In the Gutter by Breezy

KO-DAMA

It has been a very long time since I've written anything. Writers block has crippled my sense of creativity and my writing skills. This is my attempt at writing a humorous one shot. I'm not so proud of it, I feel like I definitely tell more than I show, something I'm not really known for but I still want to put this up. 

Written for MontiK's Obakemono Challenge Week 1

1,280 words.

Warning: May slightly alter view of Sesshoumaru!

By the way, I refer to Sesshoumaru as a Taiyoukai. I know there has been a whole debate about this which I totally forgot but according to this website I checked to make sure:

» daiyoukai - great demon (dai and tai both mean great!) Like Sesshoumaru is a Taiyoukai and, or Daiyoukai

Soooooooo yeah! Anyways enough rambling, enjoy! 

Sassy Cat Attack

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SLAM

This was the sound Inuyasha’s head made as it collided against the jagged mountainside.

            “Why couldn't you go in the bushes?” hollered Sango as she threw hiraikotsu at their invisible attacker. As Inuyasha slid to the ground in a bloody torn up mess, one word escaped his parted lips before he lost consciousness and awoke in lala land whilst making nice nice with the ramen queen…

                                                                              KEH!!!

            Kagome checked her surroundings. Inuyasha and Miroku were unconscious. Kirara was tiring quickly. Hell even Shippo was out for the count. All who were left were she and San-WHOOSHSLAM-and then it was down to one. Kagome sent a scathing look at the unconscious Inuyasha who was to blame for the savage attack on the group. It had all started when they had set up camp for the night... Inuyasha had been acting weird all day and as soon as a fire was started and the ramen eaten, he had hopped away.

 Everyone had shot her looks, assuming he had gone to see Kikyo- oh but he could never do something so stupid. Rather than a night of sexual exploration, Inuyasha had been taking a massive shit. On a tree. However, not on any tree- no Inuyasha had both class and luck. He had taken a shit on a Ko-dama no less. Mistaking the shimenawa wound around it for some nice comfortable cloth to wipe his ass, Inuyasha had his way with the tree, mistaking its cries of misery for wind. After finishing up and surveying his crap, Inuyasha thought it was wise to hide his waste and proceeded to cut down the tree.

            Returning to camp with empty bowels and satisfied with the night Inuyasha napped. He awoke at sunrise; the birds chirped pleasantly, the weather just right. Hopping from his resting place, he moved to wake Kagome. Walking towards her sleeping bag, Inuyasha ignored the sudden quiet that had settled in the area. Bending, he placed one clawed hand on her head, running his fingers through her silky midnight tresses. Leaning to whisper a “good morning” in her ear, he barely noticed the branch wrapped tightly around his ankle. With one rough tug, his knee planted itself in her spine and Kagome awoke to a screech that she was sure ruptured her eardrum and the lovely feeling of having 200+ pounds digging into her spine. And thus her morning started. Still in her pajamas with a empty stomach, morning breath and twigs and dirt in between her toes- figuring out the problem required less than 10 minutes of guesswork before realizing that their challenger was a ko-dama and another 10 minutes for Inuyasha to share what had happened the night before, much to the immediate dismay of all there.

            “Keh how would I know that the tree was holy or somethin?” he shouted, a fang working his bottom lip.

            “Oh I don’t know Inuyaha, maybe the shimenawa tied around it or I don’t know its cries of agony?” Miroku replied, fingers trying to work away the headache he was getting. They had all attempted to fight their opponent but the ko-dama had all but won the battle...

            Dodging a blast, Kagome ran behind the nearest big rock. “Okay, game plan” she whispered, however, she was clearly at a disadvantage. One- she was human which made the ko-dama virtually impossible to see. She’d thought maybe being a miko would give her an advantage…not at all, it actually made the tree harder to look for. The only thing she was able to see was Inuyasha’s shit and in the densely forested area, finding the damn thing would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. “These are the type of things parents teach kids. I bet Sesshomaru has more tact than this.”

            All it took was this line of thinking to send her mind down the proverbial gutter. She was plagued, no tormented by the question. Did Sesshomaru take shits? The thought seemed impossible, he was entirely too pristine. Or was he? Inuyasha barely went to the bathroom and he was half human- did this mean that Sesshomaru never went to the bathroom? Did he only pee? Did he take shits once a century? Maybe this explained why he had such an unearthly glow. Eureka…did the waste simply turn into glitter? She slapped herself. Now is not the time for twilight references Kagome!

            Even when the rock behind her was blown to smithereens, she didn’t move an inch. Sesshomaru ate so he has to rid of waste somehow…right? Thinking about it now, she had never seen him sweat, even in battle. Did he not have any excretory system? He had saliva- he was a dog demon, dogs and drool are synonymous with one another. Saliva breaks down food, so where did the waste go? The questions continued to stab at her brain and she barely registered the sword pressed at her spine.

            “Before you kill me, I have one last request, a question, will you hear me out?” Kagome said with finality, resigning herself to her fate.

            “Request…question…hear out…” the tree grumbled, knowing that the fair miko before him deserved one last wish before her gory death. Taking that as an affirmative she turned around and stared where she believed the trees eyes would be.

            “Do Taiyoukai’s take shits?” Kagome immediately felt the air shift.

            “Taiyoukai…shit?” the tree asked perplexed. Kagome nodded. Another shift in the air and Kagome swore the tree had sat down.

            “Yes”

            “Yes” the tree stated.

            “Are you sure or do you not know? Is it because there are different Taiyoukai, do you need me to be more specific?”

            “Not sure… Taiyoukai… different… need specific”

            “A dog demon, his name is Sesshoumaru, the Taiyoukai of the West.”

            “Sesshoumaru…Taiyoukai…’ the tree asked.

            “Yes do you know?”

            “Yes…know. Sesshoumaru…Taiyoukai sh-AUGHH” the tree screamed in agony before a thud was heard. There standing in all his glory stood Sesshomaru. With an “hn” he sheathed the sword in his grasp, and stared into her eyes before turning around and sauntering away.

            “Sesshomaru WAIT! I need to ask you something…” He paused, contemplating her request and turned to face her.

            “Yes miko.”

            “Do you…” no time for modesty now Kagome. “Do you, damn it, do you take shits.” Never in her life had she seen any emotion besides rage and boredom on Sesshomaru’s face. She greedily soaked up the image of his wide-open mouth, his sun kissed eyes wide. He looked good with something other than contempt on his face. Sesshomaru scented the arousal in the air. His pants tightened considerably and he smirked inwardly. Never waste an opportunity, that was his motto. He knew how to please the ladies, he knew how to tell them what they desired and knew how to take what he wanted when he wanted. Thinking that she had some sort of shit fetish, he narrowed his eyes sexily. He thought it was kind of freaky and would have never expected to hear something so dirty from the half breeds pure little miko but hey, to each his own. Sesshoumaru didn’t discriminate.           

             “Hn…would you like to find out…personally miko?”

            “Err, no.” The thought of watching Sesshomaru drop his pants and take a poop right in front of her was almost as disturbing as Inuyasha’s sex life with Kikyo. For some reason, Kagome had a feeling that his shit would be as perfect as him, curled to perfection and smelling like roses. She shivered violently.

            “Oh okay.” Embarrassed and humiliated, Sesshomaru didn’t even bother to saunter away. In mere seconds he was gone and Kagome was left to ponder alone. Listening to her group awakening, one last thought of Sesshomaru flittered across her mind before worries over her companions kick started.

                        Did Sesshomaru just try to seduce me with shit?

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Hope you laughed at least a little. Please let me know what you think!

Sassycatattack :d