Louder Than Words by Sage McMae

Louder Than Words

Wandering off is never a good idea. Being separated from her friends means she has no backup. There are days when she simply gets lost and others where she encounters a power-hungry demon looking for shards of the Shikon Jewel.  

Kagome knows it’s unsafe— she’s faced enough demons to understand how dangerous this time period is, — but remaining at the campsite is worse. Watching Inuyasha sneak off to meet Kikyo hurts more than a physical wound. So Kagome tries to avoid seeing him. 

She’s come across more than one adversary during her strolls. Her bow is always with her. Between the weapon and the reiki Kagome is still learning to hone, she has always managed to beat her opponent.

But it seems that her luck has run out.

Because there is no way Kagome can win against the demon standing in front of her.

“Sesshomaru.”

“Miko,” he returns. 

If he’s surprised to see her, she can’t tell. Unlike Kagome who wears her heart on her sleeve, Sesshomaru’s face gives nothing away. He controls his emotions. She envies him for that.  

“You are alone?” It’s posed as a question even though he’s confirming what he already knows. With his heightened senses, Sesshomaru is aware of how far away her friends are. 

Kagome nods.

“That is unwise,” he remarks.

Her encounters with the daiyoukai tend to be confrontational— at least where Inuyasha is concerned. Of course, there was that one time when Sesshomaru tried to kill her…

She can’t tell if he’s threatening her or merely making an observation. Either way, Kagome doesn’t feel like talking to him. Personality-wise, he’s nothing like Inuyasha but those silver-white locks and piercing golden eyes are all too familiar. 

“I can take care of myself,” she says, shouldering by him to continue on her way.

He follows. “I disagree.”

“Well, I didn’t ask for your opinion.”

They’ve never had a real conversation before. All of their past interactions have been around Inuyasha and Tetsusaiga. Without either to serve as a catalyst between them, she’s unsure how to act. As far as she knows, the only thing Sesshomaru cares about is power— well, that and Rin. 

Kagome glances around but doesn’t see the little girl or Jaken nearby. She’s left confronting his terse demeanor by herself.

“You are incapable of defeating me, miko,” Sesshomaru states.

“Likewise,” she snaps.

“Do not presume you are as skilled as I.”

Kagome whirls around, placing her hands on her hips. “Listen, buddy. You may be an all-powerful demon, but you couldn’t kill me so give me some credit, okay?”

He stares at her and for a moment, Kagome wonders if she has gone too far. Her anger may be directed at Sesshomaru but he’s not the one who made her feel this way. Inuyasha is.

“Why are you traveling without your companions?” Sesshomaru inquires.

“Why are you?” she quips. “I don’t see Rin around.”

His eyes narrow. Kagome knows he’s protective of Rin. What she can’t figure out is why. Sesshomaru has made his stance on humans very clear.

“That is none of your concern,” he responds.

“Fine by me,” she grumbles and turns away.  

Kagome takes exactly three steps before her path is blocked by the stubborn daiyoukai. “Your companions can be found in that direction.”

She rolls her eyes and tries to maneuver around him. “Later.” 

Sesshomaru doesn’t allow her to pass. He’s faster than her and far stronger. She trips on a tree trunk and stumbles over a few rocks in her attempt to get by. After colliding with his unforgiving armor, she lets out a frustrated huff. 

“Now,” he insists tersely.

“You’re not the boss of me!”

Sesshomaru grabs her wrist.

“Let go!” she shrieks.

He remains silent as he leads her toward the camp. His grip is nothing compared to the painful clenching of her heart. The trees and shrubs blur into a singular shade of green. Oh no, Kagome thinks, realizing with horror what’s happening. Her anger has given way to another emotion. Seconds later, her cheeks are damp and she can barely see the ground beneath her feet.

“Please…please let me go.” Her voice cracks as she pleads with him. “I can’t…I don’t want to go back there— not when he’s with her.”

Sesshomaru freezes. There is a brief pause and then he releases her.

Kagome turns away, hastily wiping her face clean. “Thanks,” she mumbles. 

She hates crying in front of people. It’s embarrassing but she’s becoming used to it. Each time Inuyasha chooses Kikyo over her, Kagome wears the scar of betrayal on her heart. She wonders how many cracks it can withstand before it shatters completely. 

Dragging the back of her hand across her eyes, she tries to forget about their most recent rendezvous. Sango and Miroku don’t even comment on it anymore. They’ve both come to expect Inuyasha’s disappearances. Shippo doesn’t tease him either. The kitsune has moved onto other things, primarily the yo-yo Kagome brought him after her last trip home. Her friends have accepted Inuyasha’s choice. So why can’t she? 

Kagome clears her throat and glances up, surprised to find Sesshomaru watching her. “You’re still here?”

“If you insist on traveling alone, you require an escort. I will go with you.”

Her eyes go wide. “What?”

“Proceed,” he directs. 

Kagome stares at him, unsure if this is some kind of trick to get his hands on Tetsusaiga. Sesshomaru meets her gaze. He doesn’t react at all. She can’t tell if he’s annoyed, amused, or somewhere in between. That’s the problem with Sesshomaru. Kagome never knows what he’s thinking. 

Seeing as he hasn’t attacked her, Kagome decides to trust him. She tells herself it’s because Sesshomaru doesn’t want to be struck by one of her arrows but really it’s because she doesn’t want to go back. Kagome knows what she’ll see if she returns to camp.

Part of her feels a bit guilty leaving Shippo. By now, the novelty of the yo-yo has probably worn off. She wonders if he’ll remember how to cook the ramen she left for lunch or where she hid that extra container of pocky. Regardless, the guilt isn’t enough to change her mind. Kagome marches forward, not caring where she’s going as long as it puts distance between her and Inuyasha.

Sesshomaru trails behind her. He gives Kagome enough of a lead so she can pretend she’s alone but not enough that he can’t intervene should she come across another demon.

She wants to ask him why he’s doing this. They aren’t friends. They aren’t even allies. Why does he care what happens to her? Kagome starts to ask but when she glances over her shoulder, she finds Sesshomaru watching her intently. She quickly faces forward, hoping he doesn’t notice her flushed cheeks.

