Loved And Lost by inufairiegirl

Memories

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original characters or plots within this story, they belong to Miss Rumiko :(

Ok guys, here it is, my next story. I've had this idea for a while now but everytime i have sat down to write it I've either gotten into it bt then had to stop for exams etc, or just not been able to get my head into the right place and so only mamanged a paragraph or two. This first chapter is rather long and I'm afriad that if you want the next ones any time soon they will be shorter but this is just setting the scene a bit so...enjoy and please review after to let me know what you think :D

Love as always...

Inufairiegirl

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They say it is better to have loved and lost, but what do they say about loving and losing what you never had. I know what I say, it will kill you were you stand and leave you in ash.

He stumbled as he ran, trees whipping past him. Tears that had never before fallen made tracks down his cheeks as another wave of pain ripped through his chest. He fell into the dirt, crawling to sit with his back against a nearby tree as his heart broke just a little more. The shattered shards swept through his blood stream, burning through his muscles as a poison overtook his body. The great taiyoukai, Sesshomaru, had fallen.

Sunlight crept its long fingers across the frozen ground, forcing itself through the canopy of trees overhead to form golden shafts of light around the sleeping forms that lay on the forest floor. Like a call from heaven one such beam lit up the ebony haired angel's face as she lay slumbering, slinking in between her dark lashes to pester at her dreams.

Chocloate eyes snapped open, focusing on the leaves above as they danced in the wind. Winter was on its way, its cool crisp scent surrounding her as the wind lifted soft locks of her hair. She shifted slightly to move off a rock that her sleeping bag had been laid out on the night before, the movement stirring the male next to her as a strong arm pulled her closer.

Kagome smiled lightly as she wriggled closer to the warm being behind her, admiring her good luck and the grace of the gods for once. She wouldn't have him if it weren't for the death of the filthy hanyou Naraku, her duty to complete the shard putting the rest of her life on hold. The Kamis had never been kind to her before, but when they really needed help they had heard her call and sent Sesshomaru to their small rag-tail group just in time for the final battle. There had been loses, loses that had torn holes in her heart and scars on her soul, but she had healed, slowly but surely. And then he had come for her. That had been a year ago now. Images flashed behind her lids as she attempted to bury her face under her pillow and catch just another couple of hours of sleep.

1 Year Earlier

They had been travelling towards the northern mountains for weeks, following a lead from a conversation Miroku had overheard in a small village of a dark aura. As they climbed higher the air had become thinner and colder. Sango had inched over to walk next to the violet eyed monk, smiling secretly when he caught her shivers and threw his arm around her, shielding her small body from the worst of the cutting winds. Shippo and Kilala were unaffected by the chill breeze, their demon blood keeping their bodies running at a comfortable forty degrees and Kagome was sure that even if Inuyasha toes were getting frost bitten he wouldn't say a word.

The sky was darkening and the young miko pulled the thick woollen coat tighter around her, glancing at the back of her hanyou friend in front of her as the first snow flake landed on her nose. She blinked in surprise, turning her stormy blue eyes up to the matching clouds above to watch the slow shower of white descend around them.

"Inuyasha, I think it would be a good idea if we stopped for the day soon. We need to find some shelter and fire wood before this snow starts to settle and gets too thick to see through."

Inuyasha stopped, his shoulders tightening as if he was going to round on her and argue but after a second they fell again. He knew she was right, but they were so close! He could feel Naraku only a few miles ahead, but it would do none of them any good if one of the humans were to fall ill or should they wander off a cliff at this height in the oncoming snow storm.

Sniffing around he found the scent of must and a spring, following it along the cliff face for a few minutes till he found a hidden crevice behind a rocky overhanging, opening out inside into a small cave. The bubbling of water reaching his ears told him there was an underground river in the far western corner. The girls would like that; they would not need to venture outside to gather water.

Turning to watch as his odd pack filed into the space he couldn't help but think of how far they had come. He also couldn't avoid wondering how many of them would be left in a few days time. The end of days as they knew them was drawing to a close. Now that Kagome had almost half of the Shikon-no-Tama and Naraku had the rest the final battle would be fought, and Inuyasha was beginning to doubt they would all survive.

