Fates Be Damned by Countess De Eqlipse

Through Tears I Don't Have

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. I just borrowed a handful of characters and created a story out of their mishaps. XD

Author’s Note: Inspiration comes from "Missing" by Evanescence and "True" by Brandy. My first fic in years. Yay! Enjoy.  

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Eternity was a long way off. For the first time in her life Kagome found the idea of eternity daunting. This was no love wrought declaration or fierce promise of protection.

‘Indefinite solitude...’ she grimaced at the thought. Nothing could feel as hopeless as that very notion. Forever stuck without outside stimuli. No one to hold or be held by when her emotions ran wild.

A single petite hand pressed against the colorless surface of the Shikon Jewel. Beneath the light touch it shimmered white, but no more. It was all for naught, no reaction occurred amongst the group. They had not paid it any heed in the years that passed before either.

‘Why is this happening?’ The young woman felt herself tremble, clenched her teeth to hold back the teetering she knew marked a sliding grip on despair. What happened to chances at love –at joy? Everyone survived! A wish was made and the jewel without power.

’ Then… why?’ Why imprisonment? Why forced voyeurisms while her friends and family sought their own happiness? There were so many unanswered questions and no forth coming answers. She’d screamed to the Gods so long and now she knew – no one was going to talk to her. Removing her hand as if burned Kagome heaved in a breath and nearly choked on the uncontrolled spasm of panic.

“No.” She bit out aloud, grinding her teeth in the process. “I won’t do this again”

Dying had been hard. In fact, Kagome reflected, it seemed the most trying thing that had ever happened to her when she first arrived. Despite the injuries and trauma battle had been no big deal after all. They had lived. What she wouldn’t give to have Inuyasha and Shippo arguing or to get attacked by a sludge spewing troll and come out covered in gook but alive.

 During her short life span death was the most horrifying second –minute – hour that ticked by. But at least there had been a promise of an end. No more heartache, bitter disappointment, or confused feelings. Not. Instead she was dumped in this motionless hell hole; confined within a useless glass bauble. Fate was so cruel.

Her eyes burned yet tears eluded her still. They had long ago ceased to follow her commands. She was allowed very little. No sleep. No crying. Hunger and thirst did not appear. No way to close herself off from the perfect view of the world outside her prison.   The dark haired young woman’s throat constricted, tightening uncomfortably under the weight of her woes. Moisture refused her. Sliding to the ground, she folded herself automatically, gracefully onto her knees. Cool cloth bunched in her grasp. It did not wrinkle or crease, refused to be rendered into tatters. Soft and warm, it kept out the ever present cool breeze inside the vacant jewel. A day did not go by without Kagome rehashing her own death. What went so horribly wrong?

There was blood. So much blood. She could taste it even now as her eyes slid closed. Though years had trickled by she could feel the solid tentacle thrust into chest. Cold clarity registered that the thing had wiggled through her left lung before the pain struck. Cool and gray beneath her clawing fingers Kagome felt it grow slick with her life’s essence. Triumph colored Naraku’s bottomless ebony orbs as he dangled the maturing female in front of the shard hunting group. Hearty, silken laughter erupted from his throat.

“Forgotten, priestess,” the spider half breed mocked. “How does it feel knowing that while you die… your precious Inuyasha chose to save a woman who was already dead?” He trailed off, tone almost sympathetic; drew Kagome into his arms. “Again.”

She jerked in his grasp, the bone jarring agony of her flesh nothing in comparison to seeing the one she cared for so very much gently lowering Kikyo to her feet only to realize that he had missed someone. It hurt, more than she could have ever imagined. In the background through the layers of wool padding her mind somewhere beyond the pain and suffering she could hear the others cry out.

Naraku drew her close, merriment dancing throughout his orbs. Tapered fingers crawled over full hips, cupped the bounty of her young breast. “She had developed quite nicely Inuyasha. You should have taken her.” He fondled his claimed prize through her uniform shirt, pleased with himself as shouts of rage emerged. They threatened, pleaded. He did not listen.

