Even In Death by Rai

Chapter 1

Disclamer: I don’t own Inuyasha. Neither do I own Evanescence nor the song Even In Death. They belong to their respective owners. (*sigh* I wish I own Amy Lee, though.)

 __________

 Even In Death

Give me a reason to believe that you're gone

I see your shadow so I know they're all wrong

Moonlight on the soft brown earth

It leads me to where you lay

They took you away from me

But now I'm taking you home

''Sesshoumaru...'' A voice echoed in his mind. ''Sesshoumaru…''

'What is happening here? Am I hearing voices in my head?'

''Come to me...'' He heard her soothing voice calling for him once again.

He opened his eyes and turn, just to see her staring at him. They were in the greenhouse. He remembered to have it built for her. She loved the greenery, the flowers —nature.

After Touga Taisho gave him the full control over their business, alongside his half brother Inuyasha, he acquired this estate in the western area of Tokyo for her —for them to live in together. He had the greenhouse built according to her taste. He allowed her to design it. How big it's going to be and what life it'd have inside it. He knew she wanted her own peaceful place where she could have her time spent when he was not around.

''What are you doing there just standing and staring at me?'' He heard her saying. She was smiling at him. That sweet smile of hers he loved so much, and still love up to this very moment.

'Kagome…' He thought.

When he didn't answer her, she walked towards him. Stopping in front of him, she lifted her hand to caress his beautiful face. He leaned his face on her hand and closed his eyes, feeling her soft caress touching his skin.

'My Kagome…' He thought again.

''Why are you here, love? It's cold here outside, you might catch a cold.'' She said, worry evident in her voice. He didn't answer her for a moment, and then…

''You might catch it, too, you know…'' He said without emotion in his beautiful stoic face, but Kagome knew better. She knew he was concerned about her wellness too. He was just like that, stoic and unemotional. But she knew him, inside and out. And she can read him through that stoic facade he always let people to see. ''…with what you are wearing that is.'' He added, looking at her flimsy night dress that is beneath an untied robe.

In his eyes she looked ethereal, blue orbs that were full of emotion when she gazed at him, skin that was like ivory glowing under the shining moon above and black tresses that flowed like dark waterfalls behind her back, a contrast to his platinum locks. Whenever he saw her inside her greenhouse, it was as if she was in the Garden of Eden. It seemed like a Goddess walked in dry land, giving it life. And whenever she walked inside, it always looked full of life. He smiled at that thought. Kagome gave that to him too, the life of bliss and happiness. And he was very thankful.

A blush colored her cheek at what he had said. She lifted her hand that has been caressing his face to grab his hand and pull him along to leave the greenhouse and go inside.

Sesshoumaru let himself be tagged by his beloved. 'She is just childish sometimes' he thought as they walked through the path to the mansion he owned.

''Sesshoumaru, Sesshoumaru.'' It was Kikyou. She has been shaking his shoulders as she was trying to wake him up. He was having a nightmare. He was sweating and groaning in his sleep.

''Kagome...'' He moaned her name, eyes still closed.

Kikyou went still and frowned at what she just heard. 'She' has come to him again. For over five years this has been happening. And she could not do anything to stop him dreaming of ‘her’.

''Sesshoumaru, it's me Kikyou. Wake up.'' She said, continuing to shake him, trying to wake him from his unconscious state. He was dreaming about 'her' again.

Kagome.

''Sesshoumaru…'' They were in their room now. She lifted a hand to his hair and slid it over the silver strands. ''You have beautiful hair, don't you know that? I am jealous of it. It's much more beautiful than mine.'' She said pouting and then cascading her hand through his very long silver hair that shone in the moonlight, illuminating from outside through the bedroom window.

''You are much more beautiful than this hair to me.'' He said earning a smile from her.

Still smiling at him, she said, ''You never fail to uplift my self confidence, you know. And I love you for that.''

''I know.'' He said still with his stoic facade. He let his hand hold her as he gently laid her in the bed. He kissed her lightly and held her face in his melting gaze.

''Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru, wake up.'' Kikyou still tried to wake him from his sleep. She heard him groan. 'What am I going to do with him? It's obvious that she still has a hold on him. After all these years...' Thoughts of Kagome came crashing in her mind.

''Come back, Kagome…'' He said in his sleep.

Kikyou froze from her position, sitting on the edge of his bed. It was the first time that she heard him talked like that in his sleep. He wanted his wife back, she could understand that. But Kagome won’t come back, not anymore. She wearily wandered sad eyes on his face. “Kagome won’t come back Sesshoumaru…” She whispered before she went out of the room and look for Inuyasha.

- I -

''You are still young…'' Her mother said. ''…still in your high school, my goodness you're just seventeen! Don't do this to us Kagome, don't do this to your family!'' She cried. She could not believe her only daughter talking about marriage. And to the half-brother of her past boyfriend, for goodness sake! What was happening to her?

They were at their house. Her mother had known of her relationship with the older Taisho brother. She has prevented her from seeing him again because of her past relationship with Inuyasha. But she could not help it. She love Sesshoumaru, and she would talk her mother to accept it.

''But mama I love him...'' That was all she could say.

''You also said that when you were dating Inuyasha. And look where it got you? After you've known about Inuyasha and your cousin Kikyou, you were devastated.'' Her mother insisted. She didn’t want her daughter to be hurt, yet again by another Taisho. Still her daughter defended her love.

She had been grounded. And she knew that Sesshoumaru has been worrying about her.

''He's different from Inuyasha. And frankly mama I don't take a grudge against my cousin and his brother. I love the both of them and I realized that what I feel for Inuyasha was that of brotherly love. I just don't want to lose his affection of me to another. That's just it.'' She was trying her best to let her mother see her reason.

''Kagome…''

''Mama, please…” She pleaded. “Please try to understand. I love him.'' She went to her mother and embraced her tightly. Her mother must have felt her feelings because she found herself enveloped in her tight embrace.

''Have I lost my daughter before I know it?'' Her mother said with tears swelling in her eyes.

''You know you'll never lose me. I still love you, of course.'' She said.

There was a knock on their door. She broke off with her mother to see who it was. There she saw Sesshoumaru standing in front of their house. A smile tore her face and she immediately launched herself at him.

''I missed you.'' She said through misty eyes.

Her mother watched as her daughter embraces the man at the door, the one her daughter loves.

He looked at her mother and found that she was looking at them. Though her eyes were misty, he could see that small smile forming on her lips. At last she has approved of them, of him.

She cleared her throat. Kagome broke her embrace with Sesshoumaru and turned to face her mother.

''I think there's something we need to talk about…'' Mrs. Higurashi said, now smiling at them.

- I -

''Are you happy?'' He asked her. After she had turned eighteen he married her. And that was the happiest day of both their lives.

''I'm always happy when I'm with you. I love you.'' She said entwining her hand to his. They're walking through the land he had acquired for them.

''This will be your new home, our home.'' His free hand went to her shoulder as he turned her to him, enveloping her in an embrace.

''Our home, I like the sound of that.'' She said with a smile, as she returned his embrace.

 I will stay forever here with you

My love

The softly spoken words you gave me

Even in death our love goes on

''Sesshoumaru, hey wake up, brother!'' Inuyasha shouted, now shaking his brother to consciousness. He saw Kikyou went out of his room with looking so worried. She saw him and told him of what happened, so he went to his brother’s room to wake him up.

He snapped awake at the voice of his brother, shouting at him. He was ruining his moment with Kagome. His brows formed a frown as his eyes roamed at their, once, bedroom —his and Kagome.

''What are you, two doing here?'' He looked to see his bedside clock. ''…At this time of the morning?'' It was already 7:30 in the morning and he was still in his bed. Kikyou’s voice had him turn his attention back on them.

''I heard you're talking and groaning in your sleep, so I knocked at your room hoping that would wake you, but it seemed not.'' Kikyou said trying to explain how did Inuyasha and herself had gotten in Sesshoumaru's room.

