Dude Looks Like A Lady by DemonQueen17

Dude Looks Like A Lady

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine, but I own a Sesshy, hanyou and human Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango plushie and several keychains. I don’t own YouTube or Hennessy either. Nah, the only money comes from my paycheck, not off this wonderful series. One can only dream.

Note: After several of my coworkers mistook Sesshomaru for a female, this idea popped into my head. Be prepared; our favorite inuyoukai is going to be so OOC. I’ll use his name and female name interchangeably. You’ll see what I mean so you don’t get confused. Get ready for crack, lots of cross-dressing crack. I was bitten by an evil crackfic plot bunny. So, here we go. Any and all fanart is welcome.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

“No.”

“Oh, come on. Please?”

“Absolutely not, miko.”

“You’ve always wondered what it was like. Don’t lie, Fluffy.”

A growl of irritation rose from the throat of ‘Fluffy’. “This is ridiculous. You cannot talk this Sesshomaru into doing this.”

“Please? It’s just one date with Souta. Just do this one thing for your mate. Besides, you’re the only one who can do this. And you are very beautiful to boot.”

Sesshomaru sighed at this. “Very well. This Sesshomaru will only do this once and only once.”

Kagome squealed and clapped at this. She kissed his lips. “Yes! Your date will be in an hour. I’ll let Souta know. Thanks, Sesshy. I owe you big time for this.”

“Hmph. You both do. Just help me pick out something to wear.” Kagome giggled as she looked for the sexiest outfit that would fit our poor taiyoukai.

Meanwhile, Souta adjusted his dress shirt with Inuyasha watching him. “Are you sure Fluff-butt will agree to this?”

Souta turned mischievous blue eyes at him. “With Kagome convincing her mate, I’m sure he’ll agree with it. Besides, he’ll help me get over Hitomi since she moved to the United States with her job. And it’ll be dark where we’re going. He’ll have to play his part convincingly by getting in touch with his ‘feminine’ side.”

Inuyasha smirked at this. “I always said he looked like his mother; a little too much like his mother. I wonder how she’d react when she sees her ‘daughter’ out on the town. Shippo will be around, capturing the whole date.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she’d love it.” Souta had just finished getting dressed and was waiting for his date to get ready.

Kagome had just put the finishing touches of her mate’s makeup. She backed up a little bit and observed her work. “Wow, Sesshomaru, you look so beautiful. And I didn’t have to do much. Souta’s going to love this.”

Sesshomaru folded his arms over his now well-endowed chest. “This is not going to work, mate. I’m several inches taller than your brother. This Sesshomaru will never pass as a demoness. I am rather muscular for a female, if you haven’t already noticed.” He was dressed in a rather tight dress with heels that actually fit. His hair was pulled in a high ponytail like Sango would have it in battle.

“Oh, quit pouting and put your arms down.” The taiyoukai did as he was told. “You look absolutely beautiful. I’m actually jealous.”

“Hmph, Haha-ue and Chichi-ue would be laughing at my humiliation.” He turned to look at the full-length mirror in their bedroom. They both had to admit that Sesshomaru looked almost exactly his mother.

“It’s not that bad. I mean, I didn’t do much. I only put a little lipstick and nail polish. Your eyebrows are perfect. The only thing that’s left is to come up with a name.”

“Sayoko.”

“What?”

“My name will be Sayoko in the duration of this date.”

“Perfect. Now I’m sure Souta’s ready by now. So, have fun. You will get your just rewards; I promise.” Sesshomaru growled with anticipation as he left to meet up with Souta. He had an extra bounce to his step just thinking about what his reward would be after the date.

Souta was sitting in the living room, waiting for his ‘date’. He stood as Sesshomaru came down the stairs with feminine grace.

“Wow, Sesshomaru, you look amazing.”

Sesshomaru growled at this. “This is your first and last ‘date’ with this Sesshomaru, or better yet, Sayoko. Let’s get this over with.”

Inuyasha smirked, looking ‘Sayoko’ up and down. “Mmm, you look good enough to eat, ‘Ane-ue’.”

‘Sayoko’ released ‘her’ poison whip and flicked it at the snickering hanyou, who dodged it. “Be silent, half-breed. See you in the morning.”