Kagome wanted to draw back, deep down she could make her body shift away but her limbs remained unmoving. Slumped against him the raven haired youth felt blood bubble up into her throat, could feel his dark aura swamping her senses. It did not matter. Everything was lost. Scalding tears made tracks down her cooling cheeks. All she had wanted to do was get the damn shards and wish the Shikon out of existence. Had that been too much to ask?

Realization rattled through her frame, heavy arms reached inch by inch to wrap around the foul creature. Exhausted Kagome pushed against him and pressed her right cheek to his collar. Speaking was a problem she had not thought about, but as she hacked another mouthful Kagome felt the jewel responding to her closeness. It yearned to be clean and clear from the pollution Naraku had introduced. It pulsed between them; she willed it to clear as she whispered to him. It wiggled, seeking Kagome through the vile flesh and surfaced beneath her entwined palms. “I forgive you.”

His eyes widened, lips parting in mild shock. Panic awakened at the edges of his senses. Self-preservation demanded he get as far from the little priestess as he could. Just a little too late.

“I wish Naraku would know true peace in mind, heart, and soul in death and his lives to follow.”  She smiled, tranquility unknown crashed over her. “Be free.”

Power burst forth, enveloping the two of them. A wail that could have brought down the heavens billowed from Naraku’s throat and then it was over. Awakening was surprisingly easy. Coming to know she continued to exist – here and absent at the same time had not been. The flowing white garb had annoyed her. The lack of wounds or answer made her furious. Prayers were met with a deaf ear. The gavel had dropped and she had been sentenced. Kagome threw herself against the jewel; she didn’t bruise. Pain had no place – well, no physical pain.

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Nose wrinkling the untouched female flushed red, hands splayed across her eyes and ears in a poor excuse for cover. Inuyasha was getting used to life as a “hero”. His legendary battle with the vile half breed Naraku became spread far and wide, women of all species flooded to him.  He groaned; Kagome peaked through her fingers in time to see the vast valley of breasts. “Oh god.” Unabashed horror colored her words.

Sometimes she wished he would set the Shikon aside; it was torture being the unwanted party to his sexual endeavors.  Inner turmoil rang through – jealousy, hurt, frustration. It sucked to die a virgin! She wanted to know what it was like to be loved in that manner. That would never have happened with her dog half breed crush anyway. He could never have given her such feelings. Despite being a “hero” Inuyasha never committed to the women whose charms he indulged in.

“You horny dog!” Sapphire eyes narrowed in distaste, Kagome hissed her unheard reprimand.

Tomorrow night there would be a different girl. He never “visited” the same one twice. ‘Probably to avoid the notion that he actually might care for them.’

He wore the jewel as a status symbol. Women recognized him easily enough by his long silver locks, red outfit, and puppy dog ears, but it was the Shikon proudly displayed on a simple silver necklace that really had they running to bow at his dirty feet.

‘Why did I want him to love me again?’ For whatever reason she could not find a satisfactory answer.

After the battle Inuyasha did not say her name. He left whenever a conversation about her was brought up and once when Shippo had held the cage away from the dog eared male she had seen his face turn blank when the kit mentioned missing her. There was no Kagome to him anymore. He set his gaze elsewhere ignoring all that the boy would say. “Oh Inuyasha… it can’t be.”

Kikyo danced around the fringes – his life was no longer hers. The white haired male paid no attention to the golem that was once the only thing he was loyal to. Kagome felt a kindred spirit in Kikyo. Both forgotten, forever reaching for a star from the green valley on Earth’s surface. Between them lay an unfathomable space. There was no significance in the nature of their love or demise anymore. They had given to Inuyasha and died for him. In time the remorseful phantom dressed in white and red priestess garbs faded into history and Kagome was suddenly filled to the brim – complete in a way she had not been since Kikyo’s resurrection.

Time was up already. He was sick of being confined to the forest by his name. There was so much he had yet to experience and no reason for him to remain with them. They were settling - children were on the horizon. Family was not his scene.