They walk in silence. Kagome’s focus drifts between the landscape and her thoughts. Inuyasha has acted like an idiot more times than she can count. Even before Urasue resurrected Kikyo, he was a jerk— always yelling at Kagome and comparing her to his dead girlfriend.

Despite Inuyasha’s behavior, she fell for him. It doesn't matter how many times he snaps or abandons her, Kagome keeps supporting him. Her friends tell her to forget about him. They think he is toxic and that she should date Hojo instead. Yet, Kagome finds excuses to defend Inuyasha.

What am I doing? she wonders, tilting her head to the sky. He’s never going to care about me the way I care about him. Kagome sighs, running a hand through her hair. Maybe I should go out with Hojo.

Would that make Inuyasha be mad? Jealous?

Serves him right, Kagome thinks waspishly.

The satisfaction she feels from that ugly thought doesn’t last. Kagome doesn’t want to hurt Inuyasha. She wants him to choose her— not out of obligation or as a last resort but because he loves her. No amount of jealousy will change that.

She spots a nearby tree and takes a seat. She closes her eyes and leans against the firm trunk. Her legs are sore from walking. Her head hurts from thinking. And her heart…

…well that needs a rest too.

It isn’t until a shadow falls over her that she remembers Sesshomaru.

“The half-breed is a fool. Do not waste your energy on him.”

Kagome cranes her head to look up at him. “I can’t just stop caring. Inuyasha is my friend. Besides, if it wasn’t for him I never would have met Shippo, Miroku, and Sango.”

Sesshomaru seems to consider this for a moment.

“You feel the same way, don’t you? About Jaken, Rin, and your dragon?” she asks.

“A-Un.”

“Huh?”

“The dragon. Rin named him A-Un,” Sesshomaru clarifies.

Kagome smiles. “I like it.”

“Hn.”

“You don’t?”

“I never understood humanity’s fascination with naming everything. Do the mountains require a name? Does the river? They are not defined by their title so why should we be?” Sesshomaru questions.

Kagome wonders how he’d react if she told him how, in the future, all landmarks have names. “I thought you cared about your title. You’re the Lord of the Western Lands,” she reminds him.

“Indeed but nature does not operate within societal constructs as you and I do. Nature has no constraints. It can be merciless, unyielding, and yet it offers us the sustenance we require to survive— water, food, shelter, even the air we breathe. It cannot be controlled. It cannot be predicted. It simply is. I view A-Un the same way. He is not tethered to me by loyalty but by choice,” Sesshomaru explains.

Kagome has never heard him talk so much. She’s both surprised by his detailed answer and his philosophy. Sesshomaru’s description is well-thought-out. He doesn’t answer with irritation or judgment. He simply states his opinion. 

“The sun will be setting soon. We should return. It would not do for you to be out after dark,” he informs her.

“Okay.” Kagome gets to her feet, brushing off a few stray blades of grass.

Sesshomaru leads her through the forest, following the same route they used earlier. He doesn’t offer anything else about Inuyasha or his traveling companions. Kagome doesn’t ask. She’s too busy mentally preparing herself. She can’t act as if Inuyasha’s behavior bothers her. Her friends expect her to be cheery and helpful. Kagome can’t disappoint them— even if their actions often disappoint her. She’s not just their jewel-shard hunter, she’s the glue that holds them together.

When they near her companion's camp, Sesshomaru stops. Kagome glances around him to see a plume of smoke rising from the clearing.

I guess they started dinner without me.

“This is where we part ways.” He turns away, leaving as abruptly as he appeared.

“Hey, Sesshomaru,” Kagome calls after him. He pauses, glancing at her warily. “Thanks for today. I…uh…had fun. See you around?”

He blinks, clearly confused by her wording.

Kagome mentally slaps herself for being so dumb. Fun? Why did she say that? She makes it sound like they planned to see each other.

Sesshomaru bows his head. “Until next time, miko.”

“Bye,” Kagome waves, diving through the bushes before she embarrasses herself further.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Over the following weeks, Kagome finds herself accompanied by the Lord of the Western Lands often. Every time she slips away from her friends, he appears. She's not sure how Sesshomaru always manages to find her —or why. It never occurs to her to ask him. Once the initial shock wears off, she finds his company nice. Sesshomaru doesn’t say much. He prefers to stroll in silence while Kagome sorts through her feelings. If she does ask a question, he often responds with a knowing look.

It is awkward at first, but, eventually, Kagome realizes how helpful his approach is. By not saying anything, Sesshomaru says everything. He doesn’t give her the answer she wants to hear. Sesshomaru lets Kagome reach her own conclusion. She learns that most of the answers are ones she already knows.  

Kagome is jealous of Kikyo because Inuyasha still loves her. She feels inferior to the clay husk of the woman because Kikyo is everything Kagome isn’t. She’s poised, collected, and a superb archer. Constantly being compared to her makes Kagome uncomfortable in her own skin.

Which is why she asks Sesshomaru to train with her. He doesn’t seem surprised by her request nor does he hesitate to accept.

Kagome knew Sesshomaru wouldn’t go easy on her but she didn’t expect him to go all out. He attacks with the same fervor as when he engages Inuyasha. Kagome forgets about proper form and archer etiquette in her haste to fire arrow after arrow at him. Sesshomaru dodges each strike with ease. Right before she is slashed through by his claws, he halts.

“Good.”

Kagome blinks, stunned. “Huh?”

“You did not panic under pressure,” Sesshomaru observes.

“But I lost,” she says, confused.

“Treat each loss as a victory and you will never truly lose,” he instructs. “What could you do in the future to avoid a similar outcome?”

Kagome shrugs. “Be faster?”

“You will never be capable of rivaling a demon’s speed but you can counter it. When you aim for your opponent, shoot for their limbs. Hinder their movement,” Sesshomaru advises.  

“Right.”

“Again,” he says.

They practice for hours. Kagome loses herself in the exercise. After each round, Sesshomaru lets her identify areas for improvement before providing his assessment. She expects him to be blunt— which he is —, but not in a mean way. All of his observations are valid and help her improve.

By the time the sky turns from blue to orange, Kagome is weary but content. She hasn’t found any jewel shards today yet she is filled with a sense of accomplishment. Belatedly, Kagome realizes that this is the first time she’s been happy in a while.  