To distract himself from his dark thoughts he sprinted back out into the snow, reappearing a few minutes later with an armful of wood and kindling. He set about arranging the pieces just right, taking the lighter that Kagome handed him and holding the flame close. He had to admit, there were some things from her time that were desirable in his, ramen of course being amongst the best.

They had just eaten and Kagome and Sango were washing the bowls in the river at the rear of the cave when a low growl reverberating around the walls. Kagome searched out the source, realising it was Inuyasha. He had leapt from his seat near the fire where he had appeared to be doing some serious thinking and was now standing at the crevice entrance, eyes scanning the blizzard outside furiously.

The miko let the bowls drop from her hand, running over to her pack were her bow and arrows stood, notching one even as she ran to stand by the hanyou.

"What is it Inuyasha?"

"Naraku. It seems we won't have to go to him, he's coming here now. He's using the blizzard as a cloak, knowing that you guys won't be able to see anything through this white. The cowardly bastard! He knows he couldn't beat us all if we were fighting at our best."

Kagome hissed through her teeth, turning to tell the others that attack was imminent. Miroku instantly stood and ran to stand by the hanyou, his staff in hand and his beads slipped from around his wrist, ready to unleash the wind tunnel as soon as required. Sango dropped the dishes she had been stacking at ran to her small sac, quickly changing into her tayjia outfit and shouldering her hiraikotsu. Kilala transformed to her large form, growling as fire flared from her paws.

"Shippo we made need you. Your fox fire could help clear some of this snow if we need it. Stay with Kilala."

The small kitsune nodded and jumped aboard the fire neko's back, winding his fingers into her soft long fur.

Inuyasha was still turned out to the snow, his voice muffled as he spoke.

"We should move outside, keep our backs to the mountain. That way we won't get trapped in here."

The group silently moved outside, eyes casting around for any sign of Naraku, all able to feel his aura closing in on them now.

Miroku was the first of the group to spot anything, a figure emerging from the snow that fell around them, barely visible.

The white of his outfit and his hair of moonlight blended in with his background completely, the only part to be seen was the red pattern of his hoari and the purple and yellow obi that held his weapons at his hip. And his eyes.

Kagome gasped as those autumn eyes stared at her, never leaving her face. It had been a while since they had last run into the taiyoukai but something was different. He had never taken a second look at the young miko within the groups mist since he had tried to melt her with his poison in his father's tomb.

Now he seemed unable to take his eyes off her, a slightly pained expression gracing his normally emotionless face.

"Sesshomaru, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Inuyasha growled low in his teeth as he took a threatening step forward.

The taiyoukai's eyes never left Kagome as he answered his half-brother.

"Naraku approaches Inuyasha. Even your inferior senses should be able to tell that. I am here to destroy him. If you choose to assist me I shall not stop you, but do not get in my way."

The hanyou scoffed.

"Help you? You're the one who came here to us, therefore it's YOU that would be helping ME!"

Sesshomaru didn't answer. He was still staring at Kagome, and the miko felt as if he was trying to tell her something. She tried to discretely study the god in front of her.

He was gorgeous, tall and strong, so strong. His chest was broad and she was sure that if she was ever to get the chance to touch him the muscles under his kimono would be defined and solid as stone. She yearned for him, wanted to feel his arms wrapped around her as she slept and know that he would be there, just for her. She knew it wasn't the taiyoukai himself that she found herself wanting so badly. It was the feeling of safety and security that he would bring, the knowledge that she was loved and taken care of. Sesshomaru just seemed to be the epitome of all those things rolled into one, untouchable, unreachable godlike creature.

Kagome cleared her throat gently, trying to get her voice to work again under his intense gaze.

"Sesshomaru, you are more than welcome to join us in this battle. We will need all the help we can find."

"Hn, make no mistake miko, I am not here to help you. This Sesshomaru has sworn to rid the earth of the filthy hanyou, and I am here to fulfil that oath. "

Kagome felt irritation slowly replace the awe that currently filled her.

"Well whatever you are here for your strength will come in useful."

With that she turned and looked once more out into the pure white snow, avoiding the eyes of the Taiyoukai making it very clear that she was done talking to him.

The taiyoukai raised an eyebrow at her behaviour, any other would have lost their head for dismissing him like such, but she was special, she was different. She was made for him like no other was.

