Know Your Worth, A Christmas Story by EndlessDevotionx.

Doubt

Know Your Worth, A Christmas Story

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Sesshoumaru looked on at her sleeping form, his golden eyes taking in her peaceful expression, her full, pink lips, her thick eyelashes, her delicate curved brow, her small button nose –

Beautiful; she was simply beautiful.

And she was his.

Well, not as a mate, as he wished she was. He hadn’t marked her as his yet, but he wouldn’t lose her physically to any other man. Ever. She loved him, she adored him, and she made that known through her actions – her soft caresses and sweet kisses – and reassured him with her words. “You will always be the one to have my heart, Sesshoumaru. Not Inuyasha, not Kouga, not any man that seeks my heart or any man left in the heavens, hell, or earth. Only you.”

Sesshoumaru could feel, smell, and see the sincerity seeping through her voice. He did not doubt her.

It had been five years since he decided to court her or, in Kagome’s futuristic lingo, date. If Sesshoumaru had the situation his way, however, he would have claimed her as a mate right then and there, marking her as his for the rest of forever. Yet it was not so, it was not his way – instead, Kagome insisted that he first become her “boyfriend” and take things at a slower pace for, in her time, rushed relationships often ended badly. He had argued that her time and his were different, therefore he would not be the same as the men in her era, but she persisted with taking things slow for her sake since she felt too young to be given up to the married life. She wanted to enjoy her youth as long as she could without the responsibilities of a wife, especially the responsibilities she would take on as Lady of the Western Lands.

So he swallowed his pride, settled things her way, and gathered his patience.

But even now, as he relished in her warmth and relaxed to the sound of her evened breaths, he longed to make her his – for good. The Inu Youkai way, the way he as a demon would claim a woman so that he could let all other youkai know that she was then untouchable to any man but him. It was frustrating enough that other youkai men of the court and other lands sought her attentions for her beauty, intelligence, and power no matter what methods she would use to reassure him. He was not jealous, per say, for he knew her feelings for him were unmatched, but it was frustrating knowing that as long as they were dating, Kagome could always have other options. That was the problem.

He wanted to be the only option. And he saw the only way to become that was through mating, for there is nothing more powerful that a mating forged with love. It was unbreakable. Few demons of royal blood had this type of relationship, only mating for political benefits and having affairs on the side. While it was the norm, Sesshoumaru was a greedy person when it came to his possessions and he would not share Kagome for any reason. Her love bound her to him, and it would only strengthen through mating. He knew that Kagome, being the highly moral woman that she was, would not look in the direction of any other man to consider their attentions once she was a married woman.

That was why, when Kagome comes to ask Sesshoumaru what he wanted for this special holiday Christmas, he would finally ask for what he wanted most. He never wanted for anything every time she would ask him this question in celebration of this holiday that she introduced to him, but this year’s Christmas would be different.

It was then when Kagome stirred, her brows furrowing together as she turned onto her side and placed her arm around him, pulling herself closer to his body. She rubbed her face against his bare chest and smiled against his skin.

“You sneaky dog. When did you slip into my bed?” She murmured, stifling a yawn. Sesshoumaru began running his clawed fingers through her ebony silk tresses as she snuggled closer to his torso, tightening her embrace. “In the middle of the night, I began craving your presence. When I sought you out, I found you asleep.” Kagome pulled away from her embrace and held Sesshoumaru’s form at arm’s-length, looking into his eyes, and her own twinkling with mirth. “So, did you actually sleep? It’s rare for you to fall asleep, I should know. I’ve waited countless times before for you to fall asleep just to see what you look like, and I’ve only seen it five times. It’s been five years.” He replied with a low chuckle and offered a genuine, heartfelt smile that she long ago realized was only gifted to her. “No. I spent the remainder of the night just watching you sleep.”

