Pathways by Priestess Skye

Pathways

Title: Pathways

Author: Priestess Skye

Prompt: Cotton

Genre: Drama, Friendship, Romance

Rating: T

Summary: Determined not to be Destiny's plaything any longer, Kagome is back in her own time, trying to forge a new life for herself.  What happens when she comes face to face with a power-hungry reminder of the past?

Notes: Thank you to Wiccan for the beta work. You are much loved for this...and all else really too! This is my entry for Dokuga_contest's second anniversary challenge.

Disclaimer: Inuyasha and company does not belong to me. They belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I am merely borrowing them, will return them unharmed and make no money off this.

~~~

She could hear the thrum of the drum off in the distance. It was a nightly spectacle, one that gathered thousands of visitors. She enjoyed the ceremonial drums and never tired of their sound. It moved and beat with her pulse, her own heart pounding with it. The organizers outdid themselves this year, she thought as she walked through the park. The carnival games entertained hundreds of children. She and her friends had managed to win a goldfish each. They walked ahead, carrying theirs. She gave hers to a nearby little boy who was near tears as he was unable to catch one. What would she do with a goldfish, she told them when they asked her why she wasn’t keeping it.

‘That’s right, Kagome, I guess you’re still too sick to be taking care of a pet.’ They had obviously forgotten Buyo. But it was okay. Ever since her return from Feudal Japan she just didn’t feel like part of the group anymore. She had grown out of them and their antics. Nights out once in a while suited her fine, but she was beginning to spend less and less time with them outside of school.

Looking up at the brightly coloured lanterns, Kagome smiled. Tonight, for probably the first time since her return, she felt truly relaxed. There were no tests to worry about, no jewel shards, no Naraku.

And no Inuyasha.

Every now and again she was struck by that thought. She had fallen out of love with him long ago, but that didn’t mean she didn’t miss her best friend. Despite living five hundred years in the future, and knowing that most, if not all of her comrades were long dead, she still wished them health and happiness, and hoped they were living very fulfilled lives. “And what about mine?” she sighed as she came to a stop. The brightly coloured tree was one of a hundred or so around the city that carried the wishes of all. Her friends had stopped at each one they passed, asking the same wish. A boyfriend. A happy marriage. True love. She didn’t know what she wanted. She just wanted to stop feeling the way she did.

She wanted to be normal again.

Fingering one of the streamers, Kagome could feel a tear roll down her face. Her friends were long gone, not realizing that she had fallen behind. Perhaps it was better this way. They didn’t need to see her like this. They didn’t understand the depth of her upset. “He was a real jerk Kagome. You’re better off having left him,” they had all chimed the first time she returned to school. Now that they were finishing high school, they had long forgotten her ‘affair’ with Inuyasha, and couldn’t understand why her dating life was so dull. “I understand your pain,” she whispered to the no one in particular. “But at least you get to see each other once a year. Inuyasha is out of my life forever.”

“Who comes together?” She turned and found a young girl staring at her, her small hand clutching Kagome’s blue obi.

“So sorry,” her parents apologized, reaching to grab the girl.

“It’s all right,” she smiled, bending down so she was eye-level with the child. “Orihime and Hikoboshi.”

“Who?”

“Orihime was the daughter of Tentei, the king of the sky. She wove some of the most beautiful clothes, kimonos like yours,” she winked, touching the sleeve of the pink floral kimono worn by the girl. “Hikoboshi was like a farmer. He took care of the cows, made sure they were clean, never hungry, and always together. Orihime loved to weave for her father, but she was beginning to become upset because that’s all she did all day, every day. She knew that if she continued to weave all of the time, she’d never find her one true love.

“Tentei loved his daughter and wanted her to be happy so he introduced her to Hikoboshi. When the two first saw each other it was love at first sight and very shortly after they were married. However, shortly after they were married Orihime stopped weaving for her father and Hikoboshi stopped taking care of his cows. They became hungry and began to wander in places where they shouldn’t. Tentei became angry and told his daughter and Hikoboshi that they were never to see each other again, and separated them both.”

“That’s so sad,” the girl commented. Kagome looked up to see others sitting around the small child, their parents standing behind them listening in to her story. They all seemed entranced and she was surprised that more didn’t know this story, given that Tanabata was celebrated across the country. Perhaps it was due to her upbringing at the shrine that she knew so much. Maybe some of it had to do with her travels in Feudal Japan. Regardless, most shouldn’t be this clueless.  Swallowing, she smiled and continued.

“It was very sad. Orihime became very depressed and just lay in her bed all day crying. She loved Hikoboshi and missed him more than anything in the world. She went to her father one day and asked if they could meet again. Tentei loved his daughter and hated seeing her tears, so he agreed to let her meet Hikoboshi one day a year. On the seventh day of the seventh month, if she worked hard and finished all of her weaving, she would be allowed to cross the river between the sky and the heavens, where Hikoboshi lived, and spend one day with him.

“Unfortunately the first time she tried to cross the river, she couldn’t. There was no bridge that connected the sky and the heavens. Orihime was so upset because she was going to lose her one day with her one true love. But her tears didn’t go to waste. A flock of birds, magpies, I think, promised to make a bridge with their wings so she could cross over. She did just that and for one day a year, she spends her time in her Hikoboshi’s arms, happy. Look!” she pointed up to the sky and directed the attention of her audience to the two brightly shining stars in the sky. “That’s Orihime and Hikoboshi. Tonight is their only night this close. Other nights we will see them close, but never together. This is why we wish for happiness. It is a happy night.”

Kagome smiled as she heard the oohs and ahhs of her audience, slipping away as they began writing their wishes on the small papers. She, too, still had to write her wish. What she wanted most in the world would never be. Tonight was a night for lovers, and she could recall the days as a child when her grandfather would take her through here wishing to find the man she would marry. Now she wasn’t sure if she ever would. “You know the story well,” she heard coming from behind her. The shock of silver hair startled her for a moment, causing her mouth to fall open. She knew that hair; she had seen it so long ago flying free behind the owner as he did battle with his brother. Tonight, it was tied back with a simple leather queue.

Sesshoumaru stood before her, as imperious as ever. Cold golden eyes gazed down at her with indifference and his arms hung lifeless at his side. Unlike the other men in attendance, his simple kimono was not made of cotton. The gold-trimmed black silk looked sharp on him. It looked better than sharp, she thought again. There was never a kimono that suited anybody as this one suited him. “I shouldn’t be surprised you lived to see today,” she replied, her tongue still dry. “If anybody could live five hundred years, it would be you.”

“A blink of an eye,” he scoffed. “The question is what are you doing here? Even mikos do not have the ability to transcend time.”

“I did just that,” she bit back. “You make it sound like it’s such a difficult thing to do.” Storming away, Kagome let him stew over that one for a while. Really, Sesshoumaru was never given a chance to see her secret, nor did she ever feel the need to let him in on it. The Sesshoumaru of the past would abuse it for his own ends, seeking the power for himself or using the power of the well to destroy Inuyasha. He was not one who would have used the well wisely, nor would he safeguard it as others had. Grudgingly, though, she admitted that, if somebody outside of her group had to know, he was a far better choice than Naraku and his minions.

“How?” The demand raised her hackles and she refused to be intimidated by him any longer. Inuyasha may be gone, but surely Sesshoumaru couldn’t kill her on the street in front of witnesses without some sort of repercussions. He was no longer lord of these lands. Japan belonged to humans now and, although there were times she missed the existence of youkai, she knew it was better this way. Humans were way too territorial and often found it difficult to sit back and watch and form a plan of attack. They were impulsive, just as she once was.

“A magical well transported me five hundred years in the past. I didn’t ask for it to, I just stumbled in one day and next thing I knew I was standing before a sleeping Inuyasha.” She noted the curious look on his face and hastily added that the well was now closed and powerless. Whereas it used to once thrum beneath her finger tips, there was not even a hint of anything active now. “Near as we can figure it was activated by the Shikon Jewel, which,” she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, “does not exist anymore. You cannot use it for yourself.”

“I have no desire for a mere bauble,” he replied easily. “The jewel is powerless in this time. It only gains power when that power is coveted. I seek a different power now.”

“Money,” she guessed, the disgust evident on her face. Everybody wanted money these days. Why would Sesshoumaru be any different? His status as Western Lord was diminished so it was no more than a title amongst those who knew him from hundreds of years ago. Those who had money had the power to rule the world in whatever way they chose. She was not ignorant. There was no way that she didn’t believe governments to be corrupt and money misspent.

“Tempting, but no. Power does not always come with money. Some of us are destined for greatness.”

“Destiny is a load of hogwash,” she countered, sitting on one of the park benches. If he was going to insist on following her, she may as well make herself comfortable.

“You were predestined to travel in time to defeat Naraku.”

“Just as you were pre-destined to own your brother’s sword, blah blah blah. I’ve heard this all before. You never received the sword.”

Irritation briefly flitted across his face, and it gave her a moment’s pause as visible emotion from this particular youkai was a rare thing indeed. “I already have his sword, if that is what you are asking. It was bequeathed to me on his deathbed, meant to be used to continue to protect you. I had no idea what he meant by that until now. The sword is just a means to an end, but it was never my destiny, so I buried it with the hanyou.”

“So I was destined to defeat Naraku and save mankind from all sorts of evil. Fine. Great. Job done. What’s your destiny? What’s going to make you so powerful that youkai and humans will fear to step in your way?”

His gold eyes pierced hers and remained hard, though focused. They matched his kimono and he presented an image of fire and ice at once. His gaze was still cold, still frigid in its intensity, yet there was a heat there as well, and a nuance of possession which both startled and frightened her.

“You.”

