Love Emerging Through Pain by Serena530
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or his characters, and have no right to it except as a long time fan.
Warning: Story contains suicidal tendencies. Read at your own risk.
Love Emerging Through Pain
Chapter One: The Wish & Fallout
It was finally over. Four years of pain, sweat, blood, and heartache were finally over. Naraku was finally dead and although everyone had been injured in some way, everyone had survived and the Shikon Jewel was whole and pure once again. All that was left was to make a wish.
Kagome sighed. She wasn’t exactly sure what to wish for. She had an idea of what she wanted to wish for but she still wasn’t sure. All she knew was that it had to be a selfless wish in order to get rid of the thing for good. They had decided to wait a few days before she made the wish so that everyone could heal, and for her to say her goodbyes to everyone- including her family. Just in case.
She had no idea what would happen when she made the wish. Would the jewel pull her back into the well and leave her forever in her rightful time? Or would the jewel leave her stranded in the past with no way home? She didn’t know, so she had said some thorough goodbyes to her mother, grandfather, and little brother after explaining and discussing her fears of what might happen, and then jumped into the well and proceeded to say discreet and in some cases not so discreet goodbyes.
She knew that Miroku and Kaede would understand so she hadn’t been discreet with them about what could possibly happen. She had been careful with Sango leaving her goodbye somewhere between discreet and being as straight forward as she dared without seriously upsetting the girl she had come to think of as a sister. With Shippo she had simply told him how much she loved him and how proud she was of the way he was growing up.
Then there was Inuyasha. The last of their group. With him she hadn’t been sure what to say. Things had been going great with them the past year. He had finally decided that he wanted to be with her. She had been ecstatic and glowing for days after he made himself clear to her. She also didn’t want to leave him alone and heartbroken if the jewel sent her home. That’s what made saying goodbye so hard. She had a secret hope that the well would stay open and allow her to come and go as she pleased so that she could stay with Inuyasha but still see her family.
Kagome had ended up explaining her fears and worries to him only leaving out her secret hope that the well would stay open for her to use as she wished. He had been understandably upset but he also understood that they were dealing with the unknown with wishing on the jewel and they had consoled each other and took comfort in the others presence.
But now the day had come and she now knew exactly what she was going to wish for. It was selfless and she hoped it would get the job done and rid the world of the jewel. She was alone, standing just at the edge of Inuyasha’s forest. She didn’t want anyone to be near her just incase she was pulled away into her own time. That would be too painful to see their sad faces. However, she was in view of Sango and Miroku, who were standing near the huts at the entrance to the village. Inuyasha had informed them that he would be standing at the God tree so he was near the other end of the forest closer to the well.
Kagome sighed a nervous shaky sigh and pulled the pink jewel from her pocket. She opened her fingers and gazed at the jewel, watching the swirling energy that was waiting for her wish. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly as she held the jewel closer to face level.
I wish for Inuyasha to have his hearts desire. she spoke softly in her mind with a smile and watched as the energy swirled faster and the jewel began to pulse a soft pinkish white light. Faster and faster the light pulsed until she finally had to close her eyes and turn her head away to avoid the bright light from piercing through her closed eyelids.
When she opened her eyes and looked to the jewel it was just in time to see the swirling energy fade and the jewel turn to a dull pink, making it appear to be a rather large pink pearl before it faded as if it had never been there. After a moment she pulled her eyes away from her empty hand to look around herself. She was still at the edge of the forest and Miroku and Sango were still at the entrance to the village. Her wish must have worked and it didn’t take her away! She couldn’t help but smile brightly. The only thing she needed to figure out now was if the well still worked or not, but right now that could wait. She needed to see Inuyasha first.
With a joyous laugh she waved happily to her friends, turned and began to run through the forest to the large tree she knew so well. Kagome was convinced that she was still in the feudal era because of the wish. She believed that she was Inuyasha’s hearts desire. That he wanted to be with her just as much as she wanted to be with him and that he didn’t want her to be whisked away back to her time. She was also convinced that he no longer wanted to be a full demon. Not only had he had a taste of what he would be like as a full demon during the ordeal with the demon masquerading as Princess Kaguya and other incidents, but she believed that she had shown him that he could be loved just the way he was. That she loved him for being half demon and half human and that he didn’t need to change.