As Sesshoumaru leaned closer to her face with his arms snaking around her body, his hot breath blew against her skin and she shuddered. A soft, sweet kiss was planted upon her forehead, then the bridge of her nose, then the tip, before Sesshoumaru’s lips hovered over her own, brushing it lightly.

Disappointment rushed through him when she pulled away swiftly, her eyes wide with realization. “I forgot! Inuyasha said he would be delivering the Christmas tree early in the morning! What time is it now?” She climbed over Sesshoumaru’s upper body to grab hold of her purple wristwatch at the side of her bedding and squealed with delight. “It’s 11:00! He must have dropped it off by now! Hurry, Sesshoumaru, let’s –” Kagome stopped mid-sentence when she turned her head and settled her eyes on a very disgruntled looking boyfriend. Then, she took on a confused expression. “What?”

He merely continued to stare at her with that disgruntled look upon his face as if waiting for her to answer her own question. It took awhile for her to fully understand his sudden displeasure and, when she did, she rolled her eyes. “Oh, Kami, Sesshoumaru, really. That’s what you’re upset about?” After a few moments of silence, she gave him a smile. “Fine.”

She re-positioned herself so that she was laying on top of him and cupped his cheeks gingerly, the smile never leaving her face. Mimicking Sesshoumaru’s previous actions, she kissed his forehead, then the bridge of his nose, then the tip, before brushing her lips against his. The kiss was slow and soft at first, but as the seconds ticked by she deepened it, and Sesshoumaru kissed back with a desperate need. He slipped his tongue within the confines of her mouth and she did the same, each taking pleasure in the taste of the other. Soon, Kagome pulled away for air, but resumed their kiss as soon as she got enough.

Tenseness stiffened Kagome as she felt Sesshoumaru’s hands roam down her back, a tingling sensation occurring in the wake of his touch although the fabric of her yukata kept him from actually touching her skin. Sesshoumaru pulled away from her lips and he began placing smaller ones along her neck and shoulder while his other hand slipped Kagome’s yukata sleeve down her arm, revealing plenty of soft skin.

Immediately, Kagome rolled over so that she was at his side and sat upright, pulling up her yukata sleeve so that her right shoulder was no longer bared. “We can’t have sex, yet, Sesshoumaru.” She firmly stated, her eyes brooking no argument. Sesshoumaru propped himself up with his elbows and gave her the same look. “I did not intend to do anything, Kagome.”  

In response, Kagome patted his head (an action she knew he hated) and smiled. “Sure you didn’t, love.” Ignoring his displeased expression, she bent over and kissed him tenderly on the lips, leaving merely a breath of space between their faces. “Now…” She kissed him again. “Let’s check on that tree.”

With that she abruptly stood, pulling on Sesshoumaru’s hand in the process and stomping her feet repeatedly in a childlike fashion. “Come on, Sesshoumaru, you know this is my favorite part of decorating!”

Sesshoumaru stood as Kagome so eloquently requested and allowed himself to be pulled by this slip of a woman out the bedroom door, out into the hallway, and into the small room that served as both a living room and a kitchen. In the corner stood an artificial pine tree that reached the hut’s wooden ceiling and beside it a box filled with iridescent decorations.

“I need to thank Inuyasha for this later,” Kagome said to no one in particular. “Having to haul all of this stuff from my time and back every year…” She knelt down and reached for the plastic stump of the tree and turned on a switch, making the red, blue, and white lights brighten up the tree, before turning it off. Noting the fact that the batteries would easily be wasted if left on in the day, Kagome would wait until night to brighten up the room with the lights.

“Help me, Sesshoumaru, please?” Kagome asked nicely as she grabbed a bright red garland from the box and handed it to him. Every year since he decided to court her it had been the same around this time in winter. Inuyasha would bring this artificial tree and this box of decorations through the old well to please Kagome and help her bring this holiday to life, and each year since he associated himself romantically with her he would aid in putting up the flashy decorations upon the tree. At first, he thought it was a foolish holiday not worth his efforts and he grudgingly would help Kagome just to please her.

