When Tradition Fails by Priestess Skye

When Tradition Fails

Title: When Tradition Fails

Authors: Nobody and Priestess Skye

Prompt: Tradition - written for the January Collab Challenge

Rating: PG-13

Category: Humour

Summary: Kagome fails to impress when she integrates modern day courting techniques with a sixteenth century demon lord.

Disclaimer: The characters within this story do not belong to us, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi and we bow to her greatness.

It was a disaster in the making. Kagome was sure of it, as one set of hands yanked her head back by her hair and tugged on it with the brush. She wasn't quite sure what they were doing but she was sure that it wasn't something good; usually good things didn't have pain associated with them. She let out a whimper as another set of hands ripped off the piece of paper she had stuck to her leg, removing the hair along with it. Why couldn't she just shave? Shaving was easier. Shaving was pain free. "Relax, Kagome," one of them cheered. "You're going to be irresistible once we're done with you."

Her friends had been at this for over an hour. Forty-five minutes ago, Kagome began to wish she had never said anything about this, and by now she was almost homicidal. She felt a rather hot curling iron get dangerously close to her left ear and winced, the action causing the heat to singe her poor flesh. Her "Ow" was ignored as her friends began to discuss how much of a whiner she was being about this whole thing. She watched in horror as one of them pulled out a pair of four inch heels. How could she tell them that where she was going there wasn't exactly a floor to walk on? Kagome made a mental note to pack some sneakers.

"Okay, Kagome, don't move your head an inch," Yuka ordered as she brought a makeup brush close to her friend’s face. Glancing down Kagome couldn't see the colours that were chosen and this worried her even more. She was trying to attract the male demon lord, not scare him away. The notion of make up in the feudal era was so different than it was here. Despite his fancy dress, he was a simple man and didn't look like he was the type who was pleased with feather boas and the like. Her eyes widened minutely as she pictured herself dressed in the short black dress her friends had brought by, draped with said boa. No! She was absolutely adamant about that. She could deal with the waxing, the primping, the hot curling iron, the high heels and short dress. But she drew the line at feathers. "Okay Kags, now close your eyes."

Kagome closed her eyes, not because she trusted the girls but because she needed this to be over as soon as possible. She couldn't remember how she had been talked into this but she made a mental note to torment these women as soon as she had the time. Then she wondered when that would be. As she felt more prodding, she decided that three years from now she would have her revenge somehow, some way. "Ok Kagome you can open them." The three girls yelled in unison. 'Oh no,' Kagome thought as she contemplated opening her eyes. It was always really bad when they talked at the same time.

Her eyes were a smoky black, not as bad as she thought they would be, but in no way her natural style. Her hair, once a riotous mess that fell beneath her shoulders was now a riotous mess of curls pulled up into a high ponytail. Trying to hold in the squeak of fright, she whirled on her friends and stumbled upon the words she desperately wanted to speak. This was absolute insanity. Was this truly what the boys wanted girls to look like? She made enough of a statement already in feudal era Japan, this was too much. A cloudy mist hit her face, causing her to cough and exhale as she struggled to breathe. "Perfume!" Ayumi announced. "He'll absolutely die over it."

Kagome's eyes widened as she realized what had just happened! She watched in horror as the girls packed their torture devices and got out the door, apparently not wanting to keep her from her rendezvous any longer. Soon her mother was pushing her towards the well house. "Mama nooooo...  please... I look ridiculous!" she pleaded. Her mother would have none of it. Her daughter finally was getting over the hanyou and moving on.

"You look fine dear," she replied easily, handing Kagome her bag. "I'm sure this man will appreciate the effort you've put into yourself. It's not every day you dress yourself up."

"No!" she cried. "The dress is entirely too tight and too short, I'm going to fall and break an ankle with these shoes, and Sesshoumaru is going to pass out from the perfume. I just wanted to come home and look nice, not like this."

"Nonsense, he'll be pleased." Kagome threw her mother a skeptical look before looking down at herself and questioning her mother's sanity. What mother would allow her daughter to walk out the door like this?

Kagome was on the verge of tears at the thought of the impending disaster that was about to unfold. She somehow maneuvered herself through the well, the blue flash of light and energy pulling her skirt too high for comfort. She sat at the bottom for a moment before mustering up what dignity she had and climbing out, in four inch heels. As she got over the top she gulped when she saw Sesshoumaru waiting for her. She stood as tall as she could, which was pretty damn tall considering her footwear. She went to approach him and her heel sunk into the ground. She looked up and smiled as she went to take another step and sank further.