~~~

‘The dog had some nerve,’ she fumed, as she fell into her bed for the night. She had left the celebrations in a daze, forgetting about her wish, her friends, everything but the one thing she wanted to forget. Sesshoumaru was Inuyasha’s enemy, despite their shared blood. He would be turning in his grave to see her consorting with him. Still, he didn’t seem as fierce today as he did five hundred years ago. She was sure that the deadly assassin was still inside of him, but surely he had to adapt his lifestyle to fit in with human society.

Assassin, Kagome scoffed. Sesshoumaru was no more an assassin than she was. He didn’t kill anybody he didn’t want to kill and he certainly didn’t kill for anybody other than himself. She doubted he had the ability to be a hired gun. No, if it was power he was seeking, then he wouldn’t hire himself out to anybody. He’d be dead set on proving himself. Still, she didn’t know what power it was that he spoke of. The Shikon no Tama was still within her, but it lay dormant. There was no power to it anymore, no strength, no good and no evil within it. It was, as he had said earlier, a mere bauble. Even if she wished, it could not be revived.  And yes, she had used it to help destroy Naraku, a feat that even Sesshoumaru was incapable of completing, but that didn’t make her powerful.

She was barely passing high school, and had no long-term plans for the future. How could she see the future when she could barely see tomorrow? She wasn’t being morose about it, but the thought still troubled her. Adjusting to life in twentieth century Tokyo had taken a toll on her. Five hundred years ago she was a formidable priestess, but today, she was in grade twelve. Her friends were moving on to college and university. She was still a year behind due to her ‘illnesses.’ Somehow, in the time she spent in feudal Japan, she had grown up, while everybody else here had stayed the same.  You could always follow your grandfather’s footsteps and care for the shrine, her mother had suggested earlier when they spoke of the coming years. Even that didn’t seem to sit right with her. She had the travelling bug within her. She wanted to wander, see things, experience different places and cultures. She firmly believed she wasn’t meant to stay in Tokyo.

Closing her eyes, she allowed exhaustion to drift over her. Sesshoumaru, she was sure, was as stubborn, if not more so, than Inuyasha, and she was sure she would see him again. Regardless, she was prepared this time. She was determined to forget about the past and forget about him.

She was nobody’s destiny.

~~~

“I once thought it was Kikyou,” Kagome heard as she stepped onto the bus after school.  She thought she would never hear that name again. She never wanted to hear that name again. That name had led to nothing but pain and misery each and every time somebody mentioned it. Even still, she found her heart breaking just a little hearing that name. And it hardened her at the same time.

“Kikyou is dead. I am not her,” she retorted, standing up so she could switch seats. The bus was crowded but not so crowded that she couldn’t find a space elsewhere.  She had begun taking the bus now that her friends were no longer at her school. She was the odd one out, a year older than everybody and often found alone. While she was not socially awkward, it was strange being around people who had so few worries in life.

A hand grabbed her arm, stilling her. She could feel the strength in his grip as his fingers curled completely around her bicep. He could crush her bones if he wished, and it wouldn’t take much effort at all. “You don’t hide your stripes,” she whispered, a little startled at seeing evidence of his youkai heritage during a time when youkai like him would be hunted.

“Tattoos from my misspent youth,” he replied back. “I should not have to hide, period, but circumstances have forced me to adapt. You don’t hide your miko aura.”

“I wasn’t aware that I should. My aura is of no danger or interest to anybody.”

“Where there is power, there is interest, and it’s not always good,” he chided quietly, and gently pulled her back to her seat. “There are many who would kill to get their hands on you. Not all bad guys are like Naraku. Some plot and plan.”

“Like you.”

“Like me, except that I am not the bad guy.”

“No, your quest for power makes you one of the good guys. Give me a break, Sesshoumaru. I wasn’t born yesterday. You forget that I’ve seen the results of those who sought power. I don’t know what it is you think I have to offer you, but I’m not giving it, so find somebody else.”

Gold eyes narrowed on her, though he didn’t flinch at her words. “A miko that transcends time,” he stated, repeating the words from the other day. “I refused to believe it then. The end was not worth the means and I had no intentions of soiling myself with Inuyasha’s undead priestess.”

“Kikyou did not transcend time,” Kagome scoffed. “She was brought to life again by a witch. That was not by her means. Kikyou was very upset by this, and I don’t blame her. I would not want to be resting peacefully to come back to life to see the man who betrayed me running free.”

“Yet you hate her,” he replied, holding her elbow as they both stood up to walk off the bus.

“I don’t hate her. I pity her. If she had the power you needed then you missed your chance. It’s far too late to bring her back, and I can’t offer you what she could.”

“No. You can offer me so much more.”