They didn't have to wait in the uncomfortable silence for long. The quite buzzing of insects and small disturbances in the falling snowflakes around them alerted them to the presence of Saimyosho, the dark chuckle that followed warning of Naraku.

"Kukuku, such a pity that so many of your group are unable to see in this blizzard Inuyasha. It will take half of the fun out of this fight."

"Naraku you coward. You know you could never defeat us in the open so you want to try now? It doesn't matter. We can destroy you whenever and wherever so come out and fight like the man you could never be."

From the far side of the path a cloaked figure dropped to the ground. When it stood the group found themselves facing a white baboon, which was thrown off to reveal Naraku, in the flesh, standing before them.

"Kagome, is it really him? Or just another of his puppets."

Kagome focused on the abomination in front of her.

"Whatever it is, it has the jewel shard with it. It must be him."

Inuyasha smirked, crouching low as he drew his Tetsusaiga.

"That's all I needed to know. Naraku, it's the end of the line for you."

With that he leapt forward, his blade high over his head to bring down on Naraku, but when he striked he found the blade blocked by Naraku's bone armour.

"Did you really think I would come alone Inuyasha. Really, you are more incompetent than I believed possible."

With that more figures began to emerge out of the white, flickering in and out of the humans view as they skittered quickly through the snow. Kagome just managed to catch glimpses of Kagura, Hakudoshi and another woman, a new incarnation as they flew past her, taunting them, sometimes so close that the wind stirred only millimetres from the groups' necks.

The group span around, searching for the figures in the blanket of white that surrounded them. The first blood was drawn from little Shippo, a blade of Kagura's catching his cheek in an obvious taunt.

As the small red droplet hit the layer of snow at their feet time seemed to slow. All of the Inu-tachi leapt into action. Sango was light on her feet, gracefully spinning as her hand came up to grasp her hiraikotsu, the bone weapon cleaving a path through the falling snow as it headed towards a shadow behind the veil that was Kagura.

Miroku's cursed hand flew free of its beaded restraint and swept across the opening, clearing a path in the snow for just a second before a chuckle could be heard, only to be drowned out by the buzz of the Saimyosho that surrounded Naraku. Wrapping his hand back in its protective string he gripped his staff tightly and swung towards the small white figure of Kanna that had appeared in the gap in the snow before him before her mirror could take his soul. The wood struck the frame and threw it away from the young girl whose eyes widened in shock as she lost her only weapon.

Inuyasha was still before Naraku and so once more raised his Tetsusaiga to strike at the evil hanyou while Sesshomaru leapt towards Hakudoshi, his claws glowing green as he swung for the child's neck only to grip air as the young demon disappeared, only to reappear behind him and laugh. Sesshomaru's poison claws where instantly around Bakusaiga's hilt as he spun on the toes of one foot, he drew the deadly weapon and sliced through the air, his hair fanning around him as he turned before falling back into place at the same time as Hakudoshi's still grinning face fell to the floor. Before the incarnation had time to regenerate the power of Bakusaiga ate away at his flesh until there was nothing left but a melted patch in the snow where he had lain.

Kagome on the other hand had just caught a glimpse of the woman in front of her. It seemed that Naraku's new companion was not actually another incarnation, but a mythological being from her history books.

The woman before her was beautiful, a classic jaw and wide, dark eyes that were lined in deep blue. But what gave away her identity was her hair...long blue black tresses that reached the back of her knees and were tipped with sharp points while even more was piled into a bun at the back of her head. Harionago. She was a woman of Japanese legend, she would wander the roads of Japan and if any man dared to laugh at her, her barbed tipped hair would spear him through, killing him almost instantly. By the black tinted shard that glistened in her forehead it appeared that Naraku had lured her over to his side with the promise of power. She laughed at the image of the young miko standing before her, an arrow drawn back in her arrow ready to fire.

"I believe you have met my sister...Yura? I also understand that you and your hanyou friend were the ones to kill her. I will have my revenge."