But when the second year of his courtship came and he asked what this holiday was meant to accomplish, Kagome explained it in a way that made him realize what it meant to her, what it symbolized, and because of that he found himself looking forward to the occasion.

“It’s called Christmas because of the Christian religion, because of the story of a savior king – Jesus – being humbly born in a manger one cold, winter night by the virgin Mary. The way it came to be that way is rather complicated, so I’d rather not go into details, but that’s the gist of it,” She had said one night as she was placing small, shiny, colorful balls on the tree, a smile lighting up her face. “For a long time, that was the sole reason why it was celebrated – to honor the day that this man was born... Well, I’ve done research on it, and it’s really complicated. There are a lot of different views on how and why this holiday was celebrated and some say it’s a holiday celebrated carelessly, for no one truly celebrates it and knows its true origins. But that didn’t stop people from doing so, and customs came to life like the Christmas tree, the mistletoe, Santa Claus – all of which I’ll explain to you some other time. The truth is that now – well, in the future, in my time – it’s a time of giving, of caring. Some of my family serve food to the homeless, give toys to foster homes.

“Most importantly, it’s a time to appreciate family and friends. A day set aside just to do just that. To relish, cherish, and enjoy and celebrate…” She spoke in a fond tone and he would always remember the love in her eyes that night as she looked at him with affection. “…The love with the people you adore the most and keep closest to your heart.” Taking a step back from the tree, she assessed it with a satisfied expression, and then once again turned her affectionate gaze to him. She walked closer, closing the distance between them, and held him tight. Then, she looked up to his face and tip-toed, pressing her lips against his. The passion and warmth in that kiss she gave him is something that he would never forget, for it was the first time Kagome had initiated such contact. Before then, he was usually the one who attempted to kiss her and, despite his pleasure of gaining them, she was still reluctant and shy over the course of a year. After some time, he decided to wait for her to kiss him herself, and it was that very night that she decided to do so.

So he couldn’t bring himself to hate this holiday although he detested its upbringing. It reminded him that Kagome thought of him as not only a lover, but as family. Like a husband or a mate, if you will.

He eyed the woman next to him as he placed a crystal star at the top of the tree, happiness evident in the wide smile she expressed. Ever since then, their relationship progressed and Sesshoumaru found that Kagome trusted him more easily as well as become bolder in her affections and words (although her innocence and extraordinary purity wouldn’t allow herself to give in fully to lust). Now, she was comfortable around him and didn’t hold back in being herself, trusting him with her deepest secrets and most personal stories that she claimed she wouldn’t share with even Inuyasha or Sango.

He was glad for that.

Because that was what he wanted: He wanted for her to just be. To be herself, to shine that light and love she so freely gave to others with him – it made him immensely happy under his cold, seemingly nonchalant demeanor. She was his girlfriend, and, now –

He wanted her as more.

“Kagome…”

The way her name came out surprised not only Kagome, but Sesshoumaru himself. He hadn’t meant for the tone to leak so much yearning. “What’s wrong, Sesshoumaru?” He wasn’t sure if it showed in his eyes as well, but he honestly didn’t care. Slowly, he reached up and caressed her cheeks then, before he could drown within her chocolate pools, he pulled her in an embrace, burying his nose at the nape of her neck and breathed in her vanilla scent. The exhale of his breath must’ve tickled for she let out a giggle and attempted to break free from his hold, but, although he chuckled, Sesshoumaru wouldn’t have that, only holding on tighter.  So as not to tickle her, he moved his head so that his forehead was pressed against hers.

“After today, there will be two days until Christmas?” He inquired quietly, his voice low and husky. Kagome looked at him with curiosity. “Yes. Why?”

“What do you want for Christmas, Kagome?”

Kagome laughed at that, turning the tables and making Sesshoumaru the curious one as he widened the distance between their faces. “What do you find humorous?”

