To My Beloved by Sarah

This mask I wear for you

With this mask, I hide. I hide my face so you may not see what lies within myself. His mask is strong, and stable on my face. You will never see it break. Though I wish to show myself to you…I can not…and will not. I will walk these streets, and you will watch me smile at you as I always do…and this mask will never fall from my face. Oh Kagome, for years we have known each other…but you do not know me. You will never know me. All you know is my smile, my gentle hugs of accepted friendship, but you don’t even know what happens when I close the door to my house. You do not know that I run to my room as quickly as humanly possible to escape the brutal beatings bestowed upon me for being me. I don’t even know who this ‘me’ is or where it came from, but that is the reason for all of this brutality. Oh Kagome, I will always wear this mask for you. I will be the phantom who sings you lullabies of love and happiness, but I must pay internally. I will always love you.

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    I see you approach me, how wonderful you look. Your hair falls down behind your back, and the polite way you seem to walk so as not to get in anyone’s way in the hallways.

    “Sesshomaru, could I talk to you for a second?”

    Talk to me for hours Kagome, I do not mind. Talk to me until your face is blue and you can speak no more.

    “Yes, what is it?”

    “Well, I…it’s Inuyasha.”

    Oh…that is what you came to see me about? To babble on about my beloved half-brother? Speak no more Kagome. My heart breaks in two. Oh my dearest love, You speak of nothing else to me. Your sweet voice has a way of strangling me.

    “What about him? Has he hurt you?”

    “Oh…no…he just…he just seems so distant.”

    Kagome, I know he has hurt you. Both mentally and physically. He takes after his father. I’ve seen the scratches on your arms and the bruises on your legs from him. Do not lie to me dear Kagome.

    “Come on, let’s go somewhere more private to speak.”

    I see the tears coming to your eyes, and I see the way you are holding your right arm. So he has hurt you again. I take you to the abandoned janitor’s closet and lock the door. Our secret place.

    “Kagome, he has hit you. Why can’t you just leave him?”

    “He…I just can’t…I l…lo…love him!” The tears that came from your eyes…Oh dear god! How can such a beauty shed tears for a monster?!

    I took you into my arms and held you tight. Your skin is soft. I pet you hair as softly as I can, to remind you that not all men are like Inuyasha or his father. I am gentle, and I would love you and shower you with it if you would only let me. Let me love you Kagome. I see you wear the same mask as I do around your friends and Inuyasha. That mask of acceptance, but around me that mask is broken so easily, oh how I wish I could split mine in two for you. But I must stay strong for you my dearest, or else we will both break.

    “Sesshy, I’m so scared. Just always be here for me, please? You’re the only one I can count on.”

    “I will never leave your side Kagome. Never.”

    Now school is over, and you have been driven into his arms. The arms of a villain, while I watch from behind as you two walk hand in hand as if nothing is ever wrong. It is disgusting. Now here is my house. Inuyasha has gone to yours, and I am alone…with the head beast. I walk around to the back and hope for the best. I sprint through the door and upstairs, and he has already beat me.

    “Though you could out think me, huh?” That leather belt in his hand…the metal…

    “Take your shirt off now!” I do as I am told, and my weakness shows bright red. Each lash flung on my back cuts deep and stings. Tears now come from my eyes. After the tenth lash, he stops suddenly. Kicks my ribs, then laughs.

    “You will always be a failure, Sesshomaru. Just like your father.” He leaves me alone on the floor of my bedroom, unable to move or talk. When I finally do get up, it is to close and lock my door. I fall asleep on my bed, wishing to hold my beloved.

    I am woken up by a familiar noise. A light tapping on my bedroom window. She has come at last. Kagome now stands before me once more in my bedroom.

    “Sesshomaru, I want to leave Inuyasha. But I don’t know how…he might…do something drastic.

    “I would never let him hurt you Kagome.”

    I hold you tight once more. You feel so good I can’t help myself. I hold your face in my hands and I kiss you so powerfully I surprise myself. Those soft lips I could mistake for rose petals.

    You have pushed me away though…

    “Sesshy, we can’t.” I will not force you Kagome. I won’t even get upset. I only nod and smile.

    Your eyes,  they speak to me. They show me guilt, but do not be guilty. I hold you once more.

    “I understand.” I whisper. Now you are sobbing and holding me tight. Ahhh, the pain I feel. You have pressed on the lashes. I will not yelp…I will not utter a sound.

    But now you are taking my shirt off.

    “Kagome, you don’t want this.”

    “I want you, Sesshy.”

    You are kissing my lips now. The sweetest fruit of all is you and only you. I feel myself slowly unbutton your own shirt, and you have pushed my hands away. You are doing it yourself, much faster than I could have. Now you are naked, in my arms. Kagome! This feeling. Your body is a sacred vessel. It is a sin to touch you this way, but I will be going to hell for I can’t help myself. I caress your soft breasts and lay you down gently on my bed. I slowly step out of my pants and boxers and prop myself up ontop of you. Your breathing is fast, Kagome.

    “I love you Kagome. I want only you.”

    “Sesshomaru, I love you.”

    With that, I indulge my desire. I slip inside of you, and you moan my name. I kiss your neck and thrust deeper. You are the only one I ever wanted, Kagome.

    After making love we have fallen asleep in each others arms. Why can’t this night be forever? Tomorrow you will be in the arms of another man, and I will watch you choose him over me.

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I apologize to all fans for having deleted so many incomplete stories. I was very frustrated….I hope you have enjoyed this story. I am not sure if I should continue the story...suggestions?

Sarah