With that her dark hair rose around her, the bun that was pinned at the back unwinding to show impossible lengths of the sharp tipped hair. Laughing she threw her hand out towards Kagome, the hair surrounding her following, its silver tips racing towards Kagome's chest. A burst of pink miko energy stopped them in their tracks, dissolving them where it hit them, but more came. Just as they were to hit her a flash of silver severed them from their source, Bakusaiga glinted as it was brought around in arch to once more hover in a defensive position in front of Sesshomaru. His eyes swept over the new enemy, searching for a weakness or weapon. Seeing no evident harmful things other than her hair he smirked. The snowstorm was lifting and Kagome could once again see around her.

She saw his upturned mouth and tried to warn him.

"Sesshomaru, whatever you do, don't laugh at her. She will attack!"

But it was too late, as she spoke the taiyoukai let out a superior, oh-so-arrogant low chuckle that had an instantaneous effect. Harionago's face contorted in rage, her eyes narrowing to mere slits as the mass of hair that surrounded her seemed to grow, winding itself around her and twitching and swishing like an angry cat's tail.

"You dare to laugh at me, dog? You dare to smirk at my power? I will show you your mistake and throw you to your grave!"

The midnight black hair flashed forward at an impossible speed, to quick even for the taiyoukai, slashing at his face and when it drew back to Harionago Kagome could see the tips were now stained red. Glancing back to Sesshomaru she saw him raise his hands to his face and press his long fingers the five deep cuts that now marred his ivory face. Drawing away his hands he stared in bewilderment at the blood that ran down his fingers. How had this woman drawn blood so quickly, and without him even having a chance to retaliate? He hadn't been ready. He was always ready, since he was a pup. No-one got the better of him; no-one but his bastard brother had drawn his blood in so long.

Looking up he saw the damned woman laughing, the tips of her hair rising up for her to lick them clean and taste his blood.

"I see, a taiyoukai are you? No matter what you are, there is no way I can be defeated by a dog."

She once more attacked, seeming to tease Sesshomaru, swiping at him from left and right leaving hundreds of small shallow cuts that seemed to heal almost instantly only to be replaced by more. He tried to combat them, to slash at the hair with his claws but for every strand that was cut more appeared.

Kagome stood by the sidelines, staring at the taiyoukai that had been reduced to swatting at the air as if he was after flies. Glancing back she saw Inuyasha still battling Naraku and Miroku and Sango now attacking Kagura together, Sango's katana stained with blood where it was lying next to the small body of Kana. Shippo darted between the two humans, his fox fire raging into the air to clear the snow that drifted around them to try and give the warriors better visibility.

Her fingers found the tip of an arrow and ran across its sharp steel head, staring at the beautiful Harionago as she continued to taunt Sesshomaru. She noticed that on the few occasions Sesshomaru attempted to send an attack her way with Bakusaiga she protected herself with the hair, more spurring from somewhere behind her to replace that which was destroyed. Kagome had a thought. Her arrows dissolved the hair, destroyed it completely. If she could find the source of the hair, maybe she could stop it long enough for Sesshomaru to kill Harionago.

Creeping backwards she relied on Sesshomaru to keep Harionago distracted enough for to carry out her plan. Seeing the young miko sneaking away Sesshomaru doubled his efforts to attack the hair demon, hoping she would keep her attention on him long enough for whatever the miko was planning.

There it was. A small knot at the base of Harionago's neck appeared to be where the hair originated, long lengths of it winding out and curling around under the demons instruction. Trying to be silent she quickly drew an arrow and let it loose at the small raging mass of hair.

Harionago didn't know what had happened. One minute she was surrounded by her blue black hair and suddenly it was all falling away from her, pooling in a heap at the ground by her feet and she was unable to call forth more. Stretching her head around she saw the young miko she had dismissed as weak behind her, arm still drawn back from where she had released the arrow that had struck her.

"You, girl. HOW DARE YOU?"

She made to turn to strike the girl with her hand but she found herself held in place by a clawed hand that squeezed her throat as she tried to grapple away.

"You dared to laugh at this Sesshomaru. Now you will pay the consequences."

The screams that were let loose from the legendary woman's mouth were so filled with terror and pain as Sesshomaru's poison slowly ate through her skin and her own blood carried it away through her body to eat her from the inside out that they were sure to haunt Kagome's dreams for weeks afterwards. Once Harionago was dead she quickly grabbed and purified the fallen jewel shard before she ran to Sesshomaru and threw her arms around him, at the same time checking him over to make sure that all the cuts had disappeared before realising what she had done.

