Purple Polka Dots by Imanewme

Purple Polka Dots

Purple Polka-Dots

Author: Imanewme

Genre: Humor/Flirt

Word count: 1399

Rating: R

Warnings: extreme silly ahead

AU/Canon: canon.

Theme: polka

Sesshoumaru watched with feigned disinterest as the Miko arranged the load beside the well. When she seemed satisfied that all was in order, she hopped in the well again.

"What all does this Miko bring?" he asked himself. The girl visited her own era every month or so and her return was always the same: repeated trips back and forth to bring more and more stuff. Sesshoumaru always enjoyed watching this from his hidden spot in the trees near the clearing. He never missed an opportunity to watch the feisty Miko order his insufferable half brother around.

"Kagome, what do you bring all this crap for?" Inuyasha's complaining had not stopped since the whole event started an hour ago. "There better be some ramen in all this, wench," he grumbled.

The Miko simply ignored Inuyasha's grumblings as she arranged the latest load into a neat pile next to the one they had brought back only minutes before. Straightening up and smoothing out her odd green outfit, Kagome huffed and turned to Inuyasha with a wide smile. "Inuyasha, there's only one more trip left. You can handle this. Besides, have you ever known me not to return with your precious ramen? Let's go!" Soon the Miko was bounding over the well's edge. Inuyasha hung his head for a moment, then followed her down the well.

"Disgraceful." Sessoumaru sniffed. Having watched the proceedings for almost an hour, Sessoumaru decided he'd had enough of this curiosity and leaped to the ground to investigate. He wouldn't get caught. He's faster than the both of them combined, and besides, this Sessoumaru answers to no one.

Picking through the bags, Sesshoumaru was completely fascinated. He'd never seen such a collection of colorful and oddly shaped items. The Miko was clearly a potion master, indeed, for all the bottles of liquids she carried. Opening a smaller bottle and taking a whiff, Sesshoumaru was nearly overcome by a decidedly strong burning sensation to his nasal passages. "The odd Miko accomplished all this?" he thought. "She must be an accomplished potion master, indeed." Being a poison master himself, he found the revelation oddly arousing. "There is more to this one than meets the eye."

Opening the yellow backpack, Sesshoumaru spotted a small box covered with brightly colored paper. Picking it up, Sesshoumaru gave it a sniff.

"Ahem."

Setting his face to the trademark impassive look, Sesshoumaru hid his horror at being discovered.

"What are YOU doing here," Inuyasha growled.

"This Sessoumaru does not answer to you." Sessoumaru countered.

Kagome inserted herself in between the brothers. "Stop it. I won't have this fighting. Not today." Turning to Inuyasha, Kagome pointed to the village. "Take your load to Kaede's hut. I'll find out what this is about."

"No way!" Inuyasha growled, "I'm not going to leave you here with that bas.."

"Inuyasha." Kagome's voice had an all too familiar edge to it. "Don't make me say it."

To Sesshoumaru's disappointment Inuyasha complied. He was rather looking forward to watching the Miko "sit" his brother up close in personal, but it wasn't meant to be. Not today.

"So?" Kagome leveled her eyes to Sesshoumaru's cold stare. "Care to explain yourself?"

"This Sesshoumaru does not."

"Do you have a particular interest in that box?" Kagome demanded.

Sesshoumaru had forgotten momentarily about the decorated box he still held in his clawed hand. Holding it up to study it more closely, he decided to ask a few questions of his own. "What is this, Miko?"

"That," she huffed, "is a present for your brother. Now hand it here." Kagome reached out her hand expectantly.

At the mention of Inuyasha Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes. "No."

"What?" Kagome could not believe this demon. "Give it here. Now."

"I will not." His brother did not deserve such extravagance.

Keeping her angry stare on the arrogant demon lord before her, Kagome thought out her options. He was much stronger and faster than her, so snatching the box wasn't going to be an option. "It's not really anything important," she reasoned, "it's only a gag gift for Inuyasha." With a flash of inspiration, Kagome decided it mattered not to her which Inu brother succumbed to the gag.