''Dude, look at yourself. You're all sweaty.'' Inuyasha said to him. ''You're dreaming about her again, aren't you?''  He asked his brother.

''Of course…'' He answered Inuyasha as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

Well it was.

He dreamt of her every night. And for him it was all normal, because that was the only time when he could hold her and feel her.

Kagome, his wife and love.

It was as if she had never left him, them.

His mind travelled to the times when they were still together. He could still hear her voice softly saying to him, ''I love you, Sesshoumaru.''

''Forever…'' She would say to him. ''I will always love you, forever. And I will always be with you, don't forget that...''

''I won't...'' He would always answer her. And then he would envelope her in a tight embrace.

As if he could forget her.

Even in death he could not forget her.

Kagome will forever be etched in his heart. She belonged to him, and he to her —heart, mind, body and soul.

He could not forget her.

He could not do that.

And he would not even dare think of it.

- I -

Some say I'm crazy for my love, oh my love

But no bonds can hold me from your side,

Oh my love

They don't know you can't leave me

They don't hear you singing to me

He snapped back to reality and asked them again. ''That doesn't answer my question to the two of you. Why are you here?''

''Sesshoumaru, we are here because we care about your daughter.'' Kikyou answered him. She and Inuyasha went there early in the morning to look for their niece.

'Your daughter...' He repeated what Kikyou said in his mind.

''Sesshoumaru...'' Kagome called him. They were once again inside her greenhouse. It had became their favorite spot in the estate, ''...if we are to have a baby would you rather it be a boy or a girl?'' She asked him. She's standing in front of her flowers, watching them in bloom. Sesshoumaru was seated in the garden set, reading one of his books.

''Gender is not important.” He placed a bookmark on the page he was reading, before he closed it and put it down o the table. He stood from his seat and walked behind Kagome, finding his way through her waist, his hands rested on the top of her stomach. “Why would you ask about it?'' It was his turn to ask.

She turned to face him, a happy aura radiating on her face. She was smiling. Lifting her hands to touch his face, she said, ''I'm happy that you said that.'' She was still smiling. Oh how he love to see her smiling at him.

He lifted his hands to cup her face. ''Are you trying to tell me something?'' He said lowering his head to her. She knew he'll kiss her. Closing her eyes as his lips touched hers, she accepted his kiss.

''It's been six months since I married you, Sesshoumaru.'' She said. ''And you're right, I have something to tell you. And I hope that this will make you happy as it did me.'' Red tinge colored her cheeks as she intently looked at his husband’s amber orbs.

''A good news, huh? Let me here you say it.''

She sighed before saying her good news to him, ''I'm pregnant, Sesshoumaru. We're going to be parents.'' She said happiness visible in her eyes.

She watched as her husband's face shows an emotion that was very minimal though Kagome knew that in his heart he felt the same way she had.

Happiness.

They're going to be a real family now that they're going to have a child of their own. His face broke into a smile.

'It may seem small but it's still his smile and I love it that he is happy' she thought.

He brought her closer to him in a tight embrace then leaned in to kiss her full on the lips.

''Rin…'' He said his daughter's name —their daughter, Kagome and his.

''What are you doing?'' He asked Kagome when he saw her reading a book one time, seated in the garden set inside her greenhouse.

''Uhm, I want a name for our baby, Sesshoumaru…'' She said placing a bookmark on the page she's been reading, and then set it aside.

''This soon?'' He asked again. It's only been a month since she had said the good news to him.

''I'm going to my second trimester next week. I think it's good if we have a name for her.''

''Her?” His brow rose slightly at what she said. It was really not that big of a deal for him if their first born would be a son or a daughter, but his wife telling him it would be a girl right away, he was being skeptical about it. “How did you know that would be a girl?''

''I can feel our daughter.'' She said smiling, as her hand found its way to the not so visible bump on her stomach.

'I think she's being silly. But what can I say. She is Kagome after all...' He thought.

''Really…'' Sesshoumaru said to his wife. He doesn't want to ruin her mood, but what's a husband to do? ''Isn't your OB told you that you can't feel it right now? We are just three months on the way darling, won't it disappoint you if it turned out to be a boy?'' He reached for her and pulled her up from her chair. 'Guess a distraction is welcome for now...' Resting his hands on the small of her back, he leaned in for a kiss.