Eyes widening in fear she quickly stepped back and bowed low, apologies falling from her lips as she waited for her fate. She didn't even know why she had done it. It just seemed...natural, right somehow. But this was Sesshomaru that she had just hugged so intimately and so she was astounded when she felt his claws pull her face up to him and he didn't look angry. Quite the opposite in fact, it almost looked like there was a slight smile on his face as he opened his lips to speak but just then there was a horrendous roar of pain from the other side of the small clearing.

Snatching her face from his grasp she span on the spot and searched for the source, knowing before her eyes found him that it was from Inuyasha. There, in the very centre of the chaos that had struck their group he stood, eyes blurring in and out of focus as he desperately searched for her. Seeing her he seemed to try to stumble towards her, his hand outstretched but he was stopped by the thick green tentacles that pierced through his stomach and chest, emerging on the other side only to wind around his legs and neck, immobilising him as he bled.

Kagome's heart stopped, her breath held as the tears fell.

"No..."

The whisper fell from her lips as she sank to her knees, there was no way, she couldn't help him this time, she couldn't get to him. Naraku was already dragging him towards him.

Kagome's eyes fell to the Tetsusaiga that lay on the floor by her best friend and first loves feet. He had dropped it in his shock and now he couldn't save himself.

Sango and Miroku stopped their battle to turn as they heard Kagome's heartfelt wail and they too froze when they saw their friend being dragged towards the evil hanyou. Kagura laughed and jumped to attack while their backs were turned but she was stopped by Miroku, his wind tunnel open and pointing straight at her as he battled to suck her in, his eyes dark and murderous. Saimyosho surrounded her and flew at the monk, being swept into his hand but he didn't care. The wind sorceress was not going to get away even if it meant his death.

Kagome just watched as Inuyasha was pulled to Naraku, the snow he passed over stained quickly by his free-falling blood. His golden eyes found hers and he tried a smile before another tentacle pierced his abdomen and his face twisted in another grimace of pain.

He knew it; this was the end for him. How stupid could he have been? All the time they had been waiting for this battle he had been worrying over which of his friends would not return with him, but he had never even considered the fact that perhaps he wouldn't. The others had held their own and it was he who had failed. He searched out Kagome's eyes and tried to tell her he was ok with it, that he would gladly die for all of them that had changed his life so much.

Kagome could hardly see through the tears but she didn't need to to know what was happening. Naraku was going to absorb Inuyasha and make him a part of his flesh, but the inu hanyou would barely be alive. In a few more seconds he would have lost too much blood and fall into unconsciousness, in a minute he would be dead.

Turning she grasped blindly at Sesshomaru's hoari.

"Save him, you're the only one that can. SAVE HIM!"

When he only looked at her, an unreadable expression in his eyes that were so similar to Inuyasha she pushed him away, charging her hands with her miko powers as they rose within her in response to her pain. She didn't seem to realise that she was yelling as with each sentence she pushed him backwards again, throwing more and more of her power into it.

"I said SAVE HIM! HE'S YOUR BROTHER! YOU HAVE TO SAVE HIM! DON'T JUST FUCKING STAND THERE! GO AND HELP HIM!"

Sesshomaru grasped her hands and pulled them apart, effectively bringing her so close to him she could feel his breath as he spoke.

"There is nothing more to do miko. None can save him. Would you have me rush blindly forward and try to? It will only result in both of us being absorbed by that filth and then he will be unstoppable. The hanyou's demise is unfortunate but this Sesshomaru will not risk the fate of all the lands just for him, half-brother or not."

With that he pushed her away and stalked towards Naraku just as Inuyasha's head dropped, his eyes open but now unseeing.

Kagome's cries hushed, silence filled the clearing which was broken by a thoaty gasp and a thud as Miroku hit the floor. Kagura had fought hard and it had taken a long time to pull her into his wind tunnel. He had absorbed too many Saimyosho, his hand was a dark purple from the poison and his breathing ragged. Sango and Shippo had turned from Inuyasha's inevitable fate and were lying across the monk, trying to rouse a response from him but to no avail.