~~~

“Why can’t you follow a simple request?” she asked the demon lord without looking up from her homework. She didn’t need to see him to know that he was in her room, most likely leaning against the wall. Sesshoumaru had such a presence about him that made him difficult to miss, especially his aura. He didn’t hide his heritage from her. She could feel his youki poking at her, as if he were trying to assert his dominance.

She knew he was stronger than her, but that didn’t mean she was going to give in so easily to him. She had tried to do some research into his so-called prophecy when he wasn’t around, but she was unsuccessful in all avenues. She had no clue as to what power she held and why he would want it. Furthermore, she didn’t know if it would attract others, as he said it might. On one hand it was nice having him nearby as he would protect her family if such an event arose. On the other hand, he was just as much a threat himself.

“Better the devil you know,” he murmured as if he could read her mind, Stepping away from the wall, he began to hover over her. “I am surprised that you are struggling with these equations. It’s simple algebra.”

“I don’t want to talk about algebra, and I don’t want to talk to you,” she snapped back. “I am through with being fate’s pawn. Don’t you understand? I am my own person. The steps I take will be based on the choices I make, not some prophecy which was read to you when you were little more than a child.”

“We are all fate’s pawns,” he stated, lifting a lock of her hair between his fingers. She admired the way the black contrasted with the white of his hand out of the corner of her eye. The modern Sesshoumaru was a treat for her eyes. Seeing him the first time in the kimono was one thing, as she was used to seeing him in ceremonial garb, but it was strange seeing him in jeans and a t-shirt. Tonight, he wore black dress slacks and a white cotton shirt, unbuttoned at his neck. His hair, which was usually tied back, was loose tonight. He looked so different, but he was the same hard Sesshoumaru. She didn’t let herself forget that. Just like five hundred years ago, every step he took was to his advantage. He was always the strategist, and he always intended to win.

“No, that is your choice. I choose not to be.” She turned back to her math, inwardly crying at the various letters and numbers. Why did they have to put letters in math? Math should be strictly numbers. Letters had no place in it. “You said it’s simple algebra,” she caved, peering up at him. He hadn’t moved. He still held her hair in his hands. “If it’s so simple, show me.”

He smirked, a fang poking through and resting on his lower lip. Perhaps asking him for help wasn’t such a smart idea, she thought with trepidation. He looked downright predatory. Sesshoumaru leaned forward, one arm on either side of her as he looked down at the book from above her. His silver hair fell against her, acting like a veil on either side. No, she thought. This most definitely was not a smart idea at all.

“I want something in return. An exchange.”

“Of course you do. In that case, forget it. I’ll figure it out myself.”

“But you haven’t heard the terms.  You should never turn anything down without hearing what is being asked or offered in exchange.”

“Somehow, I think I’m going to regret it.” She turned her head around to look at him, blushing as her forehead nearly bumped his chin. She stiffened as he slowly encroached on her personal space.

“It’s minor, really. I will assist you with your math. In exchange you will sit with me Friday night and listen without complaint.”

“That’s it? And I could walk away afterward?” There may be a light at the end of this tunnel yet, she smiled, elated.

“I didn’t say that, but we’ll take things as they come.”

It could work, she thought. He could lay it all on the line, and then she could say her piece as well and walk away.  She could easily spend an hour or so listening to him, knowing that she was going to discount everything. The means wouldn’t change the end result. And maybe she’ll begin to understand her math homework at the same time. Just one more year and she would be out of the picture entirely. She was getting the better end of the bargain.

