Barking Up the God Tree by DemonQueen17

Barking Up the God Tree

Disclaimer: Inuyasha is not mine and no, I make no money off it.

Note: This is my attempt at crack-fic. Sesshomaru has helped defeat many powerful enemies. Surely, a simple housecat would be a piece of cake, right? Hmm, not so sure. Hope this makes you laugh. Enjoy. If anyone asks, Mimiru’s crack-fic bug bit me.

Barking Up the God Tree

It was the fourth time this week. Sesshomaru was absolutely livid. His clothes had several claw marks. This always happened every time his mate Kagome did his laundry. It was absolutely ridiculous. The taiyoukai knew who the culprit was; Kagome’s cat Buyo.

Buyo; the fat cat from hell and the current bane of his existence. Sesshomaru never could understand what that stupid hanyou saw in playing with him. Perhaps, it was the scent of the detergent that attracted that insipid cat to his clothes. Maybe it was to grate on his nerves the way cats annoy dogs. Or maybe he couldn’t stand to share Kagome with the taiyoukai. And every time Sesshomaru went after that cat, Kagome would always scold him and come to Buyo’s defense. It was as if the cat was mocking him. Sesshomar growled in irritation at this.

Granted the scent of the detergent his mate used was quite pleasing to the nose without being overbearing. However, there was no excuse for the cat to scratch up his clothes. No one would dare try to take over HIS home and get away with it, especially not some cat which was too fat for his size. Oh no, he would not stand for it. Before, he had considered giving Buyo a slow, painful death by poison claw. However, it wouldn’t go over well with Kagome and he would end up sleeping on the couch for possibly the next few weeks, months, or even years. So, that idea went out the window as quickly as it came into his head.

And so, he devised a plan to put that cat in his place once and for all. However, Sesshomaru would have to time it perfectly. He sneered as Buyo waddled by. ‘Just you wait, cat. Soon you will learn your place. You WILL learn to fear this Sesshomaru. Oh yes, you will learn.’ An evil grin formed on his lips.

Kagome found Sesshomaru and wrapped her arms around her neck. “There you are. I have a relative who I haven’t seen in a while so I’m going with my family to visit them. Could you hold down the fort while I’m away? I promise to keep the visit as short as possible. I can’t stand to be away from you for long.”

“Of course, koi. I’ll take good care of the house while you’re gone. This Sesshomaru doesn’t like it when you’re away for long either. I will still miss you.”

“I know. I already miss you. And please take care of Buyo. Make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”

Sesshomaru’s eyes twinkled with mischief at his mate’s words concerning the cat. “Oh, don’t worry. This Sesshomaru will take care of Buyo, all right.”

“Ok, I’ll see you in a couple of days. Bye, Maru. Bye, Buyo.” Kagome then left with her family. As he heard the door click shut, Buyo waddled around with another of Sesshomaru’s scratched-up shirts. A growl of fury rose from his chest as this was his favorite shirt, the one his mate bought him for his birthday.

That was it. Sesshomaru lunged for the cat, grabbing the shirt from one end while Buyo held onto the other end. There was no way a taiyoukai as powerful as he would lose to a mere overweight cat. It was a tug-of-war that led them into the backyard until a ripping sound was heard. His eyes widened just slightly as he held onto his ‘half’ of the shirt while Buyo had the rest of it in his fangs. The taiyoukai’s temper spiked even more as the cat released the fabric and started pawing and scratching it.

Sesshomaru stood up and stared down at the cat which looked up in triumph. Another victory for the cat. He seemed to gloat at the taiyoukai. Kagome’s mate made sure to put up a large barrier that encompassed the Higurashi property so as not to attract any outside attention.

That did it for Sesshomaru. It was time to finally put that insolent cat in his place. A deep rumbling growl bubbled forth as his eyes glowed a bright red. An unseen wind whipped around him and his hair blew upwards. Fur started to appear on his face and his fangs grew longer as his nose started to turn into a dog’s snout. The ‘tornado’ got bigger for a brief moment, then dissipated as the taiyoukai revealed his true form to Buyo. The cat looked up to see a gigantic white dog with the crescent moon on its forehead and maroon markings surrounding its large jaws.

Sesshomaru growled deeply as he slowly approached Buyo like a predator about to pounce on its prey. He let out a loud bark, signaling for Buyo to run as fast as his fat legs could take him. Sesshomaru ran after him until the cat climbed up the God Tree. The cat let out a hiss as he reached one of the higher branches. The large inu started barking, silencing the insolent cat that was cowering in the tree.