She grins the entire way back to camp.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few weeks later, Kagome and Sesshomaru rest together on a grassy hillside. While Kagome takes a moment to catch her breath from practice, Sesshomaru polishes his sword. He is unaffected by their session. Kagome wonders if he ever sweats or if he was just born perfect.

“Hey, Sesshomaru?”

The daiyoukai tilts his head toward Kagome.

“Why don’t you ever bring Rin around when you visit?” The question has been bothering her for a while. It took her a while to work up the courage to ask him.  

“This is not a visit, miko. We are training.”

“Right but don’t you miss her? I mean, you can’t be on solo missions all the time. She must miss you and I bet Jaken would like a break. He doesn't seem the type to enjoy babysitting,” Kagome says.

“Jaken is aware of what happens to those who disappoint me,” Sesshomaru returns evenly.

“Okay, well, if you ever want to bring her by, I wouldn’t mind. It would be a nice,” Kagome tells him.

He arches a brow. “You wish to see Rin?”

“Of course. She's important to you, right? You should bring her along next time— her, Jaken, A-Un— all of your friends.”

He frowns. “I do not have friends. I have allies.”

Kagome laughs, shaking her head. “Whatever you say.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When Sesshomaru meets her the following day, he is not alone. 

Rin is cautious of Kagome. She keeps close to Sesshomaru, hovering at his left side as she peers around. Despite living with a two-headed dragon, an imp, and a demon lord, she is shy.

When Buyo was a kitten, he was skittish. Mama taught Kagome that he was scared because the house and their family were new to him. She told Kagome to be patient and let him come to her. It took a few days, but eventually, the cat climbed into her lap and they’d been fast friends ever since.

Kagome approaches Rin the same way. Each time Sesshomaru brings his ward to one of their training sessions, Kagome greets her with a wave and cherry smile. Rin doesn’t respond. Kagome doesn’t let it bother her. She completes her practice rounds with Sesshomaru as if nothing has changed. When they leave her at the outskirts of the camp, Kagome tells Rin that she hopes she’ll see her again soon.

The next time Rin visits, Jaken comes along. The imp makes no effort to hide his disgust with Kagome. He calls her ‘wench’ and ‘filthy human’. Kagome ignores him but the following visit, she notices he’s sporting a rather large welt.

She glances at Sesshomaru who doesn’t confirm or deny her suspicions.

By the fifth visit, Rin is more engaged. She doesn’t hide behind Sesshomaru. When Kagome greets her, she smiles and waves. It seems she is starting to come out of her shell. Later, Rin approaches her while she is crafting a new batch of arrows.

“What are you doing?”

“I used everything in my quiver earlier. I need to make new ones,” Kagome replies. “Would you like me to show you how?”

Rin nods. The little girl sits next to Kagome, watching intently as she chisels stone to make the heads.

“Can I try?” she asks.

“Here,” Kagome passes her a rock and shows Rin how to hold it so she doesn’t hit her fingers.

“How does it stay on the shaft?”

“Once we have the sticks shaved down, we’ll tie the arrowheads to the end with string or leather straps. I’m not sure if I have any already cut…,” Kagome trails off as she digs into the bottom of her quiver for leftover strands.

“Lord Sesshomaru, look what Kagome is teaching me!” Rin cries excitedly.

Kagome looks up to find the demon looming over them. His inscrutable gaze makes her nervous. Maybe he doesn’t want her teaching Rin archery. Kagome probably should have asked before she let the little girl participate.

“Good,” Sesshomaru responds. That’s all he says before he strolls away to practice sword forms.

Kagome watches him. She’s seen him flow through the positions numerous times but it still captivates her. There is purpose in each movement. He is confident and unyielding yet the form flows smoothly. It’s like a river, constantly moving without pause or interruption.

“Kagome?”

“Hmm?” She blinks, turning back to Rin. “I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Rin holds out a couple of arrowheads. “Are these okay?”

They are whittled down far thinner than Kagome would have crafted but for Rin’s first attempt they are good.

“Don’t forget your notches,” Kagome says, pointing to the sides where they will string the arrowhead onto the shaft.

Rin nods. With her brows creased and tongue partially sticking out, she creates the divots. “Like this?”

“Perfect,” Kagome praises her. “Ready for the next step?”

The little girl beams.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The more time Kagome spends away from her friends, the more she comes to realize that Inuyasha will never change. The pain doesn’t go away completely but it does get easier to carry. She begins to focus on other things like her training and teaching Rin.

The child no longer waits for Sesshomaru to greet Kagome. She runs over, usually bouncing on the balls of her feet with excitement. Rin enjoys showing Kagome what she’s been up to. Her arrow-making skills have come in handy. She’s now capable of fishing and setting traps. Kagome is impressed by how self-sufficient Rin has become.

When she and Sesshomaru take breaks in between rounds, Kagome rests with Rin. Sometimes they lay on their backs and watch the clouds. On warm days, they go swimming in shallow streams and rivers. Other times, when the weather prevents them from practicing, Sesshomaru finds them shelter so Kagome can study.

Rin is fascinated by her textbooks. She has a keen interest in learning, especially once Kagome reveals that she's from the future.

“What’s this book?” the little girl asks.

“That’s for my English class,” Kagome answers.

Over the past couple of weeks, she’s been teaching Rin how to read. 

Rin’s nose scrunches up as she scans the pages. “The characters look funny.”

“That’s because English is a different language. You have to be able to translate the words into standard Japanese,” Kagome explains. She points to several letters and provides the Japanese equivalent.

“You are fluent in more than one language?” Sesshomaru inquires, appearing next to her. He leans close, scanning the page.

“Well, not yet. I’m still learning,” Kagome admits. “That’s why I have to study. Back home, I spend my days in school. I miss classes when I’m here so I have a lot of makeup work.”

“Hn.”

“Kagome, can you read this?” Rin prompts, pointing to a section next to a picture of a woman draped in blue silks.

“That is Benten, the goddess of the sea. She’s one of the Seven Gods of Luck,” Kagome explains.

“What makes her lucky?” Rin asks.