“Sesshoumaru, you’ve given me jewels from the most expensive ring to the most dazzling of necklaces. You’ve given me a horse with a stable and provided me with its hay. You’ve given me this hut – even built it with your own hands. There’s more, too, so much that I don’t even want to name them. And plus:  you’re here with me when you have duties left in your lands, so you double your shift on most days and work harder just so you could spend time with me. Not only have you given me so many material possessions, but you’ve given me yourself, your time, your love. And you’re asking me what I want?”

Sesshoumaru at first remained silent, waiting for her to finish the little speech she had begun, yet she merely continued to look at him with one fine brow arched. When Sesshoumaru got impatient with the silence, he spoke. “Yes, Kagome. Even after all I’ve given you, I’m still asking what you want.” A sigh escaped Kagome lips before she replied.

“All that will satisfy me and all that I want is you, yet you give me so much more. Every year I ask what you want, even on days that aren’t related to Christmas, and you always say ‘nothing.’ Even when I do give you something, I’m always afraid that it’s something that isn’t good enough for you.”

Sesshoumaru frowned at her words, knowing full well that they were not true. “Kagome, you alone are more than good enough for me, that is why I am satisfied with whatever you give.”

“Sesshoumaru, what is it that you truly want?”

He was anticipating this question for awhile now, but he found that he, Lord Sesshoumaru of the Western lands who was known for her merciless, steady hand and utmost confidence in everything he attempted, was actually nervous. Yet despite this foreign feeling settling in his stomach, Sesshoumaru let none of it show, his expression nothing short of serious as he regarded Kagome and her simple question.

Being used to his intense gaze, Kagome no longer fidgeted under his scrutiny, and only looked back at him with the same serious expression awaiting his answer. Finally, he said it, and suddenly Kagome wished she could’ve prolonged her question or even had not asked it at all.

“I want you to become my mate, above all things. That is the only thing I want from you, Kagome.”

Hearing this, Kagome tore her gaze away from his and found it hard to focus on eye contact any longer. She simply looked down and away to the side, her shoulders slumping.

“Kagome.”

I need more time. Yet Kagome knew that she had years to work out the doubts in her mind about marrying and mating Sesshoumaru. He was everything a girl could ever want and he was hers to claim. Not only that; she also knew that her heart longed for him, that it belonged to him… But… She shut her eyes tight, the doubts that would plague her nights when she was alone resurfacing within her and before Sesshoumaru. She felt vulnerable.

A masculine hand made its way to her chin and Sesshoumaru forced her to face him with her eyes still closed tight. “Look at me.” He demanded, his tone rough. Kagome obeyed, opening her eyes yet with furrowed brows. “Sesshoumaru, I need more time. I’m sorry but I –”

His lips claimed hers in a rush, completely catching her off guard. At first she didn’t respond, but soon enough her widened eyes drifted to a close and kissed back with returned fervor. She moaned when he pulled away and attempted to resume the kiss, but he dodged her lips and held his head further back so that he could once again look into her eyes. “Do you not desire me the same way I desire you, Kagome?”

When he met only silence, he continued. “For five years I have done as you requested and have been your ‘boyfriend,’ I have rejected offers of matings although I am of age to gain one simply because I wait for the most beautiful woman in my eyes. For five years I’ve had you as my ‘girlfriend,’ and now I yearn for you to be something more – to be my wife, my mate, to bear my children. I don’t want you living in a separate home where I cannot feel your warmth or seek you out in between duties. I want to share everything with you, Kagome. My life, my heart, my home, my children, my bed…”

At this, Sesshoumaru slid his hands down to Kagome’s lower back and pushed her harder against his body, letting her feel his unattended erection. She gasped at the hardness of it, realizing that he probably was in this state for awhile, hiding it beneath his baggy, ballooned trousers and his always controlled composure. “… My body. Kagome, I don’t think you understand how much I’ve been holding myself back just to please you, yet you ironically claim that the only thing that will satisfy you will be giving you myself as I am. Does that not include my desires?”

