Otsukimi by Chie

Chapter 1

Kagome had been dreaming of her happily ever after with Inuyasha for so long and now she was feeling cheated.

Their life together was not the stuff of fairy tales that she had imagined.

Neither of them had been in a proper relationship before and it showed; they had a clumsy start, and things didn't much improve from there. 

They made mistakes. Went to bed angry more than once. Had trouble being completely honest with each other as neither wanted to be a burden to the other. 

Fitting their two very different lives together was difficult and compromising was an art they had yet to master when they both were stubborn and temperamental people. 

And the worst thing was… Well, it wasn’t like Kagome didn’t trust Inuyasha, not exactly… But some of her emotional scars had yet to heal.

She'd thought that once they were finally together – a real couple – the insecurities that had plagued her before would fade away.

But despite his reassurances and their very real relationship, that niggling voice at the back of her mind was still there. 

Did he still see Kikyo in her?

How could she ever compare to that sweet first love he'd so tragically lost?

Would she, plain old Kagome, ever be enough? Could she truly make him happy?

She loved him. She loved him so much it hurt – and therein lay the problem. 

It wasn't supposed to hurt, was it? 

Not this often. Not this profoundly.

It wasn't supposed to be so hard, to require so much effort. 

Finally, the two of them had to face the truth. And it was Inuyasha who sat her down, then cleared his throat while his triangle-ears drooped.

"You're not happy," he blurted out. "We're not happy."

Kagome's throat closed up and Inuyasha's forlorn golden gaze blurred as tears burned in her eyes. 

"We haven't been happy for a while," she finally admitted. Then she drew a quivering breath, voiced the even bigger and more dreadful admission in a broken whisper: "I'm not sure if we're ever going to be."

The tears ran freely now. A deep ache throbbed in her chest, a cold weight slithered into the pit of her stomach.

It didn't quite feel real, even as Inuyasha reached to gently grasp her hand.

She clung to it like to an anchor, even as the sobs shuddered through her body.

“I love you,” she hiccuped, furiously wiping at her tears with her free hand.

His fingers were steady and warm around hers, but his voice was gruff with emotion when he replied.

“I love you too.”

“I want us to be together,” Kagome said, pain twisting her heart as she squeezed his hand.

“I know,” Inuyasha said with a broken sigh. “I want that, too. But I don’t think we should, Kagome.”

Kagome hung her head, her heart shattering, the sharpened shards rattling in her chest in time with the gasping sobs.

Inuyasha pulled her to him, enveloped her into a tight embrace.

She cried until no tears were left. 

For long, silent moments they stayed like that, clinging to one another.

She spoke at last, the words muffled against his chest.

“We’ll always be friends, right?”

“We will,” Inuyasha promised, holding her close for a few more seconds.

Then, he let go and they pulled apart.

 * * * * * * * *

The promise held and they stayed friends. 

The love Kagome and Inuyasha felt for each other remained, but it morphed and settled, forming a bond of familiar comfort.

It took Kagome some time, as recovery always did.

But now, three years later, she could say with confidence what she couldn’t have before: she was content.

That summer Inuyasha started making furtive excuses to make trips to a nearby village. He was elusive when Kagome tried asking him why, his ears flat against his hair, his cheeks tinted pink.

Kagome waited for a pang of sadness to come from such an obviously suspicious behaviour.

But she only felt relief. And she felt happy for him.

She hoped he could find happiness at last.

She had not given much thought to her own happiness. Certainly, she had not been entertaining any daydreams of romance.

Not until one crisp autumn morning, when she found an unexpected visitor at her door.

She blinked up at the daiyoukai while her mind raced, thinking back to all their recent encounters, trying to decipher any reason why he might have come to specifically seek her out.

They had been starting to get along pretty well, she thought. She couldn’t have possibly given him offence in any way? 

And then he explained his reason for coming to her door and Kagome stopped thinking altogether. 

Kagome opened her mouth, but no words came out.

She stared at him, helpless, as the deep shock slowly started morphing into confusion.

He stared back at her, patiently waiting for her reply.

In a daze, Kagome found her voice and gave her answer – though how she had arrived in such a decision remained a mystery even to herself.

“Yes.”

Sesshoumaru’s golden eyes flashed then, his lips curving into a smile.

“I will see you this evening,” he said.

Kagome nodded, leaning against the doorframe as she watched him walk away.

She felt dizzy and overwhelmed as the reality slowly sank in and her sense of disbelief began to fade.

