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Breaking Even by Synyster Star

Breaking Even

A/N: This is a oneshot made for the Second Annual Tournament hosted by TangerineDream. Please send the votes to her but before you vote for me please read Madison's entry as well because she is my partner for this round! Also, visit the tournament's page for other brilliant oneshots from the other competitors!

WARNING: Even though this is NOT detailed it is still suggestive. It has hints of gore.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor do I make a profit from this also the Title of this fic was brought here by the lovely song by the Script :).


Sesshomaru chewed on his inner cheek as he tightened the last nugget. He slid the wrench from under the car, and reached forward. His finger tips gripped the lip of the metal frame as he pulled himself out from underneath the car. He wiped his forehead down with a clean corner of a grease-covered towel then pushed himself up off the ground. He snapped the rubber band that held his hair in a tight ponytail on the top of his head. Then threw the remains into the trash.

He picked up the wrench and placed it in its proper place before closing the hood of the vehicle.  He was finally finished. His project was done, and his customer would most certainly be happy. The tall ethereal man had finished working on a gorgeous American muscle. The '76 Ford Mustang was definitely an excellent ride when it was properly cared for. Over 100 hours had gone into perfecting the masterpiece sitting before him. A new paint job, engine, shocks, transmission, the whole works.

Not many would've trusted him with such a feat alone, but that is how Sesshomaru worked best. Being a mechanic was something that helped him keep his mind off of the horrors he had experienced in his past. Most would call him stoic, or the ice prince if they didn't know him. Some rumors had gone around about his present state and he didn't care. If they saw him as unapproachable, good. He didn't need them. Sesshomaru was his name's sake: Killing perfection.  He had been forced to join the force by his military nut of a father. He was a General in World War II, and Inu Taisho wanted his son to follow in his foot steps.  All he wanted to do was make his father proud. After all, he was his only son. Well, he was until Inu Taisho divorced his mother and remarried Izayoi.

His father brought shame upon the Yamamoto family when he married his whore. It was unfathomable on why he would do such a thing, and then the reason unfolded. The witch was pregnant with the bastard who was born shortly after. Inuyasha was a menace, and an annoying one at that. He wasn't worthy of their bloodline. It was then Sesshomaru's goal was to surpass the dishonorable filth his father had created. Reclaiming his mother's  and his own honor was the only things on his mind.

Joining the ranks amongst all the rest of the drafted young men for the next war, Sesshomaru strove for perfection and he achieved it. He pushed harder than anyone else to achieve what he wanted. It gave him notice from his superiors. At first it was just waiting around, sitting on his ass doing nothing, and talking with his fellow men; his true brothers. They all looked up to him, looked to him for guidance. Sesshomaru obviously had been bred to do his job, he was a natural leader, and a perfect soldier. He could give orders as well as he could take them. He was ever father's dream.

But the cost of the war was great, and the losses were dramatic. War was not glory. War was horror story and it stole the very pride of many great men, and with their pride came their lives. Sesshomaru Yamamoto was spared, but with a grave cost.

He glared angrily at what was left of his arm. It disgusted him that he was now reduced to working a blue collar job, not that a soldier was any higher, but at least he held dignity. Now all he had were awards for his service, an honorable discharge from the Army, and a pretty little diagnosis of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). He was not worthy anymore. He was useless. Everything was stripped away from him in mere moments.

Extensive psychological tests were placed upon him then a half-way house to integrate him back into normal society. Everyone viewed him as a hero. What hero was he? He lost his arm for what? Only to watch the very little girl he tried saving be blown to pieces and the remnants of his life's work with her. Yes, he was lucky it was not his life. But what was life after watching an scared, innocent child pleading for her life die from the one wrong move he made; his mistake.

The land mine she had step on hadn't triggered at first, but at his expense he tried to get her away before she set it off with her imbalanced weight. He failed. He wasn't meant to fail, Sesshomaru was not bred to fail.

