Insanity by Kanela

Pain - Prologue

Ok. This story is a reply to Something-or-other challenge, posted on 2006-11-15 at A Single Spark. I felt thrilled by the song's title and immediately went to download it. OMG it's awesome! So, I decided to consent to the proposal. I hope you get to read this S-o-o, I'm truly thankful for such an incredible song. I know the date is sooo long ago, but it took me this much to finish it.

(This is now the beta-ed version. ^^ Many thanks to my beta Kammi :D She is indeed my Kami! Hehe... as in God! Although it should be Megami because she's a girl an-...yeahh, you've got it..)

Here it goes.

MAYOR EDIT: Well, not really, since it's almost the same as what was posted in SS, but, it'll be continued here.

Greetings!

20-06-08

Ack! I'm so sorry. I posted the un-betaed version! Now it all should be alright...I hope.

Story by Kanela

The end.

This was it, they had won. They had finally finished this stupid battle for power: where hundreds of lives were lost; thousands were saved. They should be happy, or content, or proud. But they were not. The dark hanyou's demise lifted a heavy weight from their shoulders, the restoration of the jewel hauled up the oppression from their souls, but not from their hearts.

It was all over, thus leaving them with a void inside each one of the heroes. What could the taijiya do now she realized she was all alone? No village left to return, no surviving family to enjoy the victory. What could a perverted monk do when his curse was lifted from him and now the weight of a real, serious life came crashing down on him? He could no longer attribute his wicked behavior to his tragic fate, he could no longer enjoy his life. What was left for a hanyou whose love -long decayed- left him with a dreadful promise hanging down his neck, choking him, condemning him? He had wanted to live along his eternal love's side, but he had also known merriness when in company with his friends: he was finally accepted for who he was, something she would never do, despite the time, despite their love. Never in his life... What would the little kitsune do now his surrogate mother will be leaving for sure? He wanted to take care of her when his hanyou friend left, because he loved her as if she was his real mother even when she was not of his species. And what was left for her if she knew she belonged to nowhere, be it at whatever side of the well; her first love doomed to die had they won or not; the portal's functioning life unknown to her? She was no longer needed here, but neither could she find the courage to bid goodbye.

"Inuyasha." Came the undead miko's whisper, carried by the cool evening's breeze. It was getting dark, the sun setting on the horizon informing them of the day's end, her unfeeling voice telling them this was the half-breed's last sunset.

"Inuyasha." Pleaded the living girl by his side when the boy turned to leave. It was useless, he was honor-bound. She felt helpless; he was doing this out of love.

Pain - without love

"I'm sorry" he murmured only for her to hear as he brushed past her, walking heavily but his eyes shimmering. He was finally going to be with her, forever. 'Together', he thought as he reached Kikyou's side, 'forever', he inwardly whispered as he embraced her. Kikyou's inexistent heart throbbed in her clay chest. She rather feel content, but she was just satisfied. She preferred to live, but chose to take him away from the now crying girl. If she wanted her soul back, then she herself wanted her love back as well.

Pain - I can't get enough

"Inuyasha please!" Kagome cried when warm light engulfed the couple. "Stay here, stay alive! With us Inuyasha!" 'With me!' Oh how she wanted to speak those words but her voice had left her when horror overtook her being as the lovers started to descend. He was leaving her forever; he was leaving her for Kikyou once again. Had she meant nothing to him? She was obviously not enough. She was pretty but not beautiful, she was smart but not wise, she was brave but not fearless... Over the past years she had already accepted her love as a one-sided situation, and one day realized she had stopped loving Inuyasha as she once did. But she still needed him, she still cared... But alas, she was Kagome, not Kikyou.

Pain - I like it rough

"Don't leave me Inuyasha!!" she shrieked when the only thing left for her to see was his head. She ran towards them, not bearing the sad gleam in his amber eyes. She needed not his pity, she needed his presence! She kept running, almost there, almost there, almost there... but something collided into her chest so hard she was thrown away from Hell's Hole. Kagome knew what it was, and fighting her pain tried to take a hold of her friend...but he was gone.

