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A Day of Ridiculous Lines by House_Of_Eternal_Moon

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. All go to the great Rumiko Takahashi.
                All items of Dr. Seuss belong to that man, the genius that he was.

Summary: A very strange curse has fallen on our favorite duo and their friends. They are unable to speak unless they utter something ridiculous. Thankfully Kagome has the answer, by the form of Dr. Seuss, but will the others go along with her plan, or will they be cursed forever?

Word Count: 2031

~*~*~*~*~*~

Kagome stood looking at everyone to make sure what she just witnessed, really did happen. That had to be the easiest- and stupidest- creation Naraku has made yet. Kagome went and collected the shard to turn and say let’s go make camp for the night, when no sound came out of her mouth. She attempted again before getting frustrated. Inuyasha seeing her silent for once was about to say what a miracle it was that she was finally quiet when nothing came from his throat either.

Suddenly a laughing sound came from the woods just beyond. Kagome turned to glare as a Naraku puppet strode into the, “This will be far more enjoyable then I thought. I’ll tell you a little secret, I was sitting in my lovely hiding spot debating that doing the same thing was getting monotonous and that things needed a change. So I created the being you just destroyed. None of you can now speak unless it is something utterly ridiculous. Ku ku ku ku.”

A green whip flicked by and the puppet was immediately destroyed. Kagome huffed because they needed to know how to break this curse. She whirled around ready to tell Sesshomaru off only to see him already striding off Ah-Un with the children in tow. Not going to stand for that she stormed off after him, the rest just falling in behind to leave those two to their devises when it came to how the Demon Lord and the miko settled things.  Normally that was by Kagome yelling at the silent Demon Lord, then his saying a few words to make her stutter and fume and storm off to the other side of the camp.

~*~*~*~*~

Sesshomaru felt the ire coming off the small miko that he loved to tease but today he had no time or patience for the miko to attempt to tell him off. They were, luckily, by the witch’s house that he often used to curse or remove curses from those he pleased. Today, she would be helping him or else it would be her end. Finally reaching the spot where her house is he stepped into the clearing to find it vacant. He growled angrily because now not only would he have to deal with Kagome and her attempt to rant at him, the witch was gone for who knows how long. He turned on his boot and continued to a place where he deemed that they should rest for the night and sat down under a tree.

He watched as Kagome stalked up to him, his face not giving away how irate he was like he desperately wanted to do. However much to his surprise Kagome sat down pulled a notebook out of her backpack and scribbled on it, before handing it to him. He looked down to read what it said. ‘You silly egotistical dog, if you hadn’t of destroyed the puppet we may have found a way to break the curse. Lucky for you I have already figured out an idea, but I think you’d like it less than being forced to say that Inu is your brother and that you care for him.’ His eye ticked at reading the ending but he responded with ‘hn’ his sign to continue.

Kagome picked up her pen and tapped it on her chin. She had to phrase this right otherwise Sesshomaru would just say no and wouldn’t listen to her, but no one underestimates the power that Dr. Seuss has. It’s ridiculous and entertaining, and it could fulfill the curse so quick that it could be gone before the evening was out. Quickly after figuring out how to say it she wrote down in her notebook: ‘In my time there was a man named Dr. Seuss who wrote children’s books before he died. Most people think of him as a genius, I for one think he is what we need to break this curse, and luckily I have some of his books for the children to read.’

Sesshomaru held out his hand, gesturing that he wanted to see one of these books; Kagome then got up and dug into her backpack quickly coming back out with the book The Lorax Sesshomaru opened up the book and read the first line that he looked at. “I am the Lorax. I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees for the trees have no tongues.” Apparently his disdain must have shown on his face because Kagome started writing furiously in her notebook. He looked down to see, ‘I know it must seem horrible, but Dr. Seuss is probably the only person who could break this curse.’

He nodded his head in his approval for her to share her plan with the others, and she did. They all agreed, however reluctantly it was, they agreed. Kagome walked back over to her backpack and grabbed out several more of the books before laying them on the ground and letting the others pick which ones they choose to read from. Inuyasha came over and picked up Happy Birthday to You and looked at the line “If we didn’t have birthdays,  you wouldn’t be you. If you’d never been born,  well then what would you do? If you’d never been born,  well then what would you be? You might be a fish! Or a toad in a tree! You might be a doorknob!  Or three baked potatoes! You might be a bag full of  hard green tomatoes” Quickly deciding that it seemed good enough for him, Inuyasha read it out loud. Seeing Kagome telling him to try to say something normal, Inuyasha then opened his mouth. Next the words, “Wench, this is the stupidest idea you’ve had yet,” came tumbling out.

