The Truth About Dogs, Foxes, Monks & Slayers by LadySafire

The Sad Sick Truth

Genre: Bad fic. I mean really bad

Word Count:1991

Pairings: Sess/Kag, Sango/Inu/Mir,

Warnings: Sexual innuendo, Nudity, Swearing, It's just plain awful

Title:The Truth About Dog,  Foxes, Monks & Slayers

By: Mistress_Safire

The night was dark, stars filled the sky with their brilliance as two beings came together for the first time.

 Grunts and moans filled the hours of darkness as their bodies moved in sweaty rapture.

   "Oh Sesshy baby! You're so big!' Kagome squealed passionately, her large bosoms heaving as she gasped for air.

 Her pale lover snorted imperiously. "Of course I am bitch. I am Sesshomaru and perfect in EVERY way!"

  Suddenly her body began to quiver in bliss as her climax burned through her body. Two thrusts later, her demon lover followed roaring out his own pleasure and leaned forward biting into her neck.

 "Ouch!" she shrieked, the moment killed by the intense pain in her shoulder. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

 "I just made you my mate. You are now my Alpha bitch." He said rolled off her body.

  "WHAT???!!!" Kagome yelled sitting up in his silk covered bed, the damp sheet sticking to her skin. "I'm only fifteen years old! I'm not old enough to be your mate. I want to finish high school and go to college!"

  "You can't now. " he said with a smug smirk. "I just impregnated you. Our puppies will be born in a few months."

 "PUPPIES??!!" the now hyperventilating girl screeched. "I'm having puppies???!!! Getthemoutgetthemoutgetthemout!!!! I can't have puppies! My mother just wouldn't understand! I mean she is pretty easy going and stuff but she will shit a brick when I tell her I am giving birth to a different species!"

 Abruptly Demon Lord's bedroom door burst open, a yelling hanyou rushing in brandishing a transformed Tensaiga with the rest of her group of friends following behind him.

 "Sesshomaru, you bastard, gimme back my shard detector! She has work to do!" InuYasha screamed jump into the middle of the bed between the two lovers.

  "MAMA!" hollered a small red bundle of fur as he too leaped onto the bed, burrowing between the now flustered and angry woman's breasts.

  "Shippo, my baby!" crooned Kagome.

 Sesshomaru's eyes bled red as he snapped angrily. "Get away from those breasts, kitisune, you're intruding on my playground! And half-breed get the hell off my bed and away from my MATE!"

 "Oh Kagome!" her demon slayer friend gushed as she too rushed into the room and sat on the bed beside her.  "You mated Sesshomaru! He's such a catch. Good looking, rich and I heard that full blooded demons are really well hung!!"

  Kagome winked bawdily at her friend. "I don't know about all but he is. And the most squeezable ass! Oh and he can do the most amazing things with his tail!"

  The two girls giggled together when without warning Sango whirled grabbing Miroku and tossing him to the foot of the bed. She leapt over his body to straddle his hips.

 "Listen since you like touching my ass so much how would you like a piece of it? Right here, right now baby!" she purred, working her hands beneath his robes.

  "Hey, not in front of my Shippo! He's just a child and shouldn't see things like that." Kagome scolded, cuddling the kit.

  "Yeah, I'm just a kid!" said Shippo burrowing further into her cleavage, a blissful look crossing his childlike face.

 InuYasha and Sesshomaru snorted.

  "Child, my ass. You been pulling that poor innocent kid crap for a while now and I think she should know the truth." Said the hanyou with an evil grin.

 The kitisune looked panicky, his small claws clutching at the sheet covering the miko who'd been giving him so much attention.

  Kagome gave Shippo a confused look. "Whaaa...??"

 Sesshomaru interrupted. "What the hanyou is trying to tell you is that the kitisune you call son, while small and looking like a child, in all actuality is the same age as I."

  "He's WHAT???!!!" Kagome shrieked staring down at the now found out ex-kit's guilty face as he stared back up her, her generous globes warming either side of his cheeks.

  He gave a small smile, green eyes still trying to maintain his innocent look.

 "Heh heh..um..Mama?" He squeaked out just before her fist met with his small skull.

 "YOU GOD DAMN HENTAI!!" She shouted furiously as she shoved him to the floor. "No wonder you liked hanging around Miroku so much!"

  A muffled male voice was heard from the foot of the bed. It was the monk who was currently being molested be the slayer. She was slowly working her way through his robes and tossing them over his head muttering under her breath about finally taking what she wanted and teaching him a lesson.

 "Lady Kagome, I assure you I didn't know about the kit. I was fooled as well. He made me stay away from the hot springs when you and my lovely Sango bathed together. He kept watch over you."

  The demon lord growled threateningly at Shippo as he leaned around InuYasha's legs, since he was still standing in the middle of the bed. "You saw my mate naked ? I'm going to eat you fox!!"

  "OI! Sesshomaru get away from my shard detector! Kagome, get yer ass up and get dressed we're leavin!" InuYasha shouted shoving his half brother with is foot out of bed dragging the sheets down with him and exposing Kagome's well-developed fifteen-year-old body to everyone's view.

 In the midst of the chaos between the brothers, the kitisune's whiney voice was heard loudly exclaiming above the noise.

 "I don't know why the girls are so upset with me after what I saw them doing in the hot springs!"

 Kagome and Sango looked at the little perverted runt in horror. Crap! The little pest was getting ready to spill the beans about what really happened when they {the girls} bathed together.

 At the same time they both exclaimed, "It was a just a bit of harmless experimentation besides who else were we going to practice kissing on. You guys weren't putting out!"