So since the jewels power was now gone and she was still there then that meant he was definitely getting her. They could finally be happy. He wouldn’t have to worry about Naraku anymore or not being accepted and loved for who and what he was, and she wouldn’t have to worry about being hunted for the jewel shards, wouldn’t have to worry about Kouga claiming her, wouldn’t have to worry about being the second choice! All their worries were…
Her thoughts came to a screeching halt in the most painful and disturbing way. She broke through a cluster of trees and seeing the God tree she put on a burst of speed, anxious and excited to get to Inuyasha, but came to a stop so suddenly that she nearly fall over face first into the roots and trunk of a tree.
There in front of her eyes, standing next to the God tree, was Inuyasha…and Kikyou. A Kikyou that was very much alive and hugging Inuyasha. And what was worse….he was hugging her back. Not in a ‘I’m surprised and happy you have your life back’ way but in an ‘oh my gosh I’ve missed you and can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you’ kind of way.
It was sad. It was heartbreaking. It was crushing. She felt like she couldn’t breath.
Why was this happening? Did her wish do this? Was this her fault?! Did this mean he never loved her? Did he wish he had chosen Kikyou instead? It certainly looked like it, and the more Kagome saw the more it hurt to breath.
She watched as he kissed her, and in that moment Kagome broke. As her world and heart crumbled she ran, ran away from the one who obviously didn’t love her, ran from the one who didn’t care what happened to her heart.
What was the point of staying here? It was quite possible that she was stuck in this era, and she didn’t think she would be able to live with seeing them day after day after day? She didn’t think she could stay with Miroku and Sango either. The last thing she needed was to constantly be around a happy couple while she was nursing a broken heart. There was no where else for her to go without having to constantly fear for her life. She may not have to worry about the jewel anymore but she was still a miko and demons would still want her dead.
So why not save them the trouble? she thought as she ran blindly through the forest. She had nothing left to live for in this time period and even if she could go back to her time what did she have there? She had spent so much time in this era that she had barely managed to graduate. She didn’t think her grades would qualify her to get into any respectable college. She knew she was a disappointment to her mother. The older woman didn’t have to say anything; it was clear in the way she looked at her sometimes, and now she wouldn’t even be able to take comfort in the fact that her only daughter was happily married.
So there really was no reason for her to stick around in this life. Perhaps next time around she would do better. Now she just had to figure out how to put herself out of her misery.
Suddenly she tripped on a tree root and fell to her hands and knees. She knelt there with her eyes squeezed shut as she tried to keep herself from crying. That’s when she felt it. A powerful youki feeling her out. She didn’t care why he was doing it; he was exactly what she needed right now. She looked up to find Sesshomaru standing a few feet in front of her, face blank and staring at her, making her feel like the smallest thing in the world. Her eyes began to sting and she blinked furiously. Tears had no place in her life right now, not when the pain would soon be gone.
Kagome’s eyes flicked from his clawed hand to the deadly sword on his hip and back up to his uncaring golden eyes.
“Will you kill me?” she asked suddenly and bluntly and watched as his eyes widened ever so slightly as he continued to stare at her.
“No.” he answered in his quiet cold tone.
Kagome frowned. Why wasn’t he willing to kill her? He had been the first time he met her. What was so different now? Did he need a reason to do it? Well, she wasn’t about to give him one. She didn’t have time. She needed to end the pain. Now.
“Fine. I’ll do it myself.” she said as she got up and ran away from him. She ran for what seemed like forever, but was actually minutes, when she saw a cliff up ahead through the trees. It was her lucky day! She slowed once she reached the edge, and paused long enough to make sure it was the right height. It wouldn’t do to jump only to end up seriously injured but very much alive. There was a raging river at the bottom so she figured if the fall wasn’t enough to do her in then the river would take care of the rest.
She didn’t even take a few steps back to get a running start. There was no need; she had no hesitations about what she wanted. She simply leaned over and let herself fall until she was plummeting head first. She sighed and closed her eyes, feeling the wind in her hair and waiting for the impact.
The impact she received was not the one she wanted. Instead of coming from below and being wet and cold, it came from her right and was shockingly warm. Her eyes snapped open but all she could see was a bright white light, and besides the warmth surrounding her- there was a powerful youki. One she had just run away from. She struggled against the grip she could not see, and when the light began to fade and she could see the ground, she struggled even more as her earlier observation on the youki surrounding her was confirmed. Sesshomaru had his arm wrapped around her waist, his clawed hand resting on her left hip, her body dangling at his side as he walked through an open field.
