Never by Moriyo

Never

A/N:  This is my response to Skye's "Toxic" challenge.  It's been awhile since I've written anything so I'd thought that this would be good practice before I attempt to tackle the insurmountable task of actually finishing my stories.  So, I hope you enjoy my tinkering.

Disclaimer:  He is not mine.  Nor will he ever be.

Word Count: 3,125

                Kagome silently watched him kiss a woman that wasn't her.  She couldn't tear her eyes away from the couple.  As much as it pained her to watch him kiss another woman, it hurt her even more to know that her jealousy was unfounded.  He had every right to be with whoever he wanted: even if it wasn't her.

                That was the nature of their relationship: they were both allowed to be with others, just so long as they were available when the other needed them.  Essentially, she was his booty call and he hers.  She knew from the very beginning that their relationship would never progress into anything serious but that didn't stop her from falling in love with him.

                She tried to move on, she tried to date other men, but she always failed.  Their caresses, their kisses, the way they made love - she would always just end up comparing them to him and as a result, every relationship she had would end in doom.  Apparently, he didn't have the same trouble.

                He was her addiction.  Kagome knew that he slept with other women and yet she ran to him whenever he called.  She couldn't say no to his touch.  The way he fucked her, made her feel like the most important woman in the world and when they were done, she always craved more.  His kisses were like poison to her - a sweet, sweet poison.  Every time he'd touch her, she'd die a bit more on the inside but she welcomed it openly because she knew that she would never love anyone like the way she loved him.

                Kagome watched as he leaned in for another kiss as he smiled.  She longed to be on the receiving end of that smile knowing that it felt like the rays of the sun shining down on her.  He got up with the woman, threw some cash on the table, and exited the café.  Arm in arm, the couple hailed a taxi together and sped off in the direction in which Kagome knew his apartment to be.

                It had to end.  Kagome could no longer live like this.  She wanted to be free of this.  She wanted to move on.  She wanted a husband.  She wanted a family.  She wanted a life.

                A resolute Higurashi Kagome decided that she would no longer be Taisho Sesshomaru's call girl.  It was over.

                Kagome was making tea, getting ready to settle in for the night after a hard day's work when she received the call.  She looked at the caller ID and recognized his number.  Debating whether to answer it or not, Kagome chose to let it ring.

                She let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding as the call went to her answering machine.  He didn't bother to leave a message.  Thinking she had dodged a bullet, Kagome resumed making her tea.  However, Sesshomaru wasn't going to make things easy for her.

                The phone rang again and again she let it go to voicemail.

                Settling down on the couch with her tea in hand, Kagome was astonished when her phone rang for a third time.  Tired of his persistence and her failure to give him the brush off, Kagome answered the phone.

                "Sesshomaru, leave me alone.  I told you not to call me anymore."

                "I didn't think that you were serious, Kagome."  The smooth baritone that came over the line sent chills down her spine just like it did every time he spoke. 

                "Of course I was serious.  It's over.  I want nothing to do with you."  She sounded more confident than she felt which was why she refused to break up with him in person.  Kagome knew that he would somehow convince that what she was doing was a mistake.  Over the phone was so much easier for her; the impersonality of it gave her the strength she needed to counteract his charm.

                "You know it's not.  It will never be over."  He cleared his throat.  "Now, meet me at my apartment in ten minutes.  I've had a very trying day and the only thing that will make it better is that pussy of yours."

                Under normal circumstances she would be turned on by his crude words since they were rarely spoken, but now she saw them for what they were.  "I refuse to be your fuck buddy anymore.  I'm done with this, Sesshomaru.  I'm done.  You can go fuck yourself.  Or better yet, why don't you go find one of your other little girlfriends and tell them how much you like fucking their pussy.  It's over."

                Before he could get a word in edgewise, Kagome hung up on him.  The confidence she experienced while dealing with Sesshomaru was now gone and she just felt drained.  It was done that's all that mattered.  She refused to shed anymore tears on him.  She was going to move on with her life and start fresh.  As much as she tried to convince herself she had done the right thing, Kagome couldn't ignore the empty feeling within her.

                She could get a rebound man - someone she knew that could help her get over Sesshomaru.  Kagome doubted, however, that they could make her forget him for long.  Besides, she knew what it felt like to be used and she would hate herself even more knowing that she would do it to someone else.  No, all she needed was time. 

                With time the pain would fade.  With time she would stop thinking about him.  With time she'd meet someone new.  With time her life would be on track again.  With time her love for him would weaken until there's nothing left at all.

                Who was she kidding?  Not only was he the greatest lay she ever had, he was the only man she really had loved with her whole heart before.  No one compared to Sesshomaru.  No one.

                Kagome sighed and took a sip of her tea.  It'd do her no good to be so pessimistic.  Maybe a bath would do her some good.  A bath could help her clear her mind and relieve some of her stress.  Yeah, a bath sounded good.

