I'm Not Him by kirrav

I'm Not Him

A/N: I do not own Inuyasha in any way shape or form which is probably a good thing because if I did... well let's not go there right now hehe. Anyway I also do not own the song. This song is I'm Not Him by Lovers and Liars. Please R&R but no flames!

I'm Not Him

I’ve tried so hard to stop this

Sesshomaru sighed as he once again went into the small bedroom off the living room, inside a young woman of twenty was curled on her side, quiet sobs and glistening tears escaping from her small, prone form.

“Kagome, wake up, it's just a dream.” Sesshomaru whispered soothingly and braced himself as she bolted up and then launched herself into his arms. “Tell me, what is it you dream of every night that makes you so afraid, little one? There is nothing here that would hurt you, none even dare think of it, because you are under my protection. Is it Inuyasha again?”

“I'm sorry Sesshomaru! I just get so scared! I don't want you to leave me too!” Kagome whimpered quietly.

But I can’t

“ Kagome, you know that Inuyasha is a blubbering fool. I am shamed to call him family and I would never do something such as he did to you. I love you. You love me. Inuyasha is in the past. I know that it still haunts you but you have to let it go eventually or you'll never be able to move on.” Sesshomaru replied, silently cursing his foolish half-brother. He'd always know that he could be cruel, but what Inuyasha had done to Kagome two years ago was unacceptable.

The taste of you on my lips

“I know Sesshomaru, but it's so hard. I still feel so dirty sometimes. Like it just happened. Especially at night. But you are right. I do love you Sesshomaru. Thank you so much for putting up with me.” Kagome answered as she calmed down. Leaning up, she kissed Sesshomaru on the lips before laying in his embrace and once again drifting into sleep.

Sesshomaru had to suppress a groan as he felt her petal-soft lips against his own. He really didn't know how much longer he could take waiting on her to heal. She had agreed to marry him when she was finally better, but two years of unreleased sexual tension was beginning to wear down his defenses.

Your scent on my hands 

The farthest they had gotten was touching, and only just so. Yes, he held her hand and kissed her, but despite the fact that they were fiances', they had never gone farther than that. Now, Sesshomaru knew it was not all about sex, nor did he want it to be, but by god he didn't know how much longer he could last. His little vixen made him hard with her simple innocence and she didn't even know it. Even when he wasn't at home with her, he could barely resist the temptation of her. Whenever he was away from her could swear that her scent was on his hands.

If this still exists I just want to know

Sesshomaru loved Kagome with all his heart and soul, but he still wondered if he was enough for her. Yes, his brother had done something horrible to her, but Sesshomaru had been by her side, helping her to heal, ever since and it had been two years. Yet she still wasn't over everything.

Sesshomaru was only a normal person, he couldn't help the fact that he still had some doubts. He knew that Kagome loved him, but did she love him as more than a friend? He had thought so, after all, she did agree to marry him, but maybe he was wrong. She might only see him as a friend.

If there’s more to this, can you let it show?

Sesshomaru wanted to ask her, but if he was wrong and she did love him as much as he loved her, then he would end up hurting her. She would immediately think he didn't care for her any longer and there was no way Sesshomaru wanted her to be hurt anymore. Even if he had to take all the pain on himself, as long as she was alright everything would be okay.

Did he mess you up so bad that you

Could never love again

Sesshomaru could still remember when he found her after his brother had finished with her.

~***~

Sesshomaru scowled as he passed his foolish half-brother in the school hallway. The whelp had a stupid smug look on his face and had just walked out of a janitor's closet. Sesshomaru had, unbeknownst to Inuyasha, seen the fool leaving the small room and had decided to see what Inuyasha had found so entertaining. Waiting until the mutt had rounded the corner, Sesshomaru quietly opened the door, stepped inside, and shut it before anyone could see him.

There, laying in front of Sesshomaru was Kagome Higurashi. The girl that his brother was dating, the girl that loved the fool, and the girl that Sesshomaru himself was deeply in love with. She was covered in slowly darkening bruises and tears. It was obvious, by the disarray of her clothes, what his father's bastard son had done.

After that Sesshomaru had remained by her side, and slowly she had began to heal and love him, or so he thought. Now he wasn't quite sure anymore. Maybe she would never be able to love again. She had given so much to his worthless half-brother that maybe there was nothing left now that it had been broken in such a harsh way.