Sesshomaru was enjoying this. He wanted to engrain this into Buyo’s memory. The taiyoukai wanted to let him know who the true Alpha of the house. He continued growling and barking in Buyo’s direction. The taiyoukai emphasized his point by giving the trunk an earth-shattering ‘tap’ with a large forepaw.  He turned towards the house, reverting back to his humanoid form, but not before looking at the God Tree, where Buyo remained on his branch.

“Let this be a lesson to you, cat. I am the Alpha of this household. Kagome is MINE, and there shall be no interference from you. You will NOT use this Sesshomaru’s clothing as scratching material or touch anything else that belongs to me. You will NOT seek refuge from MY Kagome, when you dare to cross mes. If necessary, this Sesshomaru will teach you this lesson again and again until it’s engrained into that small brain of yours. Is that clear?”

Buyo could only let out a trembling meow, as if he understood every word. After several hours, the cat finally climbed down the God Tree and crept inside.  He carefully sniffed out Sesshomaru’s scent. The cat caught the taiyoukai’s scent and went off in the opposite direction. Perhaps, he would head to Souta’s room and get a piece of his clothing to paw and scratch on. However, the cat knew about his master’s temper. However, he loved to take chances with Souta and his belongings.

The cat wouldn’t dare try Sesshomaru’s clothing, not if he wanted to keep his remaining 8 lives. And so, he waddled over to the kitchen. At least, that was neutral territory; only until Sesshomaru entered.

As he sat in the kitchen, he pondered what had happened, if a cat could. How dare his mistress’ mate encroach on his territory! HE was in charge, not that pompous, overgrown dog! Who was he to tell him what he could and could not play with? For all Buyo knew, cats, including himself, did not believe in an alpha. He would never understand what she saw in that dog! At least the puppy-eared one took time out to play with him. Everything was public domain, including his mistress. He was here way before that dog showed up in her life; since he was a mere kitten. Buyo hissed at the thought. This wasn’t over. Oh no, this wasn’t over by a long shot. Now, to find a new toy; what to play with, what to play with.

Buyo kept waddling around, looking for something new to play with, until he noticed something white, long and furry. It’s the perfect plaything. Little did the cat know that it was Sesshomaru’s Mokomoko, but he didn’t care. The cat grabbed one end of Mokomoko and dragged it across the floor.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru sat in the living room, watching the news when he saw Buyo drag Mokomoko across the floor. His eyes widened at this. His shirts were one thing, but his Mokomoko was an entirely a different story. His precious Mokomoko was dragged across the floor like some dust rag! The cat dares defy him? HE DARES?!!!!! The cat looked up at the taiyoukai, with Mokomoko in his mouth. He looked at Sesshomaru as if to challenge his authority in the house. It looked like another lesson was in store for that insolent cat.

With a growl of rage, Sesshomaru grabbed one end of Mokomoko while Buyo held onto the other. “Release this Sesshomaru’s Mokomoko this instant, you insolent cat!”

The cat released his end of Mokomoko, only to lie down on its fur. Sesshomaru grew frustrated at this. And so, he did the only thing he could; crack it like a whip, throwing off that insolent pest. Pleased with the result, he wrapped Mokomoko around his shoulder and returned to the living room.

Buyo hissed at the taiyoukai. That damn dog! He really liked that furry thing. That did it. He went into the living room where the accursed dog was lounging; another part of HIS territory. And so, he pounced.

Shock and anger crossed the taiyoukai’s face as the cat landed on his beautiful face, pawing and scratching at him. Sesshomaru struggled to get the cat off of him, but to avail. It seemed as though he had a death grip on his chest.

And that’s when the phone rang.

A growl of frustration rumbled from his throat as grabbed it. “Higurashi-Taisho residence.”

“Hi, Sesshy. I just called to see how my mate was doing.”

“Everything’s just fine, koi.” Buyo let out a meow as he heard his mistress’ voice.

“Are you taking care of Buyo like I asked you to?”

“Of course, Kagome. This Sesshomaru is making sure he’s well taken care of.” ‘I’m taking care of Buyo all right.’ He finally managed to throw the cat off him and into a wall.

Kagome heard the impact. “What was that thump?”

Sesshomaru watched Buyo land on the floor after he hit the wall. “Nothing, koi. I dropped the remote.”

“Really? You never drop things, Sesshy. You’re always so graceful.”

“Things are fine. Do not worry.”

“Oh yeah, the reason I called is that we’re coming home a little earlier than we thought. We’ll be home by tomorrow evening. I’m actually happy about that. I already can’t wait to see you again. I miss my mate so much.”

“So does this Sesshomaru.”

“Anyway, I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow evening. Bye, Sesshy.”

