Boom Baby! by Ilana Roarke
Boom Baby
A/N: This is a response to Lune's 'Sesshoumaru's Pants Must DIE' Challenge. Sodium and potassium are highly explosive with water. I don’t know if this really work like it does in the story. It’s supposed to be funny, not a serious work. The reaction creates a gas that is potentially harmful to breathe and creates acid. Don’t try this at home. You could get hurt or you could hurt someone. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don’t own Inuyasha, nor do I make any money from doing this.
Chapter Only: Boom Baby!
She honestly didn’t understand what her friends thought was so great about doing this. Claws dug a little too deeply into her scalp causing her to wince. Her hand reached up to rub near where the pain was. Her eyes narrowed when she noticed the blood on her fingertips. Her hand grasped his wrist and she dug her nails into his stripes. He grunted and allowed her to pull away. Irritated blue eyes locked with glazed crimson streaked gold ones.
“What?” His usually bored baritone voice was a feral growl.
She held her hand up to show him her blood on her fingers. His hand was quick to snatch hers and he held her eyes as he brought her fingers to his mouth and lapped at the blood. She blushed when he released her hand, causing him to smirk. “If you can’t keep from trying to dig your talons into my brain, I'll stop.”
"Hn. Perhaps you'd prefer to have something else dig into your brain."
Kagome made a face. Who would have thought the usually cold, reserved taiyoukai would end up being such a lecher? "You even try that buddy and your hand will be the one giving you pleasure tonight." She swatted his hip lightly, before she pulled him closer, and continued her previous activity.
!@#$%^&**&^%$#@!
Kagome grimaced at the taste in her mouth as she dug through her bag and pulled out her mouthwash. She swished it around then spit it to the grass.
She was pretty sure Sesshomaru would be offended it he knew she did that after every time she gave him head, but since he always fell asleep within a few minutes of completion, Kagome had to simply outwait him.
She had heard the stories of men falling asleep after orgasm, but he was ridiculous. The weirdest thing about him was they would have sex for hours and would only stop if Kagome were too exhausted to continue. However if he had been orally pleasured, he would sleep for hours afterward.
After months of being his mate, Kagome had often watched him sleep. She still couldn't believe he was hers. He only woke up for very loud noises, when his instincts perceived a threat, or when Kagome left the safety of his barrier.
She had gotten over most of his irritating qualities. A lot of it was instinct, so she couldn't fault him on that. Besides, he had worked hard to compromise to give her more freedom, and she knew it wasn't easy for him.
The only thing she hated about him was his puffy white pants. Considering the problems they could have had with her being the Shikon Miko and him being the most powerful taiyoukai around, she knew the pants were trivial.
But they were horrible! It was one of those fashions that she had always hated and couldn't believe that she would come across it here.
Some things from 1980's music videos should stay in the 1980's. Or at the very least one of those shows talking about how much 80's fashion sucked.
Besides, she had problems untying them, so they had to go.
Kagome had decided she was going to destroy them. She had just had no clue how she would do it. She had spilled soda on them and the next morning there was no spot. She had accidentally dropped them in the fire. He had saved them before incineration, and the next morning, they weren’t burnt. She had finally asked him what would destroy them and he said he believed an explosion would be the only way to do it. He had asked her why she wanted to know and she had taken off her clothes.
She knew it wasn’t cool to take advantage of his lack of self control regarding her naked body, but it had taken his mind off her curiosity.
She lifted a large can of coffee from her bag, before she removed a pair of safety glasses and rubber gloves. After pulling them on, she opened the coffee can, which contained another container.
She smirked as she carefully removed the unstable sodium from the second jar. She tucked on piece into the folds of one of his pant legs and tied it tightly. She repeated the process with the other pant leg. She set the largest piece into the top of his pants and pulled the corners together and used a rubber band to keep it in place.
Kagome chewed her lip as she carefully tied the pants into a knot, so when she threw them they would go further.
You just couldn’t be too careful when throwing your mate’s sodium enfolded pants into a large body of water! Hence the gloves and the safety glasses. A mask probably would have been a good idea too, but she forgot.
Nobody’s perfect.
She had gotten the idea when she had gone back to her time for a few days. She refused to make a bomb. She didn’t know what would happen in the time jump. Same problem with a grenade. Plus, she had no idea where to get one.
Then he came to her. Blessed cavity inducingly sweet Hojo and his nagging concern for Kagome and her education!