He shook off the horrid screams that echoed in his mind. The memories didn't interfere too much with his daily life, but at night? That's when they haunted him. Every man he had ever slayed cold, empty eyes starring up at him. Then those large brown orbs that pleaded for her life. He tried to blot her out, he tried so hard to forget her. The skeletons in his closet were piled so God damn high. He couldn't bury them. Hell, he tried, but it was like a flood that broke the dirt and carried the dead bodies back out. The remains of those fateful nights stayed with him. Rin, that was her name. He managed to break it from the mute girl's lips as she shook in fear.  

How could his father find glory in war? But he did.

His father was a fool, and he Sesshomaru Yamamoto was an even bigger fool for believing such lies.

There was no glory in watching a child die. There was no glory in the death of many for a blind cause.

Sesshomaru didn't believe he could ever forgive himself for his stupidity. His mistakes were his scars. After wasting away upon his return for weeks, no months, the man did not let his disability keep him from making his own living. He started finding many hobbies to take up his time, but none did it like fixing up the beat sitting in his father's garage. That was the beginning steps he took to creating his automotive business.

It made many nervous when they learned what he did and that he was the only one to work the shop. Every automobile went through his hand, many went else were, but the few that stayed? Well, they gave him a chance. He never planned for his hobby to become his new job, yet it quite literally fell into his lap. It was his escape. Day in and day out he was never bored, and his mind was never allowed to wander until now. The end of the day, and the beginning of hell.

He walked into the office then past the stairs that lead to his living quarters. He quickly finished up the last of his paperwork, left himself a reminder to call customer to retrieve his vehicle. Once he was finished he turned himself in for the night. He showered callously and took his anti-psychotic medications. It was his life now, and he lived it the best he could. He survived the long sleepless nights, and the times he could sleep he had the terrors.

Sesshomaru took his side of the bed and cuddled up next to the mass of flesh and heat laying beside him. He his amber eyes watched as the beautiful woman slept soundly. She was his savior. He wrapped his arm around her waist, his finger tips danced across the skin of her hand then toyed with the silver ring that adorned her finger. His wife and his life mate. She was his Kagome. She made him see what little beauty was left within the world.

Kagome never judged him. She was young when he first met her, just merely fifteen and a few years younger than his idiotic half-brother. The arrogant fool let such a gem slip through his fingers, but it gave way for Sesshomaru to reap the treasure. He smiled lightly at the sleeping form of the woman who broke through all of his defenses. He would only admit that to her, he would only let her see this side of him. She earned it. She gave him hope that one day the nightmares would stop, and the memories would calm. Some nights it worked, others he would wake up screaming.

"It will take time, just give it time." She would always tell him as she calmed him from another nightmare.

His hand moved over her's then rubbed her stomach. The bump was the only imperfection upon her entire body, but it was beautiful for it was a piece of both of them. The man thanked whatever God was out there for the angel he was graced with. He thanked God for the family he was starting with her. She was his new hope, and he would protect her with everything within him.  Perhaps he was the killing perfection, but he was a husband and a father.

He came out of retirement the moment she walked into his arms. He knew everything would be all right. "Kagome, I love you." Sesshomaru whispered into her ear.

She merely smiled, and pushed herself further into his embrace.

He closed his eyes and buried his face into her neck. His hand remained upon her stomach, feeling the soft fluttering of their child moving within her stomach. It made him content.

Forgivness is all he wanted, and he got that and so much more. He got love, life, and a family. If someone had asked Sesshomaru five years ago if he would change anything within his life he would tell them yes. He would've changed his decision into following his father's orders. But now? He would choose the army every time. He would choose it every time because if he had not gone to war and received the wounds he had he would not have the woman he loved with ever ounce of his being. He was grateful, and for the first night in many his dreams held no nightmares.

word count: 1676

Prompt: Sesshomaru is a mechanic and a dead body.


INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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