Whatever he did

No one else had been told about what had happened. They had gone to a small anonymous clinic to make sure she wouldn't get pregnant and that there was no internal damage. Sesshomaru had moved all of her things out of his brother's apartment and into his own.

Yes, Kagome could have gone to stay with some friends but she would have had to tell them what happened. The only family she had left was her younger brother and he was in boarding school in America. She didn't want to hamper anyone, but since Sesshomaru had insisted on it, she had accepted.

Know that I’m not him

Sesshomaru had constantly assured her with his actions that he was nothing like his younger brother. While Sesshomaru had been known in the college they had attended together for being a ruthless and cold-hearted person, he had proved that he was the complete opposite with those that he cared for.

However he hurt you

Sesshomaru had made sure that Kagome would never even have to see Inuyasha again. After taking care of her needs that first night he had gone to a friend that had connections to a yakuza clan, after giving the minimal amount of details, his friend, Hiten had promised it would be taken care of. Sesshomaru had then went and informed his father of what had happened. Needless to say, Inuyasha would not be seen for a long, long time.

He won’t do it again

“I will protect you with everything I have, Kagome. You are the only one for me and I won't let him hurt you ever again.” Sesshomaru mumbled to the sleeping woman in his arms. Almost as if she had heard him, Kagome snuggled more into his embrace.

I will be your lover

~oOo~

“Sesshomaru.” Kagome whispered as she lay in bed with him. “I... I love you. I think, if you still want me, well.. I mean, I think I'm ready now.” Kagome blushed faintly, not looking Sesshomaru in the eye.

Sesshomaru's eyes widen and then he smiled gently down at his soon to be lover. “Kagome, are you sure? I love you, but don't force yourself for me. I will wait for you forever if I have to.”

“I would like to wait until marriage but you need this so much, I can see it. It causes you pain and I don't want that, besides, I know I love you, I want to be with you throughout my entire life. I don't want to waste anymore time.” Kagome answered Sesshomaru, smiling sweetly at him him with no trace of fear in her eyes.

“If you want to wait until marriage, then we shall.” Sesshomaru replied nuzzling her shoulder slightly and then pulling her up into a sitting position. “Which is why I want to ask you again, Kagome Higurashi, will you let me have your hand in marriage, will you do this Sesshomaru that honor?”

“Yes, I love you, Sesshomaru.” Kagome said before leaning into him once again.

I’ll be your friend

“Do you, Sesshomaru Taisho, take this Kagome Higurashi to be your wedded wife? Do you with the deepest joy receive her into your life that together you may be one? Will you be to her a faithful husband, lover, friend, and father of her children? Do you promise her your deepest love, fullest devotion, and tenderest care?”

“I Sesshomaru Taisho swear to all those things and more as the kami are my witnesses.”

“Do you, Kagome Higurashi, take this Sesshomaru Taisho to be your wedded husband? Do you with the deepest joy receive him into your life that together you may be one? Will you be to him a faithful wife, lover, friend, and mother of his children? Do you promise him your deepest love, fullest devotion, and tenderest care?”

“I, Kagome Higurashi swear to you all those things and more as the kami are my witnesses.”

“Then may the kami witness that these two are now husband and wife. May they never separate and forever be blessed.”

I’ll do what it takes

Just let me in

With all of his mistakes you try to mend

Know that I’m not him

You smile on the outside

Kagome smiled gently at all the people that were there at her wedding. She loved them for supporting her. She had finally confessed to her friends and younger brother what had happened those years ago. They had supported her and understood why she had been hiding it from them. They were there for her then and now and they would be there for her until the end of their days.

She then looked up at the face of the man she had finally tied herself to. She loved him with all her heart and if he hadn't been there for her she didn't think she would have survived. He was never pressuring and always gentle with her. Kagome was still a bit nervous and scared about tonight, the first night of her honeymoon, but she knew she could trust him.

And die from within

As Kagome was dancing with her brother she noticed a figure lurking in the shadows of her family shrine. She flinched away as she realized who it was. The white hair was dirtier and unruly compared to her husbands and the golden eyes were duller and more yellow than gold. 'Inuyasha.' Kagome heard the name echo in her conscious and then she controlled her expression and looked to her husband. He hadn't noticed that his half-brother was there and she hoped to keep it that way.

