Drunkies by DancesWithWolvesandStuff
Passed Out Naked on the Bathroom Floor
Tal’s Drunker Than A Skunk challenge
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Always the supportive friend, Kagome goes to the bar where Sango works and things get a little out of hand. It is rated MA for safety, Language and Situations, no SMUT. Some quotes are from drunken sources and need not be named, from my drunkies and other people's drunkies and TextsfromLastNight.com. All my drinks are real, but please be careful if you try them...
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“Kikyou, hurry your ass up. Sango has already started her shift and we promised we’d be there!” bellowed an onyx haired beauty. Her blue eyes sparked anger as her twin-like roommate slowly descended the stairs with a brown eyed glare.
“Perfection cannot be rushed,” Kikyou huffed, and then went in search of appropriate heels for the club they would be attending.
Kagome had on some dark blue skinny jeans, a fitted vintage Harley tee and black converse kitten heels. Kikyou wore a red skirt that hugged her curves and stopped mid-thigh, with a white cami top and white three inch heels.
“Is that what your wearing?” Kikyou asked with a raised brow.
Used to bitchery, Kagome smiled and replied, “You know I was torn between this and wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero. Unless you think it will it be clothes optional? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned!”
Kikyou rolled her eyes, “Please do not change on my account.”
“Oh goodie,” Kagome replied sarcastically as she locked the door behind them.
The walk to ‘Club Regent’ was only 15 minutes, but it seemed like hours.
The bouncer, having known Kikyou intimately, allowed the two in without waiting in the increasing line.
The two dark haired beauties made their way to the bar to find their darling Sango. Kikyou scouted the bar as they waited for Sango to appear; while Kagome was busy bopping her head to beat the D.J. was mixing.
A quick poke to the ribs stopped the head bopping, “Ouch, you twit, what was that for?”
“One, you are so embarrassing, two, I found us seats!” Kikyou squealed the last sentence.
“Let us go fearless leader,” Kagome replied as she rubbed her ribs.
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Two silver heads turned as two onyx haired ladies took up residence on the seats nearest them. One was dressed for a good time, while the other was leaning over the bar calling out a name.
A brunette bartender with light brown eyes smiled at the sight of the two onyx haired ladies. “You guys made it!”
“For you Sango, darling, anything… now, Kikyou would like a Screaming Orgasm, and I would like a Red-Headed Slut.” The less provocative woman instructed.
Sango smiled and mixed the shots. “One Screaming Orgasm and one Red-Headed Slut.”
Pulling out her credit card and I.D. the less provocative asked for a tab and glared at the woman exposing miles of leg, until she did the same.
InuYasha, one of the silver haired men, well demons… okay half demon, had been admiring the miles of leg on exhibit. He needed a way to start a conversation, but unfortunately his hormones had ceased all brain activity.
With a sigh he looked up from the legs he worshiped, and met... smiling blue eyes?
“Kikyou, you have lipstick on your teeth,” blue eyes told mile long legs, who then screeched and ran toward the bathroom.
“I’m Kagome and that was Kikyou. If you want to be closer to that package buy her a Manhattan, she loves ‘em. She’ll take it from there.” Kagome informed the Inu. She quickly sat up and threw back her shot as an angry Kikyo stomped back.
“I need a Maiden’s Prayer,” Kagome informed the lavender eyed bartender before her.
“There wasn’t any lipstick on my teeth!” Kikyou hissed.
A masculine voice interrupted the beginning of a tirade, as the silver haired Inu made his move. “A lady like yourself shouldn’t be doing shots, Miroku, once you’ve finished… a Manhattan for the lady?”
“That would be lovely,” Kikyou gushed as she and her stool magically appeared at the silver Inu’s side.
Kagome rolled her blue eyes and gave a salute to the bartender before sipping her drink.
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The half breed had picked up a woman already? Sesshoumaru rubbed his temples before he finished his scotch. He felt his brother leave his stool taking the scantly clad female with him. The seat did not remain empty for long.
The other onyx female was now seated beside him, “It’s not healthy to drink alone, and since both our companions left…”
The silver Inu simply raised a brow, “Wow, you need a drink. An Angry German for my friend here… put it on my tab.”
“You do not even know This One, why would you procure refreshment?” Sesshoumaru asked suspiciously.
