Courage by Nile

Courage

Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha. Copyright goes to Rumiko Takahashi. I do not own the song or lyrics to Courage. Copyright goes to Orianthi. I do not make money from this. I am merely a fan.

She wanted to understand him. Heck, she tried to understand InuYasha but that was like banging your head on the wall. Only a headache would occur.

Was she a sucker for verbal punishment? She could understand that Sesshoumaru had all the hurt and pain of centuries, but she did not understand why he could not get over it. His anger was put on everyone else. Rin was about the only one exempt since she was practically his daughter and considered innocent in her eyes.

Sometimes Kagome wanted to give up on him. It had only been a couple months that Sesshoumaru had started courting her and despite the fact he could be romantic, he still had a lot of bitterness built up.

She sat under the Goshinboku and pulled on her headphones. Music usually cleared her mind.

Take all my vicious words
And turn them into something good
Take all my preconceptions
And let the truth be understood
Take all my prized possessions
Leave only what I need
Take all my pieces of doubt
And let me be what's underneath

‘Should I just continue to allow him to be this way without stepping in and saying something? If I do say something, will he just leave me?’ she wondered with a heavy sigh.

Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway

‘How does mama cope without father? I bet they had arguments and sometimes ticked each other off, but this is Sesshoumaru. How can he and I bridge the gap between us and allow him to heal? I am afraid to confront him,’ she admitted to herself.

Sesshoumaru was intimidating; no matter how sexy he looked. He could make anyone feel insignificant with one icy look. People feared him. Kagome accepted that it was who he was, but he could not treat everyone the same. He did not with Rin.

‘Maybe he does not trust me yet to treat me like her?’ Kagome thought, chewing her lip lightly.

We all have excuses why
Living in fear something in us dies
Like a bird with broken wings
It's not how high he flies,
But the song he sings

She could not bear to give up on another relationship. She had stayed with InuYasha even though her heart had hurt knowing that he loved another. Coming back and dressing in priestess attire had been a huge hit to her self-esteem. She looked like Kikyo.

If Kikyo and InuYasha had not been together fifty years ago, were they really fated to be with each other? Kagome tried to accept being at his side, but those three years stuck in her time, had showed her that she could only be a friend with the half-demon. The kiss they shared felt like a kiss from a sibling.

It was Sesshoumaru that learned about her change of heart one evening. Kagome had kept her feelings inside and tried to let a relationship blossom, but it was failing miserably, leaving her heart hurting every time InuYasha tried to push more intimacy.

She had run to the well and cried after a couple months of keeping everything bottled up. It was embarrassing when the demon lord happened upon her. Explaining the situation had been mortifying at first, but after he had sat down to listen to her, she felt like a weight had lifted from her shoulders.

When she asked him what she should do, he simply answered, “Tell him the truth.”

Kagome had wanted to ask him more, but he left immediately after his words of wisdom.

Two days later she mustered up the courage to tell InuYasha.

Courage is when you're afraid,
But you keep on moving anyway
Courage is when you're in pain,
But you keep on living anyway

InuYasha had taken the news well and even admitted that he had thought something was odd on Kagome’s end, especially when her scent never indicated to him that she was not even aroused by him. He originally thought it was because she had never experienced it. He had never been with a female to know how to arouse her. Usually it was just looks.

Kagome still loved InuYasha, but after her confession, he abandoned her in order to look for someone to settle down with. He had been ready to settle down and thought it would have been with her.

It's not how many times you've been
knocked down
It's how many times you get back up

Nearly a month after InuYasha leaving, she left to perform a demon extermination in another village. She ran into Sesshoumaru… literally.

Jaken, Rin, and Ah-Un were with him this time. Rin begged her lord to be able to visit with Kagome. It had surprised Kagome when the demon lord agreed to Rin’s request. After the surprise, she was a bit nervous having not traveled in his presence.

After a few days, she found the rag tag group very fun to be around. Even though Sesshoumaru was quiet, he did speak if he deemed a question worth his time. He helped with the extermination and even escorted Kagome back to Edo.

At Edo, he asked to court her. Kagome fainted dead away. When she came to, she had to pinch her arm to make it was some odd dream. Once she got her bearings, she practically interrogated Sesshoumaru on why he would ask such a thing.

It was a miracle he did not take her head off that day, as she knew she had irked him. However, he wanted her to give it a try, so she agreed. There were no strings attached except to give him a chance.

He was an attentive demon. He wanted to know more about her and what she liked. He even brought her beautiful gifts like combs and kimono.

However, there were a lot of times when he would be cold to her, not accepting of her ideas or wanting to make some sort of compromise. He sometimes said hateful things. Even though she knew he killed many beings in the past, she had problems with him just killing because someone was in the way.

Sometimes his arrogance and closed-mindedness was a turn off. It was some of the times spent with him that she saw him for more than the Killing Perfection. He loved music, painting, and even calligraphy. He guarded his territory in order to keep the lands beautiful and pristine.

His kisses stole her breath and his hands made her body tingle. It was easy to be attracted to him physically. It was the rest that made her work hard to find if they could fit in each other’s lives.

She lived through InuYasha’s insults because he had not been raised right. However, Sesshoumaru did not have an excuse. He chose to court her and yet she was human, the very thing he did not care for. His comments about humans hurt her deeply, no matter when it was said. Kagome could not keep the hurt in anymore. It had to come out before she did something she would regret later on.

Courage is when you've lost your way,
But you find your strength anyway
Courage is when you're afraid
Courage is when it all seems grey
Courage is when you make a change,
And you keep on living anyway
You keep on moving anyway
You keep on giving anyway
You keep on loving anyway

“I love him,” she whispered in realization. “But he needs to know when he hurts me. It has to stop.”

She wiped her tears and then noticed that she had a visitor. In fact, it was the very demon she was thinking of. He looked at her with a slight tilt of his head, much like a dog who was questioning something.

She dusted kimono off and approached him. He had forgone wearing his armor, so she slid her arms around him and said, “We need to talk.”

She pulled together all the courage she had within and hoped he would want to fight to keep her in his life.