Accidentally Funny by Kanna37

Who's the Boss?

Kagome was scheming.

Kagome was also fuming while she schemed.

Naraku had finally been defeated, the jewel gathered, made whole, purified, and hidden – in plain sight. All that was wonderful, and not why Kagome was pissed.

No... what she was pissed about was the ring that Sesshoumaru had put on her finger, the sneaky bastard,

It was a subduing ring – and he was going to find out why trying to subdue the female you wished to mate was not a good idea.

First and foremost, mating included... well, mating, which meant straight up sex. Now, as every woman knows, most men were slutpuppies, and sex was always the best threat to hold over a male who was misbehaving.

Sesshoumaru was stubborn, and was trying to outlast the equally stubborn miko, thus forcing her to submit to his rule. There was a way to make her submit to him – but this certainly wasn't it, and he hadn't figured that out yet.

So... their courtship was at a standstill, while both tried to outdo the other on willpower.

Kagome, however, got the last word in on the subject, giving the daiyoukai something to think about as she hopped in the well to go home.

“You can't win this one, Sesshoumaru – I can outlast you easily,” she grinned, and he narrowed his eyes at her.

“And how do you know this, miko?” he asked silkily.

Her grin widened and turned a robust shade of evil, and she said, “Because I'm a virgin, and you're not – so you know what you are missing – and I don't. So I don't really have any reason to give in, now do I?” and with a playful twinkle in her eye, she cheerily said goodbye, and disappeared down the well, leaving Sesshoumaru with a shocked, dismayed expression as he considered her words.

And for the first time in polite company (that is a subjective phrase) Sesshoumaru cursed.

“Well, shit,” he growled, as he realized she was right – he was getting very antsy already – and she didn't really care, since she didn't know what she was missing.

Meanwhile, while the inuyoukai was wondering what he'd gotten himself into as he ignored the snickers from the rest of the group, and his brothers guffaws, Kagome was further plotting on her side of the well.

Sesshoumaru really should have questioned Kagome's knowledge base before he took the route he had, because Kagome was about to level the playing field, and there would be nothing he could do about it.

On the other side of time, older Kagome watched her past self climb from the well with a militant air, and started laughing, even as her mate – in his doggy form – growled with his fur fluffing up.

“Oh, stop it, Sesshoumaru – you know you like what I do with that collar since I changed the subduing command on it,” she giggled.

He snarled at her a little. 'It is unnatural, woman. A female was not meant to rule a male! His eyes flickered, and then went heavy-lidded as he thought about some of the times she had 'subdued' him, and he finished with, 'Although... this one must admit – you are very creative with its use.'

She chuckled as she thought about some of the times she'd subdued him, and nodded, agreeing. There was no telling, however, if her focus on those times, were the same as his focus... because, as a male, his thoughts were all perverted... and Kagome's – might have been, or might not have been, and she wasn't telling.

At any rate, past Kagome had stomped up the stairs to her room, shut her door with a bang, and proceeded to get dressed into something comfortable, with comfortable shoes – she had some shopping to do.

By the time that day was over, Kagome was in her room once more, and bent over her desk with a decidedly Dr. Frankenstein type expression on her face – or maybe it was an evil Igor look, but who cares. It was simply a look that would have had Sesshoumaru running the other direction if he'd seen it.

All night long she worked, making sure that it was absolutely perfect, and once she'd gotten it to look the way she wanted, she began the other part of it... the spellwork. That took only a short time, however, and once she was finally finished, she smiled widely, pleased – then stood up and stretched what felt like an Igor hump on her back, and yawned, before sliding into her bed, and falling asleep to dreams of Sesshoumaru on his knees before her...

Where all good men belonged.

Being deliberately defiant of Sesshoumaru's will, because he had told her she only had two days at home before he wanted her back, she wallowed on her side of time just being lazy, waiting for a reluctant Inuyasha to show up to deliver his brother's threats, wondering what kind of threats he would come up with.

Sure enough, on the fourth day, Inuyasha showed up, ranting and raving about having to deal with a homicidal daiyoukai because she was being stubborn.

“Inuyasha – Sesshoumaru's always been homicidal, so whats so different now?” she asked, and he stopped talking for a moment as he considered that. After a few minutes of thinking about it, he finally shrugged and admitted she was right, and got around to delivering the threat.

“The fluffy bastard says that if you don't come back with me, he is going to send you on a little vacation – in the tama, so you can visit with Naraku.”

Kagome pondered that for a moment, and then smiled. Inuyasha shrank back – it was a creepy smile. “Tell him if he does, then I will simply stay here, and seal the well – and then he'll have to wait five hundred years to get down my pants-” she glanced down at her skirt, “-or up my skirt, as the case may be.”

Eyes wide, Inuyasha cringed at the thought of delivering that message.

Kagome pointed at her window. “Go, Inuyasha. I'll come back when I'm good and ready.”

And just to make it worthwhile for the poor hanyou, who was liable to get pounded by the aforementioned homicidal inu, she showed him her creation, told him what it was for, and swore him to secrecy.

Inuyasha was convulsed with laughter as he literally fell out of her window, rolled across the courtyard, and tumbled into the well, laughing hysterically all the way.

He was still laughing as he reached the other side – and he kept laughing as his brother pounded on him. He considered that even the beating was worth what Kagome was about to do to Sesshoumaru.

Paybacks were a bitch, he ruminated, even as his brother's heavy fist collided with his head, and Kagome was the head bitch of paybacks.

He was glad he'd finally given up on taking the girl for himself – let his brother deal with the sadistic female. Watching those two would provide an eternity of amusement for him.

