Nitro Comes in Small Packages by Speedy Tomato
Nitro Comes in Small Packages
Nitro Comes in Small Packages
By Speedy Tomato
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Disclaimer:I don’t own Inuyasha, so sad for me, and make no money off this work of strangeness, more sadness for me.
A.N. – This is a crackfic. Read that again: CRACKFIC. Not to be taken seriously and OCCness will abound. Complaining about such things will just result in me feeding you to my rabbit with the pointy teeth. This is just a oneshot, nothing more. Enjoy the insanity! Rated MA for language!
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Summary:Ever hear of a Napoleon Complex, Inuyasha? You might want Kagome to explain what it is before you open your mouth next time.
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Kagome felt certain it would end up one of those ultra strange days which happened once in a while. There was just that feel about it in the air. Since it happened before, she felt sure was right, even if she didn’t want to be. All she hoped for was it wouldn’t end up too off the wall or cause massive problems. Things with the pack had gone smoothly for a while with even Inuyasha being calm, well—calm for him anyway, so she didn’t want to chance disturbing the peace or it reverting back to their version of normal.
The night started as another calm one. While they were hunting shards, they found nothing but some vague clues. Naraku, it seemed, had vanished off the face of the Earth. No one had seen, felt, or heard signs of him for some time now. While this fact had them slightly on edge because it usually meant he was plotting something big, they were fairly relaxed. As it was a nice night, they were settled down by a lake with a fire going, food started, and were playing some card games with a deck Kagome brought along. Since it had gone quite well for a while, Kagome realized later it should have been the biggest warning sign in the world, but she didn’t notice at the time and went with it, relaxing, not at all stressed.
Just as they were putting the cards up to finish fixing the food and then eat, Inuyasha became highly agitated. His cute little puppy ears began twitching all over the place as if trying to hone in on something. Then, suddenly, he leaped up into the highest branches of the tallest nearby tree and began to scan around. Of course, this mobilized the rest of them to grab theirweapons and ready themselves.
“What’s going on, Inuyasha?” Sango called up to him, hoisting her weapon up and looking around to see if she could spy anything off. If Inuyasha went on alert, they had something to worry about, it was just a matter of wanting a warning of what it might be.
“Is something dangerous coming our way we need to worry about?” Miroku asked, though assumed it was if Inuyasha acted like this.
“There is,” Inuyasha said in a distracted tone. “I—well, I don’t know what it is, though it’s a youkai of some sort. At first I thought it was Sesshomaru, but the scent isn’t exactly like his. Now I don’t know what it is. I do know that damned dragon of his and Jaken are with it, coming our way.”
Hearing Sesshomaru’s name, Kagome gave a soft groan, though internally. This wouldn’t end well if Sesshomaru was involved. He had let up on Inuyasha, other than running his mouth, for some time now. However, it wasn’t because of the fight brewing or another normal reason. No, it had to do with a secret she kept from everyone. “It’s not Sesshomaru then?” She asked, hoping against hope it wasn’t. If Jaken and Ah-Un were coming, though, she felt sure he would show up, even if it wasn’t right away.
As he focused on the direction the youkai was coming from, Inuyasha slowly shook his head then said, tone distracted, “I would say no because of the scent, but there is enough of his there along with Jaken and the dragon that I’m not sure. His aura—it’s another I’m not sure of either. It’s damned close to his, but not exactly the same.” Looking down at the group of upturned faces, he just gave a shrug, “I don’t know.” Though he hated admitting that, it was the truth.
A bewildered look on her face, Sango glanced around then looked back up at Inuyasha before asking, “What do you think we should do?”
“I’m going to say prepare for Sesshomaru,” Inuyasha told her after leaping to the ground and pulling his sword. “Not sure what’s off, but it’s so close to Sesshomaru I think we need to get ready for him.” Once more he glanced in the direction the three were coming from, just as confused as he was before, not understanding any of this. If it was the Ice Lord something had happened to change his scent and aura. What that might be was beyond Inuyasha.
Though she grabbed her bow and quiver, Kagome tossed out there, “The last few times he came around he didn’t do anything but run his mouth.” However, internally she was begging any Kami out there for it not to be Sesshomaru as the skeleton in their closet would waltz out then pirouette around for