''Whatever,'' she said as her hands finds its way to Sesshoumaru's nape. Clinging onto him, ''...still she's a girl for me and I'm going to call her, Rin.'' She said as she accepts her husband’s heated kiss.

''Yes, you are right about her name, brother. Your daughter's name is Rin. Now get your ass up that bed of yours and see to your daughter's needs.'' Inuyasha said as his wife, Kikyou, went to Rin's room to wake her up.

''I'm sure you and your wife can very well attend to her. It's not necessary for me to do that.'' He said to Inuyasha not caring about the child at all.

''Can you hear yourself Sesshoumaru? Can you?'' Inuyasha, after hearing his brother said that, has been fuming. ''Rin has done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment, especially coming from you!'' Inuyasha, still fuming from what Sesshoumaru said, paced the floor of the large bedroom.

''She has 'done' nothing? Yes, if that kid wasn't even born...'' Inuyasha stopped at what Sesshoumaru had said and faced him. His eyes bore to same orbs that belong to his half-brother.

''Don't even try to continue what you are saying, Sesshoumaru. Even if you are my brother, I won't forgive you if I hear anything foul coming from that mouth.'' Inuyasha turned against him to leave his room, but stopped as soon as he heard his brother say something.

''Why are you in rage?'' At that Inuyasha turned on his heel and once again faced his brother. ''Aren't you and your wife tending to that kid since heaven knows when?'' Sesshoumaru got up from his bed, preparing to go to his bathroom to have a shower when Inuyasha stopped him.

''Right, we've been her parents since the day your wife left you, but isn't she yours too?'' Inuyasha snapped at him.

''Don't drag my wife into this Inuyasha, if you value your life you would leave my wife out of this. Have respect for her.'' Sesshoumaru said, gritting his teeth as Inuyasha sighed in resignation.

'Kagome what have you done to this man? He's been living a life of hell since you left and now your daughter is also suffering from his loss.' Inuyasha thought.

''If you don't have anything to say anymore, feel free to leave this room.'' Sesshoumaru said before walking his way to the bathroom.

''What happen, Inuyasha?'' Kikyou asked her husband as she stood at the foot of the grand staircase, holding the five year old Rin by the hand.

''As usual…'' Inuyasha said with a shrug on his shoulders. He went down the stairs and started walking his way to them. As he reached them he knelt down the floor to face the little girl and pat her raven tresses that look so much like Kagome's. ''Guess Uncle Inuyasha's going to drive you to school today Rin.'' He said with a small smile on his face.

The little girl smiled back but it did not reach her eyes and nodded her head.

- I -

''Good Morning Mr. Taisho.'' Eri stood from her seat and greeted him. She followed him until they were both inside his office. She was secretary since he overtook his father’s position and before the marriage took off. Readying her notepad for the itinerary of the day, while eyeing the back of her boss, she was stopped by the authority of his words as he spoke without turning to face her.

''Cancel all my appointments for today, Eri. I don't want anyone coming into my office.'' He commanded her. He didn’t want to be disturbed.

Eri nodded, ''Yes, sir.'' She bowed and went outside of her boss’ office.

''I think your boss has been crazy. Just look at him Eri, ever since the day his wife left him he's been like this...'' He caught Inuyasha's secretary telling that to Eri before she closed his office door.

Once again being alone in the realms of his office, Sesshoumaru shut the door. Leaning to it he thought 'I'm not crazy, not at all. I know Kagome's out there somewhere. I can feel her…' He walked towards his desk and propped up behind it.

''Good Morning, love…'' Kagome greeted him that way every day, her cheery voice and high spirited aura making his day. How he missed her and even now, missing her still.

He glanced at his office table and there he saw her. She's smiling at him, her face, warm and bright like sunshine. He got the frame that held her photograph in it.

''I'm missing you Kagome...'' He says while caressing her cheeks from the glass that held her in place. He shifted his swivel chair to face the glass window that overlooked the city below.