 The monk moaned from beneath the slayer. "Kami that would have been so sexy to see."

 "HENTAI!" screamed Sango as she smacked him with her boomerang. {Yes, she brought that into Sesshomaru's bed too.}

  Sesshomaru leapt to his feet, his sword pointing towards the ceiling, and Tessaiga held firmly in his hand pointing to the sex party crashers currently enjoying the blatantly displayed charms of his reluctant mate.

 "Thats it! I have been pushed too far! Everyone out my room, my castle and my lands NOW!" He roared.  He wanted more of the Mikos delectable body and he didn't want a audience while he screwed her senseless.

 Suddenly he was aware of the musky stench of someone's arousal.  Two someones in fact.

 The first he traced to the slayer who was eyeing his very large fleshy weapon with undisguised appreciation.

 "Gods, Kagome! He really is well hung!! You lucky girl!" she sighed, then reached down and groped Miroku's under sized dagger with a grimace of disappointment. "I'm going to be stuck with the monks teeny rice ball."

  Sesshomaru continued to sniffed out the second hormone laden reek that had lodged up inside his delicate nose. Stalking to the closet, he ripped the door off the hinges to reveal his retainer, ole lizard face Jaken.

 The lizard demon let out a girlish squeal of surprise and fear. Sesshomaru was really grossed out to see that Jaken was sporting a large erection {"Dang Miroku, Jaken is even bigger than you!" giggled Sango.} and several of the kimonos has suspicious stains decorating the hems.

 "Jaken," the Demon Lord hissed, "You were watching my mate and I the entire time?"

  The green demon gulped. "Yes, Sesshomaru-sweetie sama." He simpered. "I was just trying to figure out what your new bitch had that I didn't." Jaken burst into tears. "How can you just throw me aside like that, Sessy-sama?"

 The whole room groaned with disgust and nausea.

   Kagome burst into tears. "Oh Sesshomaru, you cheated on me? With Jaken the frog?"

   Sesshomaru frantically tried to explain as he dragged Jaken from the trashed closet towards the bedroom door. "I didn't! It happened before I even knew you and it was only once! He took advantage of me while I was in heat!"

 "Oh don't you give me that heat shit, Sesshomaru!" snapped his mate. "Sango told me all about demons 'heat cycles' and the fact it's only the female that has them! So tell me the truth!"

 The tall naked demon looked at Kagome, nervous and guilty. "Ok, I was drunk." He confessed. "I had too much sake and when I woke up the next morning he was naked in my bed snuggled in my tail."

 InuYasha snorted disdainfully. "And the have the nerve to treat me like shit, ya bastard?"

 Sesshomaru growled and tossed Jaken out the door towards Kirara, Sango's ever faithful firecat who had waited in the hallway. "Feel free to eat him, neko."

  The small green toady let out an effeminate screech and took off down the castle passageway. Kirara let out a happy mew, transformed and raced after her soon to be free meal.

 As Sesshomaru was tossing Jaken out the door Sango got an evil look in her brown orbs.

 She cast an appraising glance at the hanyou who was still standing in the middle of the bed. His dazed  gold eyes seemed to be glued to the young mikos large breasts that she was still trying to frantically cover.

 "Say Kagome, do you think since InuYasha and Sesshomaru are related they might share certain attributes?" the slayer asked, hopefully.

  Kagome looked at her mates super-sized sausage to gaze at InuYasha's hakama covered groin. "Could be Sango." She replied, smacking the pervert kit who was staring too, with a large pillow, knocking him into the wall..

  Unexpectedly Sango reached up and grabbed a large handful of InuYasha's little Inu or as she suddenly discovered to her delight, Big Daddy Inu.

 "Yeah Baby! I've hit pay dirt here!" she shouted climbing off the slowly suffocating monk and knocking InuYasha in the head with her bone boomerang. She hoisted him onto her strong shoulders and started to walk out of the bedroom.

 "My lovely Sango, what about me? I thought I would finally get to sample your charms. After all, I am a cursed man who could die any moment from the void in my hand!" he cried out as he sat up and uncovered his face and arranged his hard staff. He reach down and picked up his pole, the rings jingling merrily.

 "You can stop the curse crap, Monk. Naraku's dead. Your void closed up two months ago."

  Miroku smiled at Sango sheepishly. "It was worth a try."

  Sango gazed at him a moment. She really did feel sorry for him. He had been waiting on her for so long now. With a sigh she motioned for him to follow. She had always wanted to start a harem and with these two she had a good start.

 Sesshomaru stalked over and picked up Shippo. Without a word he pitched in out the window, grinning evilly when he heard a splash below.

 No one looked at his mates goodies but him.

   The dog demon turned an moved predatorily towards his miko, licking his lips lasciviously and pounced running his hands over the sweet body he was going to claim repeatedly this night.

 Kagome moaned as he entered her body and pounded away like a jackhammer.

 "Sesshy, we still need to talk about this puppy business!"

   "Rut now, talk later my bitch!" he growled out.

Kagome agreed but later she was going to introduce him to the idea of a vasectomy, even if she had to perform it herself. After all, a person could only have so many puppies before it became a puppy mill.

*Fini*

Ok, this is as bad as it gets but I had fun writing it. Thanks Priestess Skye for challenging me to do it.

Hugs,

LadySafire

. 

Genre: Bad fic. I mean really bad

Word Count:1991

Pairings: Sess/Kag, Sango/Inu/Mir,

Warnings: Sexual innuendo, Nudity, Swearing, It's just plain awful

Title:The Truth About Dogs,  Foxes, Monks & Slayers

By: Mistress_Safire