His eyes flashed wide for a moment before becoming blank once more. A raised hand was all it took to tell her to stand still as he looked down at her feet, her heels stuck in the soft dirt. Inwardly cursing, she wondered why she had worn these shoes. They were ruined now and she could never return them to the store for her money back. "Hi," she waved meekly, hoping that he could see past this little disaster. The fact that he didn't respond with anything other than a glare told her otherwise. "Sorry I'm late. My friends wanted to help me get ready." She tugged her skirt down, avoiding eye contact. It didn't take a genius to know that this date was going south fast.

Sesshoumaru stared at the woman. Her outfit wasn't fit for a brothel and her smell was well making him wish he was unconscious. He walked over to her because apparently she could not walk much by herself. Sesshoumaru looked her up and down when he noticed something. He grabbed the woman by her ankles with his demon speed. Soon Kagome found herself dangling upside down while the demon lord examined her shins. "Miko, what kind of torture is this? The hair on your legs... Someone has pulled each one of them out." Sesshoumaru looked in awe as he examined the girl. He couldn't believe Kagome would have such a formidable enemy.

She quickly clutched her skirt once more trying to hold it so it wouldn’t fall to her hips. This was date number one and he certainly wasn't going any farther than first base... well maybe second base… that's if he didn't run in the other direction. Regardless, her plans didn't allow him a sneak peak. "It's called waxing," she huffed. "It's supposed to be pleasant for the male, make the skin soft and smooth, though you weren't far off from the truth," she muttered. Glaring at him, she demanded he put her down.

"Why would you let friends do something like this?"

"Because, apparently, I'm insane. Now, all of the blood is rushing to my head and if you want to continue this conversation, you need to place me upright."

Sesshoumaru complied as he set the woman down, but before he did he used his poison claw to fix her shoes so she could walk. Kagome watched in horror as Sesshoumaru used his poison to melt her heels. 'Now I really can't return them,' she thought. She could just imagine the conversation.

"Can I return these please?"

"Yes, I know they melted."

"No I don't know how I melted the wood."

She was brought from her musings about shoe stores by the ground under her now-manageable feet.

She took a moment to fix herself, and mourn the loss of her shoes. They really were nice shoes, even if they weren't compatible with sixteenth century feudal Japan. Flipping her hair, she stilled as she heard the slow growl emanate from his chest. His eyes were fixated on her curls that remained still as she moved. A hand reached out to tug on the hair and she heard the telltale crunch from overuse of hair spray as he played with it. The growl only increased as he grabbed more, squeezing his fist around the curls. Clearly he was not a fan of hair spray. "You will not melt that too," she screamed as she recalled the damage done to her shoes. "I like my hair."

Kagome stood there as he examined her further. She was afraid to move. Sesshoumaru quickly stopped touching the noisy hair. His hand slid down and grazed her cheek. It would have been blush inducing except for the distasteful growl that escaped the Daiyoukai as her makeup came off onto his claw. He then began to wipe randomly all over her cheeks to see the colours that would come off. The demon lord could not believe his eyes as Kagome's face - almost literally - came off. The colors were interesting, but ridiculous. Blues, greens, and reds.

"What is this?" he asked as he looked at the various creams that built up along his claws. He had seen facial powders before and knew that women of high standing often wore them when they were being courted. However, despite the miko's standing as, well, a miko, she was not expected to be wearing any of it. In fact it did little to enhance her features. Instead it hid her behind a wall of sorts. Wiping his hands on his hakama, he’d had enough. He leaned forward, ready to grab her, knowing precisely where he was going to take her when he stopped again, his nose filled with that god awful scent. He couldn't get near her without gagging and it took everything he had not to breathe for a moment.

Kagome watched in horror as the demon lord approached her and then backed up. He was having a battle of sorts but she couldn't figure out why. Then she saw his nose crinkle. 'The perfume' she thought. Kagome smiled. "Sorry Sesshoumaru, it's perfume," she said. Sesshoumaru decided he would have to take the plunge, so to speak, if this was going to go anywhere. He had to somehow suffer the strong scent. Sesshoumaru finally made a decision. He covered his nose and mouth with one hand and ran for the miko. Soon Kagome found herself being carried like a football, by a Sesshoumaru who was on the verge of gagging.

