Blink by emertheawesome
Blink
Blink
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"The opposite of love is not hate; it's indifference."
-Elie Wiesel
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" Hate leaves ugly scars; love leaves beautiful ones."
-Mignon McLaughlin
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His room was nearly empty except for the futon with his slumbering form in the center. Kagome stood in the darkness, twisting her hands and breathing as shallowly as possible. She couldn't have him wake up to find her there. From her vantage by the door, she could see his long white locks twisting wildly across the floor away from him. Other than that, she could not see him. He was hidden beneath a blanket, facing away from her, it looked.
Kagome sent the sleeping figure one last shuttered glance before slipping from the room.
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It started with an argument, as many of Kagome's problems always had. She had wanted to return home for an extended amount of time, and Inuyasha had disagreed. Strongly. The jewel was completed and tucked against her neck protectively, but Inuyasha still felt the possessive urge to keep Kagome as close as possible.
"I swear, Inuyasha," Kagome ground out, "if you don't drop this, I will say it!"
"Keh! Try it, wench! I can still get you before you reach the well."
Miroku watched the two bicker calmly, standing nearby in case one of them decided to grievously injure the other. They were halfway in between the well and village and Kagome was about to Sit Inuyasha to hell then roll a very heavy stone on top of him, then have Miroku place a barrage of sealing ofudas on it, and then go home.
This plan was about halfway formed (there weren't any large boulders nearby) when Sango and Shippo came into view, drawn by the screaming contest Inuyasha and her were having.
Sango frowned disapprovingly at Inuyasha. "Just let her go, Inuyasha. We have nothing to do here anyway."
Inuyasha snarled but turned to Kagome. "Fine! But be back in two days." He stuck up two fingers. "Hear me, Kagome? Two."
Kagome rolled her eyes. "Thank you, Inuyasha," she said sarcastically, then went to say farewell to her other companions. Shippo begged for more pocky, Miroku gave her a Zen smile, and Sango hugged her sympathetically. Inuyasha had already stomped off to pout.
She continued on alone to the well as her friends returned to the village. It was such a short distance, she didn't feel she needed a chaperone. This, as it happened, turned out to be a mistake.
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Kagome eyed Sesshomaru warily as he gracefully ate. They sat at a low table, legs folded in front of them. She picked hesitantly at her rice, feeling awkward and out of place in the grandeur of Sesshomaru's palace, and his presence.
He ignored her existence, for the most part, uttering monosyllabic necessities, and sometimes reminding her of the rules of her stay. Don't speak to the servants. Don't wander the grounds. Remain silent.
Kagome felt trapped, and she hadn't realized how much she craved open space in the Sengoku Jidai until she was cooped up in Sesshomaru's home. Grudgingly, Kagome place her chopsticks down and stared at her lap. Sesshomaru glanced at her.
"The food is not to your tastes," he stated flatly.
"Oh..." trailed Kagome, "no, it's quite good."
"Then why do you not eat?"
Kagome shifted slightly. "I think I might be ready to leave."
Sesshomaru remained silent for a few seconds, and when she looked up at him through her bangs, she saw him staring at her with a frown. Before she could say something to soothe it, his expression returned to its blank mask.
"Whenever you wish," he replied. Before she could utter another word he stood up and left the room.
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Sesshomaru had a library, of sorts. There was a small amount of books, delicately stacked in a corner, and then there were a larger assortment of scrolls. She loved the smell of must and the thin layer of history that settled over the dimly lit room. Despite the warnings of her not to wander, she still adventured to his library to browse.
The first time he found her there he was displeased, and commanded her to leave. Kagome had stomped indignantly and hissed that if she was going to be staying in her room, she might as well have something to do, other than going stir crazy.
Surprisingly, Sesshomaru had relented, though not quite gracefully. He grabbed a scrolled, then her bicep, then dragged her back to her room. He shoved the scroll into her hand, then whirled around to stalk away.
Opening the scroll, Kagome found it to be a lesson in manners.
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Kagome was quite proud of her archery, but she found it was probably the most fallible of weapons. Running through the trees, gasping, clutching the stitch in her side, she cursed not knowing a more practical form of fighting, like with a sword, or even a staff like Miroku's.
Arrows, she realized, ran out much too quickly, after which she was left with an angry she-youkai. The he-youkai had been decimated by Kagome's arrows.
If Kagome had made it close enough to the well, she would have just leaped in to deal with it later. As luck would have it, the reptile youkai cut her off from the well, herding her into the woods.
She had killed him, forgetting that he might have a mate. Unfortunately, his mate was a hell of a lot harder to kill than the he was. So Kagome sprinted as fast as she could through the trees, ducking branches and leaping streams and completely scratching up her bare legs with blood red scratches that were deep enough to mar her but not deep enough to scar.
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She would lay on her futon, in the middle of her room and wonder if Inuyasha knew yet. She would wonder if he knew she hadn't returned home, wonder if he knew that she was missing. Or perhaps he was still pouting up in the Goshinboku, cursing the day a certain girl fell through a well and released him from his love-imposed shackles.
