The Confessions of my Life by Victoria

Prolouge

"Please, just listen!" came her tearful plea.

"Save it."

As I look upon the women that I had thought of as my best friend, my sister even, I was filled with rage. How in the hell did she come off acting like the victim of this situation? The women who has been having an affair with my husband and is now pregnant by him. And has just come to tell me she loves him. I'm beginning to think the fates hate me.

"It wasn't suppose to be like this! Kagome, just listen! I...I don't know how it happened. He said you weren't the same anymore, that you were different....the looks you gave him! They were horrible!"

"Oh so that gives you the right to have sex with him! I can't believe you, that's the sorriest excuse I have ever heard!"

"But-"

"Get the fuck out of my house!"

She gave me one more pleading look and walked out the door. Of all the things that he could have done to me, he picks this. He even had the nerve to tell me after we had sex and that he'd be gone tomorrow morning. Its like they planned to do this in a way that would hurt me the most. Never in my life had I felt so betrayed. And never had I felt so stupid. Its times like these you realize all the mistakes you made. How stupid I was to think that at fifteen, a twenty-two year old man would love me. How stupid I was to think that when I had sex with him, it was consentual. How when I got pregnant, instead of listening to my mom, I decided that I was going to let Lucas dictate what I should do and marry him. I was so naive thinking he had mine and our child's best interests when all along he was just making sure no one knew about us. I don't know, maybe it was his soft Spanish accent that lulled me into compliance, but the haze had cleared. All that was left was an angry woman who wanted revenge for everything he took.

"Mommy? Why were you and Aunt Rina fighting?"

My pride and joy, my baby, my everything, Lily. When I found out four years ago I was pregnant, I was rightfully scared. But when they put her in my arms, everything just felt like it would be alright. She made everything feel better. I can't explain it, she just felt right, that out of all my mistakes, she wasn't one. And I could never remember feeling more happiness and content. And as she opened her eyes, I made a promise that no matter what happened to me she would have a good life, that she would always be happy, that I would give her the world. I had to calm down, I hated being angry in front of her.

She stared up at me with her endless azure eyes, one of the only things she inherited from me. I just loved looking at her. She was like a little China doll. Coal black hair, pink colored lips, high cheek bones, slanted eyes. The only thing that took away from the image was her lightly tanned skin and her elfin ears. All inherited from her wolf youkai father. She was no longer calling that whore her aunt. She didn't deserve the title.

"Honey, Rina isn't you aunt"

"But you said she was. Then that meant you lied. I thought you said we're not suppose to lie. "

"We're not honey. Mommy's very sorry for lying.", I said patiently.

"Its okay", she giggled, "just don't do it again. Hey, I'm gonna be late for school! Hurry mommy!"

"Yes ma'am!" I drove her to Han's Academy, a preschool specialized in youkai and hanyou children. I have no clue as to what they do in there, but she comes home from the bus raving about how much she likes it and about all her friends. I'm just happy she's happy. Once she's in the building, I drive off to my mom's. The Higurashi Shrine instills peace and bliss into its visitors, but always seems to mock me. Started right around the time I met Lucas. I park on the side of the street, walking up the hundreds of stairs, letting my mind drift on my future plans.

"Kagome? Is that you girl?"

I look up to see my senile grandfather. A petrified toad in one hand, a sutra in the other. "About time you got here to pray. You should be visiting everyday for all the shame you put on this family"

"It's nice to see you too grandpa. Is mom here? I need to talk to her." His insults and condemning stopped bothering me a long time ago. Yeah, I know I'm stupid, I don't need you reminding me. The house smells like curry as usual. I pass the living room and see my baby brother Souta playing his video games, his face in front of the t.v., a concentrating look, as if the game was real and only he could save the world.

"Souta" I come behind him and and place my hand on his shoulder while kissing the crown of his head. He turned and started fidgeting. Oh...um hi sis. as he averts his eyes to the floor. Its been this way since I got pregnant. I guess I let him down. I went from being the perfect sister to a rebellious hellion. I stopped hanging out with him, and whenever I was around, I was cruel and cold-hearted. I can only hope he has forgiven me. "Hows Lily?"

"She's fine. And in school. Why aren't you?"

"I got suspended."

"For?"

"Fighting"

"And you were fighting why?"

"Because he threw my books on the floor."

"And that warrants you to get into a fight why?"

"Because I can't let him disrespect me like that! Then everybody else will think they can treat me that way!"

I sigh at his fourteen year old logic. I'll never understand. My mom's in the kitchen over a pot. I sit at the table and wait for her to turn her attention to me. I feel something jump onto my legs and look down to see Buyo. I idly scratch his ears while I watch her work. Finally she turns to me with an expectant look on her face.

"I'm getting a divorce." She smiles and sits across from me.

"It's lovely to see you dear. How have you been? Hows my pretty granddaughter?" I look at her strangely.

"I'm moving to the States as well."

"How's work?"

"Maybe to Georgia, but I'm not certain."

"Enough!" She has a frown on her face. "Now I haven't seen you in three months, and now that you do come all you have is bad news." My mother scares and confuses me sometimes. You would think that after she adamant disapproved of my choices in the past, she would be happy I'm getting away from Lucas.

"Now what's all this? How did this come about?"

"He got Rina pregnant and decided he wants to marry her."

"And what's with this moving?"

"I don't want to be in the same country as them. I want to start anew. The States the best place."

"And all this was decided when?"

"Today"

"And how do you plan on making a living?"

"Pursuing my dream. Become a fashion photographer and have my own modeling agency."

"And when do you plan on moving?"

"As soon as Lily's summer vacation starts."

"I wish you the best of luck"

"Thank you. I appreciate it. I'll call you when everything is final."

A black Porche was in my driveway. It went right along with the sleek stone house it was parked in front of. I was tempted to run into the back of it just to spite him. However I swallowed the urge and composed myself to see him. Thank god Lily wasn't here.

He was sitting in the living room staring idly. I took a moment to study him. Shoulder length black hair, onyx eyes, elfin ears, high cheekbones, red lips, wearing an Armani gray suit around his muscular body. Yep, I sure do know why I did everything he told me. Boy, could I pick em.

"Is there something you needed?" I said in my coldest voice.

"Oh, I just need you to sign some papers, then I'll be on my way" he said in a lofty voice. He took them out of his front pocket and held out a pen. I snatched it out of his hands and furiously signed my name on the dotted lines.

"There, now leave."

"We also have some matters to discuss pertaining to Lily." He motioned for me to take a seat. I took off my pumps and tucked my feet under me, waiting for him to continue.

"I feel that with this divorce, I should limit my time with little Lily so that I can focus on my new family and make this separation easier on her."

And with that statement, he made me the maddest women on earth. Divorce not only me but your child? Because you got another women pregnant? I was seeing red. I was close to going to jail for a first degree murder.

"So you want to abandon your child?" I said in a deathly whisper. The man started to smile. He actually started to smile.

"Not abandon dear Kagome. However I feel I should separate myself from her, as I don't want my other children vying and competing for my attention."

"I'll tell you what. Since you want to abandon your child, I'm going to assume your not going to pay child-support. So write a check for ten thousand to take care of her needs and you'll never see her again." I said, my voice going into a hiss.

"I knew we'd find a compromise", he said happily as he wrote the check. "Now when she gets home just explain the situation to her and everyone can go on with there lives"

I laugh at this. "Oh, man enough to abandon her, but can't explain it to her?" He grinned. "Such awful words spilling from your mouth" and he walked out the door.

"Bastard."