“First of all, you look like a pompous ass. Second, you talk like a pompous ass. Thirdly, despite all those things you’re hot and I want to take advantage of your fine self.” Kagome explained with a leer, and Sesshoumaru smelled no lie in her words.
“Ah, what the hell?!” his Beast replied, it had been awhile since their last rut.
Sesshoumaru sniffed the drink before sipping.
“Ah, no angry face,” Kagome pouted, “Barkeep, we’ll have two Passed Out Naked on the Bathroom Floors, please.”
“Are you trying to get This Sesshoumaru drunk?” the Inu Lord asked with narrowed golden eyes.
“Nope, I’m trying to get this Kagome drunk; she is a much better time that way!” the woman, whom he now realized was a Miko replied.
The taste of mint had Sesshoumaru ordering a few more in succession as the Miko ordered drinks with names like Tinker Tall, Pap Smear, Creature from the Black Lagoon and an Irish Headlock.
“Get this man an Irish Trash Can!” she announced as she leaned against the demon’s Lord’s broad shoulder. Though the Inu Lord’s tolerance for alcohol was high, he had been drinking five to every one of Kagome’s, and he was beginning to feel it.
In a drunken whisper, Sesshoumaru informed the Miko that the woman who had accompanied her here was very upset in her behavior. Her arua was like an agitated wasp in need of a rolled up newspaper.
Kagome looked into his golden eyes and gave him a lopsided smile before she smashed her lips to his. She tasted of Brandy and Irish Cream causing Sesshoumaru to gently nip at her lips to get a better taste. Once he gained access they both groaned. To the kissees it was passionate, to the rest of the bar... it looked like two drunks trying lick eachothers' faces. Not sexy and if not for Sango’s ‘cough’ the kiss could have lead to something much more interesting right there at the bar.
Kagome snuggled up to the Inu as he drank, “Kikyou treats her vagina like a clown car, but has the balls to judge me for just making out with a guy? Sango, you can judge. You keep that cat on a leash to an unhealthy extent...”
Sango snorted as she tried to hold in her laugh. The Inu had just finished swallowing but chocked at the miko’s words. He was able to chuckle as she patted his back looking at him curiously.
Sango grinned, “According to Kikyou, it's only slutty if you don't have his number… unless there's a full moon, then anything goes. And what my cat and I do will not be discussed HERE.”
"Awwww, " the bartender known as Miroku pouted.
“What is the moon tonight?” Kagome asked Sango, ignoring the Miroku fellow.
“Half,” Sango replied with a naughty smile.
Blue eyes turned to the demon lord and twinkled with mischief, “What’s your name?”
“Sesshoumaru,” he replied with a sexy fanged smirk fueled by alcohol.
“Yum... Sango give Sessh your pen so he can write his number on my body, please,” Kagome asked as she continued to drunkenly stare at Sesshoumaru's mouth.
Sango handed the Inu Lord an extra pen and watched as he examined Kagome for a place to put his mark… he meant his number. Another grin appeared as he carefully penned his cell phone number backwards on the miko’s forehead.
She giggled, “Lift your shirt!” He complied and she wrote her number along the lines of his six pack. “I wanna lick this, nibble here... oh, bite right here, mmmm, suck here.... are you ticklish?”
“Close our tabs.” Sesshoumaru instructed.
InuYasha and Kikyo made their appearance as credit cards were being handed back.
“Oi, listen you’re pissing off my date…” InuYasha began to growl.
Kagome grabbed Sesshoumaru’s hand, “Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.”
“What?” Kikyou screeched.
InuYasha growled lowly and approached the drunken miko cracking his knuckles. Kagome rolled her eyes, she pushed Sesshoumaru in a stool kissed him hard on the lips and said, "Stay!". She then turned on InuYasha, her eyes glowing pink.
“Don’t you dare take this night from me; it’s been damn too long. I'm five drinks away from making a Craig’s List post for true love and simians.” Kagome spoke lowly as she advanced on the hanyou.
He, in turn began a slow retreat. Sesshoumaru watched her follow his brother out of the bar, chase him around the corner and throat punch him. The Inu Lord thought he may be in love.
Sesshomaru called his driver, and was promptly obeyed.
“Will InuYasha not be joining us, my lord?” the driver asked nervously.
“He is currently…indisposed,” Sesshoumaru responded as the miko giggled.
When they arrived at Sesshoumaru’s hotel, the miko was fast asleep and snoring like a chainsaw.