“Goodnight, Inuyasha. See you in the morning. Let’s make the most of it, Sayoko-chan.”

Sayoko gave ‘her’ brother-in-law a demure glare that would put most females to shame. Souta’s eyes widened when ‘she’ spoke. “Yes, Souta-kun. Let’s go.” And with that, they headed out the door.

“So, where are we headed anyway?”

“Oh, it’s a nice dance club in Harajuku, Club Shikon. I hope you like it.”

“Hn, we shall see.”

“I’m amazed at how you can speak in a woman’s voice.”

“It takes much practice and a good ear. The music will be extremely loud, yes?”

“Yeah, especially since your hearing is much better than typical human hearing. I came prepared for this. Here, put these in your ears. Shippo specifically designed these earplugs to drastically help reduce the volume of the music at the club.” ‘Sayoko’ did as ‘she’ was told.

They finally arrived at the club and the line was long. Luckily for Souta and Sayoko, Bankotsu was at the front door. The mercenary turned bouncer’s jaw dropped as he saw Sesshomaru dressed up as a female. He had to admit that the legendary Lord of the Western Lands made one hell of a ‘lady’.

“Hey, guys, I’m glad you could make it. My, my Sesshomaru-”

A growl only Bankotsu heard rose in ‘her’ throat. “Sayoko.”

“Ah, yes…Sayoko. You look rather stunning tonight. I can’t wait to see more of your ‘talents’. Go on in.” Bankotsu moved the velvet rope to let them in.

“Hmph…idiot.”

“Come on, Sayoko. Try to have a good time.”

“This Sayoko will try. Let’s look for a table, shall we?” Sesshomaru allowed Souta to hook his arm around his as they looked for an available table.

As they headed towards an available table, many males couldn’t help but stare at the tall, beautiful ‘female’ in their midst. Luckily for Sesshomaru, he was able to mask his true scent. He was getting rather irritated at the heavy scent of arousal coming from every male and surprisingly a few females in the club and the auras of jealousy from the females.

Souta noticed this and tried to calm his date down. “Why don’t I get you a drink? Any particular drink you’d like, Sayoko?”

Sesshomaru demurely smirked at his brother-in-law, which gave the poor guy chills. “Hmm, something strong for a youkai, Souta-kun.” He nodded and headed over to the bar.

Meanwhile, the club’s owner watched the whole scene between Souta and a female who looked way too familiar to his liking through Kanna’s mirror which acted like a security camera. He smirked at this. “This is priceless. I should pay ‘Sayoko’ a visit. I’m so tempted to blow Sesshomaru’s cover. I have to admit that he looks rather beautiful as a woman. Too bad Kagura isn’t here to see this. She’d get a kick out it. Let’s see what he can do on the dance floor. It would be entertaining indeed.” He then got up from his desk and headed to their table.

Sesshomaru was actually enjoying his drink. It was rather tasty and after several minutes, he had asked for another. When he finished that drink, he decided to get on the dance floor, yanking Souta with him. Souta’s eyes widened at this. This was the usually uptight taiyoukai with work on his mind. As Sayoko, he actually loosened up and got down on the dance floor. However, he was careful not to dance too close to Souta.

They were having a great time when a finger lightly tapped Souta’s shoulder. “Mind if I cut in?”

“N-Naraku…nice to see you here.” Souta thought it would be a good idea for ‘Sayoko’ to dance with the club’s owner. “Sure, I’m about to get a drink. See you at the table, Sayoko-chan? I’ll get you another drink, too.”

“Put any and all drinks on my tab, Souta.” He nodded and then made his way to their table.

Naraku then pulled Sayoko close, a little too close for her liking. “So, Sesshomaru, or should I say Sayoko, what brings you to my club of all places? And why with your mate’s brother?”

“Not that I have to explain myself to the likes of you, I’m doing my mate a favor by helping her brother get over his girlfriend moving to the United States. And would you please not dance so closely?”

“Oh, come on, my dear taiyoukai, you’re here to have a good time. At least, fake it a little. Many are watching you and you wouldn’t want to make a scene.”

