Kagome Doll by Hairann

Crabby Cabby Abby

Title: Crabby Cabby Abby

Author: Hairann

Theme: Hairann's Weird-ified Challenge: Traffic Jam

Genre: Comedy

AU/CU: AU

Rating: T

Warnings: A swear or two and mention of alcohol.

Word Count: 2617

Summary: Sesshoumaru is stuck in the back of a cab, in the middle of a traffic jam, having to listen to a very chatty driver.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song Traffic Jam, Weird Al does.

AN: Don't ask about the name lol just really seemed to fit hehe. And I know Taisho is an overused last name, but too lazy today to come up with a better one lol.

Standing on the edge of the curb, Sesshoumaru Taisho held out one of his long, slender, manicured hands as he hailed a taxi, praying he could get home to relax before his day got any worse. He was no longer sure that was even possible as already he had to deal with a fender bender on the way to work, which had totaled his very expensive foreign car and of course was the reason he was needing a taxi in the first place.

And of course, he had still been miles away from work and at five am, it was next to impossible to catch a cab, so he had to walk the rest of the way. Naturally, his cell phone's battery had run out even though it had been charging all night. Then the idiot at the coffee stand had given him decaf instead of regular even though he had been going to the very same shop six days a week, every week for the last seven years. Well no more, now he needed to find another, more intelligently run stand.

And this was all before getting to work, once there it only got worse. His incompetent assistent, or ex-assistent he should say, brought him the wrong files two minutes before an important meeting, files she should have brought him 30 minutes before. Then she spilled coffee on his keyboard, her coffee mind you, which obviously had no business anywhere near his computer, and put him out of action for most of the day. Then she had interrupted the meeting to inform him of some useless package's arrival.

And you do not even want to know what happened after lunch, but suffice to say, it had caused him to work an extra five hours of overtime, which naturally, made him finish long after the garage had closed and now he had to wait until tomorrow to get his car. Now all he wanted to do was get home, sit back and relax in his overstuffed, leather chair, a warm fire going in the fireplace, soft classical music playing in the background and a glass of his favorite Brandy in his hand.

It has a slight, rich scent and is sweet, with a tinge of tangy after taste. And to him it was heaven. Seeing a bright yellow cab, with big, bold black letters pulling up next to him, brought Sesshoumaru's attention back to the present. He leaned down and opened the door, carefully climbing in to make sure he did not step in the murky water in drainage ditch between him and the cab. “Where to sugar?” a high pitch and overly perky, feminin voice inquired from the front seat and he quickly recited his address.

“Swanky,” she replied as she started up the meter and pulled away from the curb. “I don't usually get many fairs that live out that way. If you can afford a house out there, people usually have three or four cars to go with it. Yours in the shop or something?” she inquired as she glanced back at him in the review mirror, though all he could see from his position were her dark, brown eyes. Instead of answering, he simply nodded his head, hoping it would end the conversation.

Though as she pulled onto the highway, quickly cutting off a car that clearly had the right away, which they emphasized by blaring their horn, and continued speaking, he soon learned that he had no such luck. “Aren't you fancy pants, suit types usually home long before now? You picked a bad time to be heading home, Saturday nights are rush hour in this town. I hope you're comfortable back there cause it's gonna be a while.”

Just as she finished speaking, Sesshoumaru could make out the over packed lanes of traffic a quarter of a mile ahead of them that they were heading straight for. Resisting the urge to sigh, he opted again not to answer her and instead turned his attention to the small ID card on the back of her chair. The small, black and white photo showed a young woman grinning from ear to ear with a rather dazzling smile. Beneath her photo was an ID number and the name 'Abby Sugarlips'.

Sesshoumaru raised a single, elegant eyebrow at the name, knowing there was no way it was her real name, or anyone's real name for that matter. “Abby Sugarlips?” he finally questioned out loud, causing the woman in front of him to snort unattractively as she pulled in behind an 18-wheeler and began the game of 'red light, green light' in slow motion with the other cars. Figuring she wasn't going to answer, Sesshoumaru turned his attention out the window.

