I Don't Want A Mate (rewrite) by MLMonty

You're Mine (edit)

I Don't Want a Mate

Summary: Sesshoumaru goes into heat during mating season and rapes Kagome. Now she's pregnant and wants nothing to do with him. Should Sesshoumaru respect her wishes and leave her unguarded while she carries his heir?

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A/N: Please read the Important!!! section of my profile before continuing with this story or any others written by me. Now you guys may recognize this one already. What happened was that I never liked the way it turned out. So, I'm attempting to clean it up.  This is a rewrite not only an editing. There was stuff I wanted to add the first time I never did. Stuff to take out ect.

Ch 1: You're Mine

A low, feral howl ripped from his throat, shattering the silent night. Everything had fled his hunting grounds hours before, at dusk, when the chase began. Only two creatures moved this night.

 She had been alone, the foolish woman, when he found her tantalizing scent. At the time he still had some control but it faded rapidly as he had unconsciously followed her seductive aroma. His last thought before his rational mind slipped away and his beast took over was, 'why was she left unprotected during mating season?' She may be human, but she was a miko of considerable power and would draw youkai to her like moths to a flame. If she had been guarded properly, then she might have stood a better chance of escaping. But he would never have allowed her to escape him; guarded or not, she was his. It really was for the best that he'd found her first; no other male deserved to claim such a powerful female as their own.

She was sleeping in their camp, curled up in her strange bedding, a fire flickering merrily nearby. Evidence of her companions was scattered about; however, those same companions were noticeably absent. A quick survey found the monk and youkai slayer had also succumbed to the heady intoxication of mating season. The hanyou, also, was involved with his newly-alive miko, leaving the other miko alone. The kit's scent on the miko and her bedding was stale and virtually nonexistent elsewhere. Wherever the kit was, he wasn’t anywhere near.

She had sensed his presence when he returned from scouting the area for would-be rescuers or potential rivals; he didn't want anyone to interfere with his hunt and claiming of the miko. He wasn't sure how she had sensed him, because he had been concealing his aura; but, since her protector was distracted, Sesshoumaru allowed his aura to flood the forest with its oppressiveness. He knew that it would inform all other youkai that this female was taken. Few would be willing to challenge a youkai of his caliber for mating rights.

She had thrown off her covers and grabbed her bow before he even realized what she was up to. After a short, but heated battle, one which sated quite nicely the thirst for blood that always accompanied the mating lust, she'd fled and the chase began. Pleased beyond measure at her actions, he had followed. By satisfying his blood-lust, she ensured that she would survive the night; and by running, she allowed his beast the thrill of the chase. She truly was a wonderful creature. Very few female youkai could satisfy a male this well; at least, none had ever done so for him.

His heated blood rushed through his veins, scorching him from the inside. Need pulsed in every fiber of his being, ripened by the length of his hunt. With red-hazed vision, he searched for his prey, scanning the foliage for her. He lifted his nose to scent the air, inhaling deeply. Snapping his head to the right he smirked. She wasn't far, the sly vixen; this time he'd catch her; he was ready, aching for his prize. Silently, he slipped through the night's shadows.

His aura blanketed the entire forest, unfettered by the chains he normally placed on it. She couldn't sense where he was when it felt like he was everywhere, surrounding her, embracing her. A slight noise caused him to shift his path of pursuit. Shortly now, he'd have her. She had led him on a long chase, most of the night, actually; the moon had already passed its zenith. Every trick she could think of, and a few he'd never seen before, she had used to escape him. She was tiring though, and soon he'd have her.

A flash of red caught his eye - the color of her sleeping attire. He almost missed it as it was nearly invisible in the red haze clouding his vision. Finally, the hunt was coming to a close. Soon, so very soon, he'd claim his mate. His need for her was becoming unbearably painful. He had been fortunate she'd run, blind in her panic, in the opposite direction from her friends. He was under no illusion that they would have ceased their mating to come to her aid. While it was unheard of for a youkai to stop mating to assist someone in trouble, her companions were human. Even the hanyou, though he would normally have attacked at being interrupted, would have stopped to come to the aid of this female.