Kagome's eyes swept the scene. They had lost. Inuyasha was dead, Miroku dying. Naraku had won. There was only her and Sesshomaru left to fight, and she couldn't anymore. She was done, she would give up. Where was the hope now? She sank to her knees in the cold snow once more and laid her head in her hands, sobbing as the tears wetted her legs. She almost didn't hear Sesshomaru as he spoke.

"Miko, are you listening?"

Sniffing she raised her head and just stared at him, she had no answer to even the simplest of questions anymore, her world was spiralling away from her.

"Kagome."

That had her listening; he had never called her name before, and never with so much emotion. She looked to him and saw that his eyes held feeling, and if she had to guess at which it was sorrow and care.

"Kagome, Inuyasha is dead, but if we are to stop Naraku then we must destroy him before he absorbs him completely. The monk will not live much longer but if we can kill Naraku then he may be saved, but this Sesshomaru cannot break through his barrier. Will you save your friend?"

Kagome fiercely wiped her eyes. He was right. They couldn't save Inuyasha now, but they could help Miroku and hundreds of others.

Grasping her bow she ran to Sesshomaru's side and nodded briefly. She almost feinted when she felt his fingers gently wrap around hers and squeeze briefly before he once more turned to Naraku and drew Bakusaiga.

"On the count of three...one."

Kagome drew an arrow and nocked it into place on her bow.

"Two."

She drew the string back taut, and tried to will her eyes to clear so that she could get a proper look at Naraku.

"Three."

Even though her vision was still blurred she let the arrow loose, hurriedly wiping her eyes in time to see the tip hit the very centre of Naraku's barrier, causing ripples to run across the surface before it shattered. At exactly the same time as it dissipated Sesshomaru drew Bakusaiga and sent a powerful rush of energy at the dark hanyou who was wide eyed and shocked, trying to absorb his half-brothers body quicker so that he had a chance to survive the oncoming attack. But he had no chance. He had been too preoccupied with finally taking his enemies flesh that he had been complacent and now it was too late. The ball of light hit Inuyasha's lifeless body square in the back, blasting straight through him and obliterating Naraku's body as he screamed. Sesshomaru was behind Kagome in a split second and pushing her forward, encouraging her to find the last large fragment of the jewel within the burning remains before he had a chance to reform. She leapt across to where Naraku had stood and immediately reached down and plucking the black tainted jewel from where his chest had been. As she moved to step away from the now crumbling flesh she spotted something and ducked back to grasp it and pull it away with her, clutching it to her chest as she once more let tears fill her eyes.

He was dead, Naraku was gone, but at what cost? Inuyasha had been lost and it was still touch and go for Miroku. He was sitting up now, his head in Sango's lap but his skin was still a pale grey and it shined with sweat. Kagome gripped the now purified Shikon-No-Tama tighter in her fist as her legs gave out on her. In her other hand she held a string of beads, Inuyasha's subjugation necklace. It had somehow, impossibly, survived Sesshomaru's attack, but it was the only trace of her best friend. He had been completely destroyed along with Naraku. There was no other hint of him at all, nothing to show that he had been there and helped them but this necklace and his friends memories.

He watched her as she wept into the snow, wishing he could comfort her. She was his after all. The Kami's had made the miko for him, as the perfect match for everything about him. Where he was cold and logical she was warm and impulsive. He had hair as light as the moon and eyes like the sun, her hair was midnight black and her eyes an earthy chocolate. She didn't know it yet but she was to be his forever, his mate.

Sesshomaru had waited so long for her, even when he had first set eyes on her he had known that until Naraku was destroyed and her duty completed he couldn't have her, soul mate or not. Now his beast cried out to him to go and claim what was rightfully theirs but he couldn't. Not now.

She was mourning, and there was nothing he could do. In another world , one where he had stepped forward earlier he would be the one to run to her and hold her as the slayer now did, but he had bided his time, and had sacrificed that right for what was proper. He bowed his head as he silently left the clearing. He would return for her in time, but for now she needed her friends and comfort. A taiyoukai telling her that the gods had made the two of them for each other would not help her already fragile mind. His brother's death had hit hard, and he could not just brush it aside. But yes, he would return for her, his one and only love, Kagome.

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