“Bye, koi.” The taiyoukai then hung up the phone. He turned to see Buyo shaking his head and hissing at him. The cat pounced on him once again; this time Sesshomaru dodged the attack. Damn that dog’s quickness.

Sesshomaru, in turn, drew out his claws and lashed out, narrowly missing that insolent cat. Like the inu he was he chased the cat out of the house once more. As he went out the back door, he turned into the giant inu once more, forming a soundproof barrier, and chasing Buyo up the God Tree once more. For a cat that was overweight, Buyo was pretty quick on his feet.

The cat climbed up what he considered his favorite branch, one of the highest. Sesshomaru banged on the God Tree with earth-shaking ‘taps’, barking incessantly. From time to time, he would jump up and the tree, swiping and growling at the insolent cat.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha had been redoing the kitchen in his home next door that he shared with Shippou when he felt his half-brother’s aura spike tremendously. ‘What the hell is going on?’ The hanyou went to his window and watched as Sesshomaru was jumping and swiping at the God Tree in his true form. He could tell that he was barking his head off, but at what? The taiyoukai must have put up a sound-proof barrier when he changed.

It had been centuries since they defeated Naraku and the Shikon no Tama was no more, so it couldn’t be Naraku or any remnants of that bastard. So what was it that pissed him off to the point where he had to revert to his true form? He was going to find out. And so, with Tetsusaiga in hand, he headed next door to find out what the hell was going on.

Buyo was truly frightened this time. The dog was actually trying to rip him to shreds. Where was his mistress when needed her? The only thing he was certain of was that he missed her and wanted her back home.

Inuyasha came onto the Higurashi property by jumping a fence that connected his backyard to the Higurashi backyard and what he saw made an eyebrow twitch.

Why? Because his half-brother was barking up the God Tree and the target of all that barking was cringing on one of the higher branches. The target was none other than Kagome’s cat, Buyo. Inuyasha couldn’t believe that Buyo was Sesshomaru’s latest enemy. What did that stupid cat do to piss the usually calm, cool, and collected Ice Lord of the Western Lands? And what the hell was that bastard thinking to change into his true form for the entire block to see? What was he thinking?!

Several more minutes passed before Sesshomaru backed away from the God Tree and changed back into his humanoid form, catching Inuyasha’s scent. He growled at the cat that was still in the tree and said something that made Inuyasha almost faint. “MY Mokomoko!” With that, he turned and entered the house.

Inuyasha was speechless. What could he say that? He growled and climbed the tree in search of the cat. The hanyou finally reached Buyo. “So you’re the one that’s causing Fluffy all this trouble, huh? Well, part of me is proud of you for giving that prick a run for his money. But you gotta know your boundaries, cat, especially with Sesshomaru. That means no messing with what’s his.”

He then grabbed Buyo by the scruff of his neck, growling and bringing him to his face, his eyes bleeding red. “But if I EVER see Sesshomaru change into his true form again because of you, he won’t be the only one you deal with. I won’t hesitate to turn you into cat chow, got it?”

Buyo let out a small mew. “I’ll take that as a yes. Now you’re coming with me.” And with that, Inuyasha climbed down the tree with Buyo in his grasp. He proceeded to go inside the house, but thought better of it and left the cat outside.

Meanwhile, Sesshomaru was in the living room, clutching his Mokomoko. Inuyasha entered the living room, sat across from his half-brother and looked at him like he grew a second head. He couldn’t believe the great Lord of the Western Lands was reduced to an immature pup clutching his favorite thing in the world by an overweight housecat. He wondered sometimes if Buyo was a reincarnation of Naraku. But then the hanyou thought about it and came to the conclusion that it couldn’t be possible because of the atrocities he committed back in the day; killing Kikyo twice, killing, resurrecting and enslaving Kohaku, destroying Sango’s village of taijiya and putting the curse of the Wind Tunnel on Miroku’s line.

But then again, perhaps this was karma’s way of dealing with that evil ‘hanyou’; by reincarnating him as a common housecat, which was exacting some kind of revenge for preventing him from becoming the most powerful being in existence. Naraku was always a sadistic megalomaniac. It served him right, the jerk. Then again, you never know.

Several minutes passed and the silence. “Why are you staring at this Sesshomaru like I was insane?”

“Hmm, let’s see. You change into your true form, bark up at the cat that you chased up the God Tree, while you’re jumping up and down and swiping at him and giving the tree love taps. Is that ringing a bell for you? What the hell happened?”

“As pathetic your attempt at amusement may be, but that insolent cat has destroyed this Sesshomaru’s shirts. He has also managed to drag MY Mokomoko on the floor like a filthy dust rag. I had no choice. Not only did that cat force me to change to my true form once, but twice.”