The monk slowly turned to look at the taijiya, deep wounds marring his skin. She was bleeding and injured too, but her heart had already bled to death when she stabbed her own brother. Her eyes seemed hollow and she had spaced out when Inuyasha finally disappeared. But he was there for her; she was not alone as she thought. He reached for the wounded girl and her head jerked to see him.

"Sango... you still have me. You will always have me." Their eyes connected and she understood. They were alive, it was all that mattered.

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.

He saw it all, he knew it all. Feelings he felt centuries ago...he understood. But he was not allowing them to know, nor was he stating his indulgence, because he could no longer express those emotions...or so he thought. Sesshoumaru turned to look at the priestess at his feet, and felt disgusted by her aura. She was hurting, both physic and mentally. She was about to break...

"Kagome-sama..."

"...Kagome-chan."

"Mommy..."

She was dying...that she sensed. She felt emptier with each falling tear. Wallowing as she was in her misery she almost missed the nudge at her side. Shippou was watching her so worriedly that anger started to build inside her. She didn't want anyone's pity!...even if she needed it... Lifting herself from the ground she dashed to the forest, trying to reach the well so she could leave forever. The Shikon Jewel had entered her body again when no one dared to wish upon it. Inuyasha had been the one to desire it and now he was gone there was no real purpose for the Jewel to exist...at the Sengoku Judai, that is. When Kagome finally broke into the well's clearing, a white blur blocked the old time-portal. It suddenly materialized into a very annoyed demon lord, who stared sternly at her.

"You were planning on leaving." He stated.

"No, I am leaving." She corrected.

"So you are never to return then. Such a coward...you are running away."

"What do you want, Sesshoumaru?" she snapped angrily at him. Soon she was lying sprawled on the grass, her bodily injuries hurting but not more than her left cheek stung.

"You will never raise your voice towards me, insolent wench. Never again."

Then her blue eyes found his golden ones and he felt the flames of her ire licking his skin. Her insides were raging; her miko powers flaring...but as soon as they came they vanished.

You're sick of feeling numb

"I don't even care anymore."

You're not the only one

What was it in her statement that made his insides revolve? Her bitterness, her sadness, her weakness? All because of...

"There was nothing you could do. He was honor-bound. As foolish as it was, he gave the dead priestess his word. A promise should never be broken."

I'll take you by the hand, and I'll show you a world that you can understand

"But he was finally happy, Sesshoumaru! He had finally been accepted by the town's people, he had friends!" A strangled sob escaped her lips. "We were all supposed to be happy..."

This life is filled with hurt, When happiness doesn't work

"You expect too much of life, miko." The Taiyoukai approached her now sitting form. "Things are never the way you want them to be. We are not gods. There is a thing called Fate and even if we fight it and change ourselves, it will always be there. Things happen for a reason, you ought to be able to understand more than anyone back on that battlefield."

Trust me, and take my hand when the lights go out you'll understand

Kagome was shocked. Not only Sesshoumaru was talking to her, but had also spoke in more than monosyllables, and said really deep stuff nonetheless... But he had not lost his first love and best friend today; he didn't have the guilt of having started all this mess looming over his conscience, the lives of hundreds of innocents did not weight upon his chest...

"No...no! You don't understand! My heart was finally crushed to nothing! I have nothing but a bleeding hole inside my soul!"

He truly felt disappointed, he had overestimated her. "If you keep poking at your own painful memories then you'll keep suffering. I feel truly disgusted with your actions, miko."

'What?' "What! How dare you!" she pushed herself up, wincing at the pain creeping up her almost bare legs. Her jeans were all torn, just as her t-shirt; her school uniform replaced four years ago. "You can't talk about things you ignore, Sesshoumaru. I needed him, I loved him! I'm able to feel, unlike you! And I'm just-"

She was interrupted by his sudden yanking of her chin. Golden eyes reminded her of someone, but their cold depths forced her tears to stop. His breath fanned over her lips as he spoke.