He sighed happily even as he finally passed out – life was good.

Three days later, a cheerful, well-rested Kagome landed at the bottom of the well, and climbed out, whistling happily. When she reached the top of the well, she blinked, surprised. The well clearing looked like an atomic bomb had gone off in it.

I'm pretty sure they didn't have access to atomic bombs in this time period, she thought, and then she caught sight of a very visibly ruffled Sesshoumaru. Even his pelt was bristling – and watching the daiyoukai's hair standing on end was something Kagome would never forget.

“Wow,” she said blankly, even as his eyes narrowed and reddened. “You look like you stuck your finger in an electrical socket. Even your clothes are smoking.” She took note as she said that, that she could hear two distinct growls – one from Sesshoumaru – and one from mokomoko.

Startled, she frowned, and a certain wariness entered her expression. She hadn't realized the pelt could growl, too. That was way more scary than just Sesshoumaru – because she'd never seen a mouth or eyes on that long piece of soft, furry stuff.

Stalking forward with a stiff-legged gait such as a dog used to intimidate, Sesshoumaru cornered the disobedient little miko and subdued her, then read her the riot act. (He actually did read it to her, too – he'd had three days to write everything he wanted to say down on a scroll – he didn't want to forget any of the really good, bossy things he wanted to say.)

Kagome just blinked at him, not really paying any attention – she was too busy imagining what was going to happen when she finally got her revenge – the Ultimate Revenge. Sesshoumaru would never again try to Lord it over her by the time she was done – she'd have him very well trained to be a good little puppy.

Sesshoumaru eyed the miko warily, his fur standing even more on end as he took in her expression, and he just knew she was up to something.

“Woman, what mischief are you planning now?” he demanded.

Her expression cleared at his question, and she smiled up at him innocently. “Nothing. I was just remembering something,” she said, and he took the bait - just like she hoped.

“Remembering what?” he asked suspiciously, even as his sash began to smoke from the heat of its wearers temper.

Kagome eyed his clothing with both brows hiding in her bangs.

“Oh, that night that the lecher and the stooges and Hakudoushi interrupted us at that hot spring. I was really enjoying myself – and then they ruined it,” she pouted.

Still suspicious, but her words stroking his ego, he unbent a little. “You did?” he asked, hoping this was going where he wanted it to go. Perhaps the little miko was finally losing patience with the 'no mating until this subduing command comes off' part of things. If she was, he would win.

Maybe he should play along, and give her another taste, just to remind her, and entice her all that much more?

“I would be most willing to give you a second taste, little miko,” he purred. “You only have need to say the words.”

Inwardly, Kagome was giggling, pleased that things were going just as she wanted. It wouldn't be a few more minutes, and her little power-play would be all done... and Sesshoumaru would be in the palm of her hands.

“Sounds good,” she purred back as he took her in his arms and started kissing her. Once again, Kagome had to fight with everything she had to keep her mind on track. Because wow, this male could blow her mind with just a touch – if only he would just figure out that the way to get her was with pleasure, and not commands.

As the saying goes, you catch more bees with honey...

But until he finally got a clue, she was going to keep spiking every attempt to dominate her. She was completely aware that this little contest wouldn't chase Sesshoumaru away – it would only make him want her more – which was good with her. This whole thing worked well for her – he chased her harder, and only became more determined to make her his, all the while learning to be a good puppy.

She'd have him housebroke yet – or else.

Sesshoumaru was really getting into things – the miko had always had a rather detrimental effect on his libido – at least, it would be considered detrimental when he would get hard at just a smile, or a whiff of her scent, or even more when she'd yell “Osuwari!” at his stupid brother.

Yes, violence excited him – he was a youkai, after all.

At any rate, as the brain in his head shut down as all the blood in his body headed south to inflate his other head, he got into just exactly the state Kagome needed him in – and with a wicked internal laugh, she slipped out the thing she'd worked so hard on for one whole night.

Holding it hidden in her hand, Kagome allowed him a few more seconds of loving (as she was really enjoying herself, and was becoming reluctant to stop) before forcing herself to finish the game she was determined to win.

With his attention on her, she struck quickly, chanting the spell faster than she'd ever done anything before as he was finally realizing something was wrong and pulled himself away from her neck where he'd been so happily grazing.

But it was too late, as with a flash of light, something wrapped itself around his neck, and then Kagome called out the key phrase, and the spell was set – and Sesshoumaru's eyes widened in horror as he got the full taste of what she had done.

She fell over laughing at the horrified look on his face.

“Miko,” he gritted out, enraged, “what have you done!?”

She straightened, and then shrugged. “Oh... just given you a rather unique subduing collar. Anytime you start to get a hard on – your collar will go off, and deflate it. Until you take off that spell on my ring, your dick will remain limp. Oh... and just a tip – being bossy, overbearing, and demanding isn't the way to get me to submit. The faster you figure it out, the faster we can get on with the mating.”

And with that, she sashayed her way out of the clearing, leaving a wide-eyed Sesshoumaru behind to deal with his new case of enforced impotence.

That woman is evil! he ranted to himself.

But the thought didn't disturb him – it only made him more determined to have her – just as she'd known it would.

Not that he wasn't furious at the present moment as the shock wore off.

The roar that came from the frustrated inu emptied Inuyasha's forest of every living creature – and had a badly beaten Inuyasha screaming with laughter – even as his enraged brother just appeared out of nowhere and began to beat him again.

Inuyasha took the beating cheerfully – as far as he was concerned, what Kagome had done to his asshole brother was absolutely worth every bit of pain.

This was a day he would never, ever forget – even in his next life.