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Insanity is fun by Hairann

Insanity if fun

AN: This story was co-written by Ikaru, Monti, LC, R0o and myself.  Rated M for language and suggestive comments.  Enjoy :)


The sun was setting on another blistering hot day. It had been this way for the past week. Heat wave after heat wave had hit their small village, forcing those that dwelled there to take shelter within the old, worn out huts. At night it didn't seem to get any better, so hot in fact that the inu-tachi was forced to  take off several layers of their clothing just to keep from getting heat stroke.....needless to say the hunt for the jewel shards had been put on hold for the time being. Kagome had brought the group all some clothing from her time to help them out with the heat. One night Kagome couldnt stand it anymore and left the stuffy hut to go for a walk in the woods. The woods were quiet, too quiet. Suddenly Kagome sensed a powerful being hiding in the darkness.

Kagome felt a refreshing cold chill just before touran the panther demoness sauntered out of the shadows. Touran used her youkai abilities to make a snowfilled meadow and her and Kagome happily made snow angels in short shorts and tank tops when a rustle in the bushes.  The rustle in the bushes alert Kagome to two facts. One, she was very cold as she was dressed in next to nothing. And two, she had NO CLUE as to who would be out there now. Looking to Toran, she received a confused look and then decided to go and look for herself as to who was there.

Kagome began making her way toward the rustling bush, stopping when she was just a few feet in front of it. Turning to glance behind her, for some moral support from Toran, she noticed the panther demoness was no longer there and neither was the snow. In fact she was sure it had gotten even hotter it was before she had arrived. Shaking her head, she turned back to the bush just in time to see  Sesshoumaru pop up looking regal as ever. Playing in the snow had caused her white tank top to become transparent when the heat returned and melted the snow that had clung to her. She noticed his line of vision was no where near her head, and when she looked down to see what he was looking at she let out a startled "eep" and quickly tried to cover herself with her hands, she had forgon wearing a bra because of the heat. Sesshoumaru slowly exiied the bushes, moving closer to the miko who was frozen in place by shock and imbarrasment.

When he was withing arms reach, he lifted his only arm toward her and seemed to be pointing beyond her body. Kagome turned, wondering what in the world could be more interesting than her almost see-through top, and looked on in awe as it appeared to be something she'd never seen before. Looking back to the daiyoukai for confirmation, Kagome wondered if this was all a dream when Sesshoumaru smiled at her. "Okay...," she said to herself, turning back to the scene before her eyes. She just couldn't believe it. There was a hotsprings where there hadn't been one a moment before. But that wasn't what caught Kagome's attention and awe, it was the simple fact that floating up from the hotsprings were dozens of tiny lights. Swirling around slowly and making their way up to the sky. "What is causing them?" Kagome inquired over her shoulder, unable to take her eyes off of the sight to look back at Sesshoumaru.

"It is  jaken", just as the imp's name was spoken Kagome noticed the ugly man face of the staff of two heads buby back and forth in the bushes. She could hear a quite gravelly noise that sounded like off-key humming. Going towards the sound to invesigate she was mortified as she saw jaken swimming but naked fondling his staff of two heads. Kagome skreeched and quickly hid behind Sesshoumaru's tall imposing figure. "OH MY GOD MY EYES!!!"

"Indeed" Sesshoumaru said, a hint of green showing on his face. Jaken froze, then slowly turned to look at the two.

"Sess...Sess....SESSOUMARU-SAMA!!!  I didn't no you were going to be here," Jaken stuttered as he glanced around hoping to find some quick exit so he could get away before Sesshoumaru tried to punish him.

"You didn't?" Sesshoumaru inquired raising a single elegant eyebrow at him, completely ignoring the shivering girl behind him. "Odd, this Sesshoumaru remembers full well telling you that I would be here with the miko. Tell this Sesshoumaru, Jaken who was it you wished to see you in this state?"

"Uhh.  Actually, milord," Jaken confessed with a lowered head. "This lowly imp merely wished to glimpse upon the wonders that are not known to him. Please forgive me, Sesshoumaru-sama, for stepping beyond my means!" Kagome looked between the two and realized what the real truth was. Jaken had a MAJOR crush on Sesshoumaru. As was in her nature, Kagome decided to help the two of them along. NOT that she wanted them together, but she did want a better relationship between them.

So, Kagome decided to form a plan. And that plan was  to get the two of them to do a sing along. Now she just had to think of what would be the perfect song for the two of them to sing in order for them to be better friends. Tapping her index finger on her right cheek, Kagome tilted her head as she thought long and hard about what song really screamed them. Then, as if a light when on in her head, the perfect song came to mind. Barney's themesong. Now she just had to tell them that. 

"Sing with me!", she blurted out. She started belting out her best and loudest most horrifying rendition of I love you, with the most terrible singing voice Sesshoumaru had ever head. Not being able to take it anymore he promptly picked the small woman up by the back of her shorts and tossed her into the hotspring with the nekeed Jaken. She gasped for air and turned around to yell at him when she saw Jakens naked butt floating not a foot away from her face.

Apparently she had hit him when she landed in the spings, effectivly knocking him out. She screeched even louder than before and quickly scrambled out of the spring to hide behind Sesshoumaru again, momentarily forgetting his earlier transgression, "Oh my god......i'm never gonna be able to get that image outta my head" she said viggorusly rubbing her eyes.