''I missed you too, Sesshoumaru. You know I always miss you.'' She would always say that and everytime he hears her saying that, he felt happy and content with his life.

''Kagome…'' He brought her framed face to his chest and hugged her, closing his eyes as if he could feel her physically again that way.

''I'll never leave you, Sesshoumaru. That won't happen. I'll always be at your side forever...'' He could hear her saying that. He remembered her often saying that whenever he catches someone staring at his wife, like they'd like to devour her. Given that she has a pretty face that paid a second glance. And those were his favorite words that came out from his beloved.

''I love you, Sesshoumaru.''

- I -

I will stay forever here with you

My love

The softly spoken words you gave me

Even in death our love goes on

And I can't love you anymore than I do

Sesshoumaru opened his eyes at the sound of the door slamming open.

''I told my secretary that I don't want to be disturbed.'' He said not facing who it was that has the audacity to crash in his office and had interrupted him from relinquishing his memory of his wife.

''And I told your secretary that I'll fire her if she ever stops me so.'' He heard his father retorted. Touga strode to his office desk.

''I'm sorry Mr. Taisho…'' That was the voice of his secretary addressing him.

''It's alright, Eri. Go back to your work and shut the door as you leave.'' He commanded her.

''What is this all about Sesshoumaru?'' Touga questioned his first born. ''You, again, cancelled your appointments for the day,'' his voice stern and full of weight.

''Haven't I done that very often nowadays? You seem to fuss about it every now and then,'' turning his swivel chair to face his father. He rose from his position, ''What do you want?'' He asked him.

''I was informed by Inuyasha that you've neglected, once again, your daughter.'' Touga said as he glared at him, contempt in his eyes.

''Neglected. Was that what your son had told you?'' He placed Kagome's frame back on top of his office table, for a moment he stared at her before gazing back at his father. ''I didn't neglected her, you know that. I always see to it that she is well provided. I just don't want to see her,'' he continued. His father sighed from what he had heard. 'That girl reminds me of how I lost my Kagome…' in his mind these thoughts run.

''How can you say that to your own daughter? Don't you think she has nothing to do with why your wife had left you? Rin grew up knowing you and Kagome are her parents, though she's not here, but Inuyasha and Kikyou cared for her much more than you could have to. It's your responsibility. She is your responsibility!'' Voice rising, Touga turned on his heel ready to walk away from Sesshoumaru, but he remembered something that Kagome wanted him to have, so he turned to face his son again. ''This is for you. Kikyou had found it inside Rin's room.'' He put the gold thing in Sesshoumaru's desk. After that he walked to the now closed doors of his son's office. 'He's being difficult again. Kagome, I hope you can bring him back to his old self...' he silently prayed.

''That girl resembles my wife in every way. And I don't want to see the person who took my wife's life away.'' He said as stern laced his voice. The stoic mask was put away. Touga Taisho just standing at the door, his hand on its knob, was taken aback by Sesshoumaru's words.

For a moment there, he swore that he had heard emotion coming from his eldest son's voice. He gently turned the knob, silently praying that his son would come to his senses, soon.

''Sesshoumaru...'' He heard it in his mind, again.

Kagome was calling for him.

''Kagome…'' He said as his eyes darted at a familiar figure beside his laptop. His father had put it there. It was the gift that he had given her on the night after she had told him about the baby, her bracelet. Gold and shiny like his eyes, he often heard her saying. He grabbed it. As he held her bracelet, he found something carved in it. He flipped the shiny, gold thing and was stunned as her words engraved on the gold plate found his eyes.

'For my daughter, Rin,’ he read the words in his mind.

…her words

…for their daughter

Rin.

- I -

I will stay forever here with you

My love

The softly spoken words you gave me

Even in death our love goes on

And I can't love you anymore than I do

'She had sucked the life of Kagome away. My life, she dragged with the loss…' He thought as he, Sesshoumaru Taisho, climb the stairs to his room, their room.