Swiftly, he chased after the flash of color. Her scent was spiking and now was the perfect time to claim her. She was at the height of her own heat, one induced by his aura and the chase. A smirk appeared on his ethereal face, she'd be pupped this night; this he knew by her heady scent. Another howl tore from his throat, reverberating through his chest. This one was loud, singing of victory and the end of a long, satisfying hunt. She was too tired to escape him now. Both her miko powers and her physical energy were near exhaustion. She was his.

His claws reached out for her as he appeared before her. The scent of her tears tugged at his reason, stirring it, but he was too far gone, too lost in his beast for it to make any difference for her. Besides, he wanted the woman as well. True, he wouldn't have chosen this course of action, but he would have her for his mate and then deal with what came after.

Ruby eyes stared down at the woman in his grasp. Her ebony hair was wild, her clothes disheveled and torn from her frantic flight. He had never dreamt that she would satisfy him so thoroughly before they actually mated. He watched as crystalline tears trailed down her face; her eyes reflecting the stars in their watery depths. He pulled her flush against him and growled soothingly, attempting to calm her. His inner demon, the beast, communicated to her in the only way he truly could, trying to show her how pleased he was with her actions. He didn't want her to fear; he understood on some level that she didn't understand what was going on with him; but that was for later, it would be explained to her later and she'd come to terms with it then. Again, his reason stirred sluggishly. Briefly, the beast wondered why, but then it was distracted by her breasts heaving against his chest from her labored breathing. He'd been forced to wait too long for this night by his own self and had no intention of wasting another second.

He claimed her parted coral lips in a hungered kiss, nearly bruising her in his ferocity. Thrusting his tongue into her warm mouth, he released a growl of satisfaction. He tangled one hand in her hair tilting her head for a better angle, losing himself for a moment in her taste. The other hand, the one she herself had restored, pulled and ripped her flimsy clothes away from her exertion-flushed body. Upon feeling the delicate fabric being severed and the cool night air nip against her heated skin, she renewed her struggles against him. Growling in displeasure, he tossed her onto the soft grass, a startled cry leaving her lips at the suddenness of his movement. He didn't give her time to flee again before he pinned her with his own body.

"The time for fighting is over, Kagome, submit." His voice was deep, guttural, but commanding, so thick with growling it was barely speech at all. She paused in her frantic movements. Taking this as consent, that she understood that she had no choice, he resumed his task.

"Don't do this, please, Sesshoumaru," she begged, her voice choked with tears, again he growled his disapproval this time nipping her ear in reprimand.

"You have lost, Kagome, you're mine now. Submit." With a sharp tug, the sound of ripping fabric echoed in a forest that was afraid to breath. His patience gone he tore all her remaining clothing off her, exposing her naked flesh to his gaze. Finally, she lay bare before him in all her glory, rosy and panting. He kept her hands pinned above her head at all times to prevent her from striking out at him. He didn't want Kagome to hurt herself in any foolish attempt to harm him, though she was still fighting him, refusing him the submission he demanded. Sesshoumaru was, for once, thankful for the previous loss of his arm. He had been forced at that time to learn how to remove his armor and clothing one-handed. Now he didn't have to release his hold on her and risk her running from him again. Quickly, he divested himself of both steel and clothing.

Both beast and reason had wanted this for so long, Sesshoumaru took a moment to take pleasure in the sight of her. Her moon-kissed flesh called to him. Dipping his head down, he took a tawny nipple in his mouth, careful of his fangs and suckled eagerly. The taste of her was divine and he moaned deeply in appreciation. Kagome gasped under him, arching her body, pushing more of her firm mound into his mouth when she started at the sensation, he gladly accepted the unconscious offering. 