Kagome traces the page where Benten’s story is written. “She was brave and wise. Benten married a sea dragon to save the island of Enoshima. In some versions of the story, it is believed that she created the island. People build shrines near the coast or in island towns as a way to honor her.”

“Didn’t she marry the sea dragon because she loved him?” Rin questions.

“I don’t know. I’d like to think she did,” Kagome replies.

“I love A-Un,” Rin says. “Does that mean when I grow up, I have to marry him?” 

“There are different kinds of love— companion, familial, and romantic,” Kagome tells her.

Rin thinks on this for a minute before asking, “What kind of love does Master Jaken have for Lord Sesshomaru?”

Kagome bursts out laughing. 

Sesshomaru scowls. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few days later, Sesshomaru arrives without his entourage. 

They stroll in silence for several minutes. Normally, the lack of conversation doesn’t bother Kagome but today, she can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong. With each step forward, Kagome feels the ground beneath her feet become unsteady.

Being alone with him hasn’t bothered her in months. They’ve trained together, shared meals, and there was one time when he took her to the well so she wouldn’t be late getting home. There’s no reason to feel so nervous around Sesshomaru.

Except there is.

Something is different today. A heavy tension hangs in the air between them. Kagome glances around, searching for signs of danger. She can’t imagine any other reason for his mood.

“Is Rin not visiting today?” she asks.

“No.”

His tone is curt. When Kagome tries to catch his eyes, he averts his gaze. What’s with him?

“Did something happen?”

“Yes,” he responds tersely.

For as much as he complains about Inuyasha, the daiyoukai is certainly just as stubborn. Maybe it’s a canine thing, Kagome thinks as she positions herself in his path.

She grabs his hand. “Hey, Sesshomaru, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

His nostrils flare in irritation and he yanks his hand free.

Kagome crosses her arms over her chest. “I’m not moving until you tell me what’s going on.”

“Your stories,” he says.

She tilts her head, confused. “My stories?”

“The water demon who traded her voice for legs, the girl whose family sent her to live with a beast, and the one about the goddess who married the sea dragon,” Sesshomaru clarifies.

Her face scrunches in disbelief. “You’re mad because I read her fairy tales?” she cries exasperatedly.

“Rin has been inquiring as to the nature of our relationship. She is under the impression that I plan to mate with you.”

“What?” Kagome staggers backward, stunned. Her face burns with embarrassment. For some reason, that term sounds better than ‘boyfriend’. Then Kagome remembers what it means. Sesshomaru might as well have said that he plans to marry her. It’s essentially the same thing.

“But you and I....” She can’t bring herself to finish the sentence.

Sesshomaru must grasp her meaning because he nods in agreement.

“Wow.” Kagome sighs and runs a hand through her hair. A quiet giggle escapes her as she feels some of the tension dissipate. It seems she was worried for nothing. “I didn’t realize she saw us that way.” 

“Indeed, since your heart belongs to another.”

“I mean, you don’t even like humans,” Kagome says at the same time. She blinks. “Wait, what?”

Sesshomaru’s eyes narrow. “What did you say?”

“You don’t like humans,” she repeats uneasily.

“My ward is human, is she not?” he questions.

“Yeah, but—.”

“And you are human, if I am not mistaken,” Sesshomaru continues.

“Yes, but we’re allies. I didn’t—.”

“Allies?” he echoes, bitterly.

Kagome feels the world shift on its axis. The tension builds, strangling all of the air from her lungs and making her legs feel weak. Pain bursts through her chest. The wounds she thought had healed reopen. Or maybe they aren’t old wounds at all. Maybe these cracks in her heart are completely new.

She grasps his hand with the same desperation her mind has as it tries to make sense of this unexpected feeling. “Sesshomaru—.”

He backs away, glaring at her. “Return to your companions, miko.”

“No! We’re not done talking about this.”

“You are wrong. I am finished here.” With those cold words, he leaps into the air and flies off.

Kagome watches him until the tears cause her vision to blur beyond recognition. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“Kagome?”

“Kagome?”

A tiny paw waves in front of her face. “Hey, Kagome, are you okay?”

She blinks, spurred out of her thoughts by Shippo. “Huh? Sorry, what did you say?”

All of her friends are staring at her. Miroku holds his teacup in front of him as if he’s not sure whether he should take a sip or not. Sango has paused polishing her boomerang. Kirara moves to sit at her feet. Even Inuyasha is quiet— a rare occurrence.

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” Shippo comments.

“Sorry.” The apology is automatic. She’s said the word so many times over the last week that it’s lost meaning.

Sango moves to sit next to her. “Kagome, are you feeling alright? You’ve barely eaten anything.”

“I’m fine, just tired,” she says, brushing off her friend’s concern.

“You haven’t slept either,” Miroku points out.

Kagome doesn't argue. She hasn’t been able to stomach food lately and sleep…well, that’s out of the question. Each time Kagome closes her eyes, she sees those metallic eyes— hard and unforgiving as they glare at her. It makes her throat tighten and her eyes prick with the threat of tears.

How did I get it so wrong?

Inuyasha never returned her feelings. To him, Kagome is merely a friend. His rejection had hurt but she got over it. Kagome thought she had learned from the disaster that was her first love. So why hadn’t she seen what was right in front of her? How could she treat Sesshomaru the way Inuyasha had treated her?

Kagome hasn’t seen the Lord of the Western Lands since that day. Each time she wanders away from her friends, even if it’s just to bathe in the hot springs, she hopes he’ll appear.

He doesn’t.

“Are you homesick?” Sango asks, placing her hand on Kagome’s arm.

“Yeah,” she replies.

It’s true. She misses her home, just not the one across the well. As the saying goes, home is where the heart is. Kagome’s heart is somewhere in the Western Lands. She doubts she’ll ever see him again.

Not after the way he looked at her.

“Actually, I think I’m going to go back for a few days,” she decides.

“What about our search for the jewel?” Inuyasha grumbles.

There was a time when his question would have annoyed her. Inuyasha’s priority has always been himself— becoming a full-fledged demon, getting revenge on Naraku, being with Kikyo. Kagome knows she should be upset but his words barely register.

“Ask Kikyo for help,” Kagome says, unaware of the shocked gaze that passes between Miroku and Sango.