“You win for now, hanyou. But this will be the only time you get THIS close. I thank you for the dance. If you’ll excuse this Sayoko, I’d like to return to my table.”

Naraku smirked at how Sesshomaru remarkably sounded like a female. “Very well. Enjoy your time here. Drinks are on the house. By the way, you make one hell of a female. There’s something that I heard one time when I was in America. ‘You make me want to put you on a plate and sop you with a biscuit’. Until then, Sayoko-sama.” With a pat to the taiyoukai’s behind, the hanyou returned to his office.

By then, Sesshomaru aka Sayoko returned to the table. The taiyoukai was embarrassed and livid at the same as ‘she’ downed ‘her’ drink. “Souta-kun, let’s head to the bar, shall we?”

Souta’s eyes widened at the usually stiff taiyoukai. Sesshomaru only drank on occasion. “Uh, sure, let’s go.”

“Give this Sayoko an apple martini.” The bartender nodded and prepared the drink. Sayoko then downed it in record time.

“That was delicious. Hmm, give me a Hennessy shot and keep them coming.”

Souta was shocked. This couldn’t be Sesshomaru. “Are you sure, Sayoko?”

“Of course. You wanted to show me a good time. So, I’m here to have one. Keep them coming, bartender. Don’t make this Sayoko tell you again.” The bartender nervously prepared more shots. Several shots later, ‘Sayoko’ was pretty much loosened up and a very happy drunk. Sweat dripped down Souta’s back as Sayoko climbed onto a table and danced, screaming for the DJ to crank up the music, giving the crowd one hell of a show. ‘I am so dead.’

“Souta-kuuuuuuun, come dance with meeeeeeeeeee *giggle*.”

“Uh, Sayoko, come down from that table. You could get yourself hurt.”

Sayoko let out another giggle which turned into a laugh. “HA! I’m a taaaaaaaaaaiYOUKAI! I don’t get HURT! Ha-HA! Pleeeeeeeeeeease.”

“No, Sayoko. I’ll dance with you when you come down.”

“Oooooooooookay, catch me if you can, otouto.” Sayoko then flew at Souta, causing them to tumble onto the floor. ‘Sayoko’ couldn’t help but giggle, hugging ‘her’ poor brother-in-law. “This Sayoko loves you, otouto.”

“Yes, yes, I love you, too. Come on, Sayoko.” Souta stood, helping his drunk date up. Could this night get any worse? Of course it could, with a group of girls following behind the pair.

“Driiiiiiiiiinks! Come on, Souta-kuun. Back to the bar.”

Meanwhile, Shippo looked on from the bar with a camera disguised as a necklace. He did come disguised as a female as well, hiding his aura and scent. ‘This footage is priceless. I can’t wait to show Inuyasha and get this on YouTube. I feel bad for Souta. He’s so dead if anything happens to Sesshomaru, or I should say Sayoko. Uh oh, looks like trouble. I have to get closer. ’

The girls who followed Souta and Sayoko approached the bar. “Well, well, well. Looks like someone is wasted. Why don’t you leave that bitch and come with us, cutie?”

Souta stood a little distance from the girls, keeping himself close to Sayoko. “Uh, that won’t be necessary. Besides, I’m responsible for her safety.”

“Oh, please; as if that butch needs any help. Come on, cutie.”

‘Sayoko’ heard every word while downing even more shots. ‘She’ stood up with a scowl. “You dare insult this Sayoko? Why don’t you say that shit to my face, you pathetic little WHORE?”

“Whore?! Who are you calling a whore? You probably never got any. And you probably never would with you looking like a female bodybuilder.”

“What the f-f-fuck?! Come here, BITCH!!!” Sayoko, with a slight wobble, walked up to the trash-talker and slapped her, knocking her to the floor.  “BRING IT!!!!!”

The trash-talker put a hand to her face, her tongue running along the inside of her mouth. “You bitch, you broke my tooth! YOU’LL PAY FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!!” She then lunged for the taiyoukai. Of course, she side-stepped the little human, though a little wobbly.

Sayoko back slapped her once again, this time forcing her to spit out a couple of teeth. “Learn your PLACE. You can never touch me, STUPID.”