The others looked at him in shock before deciding that if a line like that freed Inuyasha from the curse that the idea wasn’t half bad at all. Quickly there was a ruckus as everyone tried to grab a book. Miroku came out first holding The Cat in the Hat. Quickly he opened the book with a frantic fervor and reiterated the line “‘Have no fear, little fish,' Said the Cat in the Hat.’ These Things are good Things.' And he gave them a pat." The lift in the curse was obvious as Miroku then decided a congratulatory grope was in order.

Sango standing up from grabbing a book felt Miroku groping her and slapped him! She attempted to scream hentai but the word didn’t come out so quickly she opened up the book and read a line before putting it back down. ““I’ll find it!” cried Horton. “I’ll find it or bust! I SHALL find my friends on my small speck of dust!”

Sango then turned to Miroku, “You HENTAI! Can you for once not go around groping anything that you feel needs to be groped. Here’s a good idea, go grope yourself.” Sango then hit Miroku with her overly large boomerang and stormed off with a small Kirara trailing behind her. Everyone turned to look at Miroku as he sighed, “it was worth it,” and passed out on the ground.

“Kagome, why is everyone saying those silly lines from the books that we read,” Shippo asked. Kagome then remembered that before the altercation Sesshomaru had sent the kids away on Ah-Un. Slapping her head in her forgetfulness she never thought to realize that the kids didn’t have the curse and therefore didn’t understand what was going on. She looked to Sesshomaru to help; however, she saw he was occupied with trying to struggle with saying a line that sounded that ridiculous.

A sigh came from Kagome, and then she decided she would make the two curious little children forget what they were looking for by picking up their favorite book and read them Green Eggs and Ham. Shippo let Kagome distract him and Rin, but as she read she came to his favorite line “I could not, would not, on a boat. I will not, will not, with a goat. I will not eat them in the rain. I will not eat them on a train. Not in the dark! Not in a tree! Not in a car! You let me be! I do not like them in a box. I do not like them with a fox. I will not eat them in a house. I do not like them with a mouse. I do not like them here or there. I do not like them ANYWHERE!”

“Hey Kagome, why does Sam I am try so hard to get the one guy to eat green eggs and ham so much?”

“Well Same tries as he feels that since he loves green eggs and ham, everyone would love green eggs and ham, and as such, the other man should eat green eggs and ham.”

“Have you ever had green eggs and ham?”

“I cannot say if I have or have not. I don’t remember if I have or haven’t.”

“We should have it for dinner one time!”

“Maybe the next time I go home. Would you like to finish this story?”

Shippo nodded his head eagerly, and Rin and Shippo cuddled into Kagome more closely to look at the pictures as she flipped the book. Sesshomaru on the other hand still looked full of disdain. He had to say something from one of these idiotic books to even be able to speak again? He growled low so that no human could hear and Inuyasha’s ears twisted towards Sesshomaru. It was then he noticed that the lord hadn’t said a line yet. Inuyasha couldn’t have asked for a better curse if he tried. Get Mr. Stick-up-the-butt to say something not prim and proper, it must be his birthday.

As Inuyasha sat down in a tree, to watch this thing with glee, Sesshomaru gave him a glare, that frightened him out of the air. Sesshomaru now satisfied that Inuyasha wouldn’t be paying him any attention due to his induced sleep  from meeting the ground Sesshomaru started picking up the books of Kagome and putting them in her pack. Three out of the group of adults were now incapacitated or gone and the children were asleep. That only left Kagome.

“You’ll have to say it at some point Sesshomaru. Right now it’s only me, so just pick one and say a line. I promise, it’s quite painless. Just do it quick, like ripping off a band-aide.” Kagome handed him a book and told him to read a line from it. Grabbing it from her he looked at the title: Yertle the Turtle. She really wanted him to read something from here. He glared at her before opening the book and decided that he would just read the first line that he would see. “I’m Yertle the Turtle! Oh, marvelous me! For I am the ruler of all that I see!”

~*~*~*~*~

In a castle far from their location, Naraku was frustrated because the miko figured out the removal of the curse so quick. But he did laugh on the floor over what was going on in the camp because the entire situation was just so funny. It wasn’t that bad from the mutt face Inuyasha, because he was just always so silly, but from the Demon Lord, it was like his birthday, Christmas, and all the other holidays that give gifts wrapped together. He easily decided that next time he would create an even better curse so that the Inu-tachi would work harder to get rid of it and it would be a great and amazing thing. He needed to get some of that popcorn that miko talked about and feed his need for sit-com like humor with all of our favorite characters. Maybe he’d even get a bigger mirror so that it would take up a wall and then he could always have a big front row seat to the humor that he would create to his “nemesis.” If only they knew he did this for the kicks and giggles. Maybe one day he would tell them and see what they would do. Oh yes that would be a treat.

Fin.

 

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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