The replay of the throat punch in the Inu Lord’s mind was enough to forgive the awful noise. He laid her on his bed after removing her shoes and did the same for himself. He was surprised how quickly sleep overtook him and how deeply.
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“Wake up! I wanna go shopping for booze and samurai swords!” Kagome explained as she tried to wake up the solid piece of handsome beside her.
Dammit! The alcohol was still in her system and all her ideas seemed like good ones… Oh!
“I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex,” whispered Kagome as she licked Sesshoumaru’s ear. “Better leave a note, hide and seek is no fun if the seeker doesn’t know he has to seek!”
The naked Kagome streaked down halls giggling, up and down elevators without shame… until security called the police.
At 6:00 in the morning, the gritty eyes of the demon lord finally opened. He first noticed the empty bed and her stale smell, not pleasing. Secondly, he noticed the phone was still ringing, damn device. And thirdly, the demon lord was suffering from a hangover and wished to kill everyone.
With a growl he grabbed the phone, “What?”
“Did you know that Tennessee State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked in their cruiser.”
“What do you mean public nudity?” Sesshoumaru growled.
“Didn’t you read you’re note?” Kagome asked, sounding annoyed. She was annoyed with him? HE COULD STRANGLE THE MIKO!
He read her note and smiled, until he realized she had taken off naked for this ‘hide and seek’. “You could not wear clothes for when I found you?”
“Nope, take too long, by the way I only have a few more minutes can you bring my clothes and possibly bail. I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by just putting their heads in their bodies.” The miko said on a sob. “They wear their clothes and their homes at the same time!”
“I’m on my way miko.”
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Sango had a friend on the Force who had called her once Kagome had been arrested. She sat and waited, as Kagome had asked her to, for the man from the club last night.
Sure enough, he came looking hung over and miserable.
“Sesshoumaru?” Sango asked as she slowly approached, “I’m a friend of Kagome’s; she’s been waiting for you.”
He seemed to calm, and followed Sango to pay bail and sign some paperwork, Kagome had no personal effects to pick up, so they continued on. An officer led them to a holding cell where a bare assed Kagome stood with a smile.
Sango quickly took the bag of clothes from Sesshoumaru’s hands and told Kagome to dress.
“I owe you one hell of a thank you, I was getting chilly,” Kagome said as she dressed.
Inside Sesshoumaru’s Beast roared with displeasure, surely one of these fools had some kind of covering to offer the nude miko. He know noticed all the male officers and wished to gouge their eyes out for looking upon what was his. He let out a low and long growl.
“Uh-Oh,” Kagome said as she was released and approached the Inu who was practically foaming at the mouth. “Sango, just make sure I don’t end up back in a cell… I can only think of one way to distract him.”
Sango nodded, “I’ll explain everything after you leave.”
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The Inu Lord found himself in the back of his car with his head up the miko’s shirt cushioned between her plump breasts.
Quickly removing himself and fighting a blush, he noticed the Sango woman make eye contact through the rearview mirror.
“Could one of you explain why This Sesshoumaru was face planted in breasts?”
“Um, Well… You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having Kagome take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...” Sango explained.
Kagome nodded, “It was the only way to calm you down.”
“Hn, This One will never drink again,” Sesshoumaru decided as his head throbbed.
“You must be as hungover as me,” Kagome soothed. Her touch was magic to his sore head.
“You may shower first when we arrive at the hotel, remove the stench of that place off your person,” Sesshomaru instructed as he continued to nuzzle with Kagome.
Obviously she didn’t smell that bad if he was willing to stick his nose just about everywhere.
“He’s scent marking,” Sango explained. “Girlie, you have been claimed. Congratulations. Oh, by the way… you said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunken ass. I'll be expecting to be maid of honor instead!”
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Sesshomaru helped the miko undress and adjusted the shower to a proper temperature before kissing her nose and leaving her to wash. After half an hour and no sound of water hitting skin, the Inu became worried.
“Kagome, are you alright?” Sesshoumaru asked as golden eyes scanned the bathroom.
“No.” she grumbled, and his golden eyes zeroed in on her drowsy form on the floor. “I'm lying on the floor naked; I almost made it to the shower…”
The Inu Lord grinned despite himself, he quickly undressed, “Here, let This One aid you in your cleaning.”
“This One agrees,” Kagome mocked as she gave a sleepy smile… and an appreciative glance over the Inu Lord’s naked body. Maybe she wasn’t so tired after all...