If this wasn't so embarrassing she'd find it hilarious, being carried across god knows where under the arm of a stoic demon lord who was famous for his patience and his self-control. He had neither at this moment, the way she was jostled left and right was evidence of that. However, despite the way everything was going, there was one good thing to keep in mind. The way he held her gave her ample opportunity to watch his ass as he ran across the clearing and, for the first time, she paid close attention to what the baggy hakama typically hid. She was beginning to mourn its loss, too, as she knew that this would probably be the first and last date she would ever have with him.

It took her a moment to realize that they had stopped and he was no longer holding her under his armpit. "What's going-" No sooner had she opened her mouth than she let out a shriek as he dropped her from mid-air and into what was possibly the coldest river she had ever been in. All of her hard work, the results of which she wasn't pleased with but that was beside the point, was gone, and she was soaked through.

Sesshoumaru looked at the girl who resembled a wet puppy as she stared at him. The demon lord knew of her temper and wasted no time. "Miko, I will return. Do not move." Kagome was too cold to reply before he was gone from view. Thirty seconds later he returned with... soap? Kagome couldn't believe her eyes as Sesshoumaru stripped down to just his pants and got into the water with her. Before she could argue, she was being scrubbed rather vigorously by the demon lord. She went to yell and scream but was dunked under water. When she surfaced she opened her mouth to demand an explanation, but the demon lord was very determined and began to scrub her face and cheeks.

Never mind her embarrassment earlier; she was far more embarrassed now as he reached for her hair, snapping the tie. His movements were mechanical in nature, as if they required little thought. It was almost as if he were trying to bathe one of his children. The thought alone brought a flush to her cheeks and she turned away from him, for the first time ready to cry. Never mind embarrassing, it was downright humiliating. There was no way he'd ever look at her in the same way again and, if she had know this was how her ‘date' was going to go, she wouldn't have even stepped into the well. She would have stayed at home where she could shower herself. She wasn't even allowed a deep breath before her head was pushed under again.

Sesshoumaru could finally begin to see the woman who had piqued his interest. He began to wash her hair. She really was a work of art. As he washed her scalp, he began to smell salt. He had no idea where that could be coming from so he dunked the girl again. Maybe he had missed something. As he brought her up he spun the girl around and examined her. Her eyes were a little red and her skin glowed from the thorough scrubbing. The demon lord smirked as he lifted her up a little more and examined her to make sure he had gotten everything.

She remained extremely still as he brought his nose to her neck and sniffed delicately. A tear rolled down her cheek and she turned her face away, wishing with everything she had in her that he didn't see it. She just wanted to go home, curl up in her bed and never wake up. How was she to avoid him when he was Inuyasha's brother? They crossed paths too many times for her to avoid him truly, but after tonight she couldn't bear showing her face near him again. "Better," he announced before lifting her out of the water and handing her a cloth to dry herself.

"Pardon me?" she whirled on him, forgetting her momentary nakedness.

Smirking, he watched as the fire returned to her eyes. "You no longer smell."

Kagome blushed as the demon took another deep breath as if to affirm his statement. She nodded in thanks, as she packed all of her things. She turned to Sesshoumaru and bowed, before she turned to walk away. Hopefully, if she was lucky, they would never discuss this ever, ever again. Maybe after a few years she would be able to look him in the eye or at least at his feet.

"Miko," he called to her as she made her way to the edge of the forest. She stopped, but didn't dare turn around. "We are not yet finished."

She clenched her fists at her side and whirled on him. "Excuse me? I spent almost an hour getting into that ridiculous get up to come here and find myself being bathed as if I were no better than a pup. I am finished."

Sesshoumaru was next to the woman before she could move further. "Miko, now that you are presentable, you will explain to this Sesshoumaru exactly what all of that was and why," the demon lord said as he began to walk. Kagome smiled as she followed him, explaining exactly what it all was. When she was done Sesshoumaru looked at her with genuine surprise in his eyes at all of her reasoning and answers. "Ridiculous," was his only reply.

Embarrassed for an entirely different reason now, Kagome smiled as she tried to laugh it off. "What was ridiculous was the boa they had wanted me to wear."

His eyebrow rose minutely before he glanced at his mokomoko and began picturing her wearing such a contraption.

Kagome's eyes widened as she realized the connection he was making. "No, no, it was nothing like yours. It was made of feathers!"

His eyes were blank for a moment as he considered her words, and then a slow smirk spread across his face. "This Sesshoumaru likes feathers."