Heavy In Your Arms by Stella Mira

Obsession

Disclaimer: I do not InuYasha. All credit belongs to Takahashi, Rumiko-sensei.

["Oh beware, my lord, of jealousy; it is the green-eye'd monster, which doth mock/The meat it feeds on.”]

She should have been his. The husky moans coming from her lips should have been for him. Her soft voice should have been chanting his name. Her glistening skin should have been bared for his touch only. How many nights had he been forced to endure such misery while he listened to the sounds she made taken by another? He could have left, never to return. Yet he stayed because he could not bear to be without her; even if she belonged to another.

Time heals everything. He believed as such when he was young. This thought had proved to be his only comfort during countless tormented moments. He clung to this self-imposed assumption with desperate claws, refusing to acknowledge the bitter truth. Time does not heal; time only enhances. Many years had passed since then. Many women had given themselves to him. Many nights he had been lost in the hypnotic embrace of another. Yet he still could never break free of his accursed obsession; because none of those women were her.

He had realized belatedly a pattern had been born without his conscious approval. He only chose women who resembled her - be it her features or her personality. Perhaps, this was his way of compensating for her treachery. If he could not have her then he could mold another into being her. Yes, he could teach them to be like her. The foolish thought had caused much grief and only ended in tragedy time and again. For no one could replace her. He was doomed to fail horribly each time he tried. Lifeless blue eyes of different shapes and shades haunted his troubled sleep for centuries to no end as a result. They could never measure up to her radiance. More than that, he could not bear to look at them without seeing what they had become; abominable sins he would have to carry within his soul forever until she were to live in this plane once more.

He knew this to be true. He was certain he could come upon her again. She had told him as such. He only had to wait; and wait he did until he could meet with her again. However, time has a way of distorting our best laid plans, shattering the frail illusions we wrap ourselves in. Another woman had appeared before the appointed time had come. She was different from his love yet much the same in how she made him feel. Hence, for a time he had slumbered, forgetting all previous thoughts of his wicked wish. He could never appease the dark beast hungering for her touch each time she surrendered to his will. He gave in to the intoxicating feel of her embrace in a frenzied attempt to purge his first addiction from his mind; and he finally succeeded.

He should have known she would never allow him to escape her poisonous clutches though; even while another had allowed him to lull his tired spirit but for a passing moment. He should have remembered she never made empty promises. He should have expected she would appear before him once more and destroy his carefully constructed haven. Caught in a delusion of ephemeral peace, he was cruelly awakened when she passed him by one morning without warning. She was exactly as he recalled her to be; a radiant being, forged by the light of the sun itself, piercing trough the jaded remnants of his soul. Everything - and nothing - had changed in the mere blink of an eye.

He desperately attempted to act as if he never saw her in vain. He lost himself in the hedonic call of his lover's skin. He allowed himself to fall deeper in the tangled web of lies he had spun around him in order to survive her absence. Yet the tempting body which writhed under him did not elicit the same rapturous sensations within him as before. The pale limbs which encased his muscled form wantonly could not hold him prisoner to their desire any longer. For the first time in his seamless existence, a pair of vermillion eyes - filled in ecstasy and shocked horror - joined the countless azure lights dancing in his mind.

The dull ache of the unforgivable crime he had committed once more was overshadowed by the silken shimmer of her raven hair, dominating his hazy vision with each passing day forward. He would stalk her delicate form with utter bliss in his beating heart only to be bathed in despair when she would leave this world to return to the other – to him. Yes, she still belonged to him, he would always remind himself, acrid hatred slathering his soul at the thought. He could no longer allow it – he would not. He had not awaited her return only for her to run to another man again.

The moonless night was the perfect setting for their final reunion. Exuberant joy slithered under his skin, a feral grin carved on his elven features while he watched her every move intently. She packed her provisions, had dinner with her family, and said her goodbyes. A triumphant howl built in his chest, threatening to betray his presence before the destined time. How beautiful she looked – his elegant flower of evil – her slight figure filled with excitement as she readied herself to leave him and this world behind. However, the puzzle pieces had already been arranged. Tonight would be the last time.

He almost regretted his decision when the warmth of her youthful skin seared his fingertips upon first touch. Had she always burned like molten lava? Was his blackened soul to blame for his inability to no longer withstand the touch of a creature that lived in the light? The strange questions evaporated like mist as she turned to trap him in her brilliant azure pools. Surprise mixed with fear, confusion succeeded by recognition, and finally elated awe; the intricate emotions passed like lightning in the depths of her bewildered gaze. She reached out to him then, lifting a dainty hand he once had thought to be Kami's touch upon his face, but later came to realize it had actually been the bane of his existence.

An angelic smile formed upon the corners of his lips, a cruel masquerade of the person she remembered him to be. Enthralled, he watched the column of her neck as she swallowed inaudibly, the curve of her jaw as she parted her lips to call out to him. He drank in the way her liquid orbs filled with false hope – expectations of another time – dreams never meant to be.

"S-" the gentle timbre transformed into a muted scream before she had a chance to form his full name. Pain filled moans caressed his ears as she clutched at his arms weakly. How he had longed to hear these blessed sounds; and it finally came to be. His tall frame shook with the suppressed howl he had forbidden himself from releasing earlier. He was not aware when her presence disappeared from the dimmed lit shed for her existence had been permanently etched in his mind at last. The crimson liquid coating his claws would never be unwashed. She would accompany him for eternity down to the very last drop of her essence. She had become his.

 

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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