Licking and nibbling the twin peaks, his free hand glided in phantom touches down to her core, all the while being careful of his claws. He shifted his weight slightly and slid a knee between her toned thighs, forcing them apart ever so gently. He was pleasantly surprised to find her completely shaved and bare to his gaze. He had always hated bedding youkai females during mating season because the smell of old blood would become trapped in their dark curls. Other youkai might not notice the stink but an inu youkai nose was not spared. His miko, however, was completely shaved and only the heady smell of her heat was present. For now. He intended to add her musky scent of arousal to the mix soon, before combining it with the smell of his own seed.

Kagome began to thrash anew at his onslaught on her body. He could sense the shame, fear and desire roiling off of her. The conflicting emotions swirled like a tempest around him. Since she had engaged him in a battle vigorous enough to satisfy his blood-lust, he wouldn't be forced to take her brutally to quench it. Many females this night would suffer such rough treatment from their male counterparts because their blood-lust hadn't been satisfied enough before mating. Some females would even die; his Kagome, however, would be spared such a fate, something he was eternally grateful for. He wasn't sure she understood completely what was going on and a brutal claiming would only make it harder on her afterward.

Focusing on pleasuring her, Sesshoumaru soon had her gasping and arching her back. Under his careful ministrations, she threw her head back in a silent scream of completion as she shattered beneath him. Sesshoumaru's aura spiked and he forced the hot fires of his magic into her as he watched her climax so beautifully. Slowly he stretched this most delicate part of her with his fingers, while building her up to mind numbing heights again. He wanted her to enjoy this encounter despite her lack of comprehension as to why he was doing this without her consent.

The shame coming off of her had increased following her orgasm and was nearly smothering him. It was sickening, but he pushed on with his intent, determined to achieve his goal. He wanted to bring her as much pleasure as possible. She'd sated all his needs this night except his physical lust, and that wouldn't be far off now. Sensing her coming close to personal rapture again, he gingerly pulled his fingers out of her and lifted his head from the ravishment of her breasts to capture her sapphire eyes with his ruby gaze. Not breaking eye contact, he slid his fingers, covered in her essence, into his mouth and suckled them one at a time. He wanted her to know how pleased he was with her; how sweet he found her. Later, when reason was again in control, Sesshoumaru would explain things to her. But it simply took too much energy to talk when his beast was in control. It was energy he'd require to mate his female and then guard her until she recovered.

Releasing her hands, he grabbed her hips and pulled her to him, instinctively grinding into her slightly, savoring the slick heat she gave off. He hissed in pleasure at the feel of her wet heat on his throbbing need. Quickly positioning himself, he thrust into her before she could collect her scattered thoughts enough to protest. She stiffened slightly in discomfort, but not pain. He was pleased that he seemed to be causing her only a little discomfort.

Allowing her time to adjust, he reveled in her tight, wet heat. He closed his eyes and dropped his head to her shoulder with the feeling of it as he allowed the sensation to engulf him. Sliding his large, callused hands down her legs, he marveled at their smoothness as he folded them against her body so her thighs were pressed against her breasts. He rested some of his weight slightly on her; watching her carefully for any signs of pain. Her muscles gripped him so tightly they almost sucked him back in with the strength of it. A growl of pure pleasure escaped him. He'd never felt anyone so tight and he was elated to know that he was marking her as his. He refused to let another have his little miko, his Kagome. Just the knowledge that he was her first and would be her last nearly sent him over the edge.

Soon enough, Kagome's body took over and her fears and adamant exhausted protests were lost in the pleasure of their coupling as he claimed every inch of her most private self. Tiny, crystalline drops flowed from her eyes as her mind still protested her body's reactions. Kagome felt betrayed by her own flesh. The feeling of shame never left her, though Sesshoumaru was able to ignore the discomfort it caused him when he sensed it. The sounds of flesh wetly slapping against flesh echoed through the silent forest. Sesshoumaru's snarls and grunts mingled with Kagome's whimpers, sobs and gasps as the night wore on steadily into dawn.

