The Ninja's Downfall by Sessylove219

The Queef Heard 'Round the World

Title: The Ninja’s Downfall 

Challenge: Walter’s Queef challenge

Words: 654 according to MS Word 

Rating: M for ridiculousness

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Seriously, I thought I was going to die. If it were possible for someone to die of embarrassment, I would have done it. The night started out so great. I never thought it would end the way it did.

 You know, some people think that laughing in bed is a good thing. A great thing. Sex is supposed to be fun, right?

 Well, they are full of shit. Laughing is nice, but there are things that  can happen in bed that while they would be funny to have happen to someone else, maybe, are just not funny if they happen to you.

 Sure, he said that this is something that I will find funny later when I look back on it, that someday I will laugh about it, but I just don’t see that ever happening.

 Okay. So there are funny elements to it. Going out for Mexican food was a bad idea. Getting nervous because he said that he had once heard about someone that was very uncomfortable after their girl ate a jalapeno and then gave them head was kind of dumb. The talk of a serious burning pain on the pecker really scare me!  Sure, I knew he had not had jalapenos with dinner, but as his mouth got closer and closer to my clit, I just got scared. I can’t help it. I don’t even like eating spicy things, much less feeling that burn on my cooch. He didn’t even have his tongue touching me yet when I tensed up and then the unthinkable happened.

 A queef. Right in his face. Oh, the humanity.

 The look on his face. I wanted to just die already, because he had that “deer in the headlights” look. I don’t think he even breathed. What made it worse was the fact that his face was splattered with blood. Great, to make matters worse, my period just started. I just looked at him. He seemed to be frozen in horror.

 Then he took a breath. And released the biggest giggle-snort ever.

 In fact, he was laughing so hard, he farted.

 And then laughed some more.

 Unfortunately, each contraction of his stomach sent another little fart from his ass out to make it’s way in the world.

 Eventually, the farts did stop coming, although it was a long time before his laughing stopped. His face was so red; I thought that he would die of a stroke. I am sure that my face was that red after queefing into his, but his was not from embarrassment, just from amusement. There were little tears coming from his eyes even.

 Guys just aren’t as embarrassed by farting as girls are, I guess.

 Sure, a queef is worse, but still, farting like that is pretty gross. I knew that this was a possibility when I started dating an inu youkai, but I guess I just thought that only dog dogs farted a lot. Sesshoumaru might just be the most beautiful and powerful being on this planet, and I love him to pieces, but damn, that boy does get a lot of gas! I swear, I don’t know how I would put up with it if I myself were about nine in maturity level as far as bodily functions go. I just think farts are funny. They just are! How can you not laugh at a fart?

 The thing is, I have seriously managed to convince Sesshoumaru that I NEVER fart. I told him that I only have done it three times in my entire life. After living together for years and years, you would have thought that he would have caught me at least once, but no. I am a fucking fart ninja. While farts are funny coming from others, I would be mortified if it were myself. Who would have thought that a queef would be my undoing? Sure, I didn’t fart, but jeez, close enough!

 Oh hell, now I am laughing. I guess it was a little funny.

 Good thing I didn’t eat any refried beans like he did. I would never live that one down.