"You're mistaken again, miko." He took one step forward, making her step back. "This Sesshoumaru can feel. I know not love, for it has proved to be a bothersome feeling, not for me, but for others. I learn from others' mistakes, being it I hardly commit one,-"

Pain - Without love

Pain - I can't get enough

"-this Sesshoumaru can need, because I am alive. Living beings have essential needs, this you must already know, and I sincerely doubt being loved is one of them,-"

Pain - I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

"-are you understanding so far, girl?" He had backed her against a tree, his armor-less body pressed slightly to hers. Yes, Kagome was panicking, he could tell by the scent reaching his nose, which was good because it was far more pleasant that her previous one of despair. He wanted her to understand, he wanted her to get over the stupid mourning for it was worthless, he wanted to teach her a lesson of life.

The girl from the future finally snapped out her trance when she felt the rough bark biting her wounded back. Sesshoumaru had cornered her against a tree, and his hand still had a firm grip on her chin...but it soon descended, his cold fingertips tracing his way to her neck. She felt something akin to butterflies going down in her stomach...if he was going to kill her... it was okay with her.

Arousal reached his sensitive nose and he inwardly smirked. But the pleasure of her tantalizing aroma was soon substituted by repulsion. There it was again, the stench tainting her frail aura...it was so bitter, so pungent. What happened to the spitfire he knew her to be? Where was she, the girl that always defied him, the one who wasn't afraid of confronting him? In a way this submission of hers made him angry but also desperate... he wanted her to fight back, he wanted her to speak up and confront him, he wanted to-

...he wanted her. Maybe.

Pain - Without love

Pain - I can't get enough

"Listen girl" he spoke, tightening his grip on her delicate neck, hearing her gasps for air, "This Sesshoumaru orders you to stop your self-pitying and realize the fact that you're breathing, although I might found it prudent to kill you if you continue to displease me." Behind her dulled eyes he could see a weak flame ablaze, so his hand crept up to her face again, this time taking hold of her jaw between his fingers; claws slightly pricking her dirtied skin.

Pain - When I get rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

"Where's your courage, the one you showed at the battle against the manipulating bastard?" He shook her fiercely, "Where's that so called blazing power of yours that brought down Naraku, completing the task even I could not fulfill?" Another shake. "Were you deceiving your comrades?"

Flashes of her friends and a red haori passed behind her eyes.

***

"You have a great heart, Kagome-sama. I know we will survive if we have your confidence with us."

"Ne, Kagome-chan, let's do our best!"

"Mommy, I will protect you!"

"I...believe in you, Kagome."

"Kohaku!"

"No Sango! Stay away from him! We'll save him!"

"Kagome-sama, she must do it..."

"Be careful!"

"Inuyasha, behind you!"

"Stop crying wench! I'm fine."

"Shoot, Kagome! Damn it, SHOOT!!"

"I'm sorry."

"I believe in you, Kagome"

***

"Were you deceiving me as well, wench?"

She felt his breath caress the shell of her ear and couldn't take it anymore. This bastard was hurting her! They were supposed to be allies, he could not kill her. He shouldn't. And he wasn't, she realized, for had he really wanted that he would had done it since the beginning. It was infuriating! What did he want from her? The Shikon no Tama? Her power? Her misery? He was mocking her, inflicting brand new pain into her already damaged body, torturing her over-tormented mind. He was toying with her feelings; poking at her most recent wound: Inuyasha's death. Yes, he was gone, and yes, Sesshoumaru was killing her.

"Your words can't reach me, nor hurt me, Sesshoumaru. I can no longer feel anything but desolation."

"Foolish human." He pressed his full weight to her body, crushing her against the tree's bark. "He never loved you." His index finger glided to caress her lips, founding small cuts in its way, creating new ones here and there. He rested his forehead to hers, "Could you feel that?", and suddenly inclined to lick her bloody mouth. She tasted so sweet... "Or this?"

And Kagome pushed him away with all her might. Was he crazy? How dare he! Her powers flared to life, managing to leave a nice burn on his skin. His clothes were also torn from their previous fight. He felt her ire rise and not decline after. 'Good, she's reacting.', he thought.

"So you felt it."