Every time she climaxed, he forced her to take his youki; the fiery magic marking her as his, as it entered her body, saturating it. A green mist would rise from him like steam and force its way into her petite body. When she finally had enough of his power that she actually glowed a faint acid green in the dwindling moonlight, Sesshoumaru finally allowed himself to climax with a deafening howl that Kagome felt vibrate on the backs of her thighs where his chest pressed against her.

She had nearly passed out from the ordeal. Her eyes were slitted in exhaustion and he could just make out their blue color. Her body was limp as he gently covered her in his outer haori. Sesshoumaru quickly gathered his clothes and dressed so that he could watch over her and be ready to defend her if necessary. He had to make sure she was given time to recover and he had to prepare himself for when she awoke. For once in his life he was scared. She would not take being made his mate well, nor the fact that she was now with pup.

Sesshoumaru's beast had known he'd take her as his mate, if given half a chance, since the first time he'd seen her; cowering behind his brother as he sat atop the oni. He had felt it, a tug, connecting him to the then-teen. It was as if his soul was being pulled on, demanding he pay attention, insisting he take notice of this child on the cusp of womanhood standing before him. His reason had noticed the feeling but hadn't recognized what it meant, yet his beast knew. It knew that this little female was meant to be his. Once he discovered that he couldn't wield his father's sword, he had almost abandoned it. What good was a sword he couldn't hold, other than for the pleasure of keeping it out of his unworthy brother's hands?

At least, he had intended to give up on it, until his curiosity about the brave little miko had gotten the better of him. His beast had bombarded him with images of her while he healed from the grievous wounds his brother had inflicted on him. Finally, he had sought her out again under the pretense of acquiring the sword. It was the perfect ruse, he had already staked a claim on it and none knew that he had changed his mind.

Again, the pull had been there, only stronger. He quickly came to the conclusion that the girl didn't feel the odd connection. He had nearly killed his brother on their second encounter. During the battle he had almost lost it in a fit of jealously when she had defended the hanyou. Later, he berated himself for his behavior; he told himself that there was no reason for him to lose control or to even be jealous, for that matter. His beast again had supplied images of the girl. Each time it did so, it highlighted some of her positive attributes. Over the years his reason had begun to desire the miko as well; he even saved her from the poison master without a thought. He was still embarrassed over having made up such a lame excuse to cover his actions.

After that, every spring during mating season, Sesshoumaru had secluded himself from everyone. It meant suffering almost unbearable agony as his body burned in unquenched desire for the miko. He had comforted himself in the knowledge that her friends would keep her safe from others. He knew that he would have killed anyone to get to her if he hadn't taken such drastic measures every spring.

He also had realized that his beast would refuse any other female. It was not long after he had met Kagome, that he had been approached by a female wishing to mate. He did not indulge in females outside of mating season and, until now, none had satisfied his blood-lust enough to survive the ordeal. It was a delicate balance that youkai maintained during this time. The blood-lust must be sated or the female probably won't survive the mating, and the female must submit once captured by a proven male or risk the beast’s wrath.

The female who had approached him had done so outside of the season, true, but she had done everything required to gain a male’s attention. It should have worked, at least enough to arouse him. While he didn't have a say during mating season, he did have control during the rest of the year and he used it. He had little interest in sexual adventures, normally. He was young and didn't wish to risk his beast pupping someone who was unworthy of being Lady of the West, or in siring a bastard child. While the chances of his beast taking over and marking someone outside of mating season were slim, the chance of impregnating a female was still present. A female bearing the heir would automatically become his Lady. But she would not be his mate unless he marked her, and their child, while being his heir, would still be a bastard. The best way to avoid that situation was to abstain from casual sexual relations.

However, as this beautiful and desirable female attempted to seduce him, he became aware of his beast, which began bombarding him with images of Kagome along with intense feelings of loyalty toward her and it refused to allow him to become aroused by this anonymous female. He knew from then on it was only a matter of time before his beast took all decisions concerning Kagome away from him.