He had come over to give her the lab reports from all the chemistry classes she had missed. They had done an experiment that showed how violently sodium reacted with water. Potassium was more violent, but sodium was easier to track down. She hadn’t needed any license to get her hands on sodium.
She had enough going on. She didn’t need the baggage that came from being on a government’s terror watch list for trying to obtain such a dangerous material.
Then again, maybe some potassium was what they needed to destroy Naraku.
Damn it! Now she was getting off topic!
Her head snapped in Sesshomaru’s direction when he growled softly and rolled onto his back and began kicking his legs like a dog running. Mirth lit Kagome’s eyes and she smiled. She had gotten over laughing months ago and had never told him about it. She’d let the guy maintain his dignity.
He probably wouldn’t believe that he would do something so undignified any way.
She rose to her feet and crept toward the water’s edge. She was careful to stay away from the steam since water vapor could active the sodium, and Kagome liked her hands where they were thank you very much.
“Here goes nothing!” She tossed the bundle toward the water, and then ran as if she were in mortal peril. She had read on the internet that larger pieces of sodium had a tendency to be launched during the explosion and had no intention of standing by the water to find out.
A squeak of shock from the loudness and violence of the series of explosions emerged from Kagome’s lips.
“What the fuck was that?!”
She spun to face Sesshomaru so quickly that she tripped over her feet and hit the ground with a grunt.
Her wide blue eyes took in his wild features. He always had been a shitty morning person. His eyes burned crimson, his markings were jagged, and his disheveled, slightly tangled hair whipped around his now standing nude frame.
Before she could scramble to her feet, she was swiftly picked up and thrust behind him.
“Stay.” He arrogantly approached the water and Kagome rolled her eyes at his command.
A smile slowly made its way across Kagome’s features as she noticed the pieces of white fabric floating in the water. Then, clad in nothing, but Sesshomaru’s outer kimono, which was gaping open, a pair of safety glasses, and rubber gloves she gleefully did the Snoopy dance.
“Wha?”
She could barely hear the word the taiyoukai whispered. Oh, how she wished she could see his face! Kagome screamed as something very hot landed on the top of her head. She shook her head furiously trying to dislodge whatever was burning her scalp and she could smell her hair singe.
She watched as a piece of smoldering white wafted to the grass.
A large bare foot stomped on the item. He bent down to pick it up and Kagome fought the urge to cop a feel. Damn! She had been hanging around Miroku too long!
He turned to look at the neat pile of their belongings. His sword, armor, and clothing and her clothing and hideous yellow bag sat together as they had when he had fallen asleep. He did notice that the pile of his clothing was smaller than it had been. His eyes moved from the area he had been studying to the water, and then to the item in his hand.
Kagome shifted uncomfortably when they settled on her and she dipped her head when she felt the blush rise on her cheeks.
Her chin was gripped gently in his large hand as he tipped her head toward him. Blue eyes locked with baffled gold ones. “Tell me, miko, did you,” he paused. “blow up this Sesshomaru’s pants?”
“I…uh…um…” she stammered. “I…Inuyasha!” She said a second before Sesshomaru’s barrier wavered in an array of colors, before it vanished and Inuyasha charged into the area with Tetsusaiga at the ready.
“What the hell is going on here?” Inuyasha looked as confused as Sesshomaru and Kagome were surprised. He noticed the strange things Kagome was wearing and began to laugh. He pointed at Sesshomaru with his left hand, as he laughed harder. “That’s how you get her to give you head and touch you. She has to wear that shit! Oh that’s fucking priceless! Damn, Sesshom…”
“What are you doing here?” Sesshomaru’s eyes began to tint red as his hand wrapped around his throat and he jerked him against him.
Kagome rested her hands on Sesshomaru’s shoulders and pressed herself against his back trying to soothe her mate.
Inuyasha’s eyes widened in awareness, swiftly followed by disgust. “Kagome! Don’t do that!”
Sesshomaru’s lip curled as he straightened his arm out and thrust the hanyou away from him. “Don’t make me repeat myself Inuyasha.”
“I heard something blow up inside your barrier and came to see if you guys were in trouble.”
Sesshomaru cursed the decision to not make the barrier totally sound proof. He wanted to be sure that if anything happened outside that he would be able to hear it.
“Preposterous.” He dropped him to the ground. “I believe my mate blew up this Sesshomaru’s pants.”
“Kagome, what?! I thought your stupid, ugly demon clothing was almost indestructible.”