Inuyasha’s ears fold down in shame. Then, he crosses his arms in front of his chest and scoffs. “Fine. The jewel was hers to protect from the beginning. At least she won’t run off all the time for school like you do.”

Sango, Miroku, and Shippo gang up on Inuyasha, each reprimanding him for his attitude. With their attention on him, Kagome is free to gather her things. She feels a little guilty sneaking off, but not enough to reconsider it.

Dusk falls as she treks toward Edo. Kagome sticks to the main road instead of cutting through the woods. The forest may be faster but it’s also more dangerous. Her senses aren’t as heightened as her friend’s. She won’t be able to tell what lurks in the shadows until it is upon her and by then, it may be too late to draw her bow.

It’s been almost three weeks since Kagome went through the well. Her life in Tokyo is not nearly as exciting as her days here. She’s caught herself referring to the Feudal Era as ‘home’ more than once. Thankfully, she’s never said it out loud. Kagome can only imagine how hurt Mama would be if she knew.

She glances up at the sky, smiling at the array of stars that are starting to become visible. Simple details, like a clear night, are one of the reasons she prefers the Feudal Era. Of course, there are downsides to living here too— such as the fact that there’s no running water.

A hot bath will feel nice. Maybe if she’s lucky, Mama will cook Oyakodon. The rice bowl is Kagome’s favorite comfort meal. Mama always makes it for her when she’s sick. Is a broken heart considered an illness? Kagome doesn’t know. The pain is worse than any of the fake ailments Gramps has come up with. Maybe this is her punishment for lying so often.

A rustling sound catches her attention. Kagome pauses.

Half a dozen figures emerge from the outskirts of the forest. They are dressed in dark colors which help them blend into the shadows. If it wasn’t for the sound of their boots on the ground, Kagome may not have noticed them.

These men aren’t demons but they aren’t friendly either. She can see daggers, whips, and arrows in the array of weapons they carry.  At first, she suspects they are mercenaries until she catches the burlap sacks they carry.

Bandits are common in the Feudal Era. They travel in groups to pillage villages and plunder the corpses left behind from the numerous battles between the warring clans. They are known for being vicious and untrustworthy. Kagome has never come across any on her own. She’s always had her friends as backup.

But they aren’t here now.

Kagome drops her backpack into the grass and grabs an arrow. She may be outnumbered but she won’t go down without a fight.

“You lost, girl?” the one in front calls to her.

“No, you’re just in my way.”

The bandits roar with laughter.

“You’ve got quite a mouth on you,” their leader comments.

Kagome doesn’t answer. Sesshomaru taught her how effective banter can be. If you wield it like a weapon, it can serve as a distraction and give you an opening. However, if turned against you, banter can blind you to an incoming attack. Kagome won’t allow them to trick her.

Her focus shifts steadily across all six members of the group. She numbers them, quietly estimating how many paces they are away from her position.

The leader is the closest, approaching directly from the front. He’s flanked on his left by two burly men. Based on size alone, Kagome guesses they don’t have to rely on their blades very often. The other three are on her left. Their approach is more strategic. They are waiting to see what she’ll do when the leader attacks. If she manages to incapacitate him long enough to make a break for it, they will be waiting.

Sesshomaru taught her how to assess a situation and craft a battle plan. When encountering a group, the best chance of survival is to take out the largest threat first— in this case, the bandits’ leader.

As if sensing her intent, he pulls a knife from his belt.

One arrow may not be enough to take him down. She needs to act fast. As soon as he takes a hit, his men will charge her.

Kagome doesn’t hesitate. She releases an arrow and immediately nocks another. The first arrow slices through the tendons of his forearm, causing the leader to drop his blade. While he sputters in shock, her second arrow finds its mark above his kneecap. The man drops to the ground.

As he curses her, his men unsheathe their weapons. The closest one unravels a whip. Kagome ducks and aims for his shoulder. When he extends his arm to strike her, she takes the opening to strike back. Her arrow lodges itself in the joint. The man howls in pain.

Kagome doesn’t pause. No sooner has one arrow left her fingers than she is loading another and another. One by one, Kagome shoots down the bandits until she is the only one left standing.

With her last arrow nocked, Kagome pivots around, counting down each of her opponents. She gets to five before she realizes that her first target is no longer lying in the dirt.

She miscalculated the leader’s resolve— and his thirst for vengeance.

He tackles Kagome to the ground. She tries to maintain her hold on her bow, but he snatches it out of her grasp and tosses it out of reach.

“Let go of me!” Kagome screams, kicking and thrashing wildly.

The man straddles her and brings both his hands around her throat. Kagome’s cries for help are silenced. She can feel blood soaking into her blouse from the cut on his arm. The coppery scent fills her nostrils as she desperately tries to break his hold long enough to breathe.

“You’re going to pay for what you did,” the man hisses.

Kagome continues to fight but no matter how hard she pushes against him, he doesn’t budge. She can’t tell if the sky is darkening because it’s night or because her vision is about to go out.

“Say goodbye,” the bandit says with a cruel chuckle.

“Goodbye," a deep voice says.

There is a flash of light and suddenly, the weight on Kagome's chest eases. A heavy thud comes from her left. She blinks, trying to see through the dots dancing before her eyes. She tries to speak but the burning in her throat keeps her quiet.

“Foolish woman. I told you not to venture out alone.”

“S-Sesshomaru?” she croaks.

Through the haze, Kagome can almost make out his silver-white hair. When she blinks, he disappears. Kagome turns her head to see where he’s gone. To her right, is the outline of the forest and to the left is the path to Edo.

Did she imagine him? Is she unconscious and dreaming? Is she dead? But if she is dead, why does everything hurt so much?

She attempts to sit up but the movement makes her head spin. Kagome lowers herself back down. Above her, the stars flicker and fade into the expanse of black.

Even in my delusions, he’s still mad at me, she thinks dismally.

Just before Kagome passes out, she manages to say two words. “I’m sorry.” 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Consciousness comes in spurts. Initially, Kagome can’t discern dreams from reality. The flashes she gets are brief sensations— nails combing through her hair, a deep timber saying her voice, and the familiar scent of open fields. These moments may be short but they are precious. They serve as a break between the dull void and the aching pain in her throat.