“I only work nights and get a lot of freaks in here, it's the reason for the police cage,” she explained as she shook the chain link fence that separated the front seats from the back. “My real last name is kinda well known in these parts and it wouldn't be hard for some looser to find me if they had my real name, so I prefer that one. It's obvious it's fake, but it usually keeps people from asking personal questions,” she explained, flashing him a quick smile in the review mirror.

His curiosity subdued, Sesshoumaru fell back into silence, once again expecting it to be the end of the conversation, instead she encored in proving him wrong. “Do you mind if I put on the radio? I go crazy if it's too quiet,” she informed him, as if he actually cared, and he simply shrugged his shoulders in response, not bothering to take his eyes off of the stagnant scenery. “Oh I love this song,” she cheered just moments after turning the small, black radio nob.

Sesshoumaru found himself startled a moment later when she began belting out the lyrics extremely off key as she tapped her hand against her steering wheel in time with the song's beat. As her loud, high pitched singing caused his headache, that he had all day, to come back in full force, pounding against the inside of his head in time with her tapping, Sesshoumaru found himself wishing she would go back to talking. At least her speaking voice wasn't quite that grating.

Before he had the chance to request doing just that, she blared her horn as another driver pulled into the tiny space she had been aiming for in the next lane over. She was met with a quick middle finger out of the window along with the driver screaming something, no doubt an insult informing her where she could stick it, but whatever it had been, thankfully, had been drowned out by the loud music that blared from the speakers.

“Idiot, and people complain about women drivers. Ha, men get into far more accidents than women do when driving,” she grumbled as she turned off the radio, through Sesshoumaru was unsure if she was speaking to herself or to him and decided not to inform her that while that maybe true, women's accidents were usually more severe. “Can you believe that guy? He doesn't own the damn road but he sure is acting like he does. I should have scratched his precious car.”

Deciding her idle threat was just that, Sesshoumaru went back to ignoring the rather strange woman and watched as they passed one of the trees, that lined the highway, before she was tapping on her break again to avoid hitting the car in front of them. Silence reigned down over them, much to his relief, as they passed another tree, stopped and repeated the action over and over again for a mile or two. Then they simply ran out of trees.

Seeing a spot had finally opened up in the lane she had tried to merge into a few miles back, she quickly pulled into it, rudely cutting off the car behind them, returning its driver's honk with a middle finger out the window. Sesshoumaru deadpanned as he watched her, wondering if she even realized she had just done what the driver before had and had simply repeated the cicle. Deciding it would be best not to ask her if she thought she owned the road, he closed his eyes, pretending he was at home relaxing as he should have been hours ago.

“Well we won't be going anywhere for a while,” she informed him as she slouched back in her chair and sighed heavily at the stagnant traffic. “So what do you do for a living?” she inquired as she glanced back at him in the review mirror, undisturbed by the fact that his eyes were closed. Instead of answering, he simply opened one eye and stared at her reflection in the mirror. “Don't be a sour puss, we might as well talk to pass the time and I see no reason to ask about the weather when I can see it very well for myself.”

“I am a stock broker,” he replied opening his other eye with a barely audible sigh. Either she didn't hear it or opted to ignore it as she gesture for him to continue speaking. “I work for my father, he owns the brokerage firm. You were right earlier, I should have been home hours ago, however, my now ex-assistant royally screwed up today causing me to have to stay for five hours passed my regular overtime.”

“Guess I don't have to ask why she's your 'ex-assistant',” she told him with a laugh before gesturing to herself. “I mentioned earlier that I only work at night, right?” she questioned and waited for him to nod that she had before continuing, “Well I'm a student during the day. Don't ask what I am majoring in, I'm still undecided. I drive a cab to pay for it, Grandpa cut me off during my second year, after I had changed my major for the fifth time.

