And You Thought the Chat Closet Was Scary by Creature of Shadow

Drag

Written for phase two of TangerineDreams Ultimate Fanfic Tournament Challenge.

A/N: Alright, this is pure crack. Srsly. And some of you, *coughr0ocough*, will hate me for it but it was really the best idea for funny I could come up with. And funny outvoted angst so here it is.

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN INUYASHA OR ANY OF THE SONGS REFERENCED IN THIS GAWD AWFUL FIC. Anyone who  can pick out all the songs gets a cookie too.

Prompt: Sunset

Words:2185

Warnings: Contains homosexual people and terms. None of these are meant for offense. See note at the bottom for clarifications.

'This can't possibly be mine can it? I have never even seen him wear this shirt...' Kagome thought confusedly as she stared at her fiancee's light blue button up shirt. She rubbed at the lavender mark, and when it smeared, she knew it had been put there recently.

'Of all the ways I could have found out Sesshomaru was cheating, lip stick on his collar just seems so...cliche.' Kagome thought rather irrationally. She should be furious at this discovery, but for some reason, the idea that he was cheating on her didn't seem right. She wasn't so full of herself to think no one, including Sesshomaru Taisho, would be able to cheat on her of course. But her intuition seemed to be trying to pull her away from that notion in her ocean.

Sighing, she hung up the shirt and called her best friend, Jakotsu Yaoi.

“I'm your barbie girl!” Jakotsu answered in a frilly tone.

“Hey.” Kagome responded disconnectedly.

“You okay, honey?”

“Yeah, I just called to say I love you. You're the only one I can talk to when I'm having a weird day. How are you?” she asked.

“I'm super! Thanks for asking, but everything is super when you're gay.” he replied.

Kagome couldn't help chuckling at that. It did seem to be true though. She couldn't remember a single time when he even frowned.

“I wish I could be so upbeat at work.” Kagome said wryly.

“I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.”

Kagome laughed again. “You make me smile like the sun, Jak.”

“Since I've got you in a better mood, you want to tell me what's got your panties in a twist now?”

“I found lip stick on Sesshomaru's collar.” she told him a little too nonchalantly.

“So you think he's cheating on you?” Jakotsu inquired.

“Probably.”

“You're awfully calm about this.”

Kagome shrugged. “He's innocent until caught, and I haven't really caught him yet.”

“Well, I am sorry hun. These things happen. I mean, I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch. You had no warning.” he told her.

“Yeah, that was the biggest problem in your marriage.” Kagome said, rolling her eyes.

She could practically hear her friend smirking on the other end of the phone.

“So what are you gonna do now?” he asked.

“Well, you know me. I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.”

“So you wanna go to a bar tonight then?”

“Getting plastered seems like the best option at this point. And Sesshomaru is going out to do his weekly club romping with his friends, so if we don't go anywhere he would go, I won't have to deal with him til after my hangover leaves in a day or two. Maybe by then I will have come up with something so we can fight and just keep the peace between us.”

Jakotsu snorted. “Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.”

“I guess, but in this case it sounds like the best option. If not, I will put it in my 'was a good idea at the time' file to regret on a rainy day.”

“Whatever works, babe. You know I don't have a lot of advice in this area. I can only help with disastrous 3-9 month relationships, ending in acrimony, emotional chaos, and possibly legal proceedings.”

“No truer statement has ever been spoken.” Kagome said with a giggle. “anyway, where is a safe place to get drunk and dance without running into my bad dog?”

“The Sunset Club. There is no way we would ever see the straight as a board with a stick up it's ass daiyoukai in that bar.” Jakotsu replied with certainty. “The most you'll have to worry about is the occasional grope by some lusty lesbian.”

“I might have better luck with a woman anyway. And if not, Sesshomaru is a guy, and all guys think three's company. Might make him see what he'd be missing out on if he left me for whoever's bed his boots have been under. I'm a cool, here with the times girl. I mean after all, there is nothing a woman can do that two women can't do better.” she said with determination.

“Well even though I think you probably read that bumper sticker in the wrong context, I think it's a great idea. I have been trying to get you on the rainbow wagon for years!”

“I don't think I can go that far. I don't think I could just do straight up gay love all the time.”

“Can you even use straight and gay in a sentence like that?” Jakotsu asked.

“Hush you. You know what I mean. Now, do I need to pick you up?”

“Of course honey. You know I don't take my lamborfeeties out after dark.”

Kagome shook her head, telling her friend she would be there at eight, and hanging up to shower.

Once clean, she dressed in a simple red halter-top and black mini-skirt that revealed enough to be sexy, not skanky. Everything was going smoothly until she went to her make-up drawer. There were a great many things in there she had no memory of buying, most of which were colors she wouldn't wear outside of Halloween parties. Even more curious still, was that each bright shade of lipstick, eye liner and blush had been used more than once.

Kagome was in a complete state of 'duuuuh' until she spied a familiar lavender gloss. She picked up the offending little bottle as is it would burn her, and stared at it with an expression somewhere between curiosity and lividity. Had he brought the bitch here? To their home? Now that was going to far, and she was sure that once she was good and stupidly drunk, she'd come up with an amazing form of revenge.

Finishing her make-up, she walked out the door intent on teaching the cheating, literal son of a bitch, a lesson he won't forget. Next time he'll think before he cheats.

“You look good enough to eat, girly!” Jakotsu said as he shimmied into her beat up little Chevy.

“That's the idea.” she grumbled, eyes widening a she turned to look at her friends outfit. “You...aren't wearing much at all...”

Tonight, the lovely Jakotsu had chosen a very risque fairy costume, and Kagome found herself wondering if it really was Halloween and she just missed it.