She had promised to go out.

On a date.

With Sesshoumaru.

Her knees weak, her head buzzing, Kagome went back into her hut, shutting the door behind her.

She had much thinking to do, an evening to be prepared for.

And a whole knot of complicated, mixed, confusing feelings to sort through.

 * * * * * * * *

Inuyasha’s miko had always had Sesshoumaru’s respect.

Granted, that respect had been grudgingly given, especially in the beginning. 

But over the course of their acquaintance, witnessing the miko’s bravery and resilience, her kindness and her strength of spirit, that respect had grown and deepened and become very genuine indeed.

Sesshoumaru had never foreseen that this respect would one day spur on a whole another set of feelings completely.

Ones that were decidedly warmer and more… ardent in nature.

But that had been steadily happening to him over the course of the past year. He often saw the miko when he came to visit the village to visit the old miko and Rin. 

Though these meetings were hardly ever more than fleeting – a few pleasantries and kind words exchanged – they stuck in his mind, formed memories upon which he found himself lingering. 

He had not been willing to face this change of heart at first.

While the miko and Inuyasha had ended their relationships years ago, the fact still remained that she had once been involved with his half-brother.

After it had finally become undeniable that Sesshoumaru did harbour feelings for Kagome, he had resolved never to act on them.

But once the rumours had reached him, of Inuyasha starting to pursue someone new; once upon a visit he had caught the scent of an unfamiliar female mixed with Inuyasha’s, there had been a spark of hope lit in his heart he hadn’t been able to extinguish.

Finally, that spark had actually spurred Sesshoumaru into doing something he had never done before – he’d gone to have a frank discussion with Inuyasha.

He’d explained his predicament to his half-brother, expecting mockery in return. 

But, instead, after he had managed to get over his considerable surprise, Inuyasha had granted Sesshoumaru his blessing.

So Sesshoumaru had conceived his plan and had finally approached the miko.

Tonight, he would make his intentions clear.

He could only hope that Kagome would receive them – and him – favourably.

 * * * * * * * *

That night was the night of the full moon. 

And as if the universe itself gave its blessings to Sesshoumaru’s plan, the night sky stretched clear and cloudless above him as he walked through the village towards Kagome’s hut.

Nervousness danced along his skin as he drew closer, a rare sensation brought forth by the enormity of his endeavour tonight.

Sesshoumaru had never long lingered on the possibility that Kagome might reject, did not want to entertain the thought even now. 

Everything simply had to go according to plan.

The door opened before he had reached the small cottage. 

Kagome stood in the doorway, biting her lip as she watched him approach.

His steps came lighter and faster as he closed their distance, his golden gaze intent on her, drinking her in.

Sesshoumaru stopped before her and inclined his head in greeting.

“You are ready?”

“Yes,” she replied.

He noticed the tremble in her voice.

Perhaps she, too, was nervous?

Sesshoumaru hoped so. Was it selfish of him, to wish she was affected by him?

“Shall we go?” he asked her.

Kagome nodded, stepping out of her hut and pulling the door shut after her.

Sesshoumaru’s fingers twitched.

He’d have liked to take her hand as he led her away from the village.

But that would have been too presumptuous, wouldn’t it?

He didn’t know. He had never done anything the likes of this; had never been spurred to pursue a female before.

They walked on in silence, bathed by the moonlight. 

He should probably have been offering her some clever conversation, but Sesshoumaru had never been loquacious.

The world around them was magical, but then, perhaps that was because Kagome was walking by his side at last.

All his senses were on high alert and turned to her. 

He kept drawing in deep breaths so he could inhale her scent.

“Are you cold?” he asked after a while.

“No. I’m fine,” she replied.

“That’s good,” Sesshoumaru said.

He felt the weight of her gaze, quickly darting over to him and then away again.

“Where are we going?”

“That’s a surprise.” He stole a glance at her, noted her frown. “A pleasant one, I hope,” he hastened to add.

“I didn’t take you for one to organise surprises,” Kagome muttered, her voice soft.

“I have put much thought into this,” Sesshoumaru answered truthfully.

“Have you?”

“Yes.”

Silence settled around them again.

Sesshoumaru’s heartbeat drummed in his ears, loud enough to be deafening.

Finally, the woods around them grew thinner. He could see the light ahead, could smell the water.

They walked out from the cover of the trees and before them, the lake stretched ahead, its calm surface glimmering in the moonlight, reflecting the night sky.