''Daddy...'' He heard her call him. Once at the second floor of the house, he saw Rin standing in front of her room. Her hands clutching the hem of her dress as she shyly held her gaze on her father’s figure.

For a moment there he thought he saw her as his Kagome, though a little bit smaller, but still, she took her mother's look. He shook the thought away from his mind. 'No, this is not Kagome. This is the girl that took her life away...'

''I'm sorry, daddy.'' Rin said softly. Removing her hands from the hem of her dress, she looked up to stare at her father’s eyes. ''Are you mad at Rin?'' She asked with her eyes swelling with the coming of tears.

''Hn.'' He continued to stride toward his room.

''Are you mad at Rin, because mommy isn't here anymore?'' Tears freely flowed from her eyes at the mere mention of her mother. Her words froze Sesshoumaru from where he's standing. He could not believe a five-year-old could say something like this. ''I'm sorry, daddy. I'm so sorry, that because of Rin, you are not with mommy anymore.'' She sniffed as she sobbed.

''What are you saying?'' He turned to her. 'How could this five-year old girl knew about that?' He walked toward where she was standing. ''Why did you say that?'' Towering above Rin, he asked his daughter.

Rin wiped her tears and look up to her father. ''I heard Uncle Inuyasha and Aunt Kikyou,” she was reluctant to tell her father about it for fearing that he might get angry with her. “They were saying that Rin is the cause why mommy's not with us anymore.'' The little girl bowed her head in fear of her father’s eyes.

''We should take care of Rin, Inuyasha.'' It was Kikyou. They were at his library that morning. ''Can't you see how Sesshoumaru treats her? He won't say it to his daughter that she is the reason why Kagome isn't here anymore, but can't you see? Even if he won't say it, his actions speak louder.'' She cried. She wanted to take their niece to live with them for the time being until Sesshoumaru get a hold on his self.

''I know that Kikyou,'' he walked towards his wife and gather her in his arms.

Rin was just preparing to leave for school when she overheard her aunt and uncle in her father's library.

''He's been living in the past, for...'' She sobbed not wanting to continue, ''...for five years now. Can't he understand that Kagome's not going to come back anymore? Why is he doing this to their daughter?'' She hugged her husband and cried in his chest.

''Kikyou...'' Inuyasha said, trying to calm his wife.

''Can't he understand that Kagome loves their child to the extent? Can't he understand that it's not Rin's fault that she is alive, while Kagome is six feet under the ground now?'' She sobbed. “Inuyasha, if only the dead can hear us. Kagome will and she will not be happy about this.”

'Rin's fault...'

'She is alive…'

'Kagome's six feet under…'

Her aunt's words kept running into her mind. 'So that's why daddy never looked at me. As he never cared that I'm alive…' She thought as warm tears rolled down her cheeks.

''Daddy, is it true that mommy died after Rin was born?'' She drew up her courage to ask her father. She wanted to know the truth that everybody's been avoiding to tell her.

''Sesshoumaru, '' she said, her face pale and hands weak, as she tried to hold his face, one last time.  ''…take care of our daughter…'' were her last words before she fell into her sleep. Not wanting to wake up anymore.

Kagome suffered from blood loss after she had delivered their daughter. They never knew it was coming. It just snapped them on the face like that. So hard that every time he remembered it, it hurt. Like hell.

Sesshoumaru knelt to face his daughter. With warm tears still flowing from her eyes, she looked into golden orbs that were her father's. If Kagome knew what he had done to their daughter she would be devastated. That instant, he knew the extent of damage he caused to himself and his daughter.

'What have I done to you, little one?'

''Take care of our daughter…'' He could hear her saying these words to him. Kagome loved this child, heir child. And she wanted him to treat her well.

''Rin, my daughter...'' Kagome's voice echoed in his mind.

He lifted his hand to pat his daughter's head. 'Her hair is like Kagome's…'

Rin stopped crying when she felt her father's hand on her head. She stared at her father’s eyes.

''I'm not mad at you, Rin.'' He said, finally. 'Well, not anymore...' In his mind and in his heart he knew it.

__________

A/N: This is just a repost :)