“Let me get this straight. You changed into your true form twice because Buyo was messing with your stuff? Are you kidding me?”

“He had the audacity to challenge my authority in this house. The cat must learn who the true alpha is in this house!”

Inuyasha’s eyebrow twitched yet again. His fist clenched as a growl increasing in volume rumbled from his throat.

“BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! YOU CHANGED TO AN OVERGROWN DOG BECAUSE OF THE STUPID CAT?!!!! ARE YOU INSANE?!!!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT? You had to have been dropped on the head by the old man as a little pup! For someone so refined and smart, though I always beg to differ, you sure are STUPID!”

Sesshomaru growled back at Inuyasha. “No one messes with this Sesshomaru’s MOKOMOKO!!!!!!! I will not tolerate such disrespect, especially from some stupid overweight housecat!”

Inuyasha managed to hit Sesshomaru with a sheathed Tetsusaiga in the back of his head. “I never thought I’d see the day when the great Lord of the Western Lands reduced to a pathetic little bitch who throws the temper tantrum of all temper tantrums. You do this shit again and I’ll knock you upside the head with Tetsusaiga again!!!”

“You are most welcome to try, half-breed. Remember I have BOTH hands to deal with the likes of you. You only got lucky when you hit this Sesshomaru’s head. There will not be a second chance.”

“You are SO not worth fighting. I can’t believe you. I’ll never understand what Kagome sees in you. I’m outta here! I feel bad for the wench. Next time, buy more clothes.” And so, Inuyasha left the house the way he came, cursing all the while.

As the hanyou walked out, he took one more look at Buyo. He smirked, growled, causing the cat to back away. Inuyasha stalked him until he reached the God Tree and gave a loud bark. Buyo jumped at that and scurried back up the tree. The hanyou grinned and jumped over the fence and headed home.

Finally, Sesshomaru was able to relax with his Mokomoko in his arms. He sighed as he finally put the cat in his place. The taiyoukai can finally rest easy as he heard the hanyou give a loud bark out back. He closed his eyes and soon fell asleep.

Morning came and Sesshomaru woke up well rested. Today Kagome was coming home. And so, he did a little grocery shopping and cooked a large dinner. He was almost a bit giddy with anticipation. While he was cooking, Buyo nervously crept into the kitchen, catching the scent of food. Of course, Sesshomaru heard this, turned his head, his eyes a bright red and his fangs longer as he gave the cat a predatory grin. He raised his hand, claws elongated and glowing a bright green as though poison would start to seep out. The taiyoukai then gave a growling chuckle. He turned to face him, walking a few steps. He stopped as he bent down and gave a loud bark, sending the terrified cat back outside.

Evening came as Kagome and the rest of her family arrived. “Sesshy, I’m home.” She caught the scent of dinner. “Mmmm, something smells good. What’s for dinner?”

Sesshomaru wrapped his arms around his mate. “All of your favorites, koi. This Sesshomaru is sure every dish will be to your liking as well as your family’s.”

Souta’s stomach could be heard growling. He sighed at seeing the affectionate display. “Will you two get a room? I’m starving. Let’s eat.” He then headed to the kitchen.

Mrs. Higurashi looked in the kitchen and noticed a certain cat was missing. “Where’s Buyo?”

“He’s in the backyard.”

“That’s strange. Why would he be in the backyard?”

“Let’s just say this Sesshomaru and the cat had a slight misunderstanding. So I was left with no choice but enforce law and order.”

Kagome looked confused at this statement. “Uh, ok. We’ll talk more about it later. Right now, I’m starved. Let’s eat. I’ll give him scraps when we’re done.”

“Very well, koi. But for tonight, the cat stays outside. He must truly learn his place.” Dinner finally started without a hitch. Kagome had a feeling there was something her mate neglected to tell her about what happened between him and Buyo. However, she was too engrossed in dinner to care, so she shrugged it off. Sesshomaru on the other hand, watched as his miko ate dinner. He would make sure they would have one hell of a nightcap later on tonight.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha sat in his living room, eating his favorite ramen. He was reliving what happened earlier. The hanyou shook his head, wondering if Sesshomaru was actually dropped on the head one too many times as a pup and which parent was guilty. He knew that Shippo would start asking questions as he was sure he felt his half-brother’s youki spike when he transformed.

“My Mokomoko, my ass!” With that, Inuyasha finished dinner and got ready for bed. He had a busy day ahead tomorrow.

The end…or is it?

Well, that’s that; my attempt at crack-fic. I’m not sure where I’ll take it. I’ll think of something. Maybe I’ll do a sequel. I don’t know. Later. ^_^