Kagome didn't know how Inuyasha had gotten free from whatever desolate location had sentenced him to but she didn't want a fight to break out at her own wedding. She knew Inuyasha could no longer hurt her. She finally beyond his grasp and it was only the memory of what he had done to her that had caused her to flinch. It still made her want to die a little inside whenever she thought about it but Sesshomaru had helped her to overcome the tragic event.

You lock away your secrets

Behind your body and skin

So Kagome kept the appearance of the evil being to herself. Locking it inside of herself. Sesshomaru noticed her silence as they shared the last dance before they were to depart. Leaning down, he quietly whispered to her, “Kagome if it is tonight you are worried about then tell me, I will help you through it. If it is something else then tell me and I will do my best to make your fear go away.”

Smiling up at him, Kagome shook her head, “It's not about tonight, and I don't want to ruin everyone's mood so I'll tell you what it is after we left. Don't worry, I love you. And nothing will change that. I am ready for tonight.”

Nodding his hand Sesshomaru ended the dance and together they bowed to the friends and family surrounding him. “Thank-you for being here to support us, however I think it is time everyone retired for the night and my wife and I left.”

If this still exists I just want to know

If there’s more to this, can you let it show?

Did he mess you up so bad that you

Could never love again

Whatever he did

Know that I’m not him

However he hurt you

He won’t do it again

I will be your lover

I’ll be your friend

I’ll do what it takes

Just let me in

With all of his mistakes you try to mend

Know that I’m not him

Walk away from the pain inside you

“What was wrong koishii?” Sesshomaru muttered to Kagome as they sat in the airplane and waited for take off.

“He was there Sesshomaru. You're b-brother was there. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to ruin our day. I'm not scared of him anymore Sesshomaru. Just the memory of what he did.” Kagome answered quietly. Snuggling into Sesshomaru's arms and resting her head against his chest.

“The whelp!” Sesshomaru growled fiercely. “Kagome, are you sure you're OK? I don't want you to be haunted by that anymore. You've held that pain inside yourself for way to long.

“I'm fine. It's in the past, now I have you.” Kagome said, closing her eyes and slowly nodding off as Sesshomaru continued to hold her in his arms.

It’s gonna be okay

You have a life worth living now

Don’t let him take that away

Sesshomaru knew that Kagome would be fine. She was strong now. It had taken over a year of planning to put their wedding into action and during that time she had finally over come her ordeal fully. He knew that tonight would be hard for her but they would work through it together. That did not, however, take care of the fact that his foolish half-brother had been at his wedding. Pulling out his phone, Sesshomaru dialed a familiar number.

“Sesshomaru! Don't you know better than to be calling yakuza friends while you are on your honeymoon? Shouldn't you be screwing the brains out of your lovely wife? If you don't want to then I can always-” Hiten started out as soon as he answered the phone but was interrupted by a growl on the other end of the line.

“Hiten. You would do well not to refer to my wife in such a crude manor. We are on the plane at the moment.” Sesshomaru growled out, trying his hardest not to let his perverted friend get to him. The guy was worse than his wife's friend Miroku. “We have a problem Hiten. Inuyasha was at my wedding. He did not talk to her at all but the very idea that he may have tried to is more than enough for me to call you.”

Hiten grew serious as he heard this news. His family had promised that Kagome would never have to see the male that had forced himself upon her ever again and now he learned that they had failed in their duty to accomplish that. “ I'll take care of it Sesshomaru, no charge. He won't be killed but he'll never be anywhere near her again.”

“Thank you, Hiten, now if you don't mind I'll get back to my wife.” Sesshomaru replied and hung up the phone before his friend could make anymore lewd suggestions.

Don’t let him take that away

No, no

Whatever he did

Know that I’m not him

However he hurt you

He won’t do it again

I will be your lover

I’ll be your friend

I’ll do what it takes

Just let me in

With all of his mistakes you try to mend

Know that I’m not him

“Kagome, we're here, it's time to get up.” Sesshomaru said, gently shaking his wife to lure her from sleep. He slowly helped her stand and grabbed their bags with one hand he grasped her's and together they descended the plane steps and walked into their future together, and away from the shadows of the past.

“I love you Sesshomaru.” Kagome said as a reply.

“And I you, Kagome, and I you.”