He had hoped to go about it the right way. Court her and convince her to become his mate and, preferably, mark her outside of the season, when he was in control and wouldn't hurt her. Now, that was no longer an option. Now he was left to clean up this mess his beast had created, to face her fear and wrath. He prayed to every god he knew, and his great and terrible father, that she would forgive him in time.

He had never wanted it to happen like this.

MLM

Kagome woke up slowly, her whole body ached. Sleep clouded her mind as she tried to figure out the cause of such discomfort. Images flashed through her head, confused and jumbled: Going to bed early while Sango and Miroku wandered off to be alone. Inuyasha and Kikyou were still been up, waiting for dinner to cook. Kagome had just been too tired to stay awake. The final battle with Naraku had happened just forty-eight hours before and she was still exhausted. Her heart ached with the knowledge that Kikyou was alive and her place in Feudal Japan was lost. She had given up on her love for Inuyasha two years ago. It was really just a child’s infatuation and she knew it, well she had when she gave up on it. It had taken her three years to realize just what her love really was. And, while she did love him and accept him for who he was, she was more in love with the idea of being in love than truly in love with him. He'd always hold a special place in her heart; he was her first friend here, and her first crush. He had become family.

She then remembered being awoken by something around dusk. Something was there but she couldn't tell what. It was more of a feeling of something that didn't belong than an aura. It was almost like there was a hole where something should be; a feeling of something hidden. The image of someone in camouflage flickered through her mind, but that wasn't quite right either. Another image of a section of a tree missing, as if someone had placed a void in front of it, seemed more apt.

Kagome shot up from the ground. She remembered everything: Sesshoumaru, the battle, the chase and the rape. Looking around frantically, she spotted him sitting across from her leaning up against a tree trunk. Fear consumed her. Sweat broke out across her brow, her eyes dilated and she twitched with the urge to run. She'd never before feared this male; no matter the times he'd tried to kill her. Hell, everyone here had tried to kill her, she'd learned early on not to hold grudges based on that.

She scuttled away from him, across the damp grass until her back touched a tree, panting with terror. Sesshoumaru didn't move; he made no effort to stop her. He just sat there watching her with an odd look in his eyes. It caused her to have a sharp pang in her heart before her fear pushed it away. Slowly, he extended his hand, palm up.

"Kagome, I…" he trailed off; he didn't know where to begin. It was as he feared, she was terrified of him. How was he to comfort her, to reassure her, to let her know he never meant to hurt her? "We-we need to talk about what happened." He finished lamely.

"What happened?" Kagome stared at him unbelieving, fury mounting in her heart. "What happened was you raped me!" Sesshoumaru flinched at the bitterness, anger and hurt in her tone and the sharpness of her shriek.

"I know,” he answered in a low voice, “and I am sorry." He dropped his mask, that cold façade of stony emotionlessness he always wore; he knew now, of all times, he needed to show her he was sincere. He needed to show her what he felt. His true face.

Kagome nearly gasped at what she saw: pain, regret, shame, all so raw she wanted to weep. She'd never seen him without his icy veneer in place. He was always the proper Japanese lord: stoic in the face of adversity, coolly aloof, expressionless. Inuyasha often insisted that he wasn’t concealing his emotions; Sesshoumaru was simply a heartless bastard - he didn’t have any emotions to show. Kagome had never believed him and, finally, she was privileged to see the real Sesshoumaru, the hidden male. If only it had happened in a different setting.

She took a deep breath. He wasn’t going to attack her again. She studied his open face, reading his feelings. She swallowed her fear in the face of what she saw and steeled herself to ask the questions she needed answered. "Why?" Her voice broke with that one word. It was thick with hurt and fear, nearly drowning in it. She saw him flinch again as if she’d hit him.

He sighed; he would have to be honest with her if they were to have any chance together. "Are you familiar with youkai mating season?" He was pretty sure that, in all of the five years she'd been in this time, no one would have bothered to explain it to her.

"No." And he was right.