Anger and agony are better, than misery

"He might have not loved me as I wanted, but he felt something towards me. I don't know what you're planning, but I won't let you. Do not touch me!" she commanded as he approached her again. His head was spinning in bliss. The girl he wanted was finally back.

"You deceive yourself yet again girl. Why would this Sesshoumaru want you?" 'What would you do to stop me if I did?'

"I-I don't know. But you're wicked enough...you desired a stupid sword after all...I-I personally could never define you."

"Neither could this Sesshoumaru define you, girl."

What was it in his voice that always made her shudder? Her traitorous body always reacting to its velvety tone; sometimes in fear, sometimes in ways she wanted to ignore. Immersed as she was in her thoughts she missed the fact that he was again in front of her. His breath tickled the small hairs of her nape. He was not Inuyasha, she shouldn't respond this way!

"Are you lost? Are you frightened?"

Trust me I've got a plan when the lights go out you'll understand

"No." she whispered back.

"Then why are you shivering?" he inquired, licking away the blood from a gash on her right cheek. Kagome closed her eyes, feeling ashamed but eager, enduring the burning sensation on her face as he prodded her facial injuries with his scorching tongue.

"B-Because I want to."

"Is that so?" now his lips brushed the corner of her mouth, her face turning to the caress, lacerated lips searching his. It was an automatic reaction from her body, she didn't really wanted to! No, this was forbidden. This felt like betrayal towards her past love. She hardly even knew Sesshoumaru, sibling or not of Inuyasha...how could she accept his tease when there was no love in it?

Pain - Without love

Pain - I can't get enough

It was just pure lust, a way to relieve their frustration, perhaps a very wicked form of celebrating their victory. Kagome wanted to push him away, wanted to take him into her. She wanted anything he had to give her, everything Inuyasha denied her. She felt furious towards him, towards herself, Sesshoumaru, the world. Stupid people and their greediness.

She was always complying, now she wanted to complain. So she let Sesshoumaru invade her mouth, push that hot tongue of his against her own. She supported everyone, now she wanted to stumble. So she let Sesshoumaru push her up the tree's bark and wrap her legs around his waist. She wasn't as pure as they thought, she was never a saint. Nor she wanted to be one. So she let Sesshoumaru touch her body, wherever he wanted. She would fall, she would permit herself that. Because she wouldn't be the only one sinking to the deepest disgrace, she wasn't alone on this forbidden collapse. Kagome was now the greedy one, the selfish one. She wanted everything, including excellence; and she would definitely reach it if she stole Sesshoumaru's pride, taking away his perfection.

Pain - I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

It was amazing how her legs molded themselves perfectly around his waist, satisfying his ego, making him want to groan in approval. But he decided that no sound would escape his lips while he occupied himself with the miko. This -whatever it was- was not made out of feelings, not even attraction. It was lust. It surprised him how his hunger and her despair made the perfect blend for them to break loose. This insanity would be their salvation. For her to forget he would send her to oblivion in a way she could never even imagine. And he wanted the pleasure to submit the feisty woman he knew she was. He was the killing perfection, and being so, he deserved to take away her purity, so she could no longer be perfect.

Pain - Without love

Pain - I can't get enough

Sesshoumaru ripped the remnants of her shirt, tracing with his claws the blue piece of cloth still shielding her from his eyes, shredding it to pieces in its wake. Once she was exposed, he claimed one of her breast with his hand. Her skin felt so soft that he squeezed the supple mound making her moan in pain. His mouth left hers so he could suck on her pulse. Her heartbeat was increasing, her moans growing louder... He would not be gentle. He barely knew the miko and didn't even care for her. But he knew her name, her power and her spirit. And that was enough for him. When he felt her hands pulling down what was left of his clothes, he said nothing, but did something: he stripped the girl from her strange hakama -another easy task due to the cloth's state- and lowered them both in slow motion to the grass.

