to let her do it after what he made her go through.

When he got to the gravestone he wanted to cry out in pain. There on the gravestone was his beloved's name.

Kagome Higurashi

Protector of the Shikon Jewel

Savior of the World

1982-1487

'I lived because of love. I died in the hands of love.'

Sesshomaru wanted to cry but he could not. Kagome was always the one who cried for him. He read the gravestone and remembered when she told him about love.

"Love is what makes you stronger, Sesshomaru. You live for love and you could die for love."

"Sesshomaru, I hope you made the right choice. Let me give you some advice Sesshomaru. Don't lie to yourself, your heart. Cause if you do, one day when you look back you will be regretting it for the rest of you life. In your cause that's bad Sesshomaru. You are a youkai and you have a very long life."

"You have no idea how right you are Kagome. I lied to my heart and now I am regretting it." whispered Sesshomaru.

"It's too late to regret Sesshomaru-sama." said Sango.

He turned around to see Sango.

"When did she die?" asked Sesshomaru.

"The night of your mating ceremony," replied Sango.

"One full moon before the ceremony we found her unconscious in a clear covered in mud. She was unconscious for a week. When she woke up she didn't say a word but headed back to that clearing and went into the lake she stayed there for the whole day looking for her necklace. She was terribly sick from the rain the day we found her and from the lake. Her temperature kept rising and it wouldn't lower. She refused the medicine no matter how much we begged her." said Sango who now had tears running done her face.

"She barely ate. She only ate enough to survive. Then on your mating ceremony she used the last of her energy to put a spell on herself to cover the scent of her sickness. She made it through your wedding ceremony. It was raining when she came back. She was soaked to the bones. She died that night. She requested us to let her outside where she could look at the full moon. Before she died she asked us to give you this when you got here. She knew you would get here one day." said Sango. She took the necklace out of her pocket and gave it to Sesshomaru.

It was the necklace that Sesshomaru gave to Kagome. The clasp was broken but it looked like someone worked carefully to put on a new clasp. Sango walked away without turning back she said, "Kagome said she forgave you."

Sesshomaru stayed there for the day looking at Kagome's gravestone talking to her. He clenched the necklace. That night he talked to her. That night he was able to cry in the first time in centuries. It was the night of the full moon. He knew that somewhere up there are Rin and Kagome were looking down at him. He knew that they would be smiling. They would wait for him. One day he would join them but for now he would have to live with the pain and regret that he pushed her too far away.

A/N: Gomenasai everyone! I'm so so so sorry for taking this long to post anything up. After school started I am so busy I didn't have time for anything! I still can't decide on what to write for "Finding Kagome" and "Mistress of Time," I know this is not one of my best story but could you please still review it for me? And thanks again to my beta reader, SesshyStalker1! Review please! Again I'm sorry.