Shippo decided it was time to step in before it became an all-out brawl. “Now now, Sayoko-chan, let’s get out of here. Souta and I will take you home.”

Sayoko pouted at this. “Don’t wanna go home. Wanna fuck that human bitch up. I want more drinks.”

“I think you’ve had enough. Come on, let’s go.”

Souta then helped Shippo drag Sayoko out of the club. He then caught this stranger’s aura. “Shippo, is that you? You’re a lifesaver.” Shippo nodded.

‘Sayoko’ struggled to get away from Souta and Shippo, however they had a near death-grip on the taiyoukai. “I’m a I’m a I’m a f-fuck you up if this Sayoko sees you again, human bitch!” She then turned to Souta. “Oooooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaay, Souta-kuuuuuuuuuuun, let’s go hooooooome. Time to go! Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!! Bye, Naraku-chan, wherever you are!”

Shippo then transformed back when they were out of the club, dragging a very drunk Sesshomaru to the car, much to Bankotsu’s surprise. He then turned to Bankotsu and approached him. Of course, the bouncer was quite nervous.“Oooooooh, cute little big man. Your eyes are so preeeeeeeeetty. Bye, bye, little cutie.” The taiyoukai pulled a shocked Bankotsu to kiss him on the lips. Bankotsu stood there with his fingers to his lips. ‘Wow, I had no idea Sesshomaru had such pretty lips.’ He shook his head, clearing his mind of such thoughts. ‘I’m into girls. I’M INTO GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!’

Souta was surprised that the ‘female’ taiyoukai wasn’t so disheveled and maintained the change in the voice pitch. “Come on, Sayoko. Let’s get in the car.”

Sayoko turned to reply, but fell onto Souta. “That was fun, otoutoooooooooo. Let’s do this agaaaaaaaaain. Hee heeeee!”

“I’ll think about it. Right now, let’s go home.”

“Mmmmmm, we’re spinning. YOU SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND, BABY, RIGHT ROUND! LIKE A RECORD, BABY! RIGHT ROUND, ROUND ROUND*!!!!!!”

Souta finally managed to get his date into the car. “Ok, ok, come on, sit down.” He did the stupid thing by making a most undeserved comment under his breath. “Kami, you’re heavy.”

Unfortunately, Sesshomaru heard this, gave a little whimper and started to cry. “I can’t believe you called me heavy. I’M NOT HEAVY!!!! I’M BIG BONED!!!! I’M NEVER GOING OUT WITH YOU AGAIN, YOU BIG MEANIE!!!!!” The cries soon turned into wails as he beat into Souta’s chest, causing him to gasp in pain.

“Ok, ok. I’m sorry I called you heavy. Ow, OW! Please calm down.”

“Y-you mean that?”

“Yes, yes, I mean it.”

Sayoko pouted. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not lying to you. I promise.”

“Y-you’re just saying that. I can tell. I’m an iiiiiiinuuuuuuu, remember?” She clumsily pointed to the tip of her nose.

Shippo put his head in his hands. He couldn’t believe what he was witnessing right now. The great Lord Sesshomaru, his adopted father, disguised as a female was a giggling, emotional, drunken fool at this moment.  He was sure his parents would have laughed their heads off at this spectacle. “Hurry up, start the car and drive already, Souta.”

Souta nodded, started the engine and sped out of the parking space. Sayoko had her face against the window. “Oooooh, pretty lights flashing byyyyyy.”

As he drove, Souta only wished his date would just shut up already. Why did he have the feeling that this night would only get worse as soon as they got home? They finally reached their home and managed to drag him inside. They wanted to put this whole night behind them.

Unfortunately, Naraku saw the whole thing through Kanna’s mirror until they went inside. “This has been a most entertaining night. I wonder what I’ll do with what I’ve seen.”

Kanna, who also saw the whole thing, laughed at what took place, which was very rare. “Don’t worry, Naraku. I have recorded the whole thing and will put it on YouTube shortly.”

“Excellent, Kanna. I’m sure his parents will have a riot when they see the footage.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! That was fun. Let’s do it again, Souta-kuuuuuun.”

“Shh, please be quiet. There are people sleeping.”