“Deal.”

~~~

Kagome had hoped that he’d treat her to dinner in a restaurant. They could be civil in a restaurant, speak without revealing too much, and she wouldn’t be able to buy into any of what he said. Most importantly, it was neutral territory. She was extremely surprised and wary to find herself sitting in the dining room of his house. Looking around, she could see how it suited the demon lord. Like all things, the lines in the room were simple, and the decor exuded power.  He had artifacts collected from the years hanging on his walls, on display by his fireplace mantle and scattered throughout the house. She wondered about the dining room table. It was traditional Japanese, settled low to the ground, and though kept in good condition, it looked like it was a couple centuries old too. The only things that appeared to be newer were the black leather couches.

“You may look as you please,” he gestured.

“Aren’t you afraid I’m going to break something or stumble upon something you don’t want me to see?”

“That is always a possibility,” he acknowledged. “But we will be spending a lot of time with each other, often here. I need your trust, as you will need mine. So you are free to invade my space as you like.”

“Much like you’ve already done mine,” she grumbled. How often had she woken up in the middle of the night to see him sitting on her bedroom window sill staring at her? She never acknowledged him, often turned her back to him, but he was still there and she could feel his presence. She also knew when he smirked. He clearly understood that his presence disturbed her, and yet he did nothing to alleviate that. Then again, neither did she. “I don’t want you in my bedroom at night,” she declared as she stared at the sofa. It was now or never.

“You allowed Inuyasha to spend nights with you. I could still scent him all over your room, including your bed.”

She could feel her face turning red at the insinuation. “I never slept with Inuyasha in that way,” she replied, gritting her teeth. Her teenage crush over his half-brother was still a sore spot for her. She spent years moping over him, and in the end, she knew it was futile. Even now she thought of him from time to time. Often fondly, but every now and again she would think ‘what if?’ “Inuyasha spent most nights sleeping in the Goshinboku outside my window. There were some nights I’d fall asleep sitting up, leaning on his shoulder as I was studying. And there were other days when he would nap on my bed while I studied. But he and I were never physical.”

She turned and stepped out of the room, unaware of the slight up-quirking of his lips. She took advantage of his offer and explored. Even though Kagome didn’t want his trust, she couldn’t help being nosey about the demon she had fought five hundred years ago. She was allowed very little insight into his modern life and she had to admit it was a source of curiosity. The washroom on the main floor she found was like most; small, clean, sparse.  The only decor was an old painting hanging on the wall. There was an office off to the side as well. There was nary a piece of paper to be seen on the desk, which too looked old. His walls climbed with books, and an inkwell sat on the edge of the desk. There was nothing in here to give away what he did for a living. She could always snoop through the drawers. He had given her permission to look anywhere she’d like, but she felt that even that was crossing a line. It was something she’d never do her future husband, so it was something she certainly wouldn’t do with him. Closing the door she walked up the stairs and found his bedroom to the right.

Much like the living room, his bedroom was straight forward, modern colours, modern design but there was an element of antique to it as well. Again, bits and pieces of his collection rested on the walls and on his dresser. His bed was large, probably a king size, but that didn’t surprise her given his size. The coverlet was black with a red trim and one of the softest things she had ever felt. She wondered for just one moment what the thread count was. Finding herself too drawn to the bed, she stepped away, spotting the private bath in the corner. The washroom was magnificent as far as washrooms went. Twice the size of her whole bedroom, it looked like it catered to the rich and powerful. It was clean enough that she could eat off the floor. In one corner was a glass encased shower stall with the shower heads attached to the ceiling, so it was like a rainstorm. It was the size of a walk-in-closet with mirrored sides, amber and copper tiles at the back, and had its own lighting. In another corner was the largest, deepest bathtub she has ever seen. The jets teased her and she wished for nothing more than a shower cap and a locked door so she could just sink right in. She couldn’t be seduced by his words, she thought amused, but she could be seduced by a washroom. It was in her best interests to leave. Slowly backing out, she made her way down the hall to another room.

The walls were covered with glass cases and various swords from various eras sat behind the glass. Her grandfather would fall to his knees weeping if he saw these. She herself was enthralled. Japanese blades. Western blades. Chinese blades. Sesshoumaru seemed to have a mix of everything. “Which one is Tenseiga,” she wondered aloud, oblivious to the second body that had joined her in the room.

“Try to find it,” he said, leaning against the door jam, gold eyes focused entirely on her.

“I don’t care,” she tried to brush it off, but they both knew she was lying to herself. It would be the only physical tie to Inuyasha left. While the hanyou never owned Tenseiga, it was the twin sword to his own Tetsusaiga. “I had only seen it from a distance during battle,” she admitted. “And, at that time, my focus wasn’t so much on your sword as it was on what you were doing and where.”

“Feel it out,” he instructed. “You have a tie to the sword. You will find it without even knowing what it looks like.”

“How so?” She was genuinely curious now.

“Tetsusaiga was given to Inuyasha to protect you, but you were not his destiny. You were a part of it, but not the end of it. Tenseiga was given to me and, though the reasons were not clear when it was, I understand it better now. Just as you are tied to Tetsusaiga, you are also tied to Tenseiga. You are tied to me. Try to find it.”

Any normal person would consider this to be a ridiculous notion. Kagome, however, had seen and experienced far too much in the feudal era to discount this. When she had been faced with youkai, hanyou, spirits, the waking dead and mikos both honest and dark, finding a sword seemed like such a simple thing. After being the protector of the Shikon no Tama, finding a sword should be a relatively easy task. Slowly, she walked from case to case, carefully examining each of the swords. She was honest when she said she had never truly looked at it before. Even still, none of these struck a chord with her. Not one caused her to look twice. “It’s not here,” she concluded, hoping she was wrong. If she was wrong, then he would be proven wrong.

“Very good. Follow me.” He turned on his heel and stepped out, and she quickly moved to follow him. He walked past his bedroom and down the stairs back to his office. It made sense, she realized, that he would keep the sword close to where he worked. It was not just a sword to him. It was a family heirloom, his legacy. Pulling away some of the books on one of the shelves, he retrieved a long box and opened it to show her the blade. “Tenseiga.”

“It’s magnificent,” she commented as she examined the steel blade and leather-clad hilt. The sword looked like he had just commissioned it and, if she hadn’t known him five hundred years ago, she would think it was. “How do you maintain it? It hasn’t aged.”

“And it won’t. It was made by a youkai sword master. The spirit within the blade never changes, hence the sword doesn’t either. It has grown more powerful over time, but it cannot rust and does not tarnish. It remains as it is.”

“And Tetsusaiga would have been the same.” She thought of the superb sword Inuyasha cherished. To her, it was incomprehensible how somebody would wield a sword that size. She had found it awkward when she had picked it up once before its transformation. She wondered, would Sesshoumaru have kept it with Tenseiga if he held it in his possession today, or would it be upstairs on display with the others? Would he cherish Tenseiga as much if he had the Tetsusaiga? That sword caused so much animosity between the brothers that its value seemed more troublesome. Perhaps it was just as well that Inuyasha took it to the grave with him. Sesshoumaru with both swords seemed like a very dangerous prospect. “I promised you dinner and a chance to explain yourself. I don’t go back on my word.” She turned around and stared him in the eye, watching the gold remain steady, unflinching. “But I’m also going to tell you now that anything you have to say to me today won’t influence my final decision. Finding Tenseiga means nothing.”

His hand fell on her back, gently turning her around to the door. Her skin prickled beneath his touch, the warmth of his fingertips seeped through the thin cotton of her dress and, for all of a moment, she shivered, ignoring his answering smirk. “You’re wrong,” he chided, flattening his palm against her back just a little bit more. “It means everything.”

~~~

“Multiply a times x, and add c to it,” he instructed as he sat across from her in the public library. The meetings in her room were becoming more and more clandestine; it was only a matter of time before her mother found out that she was hosting a youkai lord behind closed doors. It’s not that her mother wouldn’t approve, she had approved of Inuyasha, but Kagome didn’t want to have to go seeking approval and providing explanations. It was just easier this way. He looked up from the pages of her textbook and peered over the rims of his glasses. His company in exchange for help on her math homework was unwelcome at first. She had wanted to stay far away from him, especially after the initial dinner at his house, but the help was necessary. She needed a tutor and he was offering to become one for no charge at all. If she failed math, she would have to return for another year, or take a make-up course. Either option was unappealing.

“I’ve done that much, but I don’t understand why I have to do that. If I don’t understand why then I will fail the course.”

At the moment Kagome was frustrated. She didn’t understand the math. Sesshoumaru insisted on sitting way too close, invading her personal space. And he insisted on wearing those damn glasses despite not needing to. The girls around her were staring, their gazes filled with jealous loathing. She’d much rather he spent time with them and left her alone. Furthermore, she had so few friends in school already because she was older; making more enemies at this stage was not in her game plan. “Ignore them,” he chided as he set out to explain the theory behind the equation. He had spoken loud enough for many of them to hear and, somehow, she felt victorious when they all looked away. She didn’t want him, but she didn’t want their scorn either.

“I don’t want you to come tomorrow,” she demanded suddenly, slamming her books closed. She had studied enough for one night. The sun was setting outside and she had a distance to go. Furthermore, he was beginning to disturb her on a physical level. How many times did she have to say no before he understood?