                Knock.  Knock.  Knock.

                Kagome groaned.  Who the hell was at her front door?  She ducked under the water hoping that whoever was at her front door would get the hint and go away.  But of course, her luck was beginning to run out.

                Knock.  Knock.  Knock.

                "Oh for the love of Kami. . ."  Kagome reluctantly exited her bath.  Grabbing a towel and wrapping it around her body, she headed towards her front door.  Was it too much to ask for a quiet evening to herself?  She was stressed, tired, and very much depressed.  All she wanted was to be left alone.

                Not even bothering to look through the eyehole, Kagome swung open the door ready to give whoever was on the other side a piece of her mind.

                "This better be pretty God damn important otherwise. . . " Kagome trailed off, eyes wide as she recognized the man standing before her.

                "Oh, trust me: it is."  Sesshomaru stepped inside causing Kagome to back away from the door.  He quietly shut the door behind him without removing his amber gaze from Kagome's own shocked blue.

                His very presence was almost suffocating Kagome.  He loomed over her as if he was ready to pounce but he refrained from doing so.  A slight smirk teased the ends of his lips as he stared intently at her.  Sesshomaru didn't even have to say a thing to make her uncomfortable and afraid.  But to be honest, she was more afraid of herself now than of Sesshomaru.

                "What are you doing here?" she managed - her voice barely above a whisper.

                He cocked an eyebrow: an action one would associate with confusion but Kagome knew he was feigning it.  "I am merely here for answers.  You abruptly end our relationship without an acceptable explanation and do not dignify me by doing it in person.  I just need to know why."

                Although she was caught off guard by his sudden appearance, Kagome was able to muster up enough strength to confront him.  "I no longer want to be your whore, Sesshomaru.  I simply cannot stand to be like this with you anymore.  I want a serious relationship now and I know that you can't give that to me so I'm ending our little agreement."  She swallowed hard.  "So, if you would kindly leave now, I would greatly appreciate it."

                He ignored her request.  "You having a relationship with another man will not deter me.  I have no qualms with continuing what we have."

                "And what do we have, Sesshomaru?  Nothing, that's what.  We fuck - it's as simple as that.  And guess what?  I no longer want to fuck you.  Why do you have to make this more complicated than it is?"  She was on the verge of crying.  It was difficult for her to hold her countenance while in front of him; he was her whole world and he didn't even know it.

                Sesshomaru reached out to her and tucked a tendril of loose, wet hair behind her ear.  "Oh, Kagome.  Why do you lie to me?"

                She almost choked.  "What?  What are you talking about?"

                He stepped closer to her, his hand dropping to caress her neck as he looked into her eyes.  "You are lying.  You don't want to end what we are doing.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with the nature of our relationship.  Besides," he added as he leaned in closer to her, "I find your jealousy to be quite attractive."

                Kagome slapped his hand way, anger consuming her.  "You know I have feelings for you?"

                "It would take a blind man not to see that you are infatuated with me," Sesshomaru scoffed.

                "And yet you continued to fuck me knowing very well that you were only making things worse?  Not only that but you continued to have relations with other women.  You are a pig!"  Now the tears were flowing unrestrained.  Kagome knew he had the reputation of being heartless, but she hadn't known to what extent until now.  She loved him; she loved an insensitive bastard and it hurt to know that he disregarded her feelings in favor of his own gains.

                He shrugged.  "It was of no consequence to me.  Love is not an emotion that I experience nor will I ever experience it for another being; it is - simply put - a human emotion.  I enjoy taking pleasure from your body and from time to time, I enjoy the company of others as well.  I have done no wrong, Kagome.  We agreed that our relationship would remain purely physical.  That you fell in love with me, is of no fault of mine.

                "But I do not care.  I still desire you, and will continue to desire you for a long time to come.  You cannot escape me as easily as you wish.  I refuse to allow you to leave me."  He reached out for her again.  This time, his hand tangled itself in her hair at the back of her head.  "And I know that you still desire me, so pardon me if I fail to see the issue at hand."

                Her heart pounded in her chest.  Despite his callousness towards her feelings, she couldn't make her love go away so easily.  And as much as she wanted to not have any affection towards the man her body was letting her know that she very much so did.

                Sesshomaru continued to watch the struggle behind her tear-stained eyes.  "Just let go.  Leave the brave act behind.  It is useless to fight your body's wishes."

                Kagome closed her eyes, desperately trying to erase the image of his amber eyes from her mind.  She needed to break his hold over her, but she knew that she had a snowball's chance in hell of actually doing that.  She could feel him near her as she blindly attempted to back away from him.  Her back met the wall and she mildly began to panic until she felt his hands rest on her hips; despite the situation, she found the intimate act comforting.

                "Why can you not be happy with what we have?"  His question caught her somewhat by surprise.

                 Her eyes popped open to meet his inquisitive gaze.  "I will never be content so long as I know that you don't love me - that you are just with me because you enjoy bedding me."