"Indeed" Sesshoumaru said with a slight smirk at Jakens perdicament, wondering slightly if he should turn him over before he drown. Kagome saw his smirk, and suddenly remembered Sesshoumaru had just thrown her in to the spring with Jaken.

"YOU YOU YOU JERK!!! HOW DARE YOU THROW ME IN THERE WITH JAKEN!!!! Now look at me i'm completely soaked!!!" she yelled.

"It is no concern of mine, your voice was offensive to my ears." Sesshoumaru said in his indifferent voice. Kagome stomped her foot on the ground enraged then she spotted Sesshoumaru's furry Mokomoko-sama, she got an evil idea, and while his back was turned, stole it right off of his shoulder.   Knowing that Jaken's fantasy with the daiyoukai HAD to deal with the giant fluff that rolled of his lord's shoulders, Kagome hurriedly tossed it towards Jaken, who, being on her side for once, took it in his hands and had his way with it.

Before even Sesshoumaru, with his demon speed, could act, Jaken had defiled the mokomoko with a relishing and much rewarding sound of happiness. Sesshoumaru snatched his now defiled mokomoko back into his claws and glared hard at Kagome. "You will clean this," he stated evenly, knowing what the priestess had been about. Kagome blushed, knowing there was only one way to clean a taken mokomoko.

"Well  I'm afriad to have to tell you Sesshoumaru, but the only way to clean the mokomoko after what Jaken did to it is by having sex on it with a human. And seeing as you would never have sex with a human, nor can I think of any who would want to, I'm afriad it's going to be stuck that way for a very, very long time." Kagome told him with a shurg before turning and starting back toward the village. But before she was able to make two steps  she was glomped by an over excited Ah and Un.

It seemed the two headed dragon also had a fetish for the moko-moko. On his way to capturing the soiled furry he bowled over the barely clothed and soaked miko, thus covering her with mud from the melted snow as well. Ah-Un turned to run away, tangling the little mikos ankles in his loose reigns as he took to the sky. Kagome let out a shrieking cry of "Inuyasha!!!!"

Inuyasha woke from a foggy warm sleep at her loud cry.   "Where's the ramen?" were Inuyasha's first thoughts. Then he realized that it was Kagome screaming. "What now?" he thought to himself as he sniffed the air and caught a whiff of his brother. "Sesshoumaru!" he growled. Inuyasha was about to take off after the poor beleagured priestess when something else caught his eye. Was that Rin?

Deciding Kagome could probably handle herself for the time being, and figuring little Rin couldn't, Inuyasha decided to go check on her first. Quickly making his way over to where the little girl was standing, Inuyasha asked, "What's wrong Rin?" Rin glanced up at him with tear stained eyes.  "Your bitch got my pillow all dirty giving it to Jaken!" wailed the tiny chibi, effectively silencing the half demon.

He stared incredulously at the little thing before his knuckled headedness came forth full force,"Kikyo?" he asked before sniffing tenatively.." Kikyo's no where near here!" he bellowed before a resounded but faint "SITBOY!" was heard from the skys.  Pulling himself from the Inuyasha-shaped crator, the half-demon grumbled about not being able to tell who Rin had been talking about and how Kagome should have been honored to be called such. "OKay so what do you want me to do about it?" Inuyasha questioned as he turned him attention back to the crying girl in front of him.

"I want you to go away, if you can't even stand up to her i have no use for your help." Rin said in a very Sesshoumaru like manner. Inuyasha stood there looking stunned, as Rin ran off yelling "MASTER JAKEN".

*Back with Kagome* Kagome kept yelling Ah Un to stop and let her down, she was dangling precariously hooked to his reins. Suddenly Ah Un stopped, Kagome twisted around to see Sesshoumaru floating there with red eyes looking at the twin headed dragon.  Just as she thought Sesshoumaru was coming to her, he glided past her, taking the reins of Ah-Un. Much to her surprise, he sweet talked the dragon back down to the ground.

Once she was free, Kagome turned to thank him and caught him locking lips on the dragons nose and talking in baby talk gibberish to it. To say the futureistic miko was shocked would be an understatement. Not noticing anything amise aside from the baby talking daiyoukai, Kagome decided to back away slowly from the slightly off demon. Slowly she made her way back to the egde of the clearing they had landed in, luckily not gaining the demon lords attention.

Almost home free a pair of arms wrapped tightly around her thin waist, ready to scream.   Koga clapped his hand over her mouth to keep her silent. Whispering sweet nothings into her ear and with a promise to love and keep her hea leapt off into the night. Kagome was left to wonder if anyone would ever come to save her.

Kagome, still covered in mud, continued to quietly sneak away. Suddenly another set of arms encirled her waist. "And just where do you think your going little one, I was wanting you company this evening, and your company I shall have." Sesshoumaru wispered into her ear.

Kagome shivered as his voice washed over her. "But Sesshoumaru I'm filthy.....and you hate humans." She wispered back.

"I make an exception in your's and Rin's case, and if the evening goes the way I wish it, Mokomoko will also be smelling of something far more appealing than that idiodic retainer of mine." Sesshoumaru wispered before nipping her ear. Kagome blushed a deep crimson just before Sesshoumaru picked her up and carried her into the night. From the roar that spread over the land early in the morning, the evening went EXACTLY how Sesshoumaru wanted it to.......THE END.

 

INUYASHA © Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan • Yomiuri TV • Sunrise 2000
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