“You have a test on Friday,” he reminded her, tapping the cover of her text. She knew this too. She wasn’t the least bit prepared and he knew it. “You don’t wish to study in front of your classmates.”

“I’ve changed my mind and will hire a tutor,” she argued instead. “I don’t need you to pass math.”

“You need me more than you know,” he countered, taking the books from her and slipping them into her bag. “You can’t afford the tutor you need and I ask for very little in exchange. You have already become accustomed to me. The mere fact that you asked for my help to begin with is telling of your comfort level. You are mine in all ways except for the one that needs to be. You not only want my attention, but you unconsciously seek it.” Taking her arm, he escorted her out while carrying her books over his other shoulder. This would have been quite a sight, she thought, momentarily amused. Sesshoumaru carrying the books of a school girl. Five hundred years ago he would have killed anybody at the mere suggestion of doing so.

“I am not a possession,” she frowned. “I will never be somebody’s possession.”

“A woman was meant to belong to a man,” he stated easily enough, “Just as a man was always meant to belong to a woman.”

Stopping, she turned and faced him, lifting her hand to press against his forehead. She could see the amusement in his eyes and suddenly she reached over, grabbing her book bag and storming off. “Don’t spout these idiotic comments at me, Sesshoumaru. I belong to myself, and will always belong to myself. Don’t claim to know what it is that I want.”

“What is it that you want?” he asked, and he looked like he was genuinely curious. Completely thrown off, Kagome had no idea how to answer him. How could she answer him when she didn’t even know what she wanted? For years now she had been conflicted and, since he entered the picture, proclaiming her as his destiny, she was even more adamant that that wasn’t it. But if it were true, how could she escape it? She refused to be a tool.

“I want to pass math,” she sighed, feeling the defeat over her words. “After that, I don’t know. And you’re right, I can’t afford a tutor. Not on the income of a broken shrine.”

“I think we will move these tutoring sessions from the library to my house. Clearly the public eye is making you uncomfortable,” he declared, opening the door to his car.

Further defeated, Kagome gave up arguing. Regardless, Sesshoumaru would win. He always did and, at this moment, she was tired of fighting. “Whatever you say.”

“Hn.”

~~~

He surprised her for her birthday. Touched and charmed, Kagome was very shocked that he knew this day existed. It was bittersweet for her most years, being the anniversary of the day she met Inuyasha and her whole life changed, but today, it was simple. He had surprised her with a meal instead of math books when she found her way over to his place to study. She had no idea that Sesshoumaru cooked, though really, he had to eat sometime. She had just never seen him cook before. The last time she had stayed for dinner, he had ordered in from a local favourite. When she went to pull out her books before dinner he immediately put them back in her bag.

The meal itself was much more elaborate than she was used to. She adored her mother’s cooking, and it was always filled with love. It was why she used to love making bentos for her friends in the feudal era. She would pour the same amount of love into putting each together, and she enjoyed watching them eat her offerings. She was sure this was different, though. She couldn’t see Sesshoumaru pouring strength and love into his cooking as her mother did, but it was still an excellent dish.

It was clear that the man had money. They ate on fine china, drank sake using his antique sake glasses, and she ate food that could only be found in a five star restaurant. “I had no idea you could cook, let alone cook well,” she complimented, leaning back on her hands as she placed her chopsticks back on her plate. She had enjoyed herself and cleared her plate with enthusiasm.

“There are many things you don’t know, miko,” he replied somewhat stiffly, as if she had hurt him with her words.

Sitting up straight again, she regarded him a moment, trying to decipher what it was he felt. “You make it very hard to know things about you, Sesshoumaru, when all you do is spout words about destiny and ultimate power. But you’re right; I haven’t given you much of a chance to tell me anything without facing antagonism.  I’m sorry.”

And she was. Over five hundred years he had changed. Slowly, over the course of their budding, though reluctant, friendship, she had seen some of the changes. He no longer killed on a whim. He couldn’t kill without consequence. He allowed himself to be seen amongst humans. He allowed her to argue and berate him publicly, though she knew how much his image meant to him. He welcomed her into her home, though he didn’t have to. He could have taken her anywhere he’d like to study, to eat, to spend time with her, and yet he brought her into his inner sanctuary, told her to make herself comfortable, trusted her to search through his house to appease her curious nature, and prepared a meal for her fit for a queen.

All of a sudden she felt shamed for her behaviour. She had spent the last several months being a bitch toward him. Not once did she ask what it was he did with his life. He would pick her up from school and they would discuss math, argue about destiny, and she would storm off. Not once did she ever ask what it was he did in his spare time when he wasn’t spending it with her. “I’d like to change that,” she stated, hoping to make peace with the wall she had built between them. He merely acknowledged her request with a nod of his head before clearing the dinner plates away. Following him into the kitchen, she rolled up her sleeves and took the dirty plates from him, filling the sink with water. “It’s only fair that I wash when you spent time cooking today.”

And somehow the war between them stopped and they found themselves in a companionable silence. She really didn’t know where to begin. How did one go about asking questions that she should know the answer to about a man that she’s known essentially for over five hundred years? Well five hundred years give or take a time travel or two. And really, being nineteen meant that she should have had better manners than she did. “What do you do when I’m at school all day?” she finally asked, hoping he’d be somewhat forthcoming. After all, he really did know a lot about her. And he put up with a lot too. She did want to know more, despite her initial misgivings months ago at the prospect.

“I instruct and advise doctoral students at Tokyo University in the field of Environmental Science, most specifically in plant microbiology.”

Her mouth dropped open and she swore she could catch flies if she wanted to. This was so far off from what she had imagined him to be. It certainly explained why he had no trouble with the math she was studying. It was so basic compared to what he was faced with on a daily basis. Her face flushed at the thought. He must think her an idiot for not understanding it. Maybe she should get that tutor to finish the year off with.

“I do more research and lab work as a consultant than actual class work. I meet with students during the day and sit on thesis review panels.”

“How would you even get into something like that to begin with? I would have put you as some business mogul.”

“In another life, yes,” he acknowledged. “And maybe again in thirty years from now when my colleagues realize that I am not aging. My life is long. I have thirteen university degrees, dating back to 1735. If I maintained the same career through the rest of my life, it will not have been worth living.”

Food for thought, she realized. She wanted to travel and see things once she was finished with high school. Her mother wanted her to settle down and go back to school, or work the shrine. If she didn’t travel now, while she could, would she regret it? She had her whole life to go to university and study. Sesshoumaru had essentially just stated that. Lost in thought, she jumped as she heard a dish crash on the floor, and saw the broken piece of porcelain scattered across the wood. “I’m so sorry,” she bowed low, missing the look of slight irritation on his face.

“No matter,” he replied, watching her as she picked up the larger pieces.

“This looked expensive. I don’t have a lot of money. I’ve been saving, but I will pay for it.” She looked up to see him bent low, picking up pieces with her.

Taking the larger pieces from her hand, he dropped them in the garbage bin without looking at them. “I have more. Save your money. You can’t afford them.”

She felt bad. He was right. She couldn’t afford a private tutor, let alone the money it would cost to replace his fine china. She didn’t work and the shrine didn’t have a large income. The money she had, she’d earned from sweeping the steps and taking care of the shrine grounds on the weekends. Remaining crouched on the floor she stared at the last few porcelain shards. She didn’t reach out to grab them, couldn’t move to grab them.  Was this what her life was becoming? Was she like this plate? Broken without a chance of being fixed? She felt like it sometimes.

Gold eyes searched hers as he crouched down next to her, picking up the pieces. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately, picking up the various pieces of her life. She’d be failing math if he wasn’t there to help. She’d be alone right now if he wasn’t there keeping her company. She’d be wondering about Inuyasha if he hadn’t told her about him already. “Thank you,” she offered up, but she found she couldn’t muster a smile. “I don’t think I’ve said it to you but I mean it. Thank you.”

She watched him curiously a minute as he seemed to digest her words. His eyes deepened from light amber to a deep gold, suddenly going from ice cold to flaming hot in less than a second. Unable to swallow, she watched in anticipation as he reached out and grabbed her arms, pulling her to him just before his mouth crushed to hers.  Shocked, she stood still a moment while his tongue sought entrance then, in venturesome wantonness, she opened, throwing her arms over his shoulders at the same time. He tasted hot like fire and moved with reckless abandon and, for one brief moment, she felt like she could lift the world. This is what it’s like to feel, she thought momentarily.

His hand pressed against the front of her shirt, moving lower until his fingers danced along the hem, claws dragging across the bare skin.  And then she couldn’t think at all.