                 "And what's so wrong with that?  Do you want a house, Kagome?  I can give you a home.  I can be your husband; I can give you kids.  All you've ever wanted is in the palm of my hand.   All you have to do is ask.  Is that's what's holding you back?  I can give you all of that."

                "But it's meaningless," she cried out.  "It means nothing because you don't love me."

                That argument again.  "You're right: I don't love you and I never will.  But do you know what I do love?" he asked sensually, his breath fanning across her neck.  "I love fucking you.  I love it when you scream my name.  I love it when you moan just for me.  I love it when your eyes glaze over at your release.  I love that my cock is the only cock that brings you pleasure.  But most of all, I love that I am the only being that you desire."

                And then he kissed her.  His lips crashed down onto hers as she half-heartedly attempted to fight back but his lips were too sweet and her body was more than willing.  Sesshomaru's tongue pushed past her mouth and intertwined with her own tongue.  She moaned into his mouth enjoying his intimate caresses and masculine taste.

                She felt him yank at her towel, allowing it to fall to the floor as his hand moved up to her breast.  His talented hand began to palm her breast with his thumb flicking over her erect nipple tauntingly.  Kagome groaned at the sensation knowing it was wrong to allow him to take such liberties with her body after having attempted to break off all ties with him, but it felt too good for her to care.

                Their mouths continued to meet in the close embrace for what felt like a blissful eternity to Kagome.  When Sesshomaru finally broke away, Kagome's eyes were glazed over and her breathing was heavy.  He gave her a dangerous smirk.  Sesshomaru twisted her nipple slightly causing Kagome to throw her head back to elicit a lusty moan.  The ache within her grew greater and soon she would need release.  As Kagome was preoccupied with the wonderful sensation Sesshomaru's left hand was producing, his free hand moved down to the nest of dark curls at the apex of her thighs.

                Kagome silently gasped when she felt a single finger enter her.  He moved slowly at first but soon his speed increased and he added another two fingers.  Her fingers tightened around his shoulders at the sensation.  Sesshomaru continued to plunge his fingers in and out of her hot passage enjoying the sight of her flushed face caught in bliss.  Tantalizingly, he stroked the bundle of nerves hidden in her lips and she jerked from the instant heat that built in her core from his ministrations.

                The spiral within her tightened as she neared her orgasm and it wouldn't take much more until she fell over the edge.  His thrusts became more vigorous and as Kagome was about to reach her peak, Sesshomaru suddenly stopped.

                 Her confused orbs met his watching eyes.  "Why'd you stop?" she panted.

                "You're not going to leave me," he said calmly.

                "What?"  Her high was beginning to dissipate and that simply would not do.  "Sesshomaru, we can talk later, just please finish this."

                "No.  Until you say that you won't, you will not finish."  For emphasis he gave her a hard thrust to which he received a pitiful mewl from her.

                She wanted to cry.  First she couldn't receive emotional completion from him and now she could even get a physical one.  He played dirty.

                "Please, don't stop.  Please let me come."

                He rubbed her sensitive bud sending a jolt of heat through her body.  "As sweet as that sounds, that is not what I want to hear."  Tears began to make their way down her cheeks again.  He leaned in to trace the salty trail with his tongue.  "Don't cry.  All you have to do is say you won't end this and I'll give you what you want."

                "I can't promise that."  He thrust into her again.  "Oh, Kami!" she cried out.  "I don't know.  I don't know."

                "You do know.  So just say it."  When she didn't respond he bit her shoulder.   The pleasure-pain that the action induced caused her to cave.  He knew how to play her so that she would produce just the right tune.  "Say it, Kagome.  Say that you'll never leave me."

                "I'll never leave you.  Never," she nearly screamed.

                Without preamble, he entered her.  She didn't know when he had unbuckled his pants nor did she care.  All that mattered was that he was inside her.

                Their lovemaking was rough and endless.  He fucked her until she was numb - numb from the pain between her legs and numb from the emotional agony she knew she should feel.  Sesshomaru didn't seem satisfied with what he had taken from her until she could no longer move.

                When he was finally satiated, he fell to sleep as Kagome lay awake staring at him.  She hated him.  She hated him so much that she loved him.  Guilt started to creep its way back into her heart, upset that she had been so weak to allow him to do as he wished with her.  It was futile; the anguish she felt over their relationship was useless. 

                He was right: she would never leave him.  She could never willingly walk away from him.  Kagome just couldn't do it.  He had somehow infiltrated her life and begun to control every facet of it without her realizing it.  Sesshomaru was her air now and there was nothing she could do about it.  She could try to break it off with him again, but she knew he'd just have a repeat performance of tonight.  Besides, her heart refused to let her be without him.

                One day, when she'd have several bastard children running around and a wandering lover, she could feel regret.  But for now, all she could do was embrace what she had with Sesshomaru. . . even though there was very little to be had.