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The Three Dokugateers and Smittanian by Walter205

Crackteers

 Once, in a land far far away...

 From the future home of the United States...

 There was a land called the plains of Musashi.

 All sorts of villiany and thrife was present. Evil and demons were everywhere.

 There was a band of travelers that had set out, five hundred years ago from the present, to try and destroy the most evil of these evil demons, a vile half demon known only as Naraku. In this group was a powerful Taiyoukai, his half brother halfling demon, a small fox demon, a firecat demon, a monk, a priestess, and a tajiya. The final battle was now approaching, as they approached Naraku's final lair.

 Would they be able to accomplish this battle alone? No, but they would win this fight, for the legends of legends, a group of four people came to the assistance of Inuyasha and his comrades...a group of the three Dokugateers and Smittanian. This is their story.

* * *

 "Aye, avast there, I sense great evil," said Anno, pointing to the south-east.

 "Is it Naraku?" asked Walter, coming up behind him.

 "Who else could it be? Such an evil aura, but it is no match. Come, let us be off then, into battle," stated Kirch, mounting his horse. Anno and Walter did likewise, as Smittanian came up behind them.

 The four of them rode off then, to the southeast. Already they could feel the auras of battle as the traveling group engaged Naraku's forces. Walter just hoped that they weren't too late.

* * *

 But, avast, it was too little, too late, for most of the travelers. Only Kagome and Sesshomaru remained standing. Inuyasha had been caught on his night off as a half demon and had been killed in his human form, torn apart by Naraku's tentacles in a non-porno and gruesome fashion. Shippou, and Kirara had both been captured by the same tentacles and absorbed into Naraku, to add their power to his own, again in a non-porno and gruesome fashion.

 Finally, same said tentacles had split open Miroku's wind tunnel, and both he and Sango were sucked in, once again in a non-porno and gruesome fashion.

 Kagome had been assaulted by the tentacles, but she had beat them back with her bow and arrows. And Sesshomaru, he was simply too awesome to be touched by the tentacles, even if it was in a non(or non-non)-porno fashion.

 Kagome was breathing heavy, from overexterting herself in a non-bedroom fashion. Sesshomaru was taking the brunt of the battle between Naraku and his army of demons, but looked to be slowly wearing down.

 One demon, a flying snake demon with bat wings, looked to ambush from behind, but then, a shrill call came across the battlefield, "Grapes of Wrath!" called out Smittanian as multipule grape-sized holy hand grenades pelted the demon, exploding it into tiny bits across the battlefield.

 Naraku, Kagome, Sesshomaru, and the remaining demons turned in disbelief to behold the four new arrivals on horseback.

* * *

 Anno looked at the long line of demons arrayed against the two remaining defenders and shooked his head, sighing to himself.

 "Walter, head to the right after you pass the wall of demons. Kirch, take yourself down the right flank, and fear no darkness...," started Anno before he was interrupted.

 "Anno, we are four, not six thousand, and those are demons, not urukhai. Try a different speech," said Walter with annoyance.

 "Very well. One day the humans may fade out of existance, but it is not..," began Anno again, before he was interrupted by Kirch this time.

 "Not that speech either. No glowing eyes on towers, no speeches that have 'not this day' in them," stated Kirch.

 "Fine, let's just have at them and be done with it," huffed Anno in annoyance before getting off his horse and running for the demons.

 Kirch hopped off his own horse. Throwing his hands into the air, he began to yell as a powerful yellow and red aura surrounded him. The nearby demons shrank back in fear when he bellowed the awesome words of transformation into a fearsome warrior...,"THIS IS SPARTA!!!"

 The red and gold aura faded, leaving Kirch fully transformed as a Legionnare, with shield, sword, and helmet to boot. Marching forward like the fearless warrior he was, he waded into the demons, his sword slicing them apart, his shield smashing their skulls and bodies, his boots crushing their corpses underneath like so much useless dirt and gravel.

 Walter approached a horde of demons, looking plain and unassuming. The demons, overconfident, began to advance, before the temperature around them began to drop several degrees. A low muttering, coming from the human, could be heard.

 "I am the bird of Hermes....eating my wings....to make...me...tame...," muttered Walter before he was enveloped within a dark aura. When the aura vanished, Walter was gone, to be replaced by a taller, more menacing figure with dark hair, beard, and a thousand minions behind him.

 "Count Walter, the Angel of Death. Come now demons, taste my blood and flesh, before my army of the dead devours your own," spoke Walter in a soft and challenging voice.

 The demon horde charged at him, frenzied and panicked.

 A single ogre managed to make it to within a foot of Walter, a drop of blood from it's devoured body splattering on his cheek.

 Anno withdrew the twin swords from his back.

 "I am an artist. Come, feel my hands at work, as I slice you all apart, and make lovely murals against the trees with your spattered blood and remains," said Anno as he waded into another pack of demons, swords slicing and dicing.

 Smittanian stood at the back of the battle, cheering everyone on with her pom-poms.

 Soon, the entire demon army was dead. Naraku stood looking at them in shock.

 A purification arrow from the forgotten Kagome breached his barrier, striking at the shikon jewel. It was purified, and Naraku dropped it like it was poision. Sesshomaru lanced up with Bakusaiga, dissolving Naraku's body. Naraku's last thought was 'Who the hell are these strange people...'.

 The three Dokugateers and Smittanian came over to where Kagome and Sesshomaru were.

 "The evil hanyou has been vanquished, at long last. Do you two have any plans for the future?" asked Walter in a soft voice.

 "Ooh ooh I know!" says Smittanian, coming up from behind them.

 Sesshomaru inclined his head.

 "Smittanian decrees that Sesshomaru and Kagome should mate, and produce powerful offspring that will be awesome for like, heirs of the west and stuff," declared Smittanian with a proud smile on her face, her head expanding with her brilliant logic.

 "I have no one else now, so...Sesshomaru, will you take me with you?" asked Kagome, biting her lip in uncertainty.

 "I no longer hate humans, as Rin as proven. So yes, I will take you with me. This mating thing...we will see what happens," shrugged Sesshomaru as he picked the weak Kagome off and set off into the sunset in a white orb.

 A ton of smoke filled the clearing as everyone reverted to their original forms.

 "So, what now guys?" asked Smittanian.

 "On to the next adventure, I guess," replied Anno, as the three Dokugateers and Smittanian mounted up and also rode off into the sunset, their eyes starting to hurt from looking into the sun...

 The End

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 P.S.: I don't own Inuyasha, 300, Hellsing, or anything else that isn't original in this story.

 A/N: Thoughts in the form of reviews are much appreciated.

 

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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