Pain - I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing

And soon they were both naked, kissing brutally and caressing in an almost convulsive way. They had faced Death, and they both survived. She was losing her sanity to him; and he, his control to her. It was almost like a parasite reaction, taking from each other what they esteemed the most. He still had his power, and she still had her purity, but none of them could be truly held without the factors they were giving away. The reasons behind their actions were unknown to them, their minds keeping them as proscribed causes.

A secret.

Kagome moaned in the kiss, giving the inuyoukai enough leverage to suck on her tongue, making her shiver in his arms. She saw his golden eyes turn into a more rosy color, and another shiver of pleasure ran through her spine as his head descended once more. Why her? Why with him?

"Why?" she managed to gasp, as he nipped and lapped the skin beneath her breasts, as her arms raised to grab the roughness of the tree's trunk for support...not for her body -being that she was already on the ground- but for the intense feeling that intended to crush her. "How can I...ah!"

Sesshoumaru had bitten the inside of her left breast, sending shocks of painfully bliss into her veins. His glazed molten eyes had now specks of red on the irises. "How can I?" he growled, mimicking her words, but totally meant as a correction.

The miko panted heavily, but found enough courage to caress the smoothness of his cheek before asking again. "Why?"

"Why me?" he repeated, the meaning of his sentences finally sinking in. She now comprehended that he did not know the answers either, but was also asking himself the same questions. She stared in awe at him, delighting in the realization that he was just as lost as her... No leverage, both as equals for the first time in eternity... And she gave in. Sudden pain made her scream, taking in Sesshoumaru's closeness. It felt as if something was ripping her apart from the insides, the pain almost unbearable to her already abused body.

It was then that she felt his body rock against hers, and the pain was renewed with full force. When had he...?!

"Ungh!" Head thrown back, the girl from the future released her hold on the tree's base, hands flying to Sesshoumaru's shoulders, blunt human nails marking his fair skin. "S-stop...sto-ooh!" She cried as her legs spread more, lifting them in the air, her toes curling randomly. Her breasts bounced with each trust of hips, and her hands shifted from his shoulders to his back, down to his forearms and then up again, leaving thin scratches that healed all too fast for him to even enjoy the stinging sensation.

Rather feel PAIN!

Feeling pain no more, but an enjoyable pressure building between her thighs, Kagome commenced to rock her hips, connecting hard with each thrust of his.

"You are enjoying this, are you not bitch?" Sesshoumaru asked huskily to her ear, licking her in the process. Goosebumps traveled fast down her arms and legs, and the girl could only moan and nod into his neck, trying to taste his salty skin. Her back burned as the friction between her damaged skin and the grass kept building, she was probably bleeding -again- and who cared. She was having her first time, an obviously not-sweet attempt in love making...and again, who cared. He was fucking handsome, and was fucking her. Something inside her mind was racking its little clawed hands to her skull, trying to bring her to think correctly. No use to that, her sanity lost to what felt like decades ago.

I know that your wounded

Then Im here to save you

"Sessho-hng...ah..ah..aah.." His name attempt was transformed into pants and moans when she looked down to where their bodies were joined. Oh yes, she could feel him inside, she could see him outside. But this...this was... madness. Her flat stomach pulled taut, as was her face; then she felt her legs convulse while her back arched, sending her arms to link around the demon's neck, all in all hiding her face in there, eyes shut so tightly that little white dots appeared. "Sesshoumaru..." with raspy voice she finally managed his name out, more like a whisper or a groan, as something down there broke, spreading a tickling sensation through her limbs, like liquid fire on her veins. It was shocking...and scaring, so she clung to him with all the might she possessed, even if that left her dizzy and feeling like passing out soon.

And he could feel no more proud of himself, or disgusted... or both. He was reaching his climax, he could feel it coming, so he increased the speed of his trust, making the miko's little body tremble at his pace. She felt tight and slick, but it was something he expected from a virgin... yet, he felt nothing more. It was not special, maybe just different compared with what he had had before. But his actions, as well as hers, had the indecent air of something forbidden, yet were so welcomed to his life of pristine excellence...this was his little slip. So perfect, he managed to conclude as one last roll of hips sent him to heaven.

.

...

.