~~~

For once in her life, Kagome felt giddy. The past two months had been some of the most remarkable and, despite their rocky start, both she and Sesshoumaru had settled into a comfortable relationship. She couldn’t remember feeling this secure with Inuyasha… ever. Was it love? Most certainly not. She was not sure she could love.

But she knew she could be happy.

She twirled his hair around her fingers, watching as the silver flashed in the light. His hair really was unique. She had loved Inuyasha’s hair, and secretly enjoyed relaxing into it when he carried her across Edo and back, but Sesshoumaru’s was different. His seemed more refined, softer. They were supposed to be working on math, and she supposed they would eventually. Instead she had walked into his house and they tumbled into bed easily, enjoying each other’s company.

He was warm. Both lay awake, neither speaking, but she felt she didn’t need words. Inuyasha would be rolling in his grave if he found out she laid with this brother like this. They lay on top of his bed sheets, his hand resting on her back as she leaned into him. She didn’t mind her nudity so much at the moment. She wasn’t sure, as she had always considered herself to be a very private person, but today, she was comfortable in her skin, just as he was comfortable in his.

Once she was finished with school, what would happen next? She couldn’t follow through on his plan. Her body could be seduced, but her heart and mind were another matter. She knew what it was he ultimately wanted in the end. She just refused to think about it. It was easier if she wasn’t reminded of it. She still had her own plans. Her mother was beginning to warm to it, but she was still left wondering what she would do after she finished travelling. Would she move elsewhere and take up a job? Would she end up going to university? She couldn’t afford it and her grades weren’t high enough to warrant a scholarship. She’d have to look into financial aid. Sesshoumaru would know more about that. She didn’t even know if she wanted to go to university in town. Maybe a fresh start in a fresh location was what she needed. She’d always loved Kyoto. She could live there and go to school.

“You’re thinking,” he stated. He remained still, with the exception of shifting his face so he could study her.

“About school. I finish in a month and then I’m leaving.”

“So you’ve said before.”

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do after. I’ll need to go back to school. I just don’t know where, for what and how much I’ll have to pay for it.”

“Hn.”

It was his standard answer. He listened, but he didn’t try to dictate anything. He could have suggested his school, he could have suggested any career, given that he knew her strengths and needs when it came to learning, but he remained silent. Perhaps it was one of his virtues, which was odd considering that he felt he had to be in total control. Alpha dog syndrome she called it sometimes.

“My mother wants me to stay. I’m afraid to stay,” she admitted. “I’m afraid to stay here and fail at something else and lose myself entirely.”

“Everybody gets lost,” he replied. She could feel his claws as they pressed against her flesh. “It is natural and to be expected.”

“Well, aren’t you sweet?” she chided gently, though the hint of sarcasm in her words couldn’t be missed. “No words of reassurance, no ‘there, there, it will all work out in the end,’ just ‘everybody gets lost.’ You’re going to be a wonderful source of comfort to a woman some day.”

“You assume that I would willingly offer these words to people. Words are empty unless you intend to follow through on them. There is no way that I can foresee that you won’t fail, so I don’t try.”

“And so you’ll just let them go off and be miserable. Sometimes, Sesshoumaru, girls just need to hear the words. They don’t always have to have meaning.” She moved to sit, her eyes already scanning the room for her clothes. They had yet to move after stripping down earlier and she was sure there were pieces everywhere. It figured though, that he’d be a jackass even in bed. Inuyasha could be soft. He was rough around the edges, but he knew what to say when it counted. Sesshoumaru was still obviously having dreams about unspeakable power. His hand pushed her back down, holding her hips to the bed as he rolled over. “Get off,” she demanded, lifting her hands to push against his chest. She ignored how soft the skin was. It was too much of a temptation. “I’m going home.”