Kagome tried not to think about him after that. Because if she thought too hard, she realized that he was never truly released.
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A few nights later she visited Sesshomaru's room again. She ventured closer this time, enough that she could see his relaxed face. It stunned her and forced her to stop her creeping moves toward him. Because before that moment she had never seen Sesshomaru with his guard down. She wanted to kneel down and crawl the rest of the way, to reach a trembling hand to his cool cheek and caress it like she would a friend.
Instead, she turned around and left the room. Making her way through the halls with only the watery moon lighting her way.
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The scratches were nearly healed, but Rin still liked to play doctor to her. Kagome did it because Rin seemed to extract so much joy at the thought of helping someone. She would let Rin wrap messy bandages around her legs and arms, mummifying herself for the little girls sake.
Then they would go to the traditional Japanese garden and Kagome would try to teach her numbers and letters.
"How do you spell Sesshomaru-sama's name?" Rin asked one day, clutching a brush in her grungy fingers.
Kagome smiled at her, though her chest tightened at the name she was supposed to spell. Silently, she printed the characters neatly on the thick script Sesshomaru have provided them. Rin studied the characters thoughtfully, then wrote her own name next to them. Kagome glanced at her curiously.
"It's a family," Rin explained. "Now you write your name right here."
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Kagome had never known whether she was cursed or blessed for falling down the well that fateful day when she turned fifteen. At twenty years of age, she felt no wiser than she had five years earlier. Perhaps older, more jaded, but certainly not wiser. Sometimes she suspected that Kikyo had taken the wise part of her soul, and Kagome was left with the broken emotions and subtle rage that she had never known existed within herself.
Kagome did not hate Kikyo, despite all that had happened. Kikyo was Kagome, after all, if just the negative image of her. Sometimes Kagome wondered who better represented their soul, between the two of them. Sometimes, she wished Kikyo had taken all of their soul, and she could start anew.
Kikyo never took the easy route though.
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The night was black. The moon was hidden between a thick veil of clouds and Kagome could barely see her hand in front of her face. She wondered why she would take such a risk sneaking into Sesshomaru's rooms, but the answer evaded her.
She had to crawl, so as to not trip over anything in the gloom. She stopped a foot from him, sitting on her heals. His hair was loose again and spread haphazardly across the floor. Gently, Kagome grasped a strand and ran her fingers through it. It was silky and beautiful and inhuman, and it made tears form in her eyes.
Kagome rushed from the room, afraid she awoke the sleeping demon.
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He sat with her outside her door, gazing out into the garden as a light mist floated down from the sky. It coated the ponds and flowers and stones like a loving blanket.
Sesshomaru lounged mere inches from her, and Kagome could feel his heat even through the thick layers of their clothes, and she couldn't ignore it, as much as she tried.
"Why did you bring me here?" she finally asked, because the question had been weighing on her mind.
He remained silent, stoic, until he answered. "You asked me to."
"But I--" and she stopped because she didn't ask, but she did. Some requests don't need words to be asked, and some don't need words to be answered.
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A guardian angel? She wouldn't know. Running into a clearing and finding him there as she bled and breathed and cried and sweated was not a blessing, but it was not a curse. He studied her flatly as she came to a stumbling halt, and then sunk to her knees.
Whether he would save her, ignore her, or kill her, she couldn't bring herself to care. She just wanted to feel the soft moss against her knees, the breeze against her face, and the gentle smell of soil and water and earth.
When the she-youkai burst out of the bushes and caught sight of the exhausted miko, she hissed gleefully. In that moment, Kagome looked at Sesshomaru. She would never know how she looked at him, but she did. She looked at his eyes, and realized how different they were from Inuyasha's, and how she didn't quite mind dying with him watching.
Sesshomaru turned and kill the youkai with a quick flick of his whip. Then he strode over to her, jerked her up, and took her home.
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The first time he kissed her was not romantic in the least. She had peeked out of her room, grateful that the overbearing youkai lord was nowhere in sight, then began to stride quickly to the library. (Because, dammit, she was tired of the scrolls he kept giving her on manners. She was polite enough.)
Halfway down the hallway, Kagome's luck ran out and Sesshomaru appeared around the corner. She winced but continued on her path, perhaps hoping she could still get what she wanted now that she was caught red-handed. Sesshomaru almost walked right by her.
Just as she brushed past him, he snarled, wrenched her arm, and pressed her against the wall. His lips landed on hers ferociously, angrily, and Kagome gasped with shock and a twinge of pain. He nipped at her lips and his claws pressed dangerously against her hip. Before she could respond, he backed up, turned, and continued down the hallway as though nothing had happened.
Kagome remained frozen, then went to search for a scroll on inu-youkai behavior.
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She would wake up in the morning only to find lavish silk kimonos folded neatly next to her. How they got there, Kagome wouldn't know, and she cursed herself for being so unaware when she was sleeping. She would let the colorful silk run through her fingers, trailing trimmed nails across design after design, then she would fold it up just as neatly as before and put on her own modern time clothes, because some things were just too much to accept.