She’s not sure how much time passes in this state. Sometimes it feels like she’s floating in an abyss. Other times, Kagome thinks she’s drowning in an endless sea, clawing her way to the surface. It takes effort to break free but once she does, Kagome finds herself in the forest. 

Opening her eyes is akin to what she suspects being born feels like. Everything seems to happen in slow motion. Kagome is aware of every detail— no matter how small.

The first thing she sees is the canopy of leaves shading her from the brilliant sun. Branches sway in the breeze, gently rocking to and fro, letting just enough light in so that she knows it’s morning. Birds chirp. A bee hovers over a wildflower to her left. Kagome watches it fly over the grass before finding its way home in the trunk of a wide tree.

A squawking noise draws her attention to the ground, where she spots A-Un. The two-headed dragon appears to be locked in a contest of wills with Jaken. While the imp frets impatiently over something, the dragon snorts and refuses to budge from his position. It doesn’t take her long to figure out why.

Curled up underneath a blanket at A-Un’s side is Rin. The little girl is sound asleep, immune to the bickering between her travel companions. Kagome smiles at the scene. It’s beautiful in its innocence.

“This is why I prefer to travel alone.”

Kagome tilts her head back to find Sesshomaru staring down at her. It isn’t until that moment that Kagome realizes how she’s positioned. Sesshomaru is seated against a tree with her in his lap. His sole arm is slung across her waist, keeping her upright. He has removed his armor. The plates and his sword lay neatly in the grass beside them.

She starts to reply but an intense pain stops her. Wincing, Kagome’s fingers go to her throat. She’s surprised to find the skin covered in bandages.

“Try not to speak. I dressed your wounds but it may take a few days for your voice to return,” Sesshomaru cautions.

Kagome wants to thank him. Her lips part to mouth the words but he interrupts.

“You need to eat.”

Before she can protest, Sesshomaru shifts them around so he can retrieve a ceramic dish. When he removes the lid, steam rolls off the clear broth.

Kagome looks at him expectantly.

“I had Jaken escort Rin to the village. The elder sent this for you,” he explains.

Kagome nods— her only way of communicating at the moment —and takes a sip. The soup is still warm. As it slips down her throat, it soothes the damaged tissue. She tries not to gulp it all down at once. The slower Kagome goes, the longer she can savor this relief from the pain.

The next time Kagome sees Kaede, she’ll have to remember to thank her.

When she hands the empty container back to Sesshomaru, he hesitates to place it aside. Kagome sees indecision in his eyes. She’s never seen him uncertain before. Sesshomaru is unwaveringly confident in all endeavors. Kagome can’t imagine what has him acting so out of sorts.

She wishes there was a way to ask him.

Without a voice, Kagome can’t use words so she places her hand on his. Sesshomaru glances at her. Slowly, Kagome curls her fingers around his hand and squeezes it.

“Why did you separate yourself from your companions?”

Kagome looks away. Her reason for not answering has nothing to do with the fact she can’t speak.

“Was it because of Inuyasha?”

She bites the inside of her cheek and shakes her head. Of course, he thinks it has something to do with his brother. Sesshomaru doesn’t know how she feels. And how could he? Even Kagome didn’t realize how far she’d fallen until it was too late.

Sesshomaru frowns. “Are you ill?”

Again, she shakes her head.

“You are unwell,” he observes matter-of-factly. Disappointment laces his tone.

Kagome purses her lips. He’s not wrong but she can’t tell him why. Her only saving grace is her lost voice. Without it, he can’t expect more than a yes or no response. She's saved from having to provide either because, at that moment, Rin wakes up.

“Kagome!” The little girl darts into her arms with enough force that Kagome has to drop Sesshomaru’s hand to catch Rin. “I missed you!”

She starts to respond, only to wince at the raw sensation of the words as they get lodged in her throat. Kagome places her hand over the bandages.

Rin’s gaze flickers from her face to the wound. She settles down into the grass in front of Kagome. “Did you like the soup? Kaede let me help make it.”

Kagome nods, smiling at Rin’s eagerness.

“And she showed me where to gather the herbs used to make the medicine for your neck,” the little girl continues. “She said I could be a healer someday.”

Becoming a healer would be an ideal occupation for Rin. She’s used to being outdoors for long periods of time and enjoys traveling. Her curiosity and love of learning would make her a great student. Plus, it would give Kaede a chance to pass on her knowledge.

There’s just one problem. Rin is a ward of the Western Lands. Edo isn’t under Sesshomaru’s jurisdiction. Kagome doesn’t know if he’d let Rin study with Kaede. If they were friends, she’d talk to him about it and compel him to let Rin learn about medicine.

But they aren’t friends. 

Sesshomaru made it very clear that he doesn’t have friends. Kagome isn’t sure what they are. She’s still reeling from the fact that he saved her. Considering how things ended, Kagome didn’t think he’d intervene. She certainly hadn’t expected him to stay by her side and dress her wounds. 

“Are you returning to your group today?” Rin asks.

“No. In her current state, she is unfit for travel,” Sesshomaru answers.

“That means you get to stay with us until you’re better,” Rin decides excitedly.

Kagome opens her mouth to object. It would be better if she crossed through the well. The advances in modern healthcare would surely speed up her recovery. Of course, explaining how she sustained her injury to a doctor would be difficult. It’s not like Kagome can say that she was ambushed by bandits. Plus, she doesn’t want to cause any problems for Mama and Gramps. They have enough to worry about with covering for Kagome and her dual life. 

Jaken waddles over with his staff in hand. “Lord Sesshomaru, would it not be better to send word to your brother so he can come to collect his woman?” 

Kagome glares at the imp. She hates being referred to as someone's woman. She’s not an object. She’s a person! 

“Jaken.”

“Yes, my lord?” he replies earnestly. 

“I have already spoken to you regarding this matter, have I not?”

The imp turns sheepish. He adjusts his grip on his staff. “Well, yes, my lord. I was hoping you'd reconsider your decision to— .”

“Was I unclear?” 

“No, but— .”

Sesshomaru silences him with a swift strike to the head. Kagome gasps. Rin and A-Un appear unperturbed by the scene, signaling that this is a common occurrence. 

“That will be all, Jaken.”