“Here.” Inuyasha snatched the jewel from his neck and tossed the glass that for all intents and purposes appeared empty. Sango caught the ball, felt the broken chain slap against her wrist. “I don’t need that shit. You can sit around mourning the rest of your short lives. I won’t.” His white ears pressed back against his mane faintly yet his face stayed expressionless. This was the end.

Neither did anything to stop the half breed dog from leaving. It was his decision. Shippo had intentionally been left behind. A fit would not be appropriate. Friendships were not meant to be cages. Resentment flitted across Sango’s hard features. Dressed in a simple kimono, the gentle peach color gave her skin a warm hue still she looked the vision of a warrior. Chocolate hair hid her expression as she turned to leave without uttering a goodbye.

Miroku slid his hands into the sleeves of his purple garbs, a frown tugged at his lips. “I wish you would reconsider. Kago-“ Violet eyes shuttered.

“Is dead. Get over it.” Free from his ties Inuyasha disappeared into the tree line.

Sorrow left her awash, pulled her into depths that left her gasping for air. How could he? “No… Inuyasha. No.” There was nothing worse than being in love alone.

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Dear Sango and Miroku wed promptly in the summer. Beneath a canopy of trees their vows were expressed and devotion matched by the other.  The first year was tough. Kagome stretched out a hand. Comfort would not come to the one she knew to be a sister at heart. Sobs ripped through the older woman’s chest, aguish disrupted the natural feral beauty. From calloused palms Kagome could not look away.

“Sango… Please stop crying.” Swallowing did nothing to loosen the knot lodged in the raven haired captive’s esophagus. “Miroku is an idiot!” His cursed hand continued to wander. The insecurity caused major fights. 

The dark haired warrior threw the table over. Clothes were torn into shreds. Cooking utensils and pots clanked against the walls. A hoarse scream roared from the deepest pits of her soul. This was not the life they had pictured together. Where was the happy glow? Loneliness weighted the demon slayer down, placed shadows in her once vivid hues. Her fire was diminishing. Marriage was a farce.

“Damn you Miroku.” Sango sank to her knees. Kirara mewed from her tenuous perch, ready to scurry out the way at any given time. Cream colored fur the only sanity in the sea of chaos. Destruction had become commonplace in the household for a few months now. Fatherhood drove the man to seek firmer ventures.

As her friend’s hand settled on her bulging girth, rubbed a circle to sooth the life inside her belly Kagome did cast her gaze to the wall. She was missing out. There would never be a chance to know a child grew in her womb. The dead did not gestate. Regret swelled.

A beautiful little girl showed up in their lives and the ever present specter could not have been happier. Kagome, the eldest child named after a dear friend, was an energetic scrubby child. Her mother’s warm hazel eyes peaked out between obsidian locks. Her gap toothed smile and rambunctious laughter was contagious. Turning five led her parents on a marry chase while she hunted boys to play with. Miroku became overprotective. Sango grew round with child again. 

“Why do you do this?!” Her chest heaved. Fury and violent uncertainty meshed.

The dark haired monk had the grace to lower his head in shame. They already had one lovely child and she was due to have another. Still… He could not meet her eyes. “I don’t know.”

Kagome sucked her teeth, a hand fluttered to clench the material above her heart. “I never knew you could be so cruel Miroku.” The comment was echoed by her sister. A dismayed shudder shook through frame. They were older, would continue to age and she remained the same.

Weary violet orbs darted up then returned to the floor. “I did not know I could be either Sango...”

She brushed past him teeth grinding so hard that Kagome could hear it clearly. Fights numbered in the higher range but they seemed happy enough as their second child was born.

Baby Akiko was born on a bright autumn day when the leaves had not lost all the green color and the weather was still tinged with summer warmth. Clear amethyst eyes opened to gaze up at her mother. Wrinkle faced and wet the Shikon priestess gasped at the child. Every fiber yearned then and there.

For years Kagome lived vicariously through them. The family was her lifeline. Birthdays, celebrations, and child rearing woes were hers to share with them. Though her advice remained unheard she gave it in every situation that she could. Shippo came by every now and then but she could see the lines of discomfort etched around his eyes. Emerald eyes would lock on the jewel around Sango’s neck. He was budding into a handsome young fox.