“Sometimes, words aren’t needed,” he replied, moving his hand lower, his claws trailing along her flesh. Shivering, she struggled to ignore the slow fire he was setting. “Words, in the end, are meaningless,” he repeated. His hand found its destination and the slow fire began erupting into an intense inferno. “The truth is that actions speak louder than words.”

~~~

Maybe she would stay. Why ruin a good thing? She was getting the grades she had dreamed of in school. She was about to graduate. Her mother was letting her become her own independent person. And, most of all, despite initial anxiety, she was enjoying her time with Sesshoumaru.  He still said very little in public. He had finished his classes at the university and was currently working on research for a future publication. She was fascinated with his work, with the way he made math and science work for him. The greenhouse at the university was massive, she thought, as she toured it with him earlier in the day. There were plants there she didn’t know existed, and others that she knew cost millions of dollars. The university students took pride in what they grew. Now that the summer months for the university had begun, there would be fewer students working in here, and more professors. Sesshoumaru himself spent very little time there, instead focusing on his work in the lab.

He was very meticulous in everything that he did, which really didn’t surprise her. There were some things that remained innate and never changed. Kagome didn’t understand the words he recorded in his journal, or the symbols that he used in the math and formulae. She certainly didn’t understand what he was doing, nor did he try to explain it to her. She was just fascinated in the process itself. About six years ago she had dreamt of becoming a doctor. She hadn’t thought of those times since, but she remembered the joy in playing doctor. Those days were gone, but there were other places where she could work. She could become a lab assistant. She did very well passing Sesshoumaru whatever it was he needed. She could also become a nurse, or a pharmacist. Really, even though she couldn’t be what she had once wanted, she could still work in the field and enjoy herself. That night she went home, logged into her computer and began her research.

Tonight he sat at her desk with his laptop open, typing up his notes as she worked on her homework. The hostility she felt toward Sesshoumaru in the beginning had nearly disappeared. Their only point of contention was the reason why he was there to begin with. He had been very careful about what to say and what not to say around her, but part of her wondered if he was around because he wanted to be, or because he wanted what she couldn’t offer him. She didn’t dare ask for fear of breaking the fragile peace they had established. Surely he liked her for herself just a little. Sesshoumaru was not the type to sell himself to get what he was after. There would be no other reason why he was sleeping with her aside from the fact that he enjoyed it.

She took solace in that. She never used to be so weak in character, but for years she had battled for a heart that could never be hers. She had learned to be cautious. The last two months she seemed to have forgotten about this caution. She had fallen for him. She wasn’t so proud as to not admit that, at least to herself, but she feared admitting it to him. He needed to want her for herself, not for what she could supposedly offer him.

Putting aside her books for the night, she pulled out the application packages for various programs. She wouldn’t make a decision right away. She could take the summer and travel, work the following year so she could pay her tuition, then attend school again. It was about time that she did something for herself. Her dilemma now was in deciding just what area in which she wanted to study. Or she could try something else entirely, be spontaneous and hoped it worked. She wasn’t going to be ‘Kagome, girl with no future.’ She was too determined to go down that route.

The sound of his fingers striking the keyboard suddenly stopped and she looked up to see him glancing at her over his shoulder. He didn’t wear glasses today, she noticed, because he was within the comfort of her home and nobody else was around. The glasses were a ruse, just part of his everyday disguise when he was out in public. She briefly wondered how he managed to type without striking the keys too hard or cracking one of them with his claws. “What?” she asked, trying to figure out why he suddenly stopped. He was clearly not finished with what he was typing.

“You are worrying,” he replied, turning the chair around so he was facing her entirely.

“I am not worrying,” she tried to defend but, really, it was useless. He was attuned to her moods and needs. She didn’t know if it was a youkai thing, or simply because he paid attention, but he would spot the lie instantly. “Okay, a little bit worrying, but it’s not about anything big. I’m trying to figure out what comes next.” She held up the brochures. “I don’t think this was ever meant to be an easy decision.”

He turned back to the computer screen and began typing again. “Sesshoumaru?” she called out, placing the brochures back down on the bed.

“Hn?”

“What is it that you want? I mean in the end, what is it that you’re looking for?”

His eyes found hers and held them. “You know what it is. We’ve discussed it many times before.”

Turning away, she looked back down the brochures. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

~~~

She stood with the rest of her class in her cap and gown, and yet, somehow, she couldn’t feel the elation others had. Her own friends were long gone and, though they knew she would graduate today and had once promised to be there, she wasn’t surprised to find that their faces were missing in the crowd. Even Ayumi, who had tried her best to keep in contact over the year, was absent. She didn’t blame them really, they had new lives and it didn’t involve going back to high school to see their inferior friend graduate. Her mother stood with her grandfather, cheering, both of them knowing what an accomplishment this was. She was proud of herself. She struggled in some areas, and she knew that going to the feudal era had set her back, but she didn’t give up. She wanted to finish something. She was back in the twenty-first century; she needed her education to get anywhere.

And then there was Sesshoumaru, who stood at the back of the room, leaning against the wall. He came in at the beginning of the ceremony and watched, then disappeared at the end. His face was inscrutable throughout, as if this was just another event in his daybook, another meeting that he was required to attend. Part of her was upset that he didn’t feel the same amount of pride that she did. For her, graduating high school was an accomplishment; especially since she had questioned whether or not she could even do it two years ago.

She had celebrated with her family. Together they dressed up and went out to a nice local restaurant; her mother had actually had wine and her grandfather behaved himself. It was a treat to go out as a family, since her grandfather was usually reluctant to leave the shrine to its own devices. She hadn’t seen Sesshoumaru that night. She’d hoped she would. She had things to say to him and she needed to pack. Earlier in the week Kagome used the money she had saved and bought herself a plane ticket to the United States. She had an aunt and uncle who had agreed to let her stay with them and she figured she could travel around the country. It wasn’t the world, but it also wasn’t Japan. It was new and different.

She had returned to her room alone that night, surprised to find that Sesshoumaru was still absent. She had not spent one night apart from him since he first appeared on the scene nearly a year ago. It wasn’t that she spent many nights at his place with him, in fact, far from it. Her mother and grandfather wouldn’t have understood, but he had often spent his nights here, sitting on the window sill, watching over her as she slept. She looked to her suitcase. She only had a few more items to pack. Enough clothes for two weeks, knowing she’d have laundry facilities, some toiletries and some books. She had her Japanese/English dictionary, though she hoped she picked up enough in class to hold a conversation. Looking closer, she found an envelope she knew she hadn’t packed. Her name was written on the front in his familiar scrawl. Sesshoumaru. So he had been here, had noticed her packing. She hadn’t spoken to him yet of her plans. For one moment, she felt like she had betrayed him. Frowning, she opened the envelope and gasped at what she saw.