“Yes, my lord,” the imp wheezes, rubbing his bald head as he scuttles away. 

Rin leans close to Kagome to whisper, “Master Jaken doesn’t like you.” 

It’s not really a secret. Kagome is aware of how the imp feels about her. What surprises her is that Sesshomaru cares. Jaken is loyal to him, yet he punished the imp merely for suggesting that she be sent away. It’s hardly the worst thing he’s said about her. 

“It is time to go,” Sesshomaru announces, standing up.

Rin rises to her feet as well. She dances across the grass to where A-Un is seated. “Come on, Kagome,” she waves. “You can ride with me.” 

Kagome glances at Sesshomaru. He gives her a nod which she takes as his approval. 

Though she’s flown on Kirara multiple times, Kagome has never ridden a dragon before. She’s debating the best way to mount the beast when she remembers her belongings. Her eyes go wide and she pivots around to retrieve her backpack, bow, and arrow quiver. 

A hand stops her. “What is it?” 

Kagome points to the tree where she was just sitting. She gestures for her bow and bag. 

“I have seen to your needs,” Sesshomaru informs her. He shows her where he has tethered her belongings to the sides of A-Un's saddle.

Kagome blushes.

“Come.” It’s all the warning Sesshomaru gives Kagome before he lifts her up. Instinctively, she grabs hold of his shoulders. The motion draws Kagome close enough that her chest is pressed against his. There is a second where she can feel his heartbeat— perfectly in time with her own. Then, he sits her on the dragon’s back and straightens up. 

Kagome stares, too mesmerized to look away. Sesshomaru holds her gaze. This time her cheeks burn for an entirely different reason. 

When A-Un the dragon leaps into the air, Kagome tells herself that the swooping sensation in her stomach is from the takeoff. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kagome spends the next few days traveling with Sesshomaru, Rin, A-Un, and Jaken. Being in the Western Lands isn’t any different from being anywhere else in the Feudal Era. It hosts sweeping landscapes, unpolluted air, and crystal clear waters.

She appreciates her opportunity to see this untainted version of nature. As much as Kagome enjoys a hot bath, there’s a peacefulness to this era that she finds comforting.

What she doesn’t find comforting is Jaken’s constant grumbling about her presence— an opinion he makes known whenever Sesshomaru is gone, which is often.

Kagome doesn’t know where he goes. Sesshomaru leaves before she wakes and usually doesn’t return until after they have eaten dinner.

She assumes that he’s avoiding her but neither Rin nor Jaken finds his routine odd. They appear used to it. Rin weaves fishing nets, carves arrows, and gathers berries. Jaken follows her around, whether out of concern or duty, Kagome can’t decide.

While they go about their days, A-Un rests. Kagome rarely sees him get up, except for one time when a butterfly flew by. The dragon followed the winged insect until it crossed the river. Kagome couldn’t help but watch him. Despite his appearance, A-Un is a benevolent creature as much a part of nature as the rocks and the trees.

She is reminded of what Sesshomaru said about how such things shouldn’t require names. Kagome agrees.

It takes her a while to adjust to life away from her friends. Without the need to search for jewel shards, Kagome finds herself free to do as she pleases. She spends her first day catching up on her homework— all three weeks’ worth of it. Kagome works long and hard on her assignments, only breaking to keep the fire lit and brew tea. By the time she finishes, the sun has set and Rin has begun to prepare dinner.

Having someone else cook for her is surreal. Kagome has always been the one to provide for her friends. Even Sango, who has more experience than the rest of them combined, relies on her. Kagome doesn’t resent them but she does wish they’d help out once in a while.

This is why she makes it a point to go with Rin the following day. Despite his misgivings toward Kagome, Jaken accompanies them. He helps them carry their bounty back to camp. Kagome rewards him by making a hot pot with the greens and mushrooms they gathered.

He and Rin enjoy the meal so much that Kagome ends up making it again the next night. Once their bellies are full, they pass out, leaning against A-Un for support and warmth.

Shaking her head, Kagome smiles and drapes a blanket over them. She tidies up around the fire, then collects fresh bandages from her backpack.

Dressing her wound is challenging. Her hair constantly gets in the way. Without a mirror, it’s difficult to see what she’s doing but she refuses to wake Rin. Kagome tries several times before giving up with an annoyed huff.

“Here.” Suddenly, a hand is twisting her tresses into a knot. Sesshomaru secures it in place with a hairpin.

Kagome gives him a thankful nod.

She makes another attempt to wrap her neck. The salve-soaked bandages are slippery between her fingers. If Kagome didn’t know any better, she’d think they were strands of seaweed.

“Allow me.”

Sesshomaru takes the wrap and carefully loops it around her neck. He is silent as he works.

It should sting her pride that he can do it one-handed while she struggled to do it with both but Kagome doesn’t think about that. Her attention is glued to his face. She can’t help but stare, transfixed by the determination she sees in his metallic eyes.

When he leans away, Kagome starts to thank him before she remembers she doesn’t have a voice. Discouraged, she drops her gaze to the ground.

“I never expected Jaken’s loyalty to waver, especially not over something as simple as food.”

She glances up to find Sesshomaru smirking. Did the Lord of the Western Lands just make a joke?

“It appears you have earned the favor of everyone here,” he says.

Kagome looks over at the trio of companions. Rin is cuddled up against A-Un’s side and Jaken, who fell asleep while pretending to stand watch. He is leaning heavily against the dragon, who has curled his body around them both.

She starts to smile until he adds, “Your companions are not far from here. You will be able to join them soon.”

Kagome removes the hairpin, hands it to him, and turns away. It’s frustrating how generous he’s being, especially considering their fight. She desperately wishes she could speak. Kagome wants to explain things to Sesshomaru and stop him from misreading the situation. She’s not sad about her friends— she’s barely thought of them. Kagome’s concerned about Sesshomaru. But how can she make him see that?

She heads away from the warm glow of the fire. Her chest hurts too much for sleep. Kagome decides to walk down to the river. Maybe the sound of rushing water will soothe her long enough to find rest.

Kagome settles down in the grass. She pulls her legs up to her chest and rests her chin on top of her knees. If Kagome were back at the shrine, she’d fling herself on top of her bed. She’d bury her face in her pillow, have a good cry, and then go to sleep.