“Hn. I believe that almost would be the key word of that statement, Inuyasha.” He folded his arms across his chest.
Inuyasha rose to his feet and looked at her as she peaked over Sesshomaru’s shoulder. “How the hell did you do that?”
“Yes, miko, how did you manage to destroy a pair of pants that were older than Inuyasha?”
“Are you serious? They were older than Inuyasha? I’m sorry Sesshomaru. It had to be done. Those pants were hideous. That’s one of the reasons never feared you. It’s hard to fear someone whose pants look like they came from a bad 80’s music video. The first time I saw them I had to keep myself from laughing at them.”
The brothers looked at one another, before Inuyasha shrugged.
“Uh, Kagome, what is an 80’s music video?”
“Don’t worry about it.” She smiled and waved them both off.
“Tell me, Kagome. What were you intending for me to wear upon our return to the village? Perhaps you were intending for me to return nude.” Sesshomaru regarded Kagome.
“Fuck no you ain’t going back fucking naked! You might blind someone, you arrogant jackass! Kaede might have a stroke or a heart attack or something. Besides, you can’t walk around a human village showing off your shit like that.” Inuyasha waved his hand in the direction of Sesshomaru’s groin. “That’s just what we need; another reason for the humans to hate youkai.”
“The villagers don’t have to see him naked. We could make it back to the village, before everyone gets up, and get him some new pants.” Kagome offered.
“This Sesshomaru will not wear some random peasant’s clothing.” He turned his nose up in the air and Kagome rolled her eyes.
“Quit being such a baby, Sesshomaru. It’s not like I destroyed all of your clothes. Everything else is okay. I just blew up your ugly pants.” She shrugged as if it were an every day occurrence. “Besides, you destroy my clothes on a regular basis.”
“Damn it, Kagome. Would you stop talking to him like that? I just got used to tolerable Sesshomaru, and have only recently met hentai Sesshomaru, and have no desire to listen to what he actually thinks. I liked him better before he talked. He’s worse than the monk.”
Sesshomaru smirked. “Hn. Who would have thought that such a brash, uncouth creature such as yourself would be such a prudish ninny?”
“Who are you calling a prudish ninny, you deviant?” Inuyasha spat.
“Did you just call him a deviant?”
“I have been reading your dictionary thingy. What of it?”
“So, you can…” Sesshomaru’s words became muffled when Kagome’s hand covered his mouth.
“I’ve had about enough of this you two. Inuyasha, have you worn the fire rat pants since I washed them for you?”
“Nah. I’ve been wearing the stuff your mom bought me. I like the material. It’s not as hot, besides those brief things are great. My junk doesn’t flop around anymore.”
“Junk?” Sesshomaru repeated, looking at Kagome. She whispered the answer in his ear.
“Never again will you refer to your junk in front of my mate, hanyou. You wouldn’t have any problems with your apparel if you dressed correctly.”
“Okay boys. We’re getting off topic here. Sesshomaru, could you wear Inuyasha’s fire rat pants until return to the castle?”
A silent snarl quirked his lips. “I suppose that is acceptable. You will, however, make it up to me when we return home.”
“Ugh! I’m going to go get them, so I don’t have to listen to him anymore. Don’t do anything…ick…that I might return to.” Inuyasha shuddered then hurried away.
!@#$%^&**&^%$#@!
“Would you stop pouting? You don’t look that bad.” Kagome smiled at him as they walked through the forest.
So the pants were a little short. He was a head taller than Inuyasha and his legs were longer. The pants didn’t even reach the tops of Sesshomaru’s boots and exposed a few inches of calf.
“I do not pout, miko.”
“Of course not, Sesshomaru-sama.” She mocked as she walked ahead of him. “Ouch! What did you do that for?” Kagome’s hands covered her behind.
She was suddenly pulled against his body and he kissed her deeply, before he pulled his lips from hers. “That was just a hint of your punishment, Kagome.”
Kagome wasn’t sure if he was referring to the toe curling kiss or the slap on her ass, so she said nothing. He pressed his forehead against hers and their noses touched.
But his next words left her speechless.
“Tell me why you felt the need to destroy my pants. If you detested them so much you could have told me. I have many other pairs of pants. Changing clothes is of no consequence to one such as I. Next time, don’t use such drastic measures. Explosions are simply uncalled for. Pants are far easier to replace than you, my mate.”
He smirked at her silence before his lips covered hers.
The End