The long and narrow boat waited right were Sesshoumaru had left it.

He turned to Kagome, gestured at the boat.

“We’re here.”

“This is nice,” Kagome replied, taking in the scene. 

“I thought you might enjoy a moon-viewing,” Sesshoumaru said, self-conscious now that his plan was revealed. “I understand such a festival is a tradition among humans, too.”

“It is,” Kagome said, sounding surprised. “You’ve done your homework.”

“What work?” Sesshoumaru tilted his head.

“Ah, just an expression,” Kagome replied, blushing.

“Shall we, then?”

Standing beside the boat, Sesshoumaru held his hand out to Kagome.

After a few torturously long seconds, she set her hand in his.

Sesshoumaru’s grip firmed instantly, as heat flooded his body from that single contact of skin on skin. 

He handed her onto the boat, taking care to lend her all the support she needed.

Once she was settled, he untied the boat and stepped on himself, pushing them off the shore.

“Please let me know if you get cold,” he told her, as he rowed then out to the middle of the lake. “I understand the night air can get cool in the autumn.”

“I will, thanks.”

“There are refreshments in the basket,” he added.

Silence settled.

Sesshoumaru propelled them forward with sure, even strokes.

His back prickled under Kagome’s lingering gaze.

He was pulling in the oars when she finally spoke.

“You were right. You have put a lot of thought into this.”

Sesshoumaru turned to drop the anchor, a heady pleasure unfurling in the pit of his stomach.

She was recognising the effort he had put to make this evening memorable. Dare he read into it, hope it was an indication of growing regard?

Once they were secured to the spot in the middle of the lake, floating on the calm expanse, he served her sake. 

They sipped the wine, stealing glances at each other.

Sesshoumaru had brought her out here, set out the entire scene for one purpose.

And now the time had finally come, for him to make his intentions known.

He stared at Kagome, trying to read her expression and posture, hoping to glean any kind of hint as to what she was feeling

Sesshoumaru cleared his throat.

He had planned for this, so naturally, he’d had an entire speech ready.

But looking at her, sitting in front of him, giving him her full attention, all words seemed to have fled his brain.

Nonetheless, he must speak, as she was expecting him to. And he must somehow explain all this feeling inside him.

“I have always had respect for you,” Sesshoumaru blurted out. “Despite our adversarial past.”

He looked up at the full moon, glowing above, trying to find the words.

“You were never the enemy,” Kagome said in a quiet tone. “And you saved me, too. Twice.”

“I did. And yet I didn’t know…” His hand clenched. He swallowed. “Over this past year, my feelings have changed. Grown. Towards you. I…”

The word hung in the air as Sesshoumaru stared helplessly at Kagome. 

She shook her head. Her hands, resting in her lap, curled into fists.

“I didn’t know. I had no idea.”

“Of course you didn’t,” he hurried to say. “That is… I did not wish to admit it and then when I did I wasn’t planning to act on my feelings –”

“Why not?” she asked.

“I wasn’t sure it was all proper. Because of Inuyasha.”

She looked at him, frowning.

“What changed your mind?”

Sesshoumaru shrugged. “He did.”

“What?”

“When I heard that he might have… moved on, I went to him. Told him everything.”

Her voice was scarcely a whisper. “He knows? About this? About your… for me?”

“Yes. And he told me I should not hold back on his regard.”

Kagome’s lips curved. The smile was small and wistful.

“He always wanted me to happy.”

“Of course he would,” Sesshoumaru said.

Kagome looked away, at the lake spreading around them, the sky stretching above them.

The moon, full and big, gilding everything in silver. The multitude of stars, glimmering on the surface of the water.

Finally, her gaze settled on him again. 

Her chin tilted as she met his eyes.

“Go on then,” she said.

Sesshoumaru felt his cheeks heat. His heart hammered in his chest. 

“Would you permit… Would you do me the honour of allowing me to court you?”

He held his breath. His life and future balanced at the edge of a knife, hanging on a single word.

Which one would it be?

Her blue eyes were big and searching him. Her posture still. Her expression considering.

He could not read her.

Kagome’s shoulders straightened. She took a breath.

And with a single word, decided the course the future would take for him. For her.

For them.

The word slowly sank into his mind, rushed through his veins. He feared his heart might burst.

He echoed the word, wanting to make sure he had understood, needing to hear it again from her lips.

“Yes?”

She smiled at him then, brighter than the moon above.

“Yes,” she told him again.