Kagome pushed herself away from him and let the truth of his words register within her mind. He was right. She had said that all she wanted was him, yet she denied him his truest feelings for her own selfish reasons, for her doubt. They clouded her mind and hindered this relationship with Sesshoumaru from going any further than it already was and Kagome had the feeling that, if she kept this up, the relationship would suffer and fall apart.

Now that Sesshoumaru had made his way into her heart and had every inch of it for himself, she didn’t know how she would handle loosing this bond.

She vaguely wondered if sharing her thoughts and feelings on the matter would make a difference, but Kagome knew she had to try something, and if Sesshoumaru never knew of the doubts in her heart about everything then it would be like lying to him about her feelings towards him.

Kagome had to come clean with everything.

“Sesshoumaru, how much do you love me?” She asked in a soft whisper, her gaze once again directed at the wooden floors. Sesshoumaru held back a sigh of frustration. “I’ve already told you, Kagome. Must I repeat my words? Must I kiss you again? Must I bestow you with cliché phrases? Kagome, I love you more than I love myself and my life. I value you above those very things as well. What must I do to prove that to you?”

“It would take too long for you to have the opportunity to prove that to me…” She murmured, knowing that Sesshoumaru would hear. “What do you mean by that?” He replied.

“I won’t be young forever, Sesshoumaru. There is no spell, no curse, no magic at all that can take away my humanity. It’s all fun right now because I’m young and I can actually do things with you, but what happens when I’m too old, too shriveled, too weak to do the things we do now as a young couple? Sesshoumaru, you’ll be young for a long, long time, and you will outlive me. I will –”

“That doesn’t matter to me.”

“How could it not matter?” Kagome bit out. “And even if it doesn’t matter to you, it matters to me. Sure, now in my youth I could please your carnal desires. We can have sex and enjoy it every day until I become too old to do any of that with you, then what would you do? I won’t be able to even give that to you anymore!”

“Kagome… That’s not the reason why I want to be with you. Sex isn’t driving this relationship, it –”

“What happens when I die, Sesshoumaru? What happens when I fade away from this world? You will still be young and ripe for the taking once again. I…” Kagome tried desperately to hold back the tears she felt forming in her eyes, mentally cursing herself for getting emotional. She hated crying, especially in front of Sesshoumaru. “I’m greedy, okay? You don’t want to share me, and I don’t want to share you. I… don’t want you to have anyone else, even after I die. But that’s selfish, and I want your happiness more than I want my own. It just…” She clenched her fists and dug her nails into her palms. “… I get so confused when I think about this. Usually, when I think about this, I would tell myself its okay and let my doubts mingle in my brain and heart since I don’t know how to douse it. But, now that I’m facing it I feel that I have to make a decision… I need to get rid of these doubts or… or…”

I can’t be with you, feeling like this.

“Kagome, I understand what you’re saying,” Sesshoumaru reassured as he placed his hands upon her hips, pulling her just a little closer. “I’ve listened to you, now listen to me. I don’t care how old you become – I don’t care when you gain wrinkles and slump and when your hair will turn gray, I just want to be with you. I want to live my life with you and for you to live your life with me, no matter how short. My love for you goes beyond your age and even beyond sex. I would enjoy when we do, be sure of that, but when the time comes for us to stop doing such things, being in your presence will be all that matters. I just want to have you and claim you as my own for the rest of your life. And the claim that I have on you will not end at your death…  And the other way around. Neither will your claim on my heart end at your death. I will always, for the rest of eternity, belong to you and only you. There will be no other... No woman of any status can take your rightful place.”

Although this did little to ease Kagome’s own feelings of discomfort at the knowledge that she would grow old and the consequences that would go with her humanity, she knew Sesshoumaru was desperately trying to prove his point for he rarely spoke so much at once. He never even wooed her with such much flattery at one time; they were usually in short yet sweet sentences. It would be hard to tell for anyone else upon looking at his passive face, but Kagome knew better. Yet his words would not ease the worry…

She took a deep breath and dramatically exhaled before looking into his eyes for a brief moment, then turned her gaze away.