Another sigh. He straightened his shoulders and began. "Once a year all youkai who are not mated, male and female alike, are consumed with the need to breed.  Their beast will then take control, leaving them little more than an animal." His face showed his regret clearly, but Kagome was loath to forgive him the commission of his crime, so fresh and painful. Her tattered self-respect and understandable fear refused to be soothed so easily. "The only way to avoid it is if a female is already pupped, mated or not. All newly matured youkai lose their virginity during this time. A youkai won't even know that he or she is sexually mature ‘til their first mating season." He stopped briefly and watched her face for her reaction.

"Okay, so your beast takes over, you lose control and you don't remember what happens?" Her tone was sarcastic. He couldn’t blame her; his explanation sounded like an excuse.

"No, while my beast did take over, since I am a full-blooded youkai, I remember. I have no control, but I do remember - everything. I have lived through fifty mating seasons and every time it was with the same result. Until the last five."

Almost afraid to ask she gathered her courage and whispered, "Why? What was the difference?"

"You.” He met her eyes, intent on conveying the truth of his words. “Mating season is a brutal experience. Males will seek out strong females and attempt to capture and mate them. The female will challenge the male to see if he is strong enough to subdue her; so she knows he will be able to protect her and her young. If he is not, she will kill him. But if she is not strong enough to fight him long enough to satisfy his blood-lust before submission, she could be killed or severely wounded during mating. None of the females I have taken previously have survived. None were strong enough to sate my blood-lust in the first forty-five years of my maturity."

"You killed forty-five female youkai while raping them?" He could see the horror on her face and hear it in her breathless whisper. He didn't want to admit to it, but he had to.

"Yes, when my beast is in control it does not hold back. Normally, I do not use all my strength while fighting, but when my beast is in control, it fights with everything it has. It is usually rare for a female to die during mating season but it does happen. There were simply none strong enough, quick enough or clever enough to outlast our battle and satisfy my blood-lust. When it is not sated, my beast still sought blood when the mating began. None have survived, until you."

"Why didn't you kill me like the others?" Her mind reeled, how could he have raped and killed forty-five females? What kind of animal was he? "You said the last five years where different - how?" She trembled in horror at his admissions and she clutched the thin fabric draped around her body tightly in a futile effort to stave it off.

"I did not kill you because you sated my blood-lust before I captured you."

"But it wasn't that long a battle; just until I ran out of arrows." She didn't understand it at all. A normal battle for her was two to three times longer.

"True, but then you also ran, allowing my beast to indulge in the chase. An inu youkai female would have submitted after the fight. Her beast would have acknowledged me as a worthy mate. The chase last night lasted several hours, more than enough for any remaining blood-lust to cool. You made all the right decisions that would guarantee your life. What you must remember is that, while it seems savage by human standards, male youkai are not the only ones overwhelmed by their beasts; female youkai are too. They kill their share of males every year, depending on the strength of those who challenge them." 

"Okay," she said. While not agreeing with what he told her, she vaguely understood it. "But what about the last five years? You said it was because of me. How?"

Sesshoumaru sighed heavily again. "Five years ago I met you a few months before mating season. I had felt a pull on my very soul when I saw you, but I dismissed it at first. The entire time I was healing from my wounds my beast engaged me with images of you from our encounter. I had already given up on the Tessaiga, since I could not wield it, but, at the urging of my beast, I became curious about you. I used the sword as an excuse to observe you and to determine why my beast was so enamored with you."

"You gave up on the sword after the first encounter?" Kagome was incredulous, all those engagements with Inuyasha were out of curiosity about her? She felt strangely flattered, as well as rather horrified. Some of those encounters had been considerably bloody and others were downright terrifying.