“Not that I can blame him, but he thinks I should leave school until I make up my mind, but I'm worried about losing my momentum, not that I really have any, and not going back. I'd rather be undecided for a few years than end up a college drop out. Thankfully the college isn't too expensive and I can easily pay for it with this job. I should have graduation a year ago though, if I had figured out the right major and taken the classes anyways.

“But I've checked out all of the classes for almost every major and still haven't found one I like, though I have discovered I should stay far away from hospitals, animals, kids, courthouses and well pretty much anything that lives and breathes. Don't really have the patience for them. Though I have no idea why, I had no problem with my little brother or our pet cat growing up. But now, pretty much everything annoys me.

“Too bad there isn't a hermit major,” she told him, laughing at her joke, he of course opted to not join in. “So do you have any pets? Do you like cats or are you more of a dog person? You look like you'd be a dog person. I'm not really a pet person, I tend to forget to feed them. Not that you could ever tell with Buyo, he's the cat I was telling you about. He looks more like he always goes back for seconds,” she rambled, not giving him any time to answer her questions.

Noticing she had fallen into silence and was looking at him pointedly via the review mirror, Sesshoumaru figured it was his turn to speak. “I am a dog person or at least my five-year-old daughter decided I am. For every birthday she insists on a puppy, we now have four of them, but as she takes care of them, I can not really complain. Though I do wish she would wash them all the same day, instead of having the whole house smelling like wet dog for four days a week.”

“You're married? Wasn't really looking, mind you, but I didn't see a ring when you got in,” she pointed out before turning her attention back to the road when the traffic crawled up a few feet before coming to a dead stop once again. Once she had moved up as far as she could, she turned back to her fair in the backseat, gesturing for him to respond to her earlier question. He sighed inaudibly, debating if he should just pretend he had not seen the gesture.

Though as he figured she would simply reask the question, he decided it would be better to just answer her. “I am not married. My ex decided she would rather continue her modeling career instead of settling down and raising our daughter. Though it is better this way, not a week goes by that the woman does not have her face plastered across some tabloid dong something trashy. It is good that my daughter does not know who she is.

“You can pull off at the next exit. We are close enough that I can walk home from here and I need to stretch my legs. I am used to this trip only taking a half an hour and, at this rate, it will be another hour at least before we arrive,” he told her as he gestured to the sign indicating they were passing an offramp. She gave him a quick nod, before turning her attention back to the road and slowly creeping her way into the right hand lane as the traffic crawled along.

Neither of them spoke as they slowly made their way toward the next exit, taking almost 30 minutes to travel a mile. Pulling onto the offramp, she continued driving until she had gotten far enough away from the highway to be safe for pedestrians and pulled the cab up to the side of the road. “That'll be $45.50,” she told him as she turned in her seat and pointed to the small 'mail' slot embedded in the back of the passenger seat.

Taking a 50 out of his billfold, he passed it through the slot and climbed out of the cab without waiting for his change. She quickly doubled checked it to make sure it was real before turning toward him with a smile. Rolling down the passenger window, she called out to him, “Have a good night Sesshoumaru Taisho.” Confused, Sesshoumaru turned back to inquire on how she knew his name as he wasn't well known, preferring to live a private life.

“You're name is inscribed on your briefcase,” she informed him, gesturing to the black leather and gold plated briefcase he was holding onto. “I love the glitter by the way, a very nice touch,” she joked, knowing it had no doubt been added by his daughter, though judging by the expression on his face, he had not noticed it before. “And since I know yours, I guess it is only fair you know mine as well. It's Kagome Higurashi.”

Recognizing the name of a well known shrine, Sesshoumaru understood the reasoning for her not wanting her passengers to know her real name. It would in fact be very easy to look her up if he ever desired to as he passed her family's shrine every day on the way to and from work. “Good night, Miss Higurashi,” he bid her with a slight nod of his head before turning and beginning the long trek toward his home. Each step bringing him closer to his much anticipated Brandy.