She can’t do that here.

Instead, she sits on the riverbank. The water is calm enough that she can see reflections on the surface. The moon shimmers as the water ripples around rocks. The stars are harder to see. They are the farthest away and she is the closest.

Kagome stares at her reflection. The hollowed appearance has vanished. There is a healthy glow to her skin and her face no longer shows signs of fatigue. With the exception of her neck, Kagome looks like herself.

A few clouds drift lazily above, casting shadows as they pass. When they disappear, another face has joined hers.

Kagome jolts. She didn’t hear his approach.

Sesshomaru sits next to her. “You are committed to restoring the Shikon Jewel and eliminating Naraku. I have no interest in either.”

Kagome feels a pang in her chest. 

He produces a small satchel. “But I will honor your choice.”

Kagome unties the pouch to reveal a collection of pale, pink crystals. She gazes up at him as realization dawns on her. The bag falls, forgotten as she frames his face with her hands. 

Her first kiss is far from perfect. The moment isn’t all fireworks and butterflies the way Kagome expected. It’s a clashing of teeth and lips. They come together in a frenzy. Both try to assert their control— Kagome as the initiator and Sesshomaru as an alpha. He reaches up, gently cupping her chin as to tilt her head into position. When they meet again, they slot together like puzzle pieces and Kagome lets him take the lead.

With each subsequent kiss, she feels a change within her. Warm, golden light flows into the cracks of Kagome's heart, filling the void and making her whole again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The following morning, she rouses to the sound of her name. Though the voice is familiar, it isn’t the one Kagome expects to hear and it definitely isn’t the one she wants to hear.

Especially given her sleeping arrangements.

Sometime in the night, Kagome went from lying on her side with her back to Sesshomaru to facing him. Her head is tucked in the crook of his neck and her hand is on his chest. His arm remains around her. Kagome can tell he’s already awake from the way his thumb keeps gliding over her hip bone.

Inuyasha shouts for her again. Kagome inwardly groans and buries her face in Sesshomaru’s neck. She thought they’d have more time together before she introduces him as her—

Kagome stiffens. As my what? Ally? Friend? Boyfriend?

“Mate.”

Her eyes go wide as she leans backward to stare at Sesshomaru.

He presses his forehead to hers. It’s an intimate gesture, perhaps even more so than the heated kisses they shared last night. Kagome smiles. Somehow, he knows exactly what she needs.

“Sesshomaru? What the hell are you doing?”

And just like that, their tender moment is interrupted.

Her hair whips around her face as Sesshomaru leaps into the air to meet his half-brother. The clang of their swords echoes in the air.

Kagome jumps up, immediately rushing over to Rin. She scoops up the little girl, carrying her away from the altercation. Jaken and A-Un follow.

As she reaches the edge of the clearing, Inuyasha winds up for his next attack. Kagome recognizes his stance. Inuyasha is drawing Sesshomaru in so he can reflect the blow back on him.

Terrified, Kagome darts forward. “Sesshomaru!”

The scream tears at her throat but Kagome doesn’t feel any pain. She’s completely consumed by her fear of losing him. With her arms outstretched, she throws herself in between them.

A gust of wind howls around her. Kagome clenches her jaw and holds firm. Just before the blade strikes her, a burst of pink light erupts. Tetsusaiga hits the barrier and reverts to its original form.

Kagome gasps as she watches the deactivated sword fall to the dirt. Her heart is hammering in her chest. Despite the adrenaline coursing through her veins, she doesn’t drop the barrier.

Not until Sesshomaru says her name.

For a second, Kagome thinks she must have imagined it. Then she sees the way Inuyasha’s face twists in confusion.

“Kagome, what’s going on?”

She reaches behind her, lacing her fingers through Sesshomaru’s. “We’re together.”

“He kidnapped you!” Inuyasha shouts.

“No, he didn’t! He saved me,” Kagome counters.

“Yeah, so he could steal Tetsusaiga.”

She rolls her eyes. “If he wanted your sword, he could have taken it by now. We’ve been training together for months.”

Inuyasha’s attention snaps to Sesshomaru’s face. He doesn’t get the chance to say anything because Kirara lands in the clearing. Miroku, Sango, and Shippo dismount, the latter making a beeline for her.

“Kagome!” the kitsune cries.

Instinctively, she drops the barrier and kneels to hug him.

“Why did you leave without saying goodbye?”

“I’m sorry, Shippo,” she apologizes.

He glances up at Sesshomaru. “Are you leaving us?”

“No,” the daiyoukai answers for her. “We will join you.”

“What?” Inuyasha cries incredulously.

“You’re going to help us?” Shippo asks.

“Indeed,” Sesshomaru confirms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

When their journey ends, Kagome goes to the well. She’s always known this day would come— the day she has to choose which life to lead. Kagome expected to feel conflicted and maybe even a bit guilty, but as she stands there, the answer is clear.

Because she isn’t alone.

Sesshomaru is next to her with his newly-restored hand on her waist. Shippo is on her left, clinging to her leg. Rin is on Sesshomaru’s other side. Behind them stand Miroku, Sango, Inuyasha, Kaede, and Kirara. Even Jaken and A-Un have come to support her.

It took time for Inuyasha to adjust to the idea of Kagome being with Sesshomaru. The final battle against Naraku was a turning point for them. Once Inuyasha saw how devoted Sesshomaru was to Kagome, he let go of his grudge. He gave them his blessing. In return, Sesshomaru offered to help him unlock Tetsusaiga's full potential. It's a tentative relationship. They may never be as close as Kagome and Souta but the brothers have reached a newfound respect for each other.

“Are you sad, Kagome?” Shippo asks, drawing her back to the present.

“A little,” she admits, “but it’s a good kind of sad.”

He tilts his head. “How can there be a good kind of sad?”

“Because it shows that what you feel is real— that it means something.”

“Like love?” Rin prompts.

“Exactly,” Kagome answers, smiling up at Sesshomaru.

They haven’t said those three words yet, but Kagome knows it’s just a matter of time.

After all, Sesshomaru is the one who taught her that actions speak louder than words.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Author's Note: Thank you to my beta, Ixaix.