The taiyoukai threw his other arm around his date in a hug. “Okay, otoutooo. Shh, I’ll be vewy, vewy quiet.”

Unfortunately, someone woke up to the chaos in the living room. Inuyasha’s mouth dropped as he saw Souta and Shippo struggling to get a drunk and giggly Sesshomaru onto his feet. “What the hell happened to him?”

Shippo rolled his eyes. “As you can see, Inubaka, Sesshomaru is drunk.”

“No shit, really? Let me help.” Inuyasha moved to help the big drunk. As the hanyou moved to help the drunk to his feet, said drunk threw himself at him, squeezing his cheeks between his hands.

“Cuute puppy. Wanna keep him.” He then proceeded to kiss him on the lips, giving Inuyasha quite a shock. As Sesshomaru pulled away, he fell on his rear and giggled. “Oooh, I fall down, go boom.” He then keeled over on the floor. “This feels niiiice.”

Inuyasha sighed at this trying to stifle a laugh. “Come on, get up, time for bed.”

“Ok, Mr. Puppy Man. I love you. Can I keep you?”

He turned to the others as he helped him to his bedroom. “How much did he drink and would you mind telling me what happened?”

“A lot of Hennessy shots, but not before dancing with Naraku. He also put on one hell of a show, dancing on a table. Then he got into a one-sided fight with a human female and knocked some of her teeth out.”

The hanyou’s eyes widened at the fact that it took dressing Sesshomaru up as a female for him to really loosen up. He should do it more often.

Suddenly, a whimper rose from the taiyoukai’s throat. “My tummy feels funny.” He pushed Inuyasha aside and somehow managed to make it to the toilet and threw up whatever alcohol he consumed.

Inuyasha got to the bathroom, sighed at what he saw and helped him to his feet. “Come on, Sayoko, Sesshomaru, whoever, let’s get you out of this dress and cleaned up. Be glad it’s the weekend and you get to sleep in.” With that, he propped Sesshomaru up in the shower and helped him wash and get dressed. He wanted to giggle at the sight of his stiff half-brother in a tight dress with his head over the toilet bowl, throwing up. Luckily for him, his hair was still in a ponytail. He then carried him bridal style to his bedroom.

Kagome woke up to use the bathroom when she saw Inuyasha carry Sesshomaru into the bedroom. “Oh, Kami, what happened? Is Sesshomaru all right?”

“He will be after he recovers from his hangover and remembers that he kissed me and called me Mr. Puppy Man.”

“Mr. Puppy Man? Hangover? What the hell happened?”

“Why don’t you ask your brother in the morning? They both had a long night. Then again, I don’t think you want to know. I’m off to bed. Night Kagome.” Inuyasha then headed back to bed.

After using the bathroom, Kagome sighed as she looked at her mate sleeping peacefully. “Souta has a lot of explaining to do tomorrow. I don’t know who I’ll kill first.”

Morning came as Kagome got up to get ready for the day. The miko then received a phone call that her mate’s parents were coming over for dinner. She took a quick shower, got dressed and pounced on Sesshomaru, causing him to groan in pain.

“Good morning, Sesshy, or should I say, Sayoko.”

“Sayoko is gone and not coming back. This Sesshomaru swears that he’ll never touch the stuff again. And he’ll never wear that dress again. Oh, my head feels like it’s been stabbed too many times with Tetsusaiga.”

“My poor mate has a hangover after kissing Mr. Puppy Man. *sighs*I’ll let you sleep for a couple more hours. Oh, by the way, your parents are coming over for dinner. I hope you’re ready by then. I’ll leave you an aspirin and water. Until then.” Kagome slammed the door and headed for Souta’s room, causing the taiyoukai’s head to pound even more. Mr. Puppy Man? Then he remembered that he kissed his own half-brother as well as Bankotsu. He hoped to get the day over with as he fell asleep once more.

If he only knew what dinnertime would bring. Right now, he didn’t want to think about it. Besides, it hurt his head even more.

 *-“You Spin Me” by Dead or Alive

That’s it for now. I hope you get a good laugh at this. I was cracking up as I wrote this. The next chappie’s already in the works. Later. ^_^