“Hey!” she yelled as she continued to struggle against his iron grip. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?! I didn’t ask to be saved! Let me go!!” she screamed, not caring what it did to his ears. The respectful fear she had for him was nonexistent. She had a very real death wish.
“What the hell is your problem?! When I asked for your help you didn’t want to give it! Now you decide to take it upon yourself to stick your sensitive nose where it doesn’t belong! Why don’t you put me down and mind your own damn business!!” she screamed. If he wouldn’t let her go then maybe she would annoy him enough to finish what he interrupted.
Kagome continued to yell, scream, and struggle with her unwelcome savior. She complained about why he saved her, and asked repeatedly why he wouldn’t release her so she could go off and die. She wished she had never come across him that day and curse his existence rather fluently as she tried to wiggle out of his grip and kicked her legs wildly hoping it would help.
Eventually she tired herself out and with huff and a sad moan she hung limply from his arm, her blank blue eyes staring at the grassy ground and his boots as he walked along even strides. With her anger gone her pain and sadness made itself known forcefully and she whined pitifully.
“Please Sesshomaru. Please let me go. It hurts.” she whispered on a plea. “Please, I don’t want to be here anymore. I would be one less human in the world. Wouldn’t you like that? Isn’t that what you want?” she asked mournfully as she closed her eyes against the pain coursing through her body.
“Please.” she pleaded sadly but still he remained silent.
As the demon walked Kagome gave up pleading and fell silent. Numbness began to work its way into her sadness and pain. She hoped it would take over, sure that it would be better then hurting while she continued with her unwilling existence.
The quiet pair eventually reached their destination as the sun began to set. A small group consisting of a small human girl and two demons.
“Lord Sesshomaru! Lord Sesshomaru!” They heard his ward and retainer call out excitedly as they closed the distance.
“Lord Sesshomaru! Thank goodness you’re back. This girl is nothing but trouble.” Jaken stated as he huffed from the short run to keep up with his Lord’s ward as they reached the quiet pair.
“Rin is glad you have returned. Rin missed you.” Was his wards simple greeting.
“You are well Rin?” Sesshomaru asked in his quiet voice.
“Yes my Lord.” Rin answered immediately. “My Lord is Lady Kagome hurt? Is that why you are carrying her?” she asked just as quickly.
“Quiet girl! It is not your concern if she is hurt. It is none of your business what our Lord does with this human female.” Jaken snapped as he gripped his staff.
“Rin was just asking Master Jaken. And Rin was not asking you. Rin was asking Lord Sesshomaru!” Rin countered, then turned back to her Lord. “Is she staying Lord Sesshomaru?”
Sesshomaru glanced down to Kagome’s limp body. Kagome heard it all but she didn’t care. This was Sesshomaru’s group and Rin didn’t need to be exposed to her mood. Not that she planned on saying anything.
“No, she will not be staying.” Sesshomaru answered. “Jaken, watch Rin until I return. If anything happens to her you die.” he stated before forming his youki cloud under his feet.
“Yes my Lord.” Jaken stuttered out.
“Goodbye my Lord. Hurry back please.” Rin called as he lifted higher into the air.
As they traveled through the air Kagome remained silent. She had never flown with him on his cloud before and she couldn’t even enjoy it. She just didn’t care. She didn’t care about her life, didn’t care about what happened to her, and didn’t care about where he was taking her.
The sky was nearly dark when Sesshomaru finally touched back down to earth. It was a grassy open field on the edge of a forest. She had no idea where they were and really didn’t care.
Sesshomaru knelt down and set Kagome in the grass very gently but she was too numb inside to notice. Sesshomaru walked a few feet and sat down against a tree and watched as Kagome rolled onto her left side and gazed blankly at him, her arms lying carelessly in front of her and her legs slightly bent at the knee.
He stared right back at her as he wondered what had happened to her to make her want to kill herself when they had just defeated Naruku. It had only been a few days and she hadn’t been suicidal the last time he saw her. He was very curious of what could have caused someone like her to finally break, especially since she had already been through so much that would have broken any other human. And that was only what he knew about.
“Tell me miko, why do you want to die?” Sesshomaru asked, his voice just as quiet and uncaring as always.