Several hours passed, and she had yet to awaken. Granted it, he still felt tired, but it was all because of the healing process his body was immersed in. Maybe it was happening something similar to her? His eyes trailed over her bruised, naked body, and a smirk tugged his lips. It never occurred to him that the miko could be like...well...that. Was it even allowed for someone as pure and powerful as her to just give away her body in a passion-filled haze? Unlikely.

Sesshoumaru had tried to get dressed but found only his hakama to be wearable...which reminded him of the priestess situation. Whatever remained of her clothes was now simply ridicule to use, and he had nothing else to give her so she could protect her decency -or what was left of it. Not that he really cared.

He saw her stir and smirked when she let loose low moans of pain whenever she moved.

"Awake now, miko?"

Kagome was startled to hear his voice. When her eyes opened, he was nowhere near to be seen so she concluded that he might have left already. She was so tired and didn't even attempt to feel for his aura... But he had stayed.

"Yeah." As she tried a sitting position, her inner tights hurt so badly, she winced. Looking around she found him leaning against a tree not too far to her back. He too seemed tired, but still looked perfect...as always. Suddenly she felt so low, so ashamed of her humanity. He stared intently at her. "What?" She snapped.

I am waiting for you

That you'll thank me later

She was greeted with silence, and it angered her further more. "I'm leaving" she stated, standing and picking up what was left of her jeans and his haori. She donned them, all the while walking towards the well not too far to her left. It was dark now, and the gentle evening breeze caressed her broken body through the tattered remnants of her newly acquired outfit. She wanted to cry but incredibly felt like she had nothing to mourn over...yes she was sad for Inuyasha, and for everyone who died during the battle, because she was leaving, because she was weak...and because he wouldn't speak a damn word to her. Now, if he would just stop boring holes into her back with those eyes of him!

Pain - Without love

Pain - I can't get enough

Just as she was about to reach the Bone Eater's well, her head turned to look at her unusual lover only to find him gone. A bitter smile spread through her lips as one leg was swung over the edge.

"Ha...I knew it." Her other leg soon followed. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and dove into the hole's darkness, a steady bluish light emanating when she let go. But sudden pain in her shoulder joint and upper arm snapped her eyes open.

Pain - I like it rough

Cuz I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Sesshoumaru was bending over the well, his right arm stretched to its limits, claws digging into her skin drawing blood. His eyes glowed an eerie green due to the portal's light, and his features were shadowed due to the angle. The girl just gapped at him, pain evident in her gaze.

"What are you doing!!!"

"Never forget this day human."

Kagome's eyes were wide in astonishment. "Of course I won't! It was like a nightmare!"

One eyebrow went up. "Was it?"

"Let go!" she demanded; only succeeding in making his grasp tighten.

"Consider it as a given lesson from someone who has lived long enough to understand you."

What was he talking about? Understand her? Did he care? 'Do I care?' she asked herself. The demon sensed her inner turmoil, felt her breaking again. 'I don't like this'.' he thought, and golden eyes became narrow. She found herself unexpectedly continuing her descent, staring in horror at the Taiyoukai who watched her plummet. He had said something else but she hadn't heard completely. They were words that she couldn't quite recall but as undetermined sounds...She felt sick, so very tired. She was finally heading home. The future.

Before she lost consciousness, a flicker of gold passed through her brain, startling her, the panic not enough to surpass her fatigue. Did he know? Was it true? A wicked smile twisted her bruised lips.

Rather feel pain that nothing at all

Rather feel PAIN!!

"I shall come to kill you..."

Lyrics from "Pain" by Three Days Grace

A/N: What do you think? Is it good? I know I have unfinished business with other fanfics, but this idea wouldn't let go! I plan to make the chapters with songs to match the progress of the story, but I'm also tempted to make a serie of songfics, all chapters different...dunno what to chose. Any suggestions? I'm open to them. ^^ Review!!

Subtle changes on Kagome's eyes (It was suggested to change'em to blue...and I had been thinking to change it but I was lazy...) and Sesshoumaru's speech structure.

Thanks to my reviewers, Chapter 4 is soon to be -er... typed? ......But I have the script!