“You deserve an Inu youkai woman – a woman that can please you for the rest of your long life and not leave you alone with her death. She would give you full-fledged demons for heirs and be pleasing to your eye with a beauty only Inu youkai have. She would help rule beside you with an iron fist that I do not possess, and be fit to be called Lady of the Western Lands. Even if it’s at the cost of my own happiness, I would grant you that satisfaction.”

Little did she notice that Sesshoumaru’s eyes were beginning to tint red, his anger at her words visibly showing yet she remained oblivious, her eyes still cast away keeping her from truly viewing his growing impatience and displeasure. It was not until he spoke did she realize this, and her attention was on him fully.

“Are you saying that you would leave me?! To give me this false satisfaction,” He hissed the word out, his clawed hands clenching into fists and crumpling her yukata. “That will never be unless I have you?! You would leave me with this false idea that I need that to make me happy, to please me?! Kagome, do you not know me? What I want? What I truly desire?”

While she should’ve felt fear in the face of his anger, all she could bring herself to do was look on at him with expressive sadness, and that angered Sesshoumaru even more.

“You think that now, Sesshoumaru, but years will –”

“SESSHOUMARU-SAMA! SESSHOUMARU-SAMA! SESSHOUMARU-SAMA!”

Now, this aggravated Sesshoumaru to no end. He hated when something important was interrupted, and the irritating screeching of his name only ebbed his anger. Within moments, the hut’s flap for a door swung open, revealing a frantic Jaken.

Sesshoumaru swirled around to face him, punching the wall at the side in the process with restrained strength as not to break. “What is it, Jaken?!” He roared, making said imp ‘eep’ and shiver as he clumsily fell to his knees and gave a deep bow.

“Sesshoumaru-sama, Akito-sama of the Northern Lands and his army are awaiting at the castle grounds. They bring urgent and important news. It seems that the Eastern and Southern lands are coming with haste in an attempt to catch the West off-guard. We will be under attack soon, milord, and I came as fast as I can to tell you.”

A growl rumbled within Sesshoumaru’s chest. “Why would they attack, on what grounds?” He said, not really speaking directly to anyone. It was then when Kagome touched his shoulder. He turned around to see that she held out his hakama, having gotten it from the room while Jaken was explaining himself. As he took the garment from her hand, his eyes clashed with hers, and then Jaken’s voice reached their ears.

“It seems that your rejection to mate with Amaya-sama of the Eastern lands has angered her father, Takeshi-sama, milord. Akito-sama has more information on the matter.”

The look of guilt that flashed across Kagome’s face did not go unnoticed by Sesshoumaru’s keen eyes.

“Jaken, leave. I depart for the Western lands as soon as I take care of some matters here. Go.”

Jaken stood up then gave a small respectful bow. “As you wish, milord.”

As soon as Jaken left, Sesshoumaru swiftly made his way to kiss Kagome – it was an action that he seemed to not get enough of since he sees her only every other week or day, and it was an action further encouraged because of the situation he found himself in with her.

How could he prove to her that his feelings were undeniably too strong for anything to break it apart?

“It is not your fault that this occurred, so don’t you dare put the blame on yourself,” He said despite the fact that he knew that his words would not sway her stubborn mind. But he didn’t have time to break that stubbornness.

His next steps were taken with urgency. The faster he settled this dispute between his lands and the others, the sooner it would be for him to return to Kagome and finish this conversation. For now, she had to wait. Before he vanished behind the door-flap he paused and, without turning to see her, said, “We are not finished with this, Kagome. When I am done with what I must do, I will return to you and resume our argument until you see it my way.”

Then he was gone, leaving Kagome to stare after him with her overbearing thoughts.

