A Matter of Pride by thetroll

Chapter 1

Sesshomaru stood beneath waterfall and let the water pound his humanoid form.

It was troubling to admit, even to himself, but he didn't know what to do. The desires that had begun to manifest themselves since his power had fully matured were beyond anything he'd ever experienced before—and they were far too strong for him to deny outright.

Yet he hadn't been willing to simply succumb to them and in an urge to try and purge them from his system—or, at the very least, gain some measure of control over them—he'd located a waterfall. Humans, as he recalled, used waterfalls to meditate and when all other recourse had failed him, he had decided it was worth a shot. If it gave him peace of mind, it was worth emulating human monks.

It had been a spectacular failure.

How Father must be laughing now. Sesshomaru's lips quirked in dry amusement.

The desires for mate and children—for a pack of his own—had firmly taken hold and would not be dislodged. No matter how he attempted to push it aside, to focus on something else, he found himself circling back. He even dreamed of a pack whenever he settled into sleep.

Even now, when he tried to clear his mind, his thoughts circled back to the idea, churning it over and over in his mind until he could think of nothing else.

Finally, after he'd been standing under the waterfall for most of the afternoon and all of the following night, he accepted that the desire would not be curtailed and resigned himself to his fate. It seemed it was inevitable that he must now begin to seek a mate of his own. 

As he stepped out from under the waterfall and reached for the clothing he'd carefully discarded, he felt a familiar sting. His hand moved reflexively and a moment later, he had a squished Myoga sitting in the palm of his hand.

"Sesshomaru-sama," the flea yokai wheezed, slowly puffing himself back up.

He raised a brow but said nothing to his father's old retainer.

"Your blood..." The flea hesitated and then continued, "How are you feeling, Sesshomaru-sama?"

Sesshomaru considered the question, though he saw no reason to answer his father's retainer. He didn't feel any different, not in the ways that mattered; it was simply these pesky urges he'd never before experienced with such strength that were overwhelming him. 

Myoga studied him, one if his hands moving to stroke his mustache. "I see," the flea said and Sesshomaru wondered if his father's retainer really did see what Sesshomaru had been struggling with as of late.

What could the flea hope to know about Sesshomaru's inner plight?

However, his next words confirmed Sesshomaru's suspicion. "It is common with your kind, my lord. Both your honorable father and his father before him experienced this when they came fully into their power. But your honorable father passed too soon," Myoga continued with a melancholy air, his entire body trembling with his sorrow. "He did not have the time to explain this to you."

Well, Sesshomaru reflected, that explained why it had been a surprise. But it didn't sound like the flea had a solution and without a solution—aside from the obvious one of finding a mate—he saw no reason to continue the conversation. Myoga hadn't shared anything of great importance.

"If that is all you have to say, then take your leave, flea." Sesshomaru flicked the flea off of his hand and dressed quickly before returning to where Jaken was waiting.

"My lord!" Jaken squawked, scurrying after him as Sesshomaru walked past.

"My lord!" Myoga repeated, leaping up onto Sesshomaru's shoulder. 

Sesshomaru was tempted to flick the flea again, but years of dealing with Myoga had taught him that the flea would only stalk him until Mygoa had made his point. "What is it, Myoga?" he asked, resigning himself to continuing a discussion he had no desire to continue.

The flea coughed into his hand. "Ahem. Might I offer you counsel, Sesshomaru-sama?"

Sesshomaru inclined his head slightly.

It was enough for Myoga. "These feelings of yours..." The flea hesitated. "Have they driven you to anyone in particular, my lord?"

If they had, Sesshomaru would’ve likely already pursued them, as shameful as the thought was. He consoled himself with the reminder that no female would turn him down. He had the lineage, title, and power, and wealth on top of that. Not that all yokai female cared about wealth, but his mate would never want for any basic needs, let alone any luxuries she might desire. But still, it was a harrowing thought to realize that his desires had grown beyond his control.

"I see." Myoga began stroking his mustache again. "It was the same for your honorable father, Sesshomaru-sama. The great general traveled the land searching for a female he found worthy. Perhaps you could do the same?"

"This one has already traveled over Nippon," Sesshomaru reminded the flea, disregarding the foolish notion. "If there was a worthy female, this one would have already found her."

"Sesshomaru-sama..." Myoga sighed heavily. "Your desires weren't active then. You may see those same females differently now."

Sesshomaru knocked the flea off of his shoulder. "If those females did not meet this one's standards before," he said, looking over his shoulder at Myoga who lay sprawled on the ground, "then he will not allow this urge to persuade him otherwise now."

Clearly, Myoga had nothing else of value to offer and Sesshomaru saw no point in continuing to indulge the old flea any longer.

"Sesshomaru-sama! Wait!" Myoga called after him as Sesshomaru began to walk out of the learning once more.

"Jaken." Sesshomaru didn't even bother to turn around, knowing the toad would obey. "Come."

Sesshomaru left the clearing as Jaken scrambled after him, but he couldn't leave the problem behind. If these urges would drive him to seek both mate and pack, then it would be on Sesshomaru's own terms. He wouldn't let his own biology dictate his future for him. 

If it was a mate he required, then he would find one. But he wasn't about to tie himself to someone he disliked or someone who was inferior. A mating could be severed, but it was often more trouble than it was worth and he wanted to be certain whoever he found would suit his needs. If he was going to be saddled with a mate and eventually young, he wanted to choose a future for himself that would be as comfortable as possible.

One thing he'd learned from his father was the folly of chasing a mate that did not suit. Sesshomaru would not be so unwise.