"Yes, after all, what good is a sword I cannot use? The reason I nearly killed Inuyasha during our second battle was out of jealousy. I was jealous of the way you defended him. I dismissed the notion later as illogical. What did I have to be jealous of? But it did not matter, I knew deep down that it was jealousy of the hanyou." Sesshoumaru closed his eyes for a moment and rested his head against the rough bark of the tree behind him. "It was after that, and about a month before mating season, that a female youkai approached me. When a female does not wish to partake in mating season due to the inherent risks, she finds a male to pup her. It insures her beast will not take over, nor will she be sought out by other males. There would be no point since she would be pupped already. Many males and females choose this path." Sesshoumaru let out a humorless chuckle. "My beast interfered the whole time she was trying to seduce me. A wasted effort, really, since I never mate outside of season. My beast, however, felt differently, it supplied images of you and even feelings of betrayal."

"Why do you never mate outside of season? If she was pupped wouldn't you have skipped that year to protect the mother and unborn child? And why would your beast use me to talk you out of it?" It was almost as if he wanted to wait for mating season. That was a rather terrifying thought. Had he been waiting to attack another female? To attack her?

"Indeed. However, I am still a young youkai, the approximate equivalent of twenty years in human terms. And the best way to prevent bastard pups is to abstain. I refuse to bring a bastard into the world." he said firmly. "I have more honor than that. Nor did I want to risk having an unworthy female attempt to use my pup as a way to become Lady of the West. Though I have had to endure the risk of a bastard anyway during mating season, it is only one night and it differs for each youkai. Mine is on the first true full moon of spring, last night. I also knew that if a female survived and was marked she would be more worthy of being Lady of the West than any others. And the reason my beast used your image was because, from the first, it choose you as our mate."

"You're beast wanted me as your mate? But then it rapes me?" That sure as hell didn't win a girl over. Then again, according to what Sesshoumaru was telling her, that was exactly how it worked for youkai.

"Yes," he said wearily. "I realized how badly it wanted you after my encounter with the female. I also knew that if I did not take steps to stop it, my beast would hunt you down during mating season and take you, regardless of who might be in the way. So I sealed myself in my chambers in my palace. It is a painful experience to endure a mating season without mating. It is something that could drive a weaker youkai mad. Many times during those nights in the last four years, my beast would howl for you in desperation and attempt to break through the wards placed around my chambers. I felt that it was worth it, though, just to know that I had not raped a human girl who had no understanding of why she was raped. In the morning I would drag myself to my futon, exhausted, sore and often bloody from trying to escape, but content with the knowledge that you were kept safe by your friends. I knew that if my beast escaped and found you it would not have hesitated in killing them to get to you."

"What about my friends?" she asked frantically, in the immediacy of her rape and its aftermath, she had forgotten them! "Are they alright? You didn’t hurt any of them? Why weren't you home last night?" The last came out more accusatory than she had intended but she refused to feel guilt, she was the one who had been raped, she was the victim here. Part of her, a small part, whispered that perhaps he was just as much a victim of his beast's lust as she, but she squelched it easily.

"They are fine. You were alone in your camp so I then searched the area to see where they were and to make sure there were no rivals around. The monk and youkai slayer had succumbed to mating season, as well as Inuyasha and his miko."

"What!” Her voice scaled up, hurting his ears again. “He was supposed to be on guard till Sango and Miroku got back. He left? That's why he wasn't there to protect me when I woke up?" Fury burned through her. She was left to face Sesshoumaru alone because Inuyasha abandoned her to fuck Kikyou? How dare he! She got raped by a crazed youkai lord and he was off getting a piece of tail? Oh, she had something to say to that damned, horny hanyou!

"Do not doubt, my dear, that he would not have lived through an encounter with my beast." Kagome shot him a glare at the endearment. She didn't feel he had the right to address her with any kind of sweet nothings. Sesshoumaru, however, continued on, pretending not to notice her ire. "He would have died. My beast has wanted you far too long to be denied once it found you. As to why I was not home last night, I was still too weakened from fighting Naraku to use my orb to travel there. Unfortunately, I was not able to find a safe spot in which to barricade myself ‘til my night passed. Though, I promise you, if I had killed your friends I would have used Tensaiga. You have been through enough without their deaths added to it. So I am glad they were preoccupied."