“Mom, I’m running out,” she called as she held the envelope in one hand and grabbed a light jacket with the other. She hadn’t changed yet, she still wore her dinner dress and heels, but she didn’t want to take the time to change either. “I’m going to Sesshoumaru’s,” she shouted as she ran out the door.

~~~

His face was inscrutable. She stood in the doorway of his house, panting from having run the entire way, heels in one hand, envelope in another. “What’s this?” she demanded between deep breaths, holding up the white envelope he had left in her suitcase.

Opening the door wider, he allowed her in, his eyes betraying nothing, except the slightest bit of irritation. “It was not wise to run all this way with that envelope out in the open. People are not to be trusted.”

“I know that, damn it!” she nearly shouted. “I put it in my purse and pulled it out when I got here, but that’s not the point. The point is why did you leave this in my suitcase?”

“You’ll need money,” he shrugged, crossing his arms across this chest. “You and I both know that you are low on funds and you spent most of your money on the plane ticket. This will help you enjoy your experience.”

“I don’t need your money,” she thrust the envelope back at him, willing him to take it from her hands. Instead he shook his head slowly.

“It’s a gift.”

They stood facing each other for several minutes and Kagome knew that, no matter what, he wouldn’t take it back. If he took it back today, she’d find it buried in her suitcase tomorrow when she arrived at her aunt’s. He was proud that way. If he gave it to her, it was hers. He would never renege on anything, even something as minor as a monetary gift. “Why didn’t you come see me tonight,” she asked instead, her shoulders falling at the thought of how much she had missed him already. “It felt strange to walk into an empty bedroom. You are always there.”

“I will not be there tomorrow, nor the day after. You cannot stay and I will not watch you leave.”

“I didn’t think you’d willingly let me go. You’re so stubborn.” Smiling, she could feel the tears building in her eyes. She didn’t think it would be this hard and suddenly understood why he had stayed away. Sesshoumaru was proud. He would never let anybody see any emotion that may be a sign of weakness. He would miss her, she realized in awe. He didn’t come to her place tonight because he would miss her. “You understand why, right? You know why I can’t stay?”

“You have spoken of it often enough. I did not miss the list of travel websites you have bookmarked on your computer.”

Sighing, she dropped her shoes to the floor, not understanding why she was still holding them, and quickly moved to him, relishing the last few minutes she’d have with him. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and, for a moment, listened to the heart beat in his chest. A year ago she would have sworn he didn’t have one. She knew differently now. He showed it in his own way. “I can’t be what you want,” she said, trying not to cry.

“You are my destiny,” he reminded her. “This is not goodbye. Fate has marked you for me. Your trip will change nothing.”

“You don’t get it. I have no power. I can barely figure out how to make it day to day, let alone have some incredible power within me. I refuse to be destiny’s pawn. Once, it used me. Until now, nothing in my life had been my choice. I did not choose to fall through the well. I did not choose to meet Inuyasha. I did not choose to destroy Naraku. I found myself in those situations and had to follow through, but if somebody stood in front of me at that time and said ‘would you like to go five hundred years in the past and destroy an evil that could cause the world’s destruction’ I probably wouldn’t have gone. Nobody asked me if I wanted to carry the Shikon on me. If I had known the trouble it caused I would have given it up freely to a worthy protector, one who could defend it properly and not cause it to shatter. I did not choose any of that. But I can choose to do this. I need to go. I need to decide what to do with my own life and make my own decisions. I will control my destiny, destiny will not control me. Even if it means sacrificing you.”

“Understood.”

“That’s it? ‘Understood’? That’s all you have to say? I’m leaving tomorrow and you can say nothing more profound.” Sighing, she picked up her shoes. “I guess I deserve that.”

“I will not be at the airport tomorrow.”

“I know. Take care and thank you.” Turning, she opened the door and was ready to step out when his hand fell upon her shoulder. It was heavy, but welcome.

“I will drive you home.” Nodding, she let him lead the way out of the house. The drive was silent, as she expected to be, and awkward. She didn’t know what to say, or if she should do anything, like hug him once more, kiss him goodbye, ask him to come with her. “You will remember this,” he declared through the open car window as she closed her door outside the shrine steps. “You have that power within you. I saw it these past two months. Your absence will change nothing, regardless of what you believe, but when you come back, it will be by your choice. Destiny is not pre-determined. You were sent back, but you chose to stay, you chose to fight; just like when you return, you will choose me.”

~~~

She wore a new kimono. The last time she had been to Tanabata was two years ago, when she had first met up with Sesshoumaru again. She wore a simple kimono then, blue cotton with white flowers embroidered onto the obi. Today she had splurged a little and bought something nice. It wasn’t silk, which was something he would approve of, she mused, but it felt like silk and looked like it was made for a noble woman. Fingering the silver obi, she thought of his hair. She’d thought of him often during her trip abroad. She’d walk into a museum and think he’d enjoy it. She tried a new food item and wondered if he’d like it as much as she did. She walked through Yosemite National Park and knew he’d be as enthralled with the giant sequoias as she was. All of her thoughts seemed to surround him and many times she was left wondering if he thought of her as often?

She liked to think so.

Her aunt and uncle had been great hosts. She felt welcome in their home, yet independent enough to come and go as she pleased. She travelled to New York and saw the Empire State Building and Lady Liberty. She spent time in Los Angeles and Hollywood, trying to spot the American movie stars. She enjoyed the beaches of Florida, Mardi Gras in New Orleans, Mount Rushmore, dense forests and large empty spaces. She lost fifty dollars in Las Vegas, but brought back two photo albums of pictures. Sesshoumaru had given her all of that, but still, something was missing.

She experienced it all alone. There was not one time during her visit where she felt whole and complete. She was like a puzzle, where all but one key piece was missing. The trip had healed many of the other holes, but right in the centre, the part that made the picture, it was still left empty.

“And despite what he said, he’s probably moved on,” she sighed. Kagome hoped it wasn’t true. It wouldn’t be fair that once again she was stuck in the past while everybody else looked ahead to the future. Stopping in front of a large tree, she smiled at the memory. Two years ago he found her here telling a story. Today she stopped for an entirely different purpose. The tree was filled with the wishes of the young. Once more they were asking for new loves, the return of old loves, or the one great love. Taking a slip of paper from a nearby basket, she wrote her own wish. Unlike some of the others she didn’t write anything elaborate. She didn’t wish for anything vague either. She didn’t want new loves or a great love; she just wanted the one love.

Sesshoumaru.

She threaded a yellow ribbon through the red paper and tied it in a loop before hanging it on the tree to join the hundreds of others. Chances of it working were slim, but she held hope. She understood what power it was that he spoke of now, even if he didn’t. She knew she had that power within her, she just didn’t know if it was strong enough to call to him. He was, after all, a strong being himself.

Kagome took a moment longer to admire the tree before moving away… and bumping right into him. Catching her breath, she stood transfixed. He was the same as ever. Tall, stoic, his gaze unwavering. He wore a kimono too, different from the one two years ago. This one was a black silk with silver and red embroidered on it. Tenseiga was attached to his hip.

Her wish was stronger than she thought.

“How did you know I was here?” she asked, and then mentally kicked herself. He wouldn’t come out searching just for her, especially as he didn’t know she had returned from her trip until now. “Never mind,” she blushed. “I’ve figured it out.”

“Have you now?” a single brow lifted and his lips pressed into a thin line. He was like a stone wall. The final piece to the puzzle fell into place suddenly and the whole picture became clear. She couldn’t become destiny’s pawn if she didn’t allow herself to be one. Lifting on her toes, she placed her hands on his shoulders, using them for leverage before pressing her mouth to his, briefly, but not without feeling.

“Mm hmm. I choose you.”

He returned the gesture, slowly, and she let herself drown in the feeling. She felt whole, renewed, fresh and strong. Smiling, she put her head on his chest and kept her arms around him. This was her decision, the one path that she had selected. And, for once, it felt right.