"Why do you give me clothes?" Kagome queried once.
Sesshomaru remained still and nonresponsive, staring at the wall behind her, and Kagome wondered if she could ever find a manual on his thought processes, because he was a thousand times harder to understand than his half brother.
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Rin never joined them for dinner, and Kagome was always curious as to why.
That is, she was curious, until one night, faster than she could see, Sesshomaru pinned her to the floor with his body and began to kiss her neck senselessly. Kagome moaned and he growled and moved to cover her mouth and to nibble on her lower lip. Gently, so as to not scratch her with his fangs.
His claws trailed gently up and down her sides, and he could feel them through the thin fabric of her blouse and down in between her legs.
And then he was not on her anymore, instead sitting calmly at the table again, gracefully eating his supper. Kagome blinked, struggled up, adjusted her shirt and combed her hair, then continued eating as well.
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She was right next to him, and the moonlight filtered in just enough that it reflected of his ethereal features. She drew in a deep breath, covered her mouth with her fingers, and stood to leave.
A hand grabbed her wrist and held her.
Kagome gasped and turned to see Sesshomaru staring at her with luminous eyes, nearly glowing in the shadows.
"Oh," she said.
"Did you think I would not notice an intruder entering my room, night after night?" he questioned flatly, and Kagome wondered whether he could see the murderous flush gracing her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I wasn't thinking. I'll leave now."
She tried to get up, but he held her still again, his hand a shackle on her wrist.
"Why did you come in here?" he asked, sitting up to reveal a bare chest. Kagome sucked in a deep breath and pursed her mouth tightly. Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed. "I asked you a question," he commanded.
Kagome closed her eyes, so she didn't have to look at him. "I'm sorry. My room is very empty. I am not used to being alone."
His hand began to travel up her arm, past her elbow, above her bicep, a pathway brushing past her neck, and then his hand settling to cup her cheek. She opened her eyes, not looking at where he was missing an arm, instead looking at the shoulder of the arm he had. Slowly, timidly, she reached a hand forward to trace the sharp edges of his jaw.
In that moment, something passed between the two of them, and vaguely Kagome wondered if it was one of those wordless requests again, because Sesshomaru pulled her to him, clutching her against his chest like a lifeline and burrowing his nose in her hair.
Kagome wondered who had asked, and who had answered.
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He found her in the forest only about a mile from his home. She was crying and sitting on the ground like a lost child. She had bruised her knees and her pack was too heavy and she had no clue as to where she really was.
He appeared, and when she looked at him she sobbed even harder. He strode towards her and kneeled, close, hovering, but not touching.
"You only had to ask, if you wanted to leave," he stated coldly, and Kagome peeked up at him through her bangs. His face was expressionless, and Kagome wondered how many layers of apathy he wrapped around himself so as not to betray a wounded facade.
"I didn't want to ask," she replied. "I didn't want to leave."
He looked confused for a brief moment, perhaps trying to understand the ridiculous intricacies that humans exuded, then he brushed the hair out of her face and lifted her chin up.
He did nothing romantic, but she didn't expect him to, he was like Inuyasha in that aspect--so completely oblivious when those perfect moments were there.
"You may return," he stated generously.
Kagome rolled her eyes and sniffled. "Why, thank you," she replied dryly, which he ignored before grabbing her and taking her back home. Again.
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Inuyasha was furious when they found him and her friends. He shoved her behind him and snarled viciously at Sesshomaru, who looked about as interested as he would watching grass grow.
"Inuyasha," Kagome hissed scathingly, "he saved me! Be nice."
Inuyasha scowled, but lowered his sword just a smidgeon. "He wants something, Kagome. I know it!"
Kagome stomped her foot and Inuyasha looked a little worried. Sango, Miroku, and Shippo remained a few feet away, just looking relieved that Kagome was alive.
"No, he does not!" she yelled at Inuyasha. "He did it out of the goodness of his heart. Give your brother some credit at least!"
Inuyasha looked appalled, mouth agape. If Kagome had looked at Sesshomaru, she would have noticed the vaguely horrified expression crossing his features.
"But-" Inuyasha sputtered.
"No buts!" Kagome interrupted. "He's a friend."
To make her point, she marched up to the stoic demon lord and grabbed his hand. Inuyasha paled, and Sesshomaru scowled, looking pointedly away from every living being in the vicinity. He didn't pull away though.
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They weren't quite friends, and weren't quite lovers, but when Kagome purified the jewel and was stuck in her own time once again, it was for his lost touch that she cried the most.
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She should have remembered that Sesshomaru was damned old and would find her in her own time. He was a little more lined, and a little less stoic, but when he showed up at the steps of the shrine, she threw herself into his chest with an embarrassing abandon.
"Still emotional," he murmured as his fingers threaded through her hair.
"Still socially inept," she quipped, but harmlessly enough.
Then she dragged him up the to the shrine, revealing him to her gaping mother and sputtering grandfather. In some sense, it was his turn to come home.