Kagome closed her eyes and slumped back against the tree. She mulled over what he had told her about mating season. She now understood that he was controlled by his beast last night. The red eyes had given it away. She had no doubt, however, that, despite this, she wouldn't be forgiving him for a good long while. She even wondered why she was taking this so well. Why was she sitting here holding a civilized conversation with her rapist? She should be yelling, crying, attacking, and running, a vast array of activities that didn't involve sitting and listening to his calm regret-filled explanation. Again, that annoying little voice whispered that he was a victim as well. That time she found it slightly harder to stifle it, but she still succeeded.

"I understand, Sesshoumaru, that you had no control, but I still can't forgive you. You hurt me! You scared the hell out of me! You used my body against my will! You treated me like a thing! You Disrespected Me!” With each sentence, her voice became shriller, making him wince in discomfort. “No, not yet,” she spoke firmly. “Not now, maybe not ever. You ask too much of me." Opening her eyes she saw that his feelings were still exposed, sorrow marred his beautiful face. She felt a tug at her heart to realize that he truly was sorry for what had happened, but it was still too fresh in her mind to forgive him.

He pulled himself together, taking a deep breath before saying, "I understand, Kagome. I will treat you with respect and will try to give you as much space as possible. I pray that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I promise you it will never happen again." He tried to convey as much conviction into that last sentence as possible. But he had more to tell her and it would not be taken well. He was just desperately thankful that she'd listened so patiently ‘til now.

"No, it won't, Sesshoumaru. I can guarantee you that! I'm going back home and I won't be returning." Sesshoumaru looked horrified at this news. Odd, she thought, why would it matter? And why would he care? His beast may want her but without her around it wouldn't matter.

"Kagome, you will need to return here." He had to broach this carefully. She looked at him with suspicion.

"Why? With Kikyou alive and the Shikon back inside of me, I'm not needed here."

"I need you to be here because you are my mate and the Lady of the West.” He paused, sent a fervent prayer to his father, and then said, “You also carry my heir. I am sorry but while I will give you as much space as is possible, I must still be near you to protect you and our pup. I know this is the last thing you could possibly want, but I must refuse to leave you."

Kagome's eye twitched. "I'm your mate?" Sesshoumaru nodded slowly, fearful gaze on her twitching eye. "I'm pregnant?" Again he nodded, this was not good, both eyes were twitching now. "I'm now Lady of the West?" With this nod Kagome lost what little handle she had on her volatile temper. "I'm now mated to a youkai who raped me, who doesn't want me, who doesn't love me, I’m the new Lady of the West and I'm pregnant with his child. Oh, Hell, No! I'm going home, end of story. Just point me in the direction of my camp so I can get my bag. I'm out of here!" And with that Kagome carefully stood up, clutching the haori draping her.

"I never said I didn't want you.” Sesshoumaru leapt to his feet. “While my beast has been infatuated with you from the first, I came to agree with it over time." He added softly, he wanted no misunderstandings on this part. He replaced his mask of stoicism. This was going about the way he expected, badly. "As for going home, I will take you, but we will need to return to my palace in two weeks time. I need to arrange for your care during your pregnancy. Hanyou births are hard on human women and I will not risk you or the pup." He spoke firmly, exercising what little authority he had.

"You don't get it, Sesshoumaru,” she snarled, “I'm going home by myself and not returning. I'm done with it all and you! I'm going home where there are no youkai, no hanyou, and no mating seasons. You are not coming with me." She turned her back and began limping in what she hoped was the direction of her friends.

"This Sesshoumaru will not abandon his mate, ever!" he snarled, the mere thought of it disgusting him. "I will give you what space I can, but I must protect you while you are pregnant and you need me to assist in the pregnancy. If I am not present to give aid at the proper times you will lose our pup and possibly die yourself during the miscarriage." Sesshoumaru stalked off in the opposite direction and called to her without looking back, "I will take you to your friends now."