His enraged face etched into her mind, his words echoing in her heart. He declared that all he needed was her to be there, that she alone could satisfy his desires. She should be happy, she should be elated, she should be celebrating for Kami’s sake – no, for her own sake – but she just couldn’t seem to shake the doubt away from her.

He loved her. He craved her.

But how long would that last, really?

You say that now, Sesshoumaru, but years will dim your desires. How long will you live after I pass away? How long will you last, bearing loss on your heart? You’ll find another. With time, things fade. Things never stay the same. How could I expect you to remain the way you are when you could live more than 500 years? People change in simply a few.

Her attention turned from the door to the nearly completed tree, her eyes reflecting the sadness she felt pang in her chest. When she walked over to the box and removed a bright, shining, red ball ornament, a thought struck her.

She could flee.

She could leave Sesshoumaru and force him to realize she was right and that, with time, he would simply forget, that the feelings would fade. Besides, she wasn’t vain enough to think that she, Kagome Higurashi, would be such a prize that Sesshoumaru would hold onto her for 500 years. He would find a mate; he would find pleasure and happiness elsewhere. In time.

At first, he would be angry, she knew. At first, he would feel hurt and betrayed. But, in time, those feelings would escape him and he would learn to cope, he would learn to live without her, and, in time, he would learn how to be content once more. By her leaving him, she would open the window of opportunity for him to live as an Inu Daiyoukai should.

It would be best for both of them.

Tears ran down her cheeks in a rush because of the pain and remorse eating her heart at the very thought of losing him.

When she felt that the pain was weighing her down too much, she let herself fall to her knees, clutching the little red ball close to her heart. Her wet lashes fluttered closed and the tears ran freely as she thought of every moment she’d spent with him. Every conversation, every laughter, every smile – everything. Even little arguments they’d had came like little snippets within her mind, and her heart clenched inside her.

Five years of love… Could she throw it away so easily? She’d miss him terribly, every inch of her would call out to him knowing that he would never answer back once she’d put so much distance between them.   

Was it wise to throw away something as precious as this?

Then she imagined herself as an old woman, her hands wrinkled and her forehead creased, her hair thinned and gray, her back aching and hunched, her eyes worn from the years. Then she imagined Sesshoumaru in his beautiful glory, his smooth skin and pristine complexion. She imagined them together in a wide, grassy plain, looking into each other’s eyes…

And she felt embarrassment.

How could she kiss him in such a state? How could he love her?

She recalled every moment she had with him once more, and found her asking the question again:

Was it wise to throw away something as precious as this?

Then, again, she told herself that this precious time will fade over the years, and his heart will dim. He would realize his mistake and realize that she was right.

Kagome stood, tears still flooding down her cheeks, and ran to her bedroom then to her desk. She grabbed a paper and pen from a drawer and threw it atop the smooth wood, looking at it with a frustrated expression. After awhile of remaining stationary, she finally began to slowly reach for the pen with reluctance. A big, forlorn sigh came through her before she set to writing.

Sesshoumaru,

I’m sorry that I’m doing this to you, but I need to sort things out on my own. I just want you to know that I really, truly, irrevocably love you, and that our memories and feelings we’ve shared will be motivating me to do what I feel is right. I’ll be returning to the future for a long time. If I’m absent for too long… Please, don’t wait for me.

Sincerely,
Kagome.

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A/N: Soooo, I’m doing a Christmas story(: I was going to make it all one big one-shot, but it’s too long. Plus, I feel like this is a perfect place to cut this off. There will only be one or two more chapters to this fic and I’m hoping I’ll be getting the last installment up on the day of Christmas. If it’s a little later than that, it’s because of my college finals and tendency to be really slooooooow. I really, really hope you enjoyed reading this first chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it, though. I love writing romantic stuff. Even though it’s a bit corny and cliché… Heh. Oh well. Let me know what you think!

Love, EndlessDevotionx.