All good things come to an end and people could not mourn her indefinitely. Sango placed the jewel in a box one day and she was plunged into darkness. Unreasonable fear worked a block against logic. What if there was a demon in the Shikon still? What if no one ever let her out again? A wail sounded from the distraught woman. This was infinitely worst that being made to watch. Taking in swift breathes Kagome extended a hand out in front of herself. Nothing. She wiggled her fingers. No movement.

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Light came as a shock, burned her eyes but she kept them open to take in the beauty of it. Kagome jolted at the gathered individuals. Shippo stood proudly; he reached in and handled the bauble as if it were the most precious item in the world. Wistful sorrow flickered to be replaced by a stoic front. The raven haired woman blinked. Was this really her kit? Luscious red tresses were held back by a neat strap of leather. His green eyes reflected like glass. Broad shoulders, a trim masculine frame she could not recall him having before. He was handsome.

Shining blue hues turned to the man he faced with such an expression. Sesshomaru. ‘What the hell?’ More gorgeous than she remembered, he sat on the other side of the desk – unreadable. Silver locks never seemed to be mused; his sun infused eyes remained unmoving on the fox demon. Alert and confident he beckoned the younger male forward with a quirking of his tapered fingers. Shippo obeyed, bowing as he deposited the jewel into Sesshomaru’s hand.

“You wish to mate Rin that badly.” It may have been meant as a question but he made it a statement. He rolled the glass gently between his fingers.

“I would give my life for her.” Bold and to the point, Kagome wanted to give the boy a nice pat on the back. That was her kit.

“Yay Shippo!” She clapped; his personal cheering squad.

“Hn.” Customary response, contemplative the silver dog set the Shikon on his desk gently. “Very well. I give my blessing.”

The red haired fox caught himself from sagging in relief but Kagome caught it and giggled behind her hand.

“Know this, kit –“ A dangerous growl rumbled in this throat, voice never raising. “Make an honorable mate of my ward or there will be no end to your pain.”

Shippo flinched, knowing the warning was more than a simple threat. Satisfied Sesshomaru inclined his chin just an inch. “Dismissed.”

Kagome studied her surroundings. An entire wall appeared lined by scrolls and books, a large hearth sat opposite it. A couch was placed artfully in the middle of the space to allow warmth from the fire and keep the desk area unobstructed.  He did not move again until the door closed behind the young male. Plucking up the glass ball, she was brought level with the beautiful male. In life Kagome had always had a desire to run her fingers along his markings. Where else did he have them? She giggled at the wayward thought. His smooth aristocratic features were the thing of dreams. How many people in her time would have died to have him model for them?

“Kagome.” He breathed out the syllables, an intimate undertone infused.

Her train of thought slid off the track and wrecked. Terrible crash, she was sure there were people who were trapped and dying from horrendous injuries inside her mental train. Stupefied she blinked once – twice.

“This Sesshomaru…” Sesshomaru paused; hesitation pulled his full lips closed. He contemplated then pressed on. “I can feel you. I know you are in there.”He shook his head, disturbing silken tendrils that formerly rested on his shoulders. “If you can hear me, Kagome… I will find a way to get you out.”

Slack jawed the priestess knew she would have made quite the unlady-like sight were anyone able to see her. “He knows I’m here…” Heart jack hammering in her breast she took in deep breaths.

“I love you, priestess.” He grimaces, glanced away from the ball. Kagome could have sworn she saw a blush dust across his cheeks. “I will find a way to free you…”

“L-love?” Kagome squeaked, back pedaling to nowhere in particular. Mind reeling she patted her cheeks and shook her head to clear it. Something shifted, lifted off her shoulders just a bit. The young woman let out a huffing laugh. “Well… what do you know? Maybe there was a reason for all of this...”

Reaching out to touch the surface the woman felt the jewel vibrate under her palm, come alive with color. She watched as his eyes widened a fraction at the glowing jewel; her lips pulled into a light smile. “Sesshomaru.”