“Dontchya just love it? If this doesn't say 'I have rainbows coming out my ass' I don't know what does.” he replied, preening.

“Whatever you say Tinkerballs.” she told him with a smile as she pulled onto the road.

When they arrived at The Sunset, Kagome couldn't help but gawk at the elaborately dressed male and female clientele. Some were done up so well she couldn't tell what actually might be lurking under their sequined skirts.

Jakotsu jumped out of the car and posed as soon as she stopped, and was instantly surrounded by a crowd of the club's patrons. Kagome timidly joined her fluttery friend and waited for some clue as to what she was supposed to do.

Finally noticing her presence, Jakotsu put an arm around her shoulders and smiled to the colorful group. “This is my bestie Kagome, who's cheating boyfriend has made her want to go into the closet, and come out gay.” he said with a flourish.

“I don't know that I would go all that far yet.” Kagome replied, slightly embarrassed.

“That's precisely what the closet is for, honey.” Jakotsu told her with a teasing smile. “No need to be shy in front of us love. We all did it. But, if it makes you feel any better, you can just be my fag hag for the night.”

Kagome giggled at the much used term of endearment. “Okay, Jak. I think I can handle that.”

Once inside, Kagome was almost blown off her feet by Adam Lambert's Fever blasting out of the speakers. She did, however, love this song so she concluded that there were worse ways to lose her hearing. She was on her way to the table section, when Jakotsu grabbed her arm and began pulling her to the full dance floor.

“Come on, honey. Time to shake that ass!” he said swaying his hips provocatively.

Kagome wasn't sure how long she had been dancing. This was the most fun she had in a long time, and she even loosened up to the point she found herself grinding against another female. A very masculine looking female, but a woman all the same. And Jakotsu cheered and encouraged her on and on. If not for the very loud announcer's voice booming over the already deafening music, she probably would have ended up happily participating in a drunken, sloppy lesbian kiss. She wondered if that would be considered cheating on her part. It wasn't another male after all, so she had to think that it was okay. She would think on that more later. Right now the D.J. Was saying something that was apparently very interesting, so she decided to pay attention. Catching the very last bit, she deduced that a very popular cross dressing male was about to get up and dance for their pleasure, so she turned her head towards the stage.

“Oh my fucking ...” was cut off by the beat of the once popular nineties song The Macarena.

Dressed in drag and doing the hula, wearing lavender lip gloss, was Sesshomaru the cheating fiancee.

Jakotsu noticed Kagome doing a very impressive impression of a fish, and gave her a good slap to the face. “Who pissed in your Cheerios?” he asked good naturedly.

Wordlessly, mouth still agape, Kagome pointed to the pink garbed male onstage.

Jakotsu's eyes widened to what would have previously been thought an impossible amount, before he whistled and hugged Kagome briefly.

“Kags honey. I love you to death, but I have dreamed of this day for a long time. Sorry, but he's on my playing court now. See ya!” he said as he jumped on stage and began gyrating on the great and gay daiyoukai.

It was just all such a shock. Sesshomaru had seemed manly almost to the point of trying too hard...'Ooooooooh.' Kagome thought, coming to realize that he had indeed been over compensating. As much as she'd like to hate him for the charade, she just couldn't. Sure she loved him, but he was what he was and she was what she was. And sadly, she had girl parts, which is apparently not what her now ex was into.

The song concluded and as Sesshomaru jumped off the stage to be groped and fawned over, Kagome approached him. The extraordinary stretching of Jakotsu's eyes was nothing compared to the monumental size increase of Sesshomaru's amber orbs when he saw her. And the reactive fish mouth was much more stirring when done by a hot pink mini skirt wearing inu.

“Don't worry Sessho, I won't tell and I am not mad. I always thought our relationship would never last, but I always thought it was because you would one day realize you're too pretty for me. But I guess that's exactly what happened, huh?” Kagome told him with a friendly laugh.

Sesshomaru relaxed noticeably. “I meant to tell you. I just didn't know how. I didn't know myself until a few weeks ago.”

“It's really alright. I just have one question.” Kagome replied, eyes narrowing. “Are you wearing my bra?”

Sesshomaru smirked looking down at the sparkly black silk. “It looks better on me.” he responded smugly.

They laughed together, and embraced as Jakotsu walked up to throw his arms around the pair.

“So what now, Kagome?” Jakotsu asked.

Kagome pondered that for a moment, and shrugged. “What the hell.” she said, grabbing the first female piece of ass that walked by and firmly planting her lips on the other girls.

Kagome dazedly opened her eyes, noting to herself that girls had softer lips and the kiss wasn't half bad. Upon looking onto the face of her new conquest, she found it was hauntingly familiar.

Kikyo. Sesshomaru's little brothers woman, and her very own look-a-like. They were so similar in fact, that they'd decided to stay away from each other unless unavoidable. Having an unrelated twin could be very creepy.

Kagome had basically just made out with herself. After the shock wore off of that realization, she smiled devilishly. 'I wonder just how many similarities we actually have.' she thought, leading a surprised Kikyo over to a more private area. 'I wonder if we could invite Inuyasha too?'

A/N: Ok, just in case anyone gets upset, fag hag really isn't a bad term. My best friend, who is a gay male has called me that as a term of endearment for years. That being said, please don't get upset. There is no malice in any of this. Also, Sorry to those of you who are going to come at me with torches and pitch forks. I will take the punishment for this one. <3 you r0o. (: Please read and review, and if you think it's worth it, send TangerineDream a pm voting for it in the challenge. Don't forget to read elisa128's fic also! She is my esteemed competitor in this challenge. Please read, review and vote! TY! <3

CoS