Putting on her best doe eyed look Kagome feigned defeat. "But it's personal," she whined. "Inuyasha will be so disappointed if I don't give him that box."

"Then you most certainly won't get it back." Sesshoumaru fell for the trap.

"Please" Kagome pleaded.

"No."

She knew she had him hooked. "Now to reel him in" she thought.

"Okay." She sighed in defeat, "You can have the box. But," she looked up at him firmly, "you must put the contents of the box to its intended use."

Sensing the tables had shifted, Sesshoumaru briefly wondered if he were being had. "Impossible" his more stubborn side insisted, "this Miko can do nothing to you, no matter how accomplished she is with potions."

Kagome was quick to notice his hesitation. "What's the matter?" she asks, "are you afraid you're not going to know what it is?"

"Don't be stupid." Sesshoumaru retorted. "This Sesshoumaru is outsmarted by no one, especially a human Miko." In a flash he unwrapped and opened the box. An odd piece of leather fell out. It was predominately white, but it was covered in purple polka dots. On closer inspection, they appeared to be. . .

"They're called lederhosen." Kagome supplied. "They're an item of clothing for men from my era."

Sesshoumaru merely raised one thin eyebrow, never taking his eyes off the odd piece of clothing. "They will not fit this Sesshoumaru."

Kagome grinned. "A deal's a deal, Sesshoumaru, or have you no honor?"

Sesshoumaru inwardly cringed. Surely she didn't mean for him to wear this?

***----****

That evening Inuyasha, Sango and Miroku crouched behind a rather large bush to watch after Kagome. "She does need protection, after all," Inuyasha had argued, but the real reason was that Kagome had promised that she would have Sesshoumaru make a fool of himself, and frankly that was a show Inuyasha was not going to miss. Kagome stood with her back to her friends with her hands on her hips.

"Hurry up!" she barked at the bushes ahead of her. "I'm not going to wait all night, and besides, we have a deal!"

A very pissed off Sesshoumaru walked into the clearing. Although he was standing proud and tall as if to convey that the situation was completely in control, the absurdity was far more evident. The white and purple pants were obviously far too small for the imposing demon lord. Sango blushed and turned away, and Miroku tackled Inuyasha to the ground, covering his mouth before the laughter escaped and disclosed their presence.

It was too late. A low growl rumbled in his chest when he heard the commotion directly behind the Miko. "You tricked me, Miko."

"I most certainly did not." Kagome stomped her foot. "You agreed to use whatever in the box the way it was meant to be used. It's clothing. You wear it. We never negotiated who would see."

Sesshoumaru's eyes bled read for an instant as the three friends sheepishly emerged from the bushes behind Kagome. Miroku still had a firm hand over Inuyasha's mouth, but the giggles were escaping.

"Miko." Sesshoumau's voice was low and dangerous, "I am going to destroy these lederhosen."

"You can't do that!" Kagome snapped. "you'd be naked!"

"Acceptable."

The short purple and white pants began to sizzle and smolder, and much to Kagome's shock, they burned away from Sesshoumaru's body leaving nothing of him to her imagination. Miroku gasped. Letting go of Inuyasha, he quickly covered the slayers eyes instead. Inuyasha, finally free of the monk's grasp, could not contain himself. All he could do was roll on the ground, tears squeezing from his eyes in his laughing fit.

Kagome, on the other hand, was in complete awe of the demon lord's form. Her eyes slowly took him in, traveling down his chest and abs, pausing not too briefly at his large erection. In a flash, Sesshoumau was at Kagome's side. With a smirk, he lifted the Miko into his arms. "Now who has the better of whom?" He asked.

"Um, er... well, " Kagome stammered, but she could not answer.

Sesshoumaru could smell the thick scent of her arousal. "Clearly she finds this Sesshoumaru pleasing to look at," he thought. Without a word he lifted her to the sky and headed west.

"Now who has the last laugh?" He thought. "You're coming with me."