Once Upon a Prank by WhyWhatShutup

Roaches CAN Fly

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful miko and her perfect, faithful taiyokai –

Wait a second, wait a second, wait second. What? Perfect? Yea right! Do remember –

Hush woman, I am telling the story.

Not for long! Okay, once upon a time, there was a young miko and her pretentious taiyokai. They hated each other’s guts and made a point of going out of their way to piss one another off.

Is this really the kind of story you wish to tell to our pups?

… Maybe not. Anyways, they went out of their way to make each other angry. Every day, the miko would stalk her demonic foe through the halls of Hell – or high school, as it is otherwise known – and present him with new sweets to smell or taste…

Kagome smirked at the pan in her hands. It was her super-secret “diabetic attack” brownies, made with unsweetened chocolate, cream cheese and entirely too much sugar. Guaranteed to make a dog demon drool over the scent. Yet, because of dogs’ allergies to chocolate, it was the perfect torture.

Ah! There was her quarry now! He seemed to be completely unaware of her approach! Perfect.

Kagome pranced over to “Mr. Popular-I’m-So-Perfect” Sesshomaru Taisho, her short black and red skirt fluffing out over her black fishnet tights. She skirted around him and planted herself in his way, forcing him to stop or mow her down. His preppy friends stopped with him and one sighed as he saw that it was that had caused their halt.

“Sesshomaru! Just the demon I was looking for!” She peeled back the plastic wrap and shoved the brownies under his nose. “Smell these! Aren’t they just delectable!”

The dog demon winced and the goth girl grinned. “Look, I even cut them up!” She began to dole out the sinfully sweet treats to all of Sesshomaru’s friends. They accepted with a murmured, “Thanks, Kagome-chan” and wary looks toward Sesshomaru. “Here you go!” She told the taiyokai.

His nostrils flared as he took in the scent. He loved cream cheese. And that poison smelled delicious, almost worth the morning spent throwing up that it would cost him…

The miko pulled back her hand. “Oh yea! You’re allergic!” She chomped down on the brownie. “Sorry!”

The icing on the proverbial brownie came a second later.

“Hey Kags! Damn, brownies with cream cheese! You know I love that shit!” Inuyasha grabbed one of the decadent treats and left with it, holding his skateboard under one arm as he bit into the baked good.

Kagome grinned. “Well, see you later Fluff-kun, I mean Sesshomaru!”

Kagome skipped off, occasionally handing out her brownies to a friend.

“I don’t get how a cheerful girl like her can dress so… dark,” Hiten sighed. “She’s so hot too! Those creamy white legs, I just wanna –”

Hiten found himself against the wall. “Do not mention what you would or would not do with that insufferable woman,” Sesshomaru growled.

Miroku chuckled and shook his head as he walked away from his bickering friends.

--But they both knew they really loved each other!

They did not, woman. The taiyokai simply waited longer to take his revenge. But he always got it…

Kagome sat down at her desk in her second class of the day, chatting with her friend Ayame. She paused when she saw the small blue gift bag in front of her.

“Huh, I wonder what this is,” she mused softly. She put her hand in the bag and came out with something vaguely furry.

There was a tarantula on her hand. Kagome screamed.

Outside the door, a taiyokai smirked and sent in his minion to retrieve his pet while the woman was still in hysterics.

“Getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!” Kagome was crying at this point while several people tried to get close enough to her flailing figure to grab the tarantula.

A small green imp burst through, took the spider and whacked Kagome in the shins on his way out.

Sesshomaru nodded to the running imp. “Very good, Jaken. Take him home.”

Sesshomaru didn’t wait to see what Kagome would do next. He calmly walked to his next class.

Inside, Kagome was in the back corner of the classroom, still in tears. Her black eyeliner was running, but she would not cease rubbing at her arm and hand, where the tarantula had been only a moment previously. Sango and Ayame attempter to rub her back reassuringly while the teacher and other students looked on.

“Should she go to the clinic?” the teacher asked hesitantly. “I think she should lie down for a bit…”

Sango, Ayame and Inuyasha exchanged glance. “Yea,” the hanyo spoke up, “I’ll take her down there.” He lifted the small girl up and over his shoulder, an arm across her thighs keeping her skirt down.

Sango shook her head as they left. Everyone knew who the culprit was, it was only too obvious. Too bad, both of the people involved were going to be at Inuyasha’s party that weekend…

The next day, Kagome had deigned not to bring confectionary goodness into the school. She was still recovering from the shock of having her worst fear crawling up her arm. So instead of tormenting a certain handsome taiyokai, she proceeded to go to her locker. And promptly screamed when she opened it.

Inside was a fishbowl teeming with cockroaches and spiders. Some of the more determined cockroaches had already escaped and were scurrying about her locker, one even flying out at her when the door opened.

Kagome slammed the metal door shut, but could not stop the cockroach that landed on her chest. Still screaming as if the world were ending, she swiped at it, trying to get the creature away from her person.

Down the hall, at the same time, the taiyokai also opened his locker. Similarly to the miko down the hall, he was met with the unexpected. However, his locked was not filled with bugs, but chocolate. It coated his book covers in a sticky layer of poison. His nose twitched. There was something else, something not sweet, what –

His eyes began to water and he slammed his locker shut in an attempt to escape the stench of formaldehyde. Behind the stack of books, a dead squid floated in a small jar, filled to the brim with the noxious fluid.

As soon as he slammed the locker, something slammed into him. He looked down to see Kagome in tears, beating at his chest.

“Miko, remove yourself from this Sesshomaru’s person immediately.”

He was ignored. “Why would you do that? I mean, just yesterday, with the spider from Hell, but today… I’ve never even gone that far! Why would you do that to me?” the girl pleaded.

“Woman, I have done nothing to you. You, however, have destroyed this Sesshomaru’s property. Remove yourself from my person so that we may discuss retribution.”

“But you –!”

Kagome felt something crawling inside her shirt and sobbed, clawing at the thin fabric. “Get it off, please get it off!” she begged. “I’ll do anything, just get it off, please!”

Sesshomaru immediately spotted the problem and removed it. A large cockroach had been crawling along the edge of her bra, just inside the neckline of her shirt. Kagome collapsed against him and sobbed as he crushed the offending creature beneath his shoe. He suddenly had the suspicion that there was something going on that neither of them was a part of.

“Miko, calm yourself.” He shook her until she was looking at him. “Meet me on the roof during first period. There is something we must discuss.” With that, he turned and walked away, leaving the small miko hyperventilating in the middle of the hallway.

In a doorway not too far away, smug eyes watched before the owner high-fived the person next to him. “Part one: complete.”

The jerks were spying like little children and –

Hush. We’re telling the story about the miko and the taiyokai, not the conniving plotters.

Yea, yea, whatever.

May I continue in peace?

Hmph. Go ahead. Be my guest.

Very well, so…

Kagome sat on the roof, behind the small box-like thing that contained the stairs. She didn’t want anyone to know she was there except her “arch-nemesis,” Sesshomaru.

“Miko.” “Speak of the devil,” he heard her mutter.

Kagome patted the ground beside her, inviting the demon to sit. He looked at her dubiously and chose to sit cross-legged in front of her instead. “I’m guessing those little… monsters weren’t from you? You don’t seem smug,” she told him, studying his features.

“And I trust it was not you who broke into my locker to destroy school property and fill it with that wretched scent.”

Kagome’s brow furrowed. “What happened to you?”

“You first, miko.” He noticed the young woman’s shudder.

“C-Cockroaches. And spiders. In a fishbowl. In my locker.” Her eyes widened with remembered terror. “Did you know cockroaches could fly?” The demon noticed that the place he had removed the cockroach from was scrubbed red and smelled strongly of hand sanitizer. He found himself taking note of the fact that the woman was also terrified of cockroaches. Kagome shook her head and looked at the demon. “What about you?”

“Chocolate syrup was sprayed in my locker. There was also a dead squid in formaldehyde.”

Kagome’s lip curled. “A dead squid? That must have smelled lovely, especially with your nose.”

“Indeed. Am I safe to assume it was not you who did this?”

She nodded. “You are. I’m mean, but I wouldn’t put a dead animal in someone’s locker.”

Sesshomaru found himself disagreeing with her judgment of herself. She was never mean, merely teasing. Though that teasing annoyed him to no end. “So someone has something against both of us and knows what we both dislike. This Sesshomaru proposes that we put forth a temporary truce until the culprit is found. We shall… join forces to find him. When he is found, our truce shall end.”

“Don’t you think she’d get suspicious if we’re suddenly all friendly with one another?”

Sesshomaru paused. “That is a valid point. However, this Sesshomaru does not wish to have the need to discern between one person’s prank and another’s.”

Kagome was silent for a moment. “What if we have a… a symbol, a way to know that I am the one that pulled the prank on you or you are the one that pulled the prank on me? Something subtle enough that no one else would notice it.”

“That… may work. What do you suggest?”

“Maybe… a certain color, or word. I know that sometimes ghost writers do something similar. Like, they use a specific word within the first few pages, so other ghost writers know it was written by one of their fellows.”

They both thought in silence. Kagome glanced up at the demon lord and her eyes widened. “What about a crescent moon? Not necessarily blue or anything, but hidden somewhere in the prank.”

Sesshomaru was silent for another moment. “That will do. However, we still need o catch the culprits.”

Kagome scowled at being reminded. “That’s right. Only I’m allowed to pull pranks on you.”

“How sweet,” the demon lord said drily.

She smiled at him. “I’m just a bit possessive over my toys.”

He glared, not appreciating being referred to as a “toy.” “I propose we trap them. Put ourselves in a place where they cannot resist the urge to prank us, then proceed to catch them in the attempt.”

“But how will we do that, we don’t even…” Kagome’s eyes widened. “It has to be someone that either knows us or has access to the dean’s records of the locks!” Sesshomaru cocked an eyebrow at her before his eyes widened fractionally as well. “Think about it, how did they get into our lockers? The school rents out the locks, right, so they have the combination. Somehow I doubt that the dean is pulling pranks on us, especially if you say school property was destroyed in your locker. So who else would have our combinations? I’ve given mine to all of my friends, and I know with demon hearing and memory, most of your friends know yours, even if you haven’t told them.”

“Smart little miko,” Sesshomaru muttered. “This task has become much easier. We will trap them at the half-breed’s party this weekend.”

Kagome rolled her eyes. “Oh, brotherly love,” she sighed in an overly romantic tone. The demon ignored her. “So, how will we do it?”

“We shall go to the basement together and search for a decent bottle of wine.”

Kagome paused to try to comprehend what he had just said. It still didn’t make sense. “What?”

“The wine cellar. Basement. Whatever you wish to call it, it is dark and dank, precisely the sort of place you might expect to find something putrid or large bugs.”

Kagome smiled. “My opportunistic friends wouldn’t be able to resist.”

The taiyokai smirked back. “Nor mine.”

Kagome leapt at him, knocking him over in a hug. “It’s brilliant! Positively brilliant!”

Sesshomaru’s hands had automatically gone to her waist to support her. When the two realized what happened, Kagome scrambled off of him, blushing. “Of course it’s brilliant. This Sesshomaru came up with it.”

Kagome rolled her eyes and laid beside Sesshomaru as he sat up, his cocky words helping her get over her embarrassment. “You’re incredibly presumptuous,” she said simply.

“And you are entirely too open.”

The bell signaling the end of first period rang a few minutes later. Sesshomaru pulled Kagome to her feet.

“Should we meet again to decide on our plan?” Kagome asked.

Sesshomaru nodded. “Do you have a class you can skip tomorrow?”

Kagome thought. “Third. None of my friends have it with me.”

Sesshomaru nodded. “I will meet you here tomorrow during third period. I shall leave first. Wait a few minutes, then follow.”

“I’ll be late!”

Sesshomaru sent her a withering glare. “Then be late.”

Kagome huffed as he left. “Jerk.” She waited a minute and left.

Kagome met Sango at the bottom of the stairs. Sango gave her a puzzled look.  “Did you… skip first period?”

Kagome laughed hesitantly and reminded herself that at least one of her friends was behind the incidents. “Uh, yea. There’s actually a funny story about that, but we should probably get to class…” She hurried off.

Sango watched her suspiciously, following her to their class. “What is this funny story? Kagome? Kagome?”

The miko’s nosy friend chased the girl down the hallway, annoying everyone around her and accomplishing nothing since –

She wasn’t that bad! Okay, the miko’s friend followed her down the hallway, since they had the same class, questioning her about why she skipped class, like any good friend would.

Right. Shall we continue this later?

Why? It’s still earl – ooooooh.

Do understand now?

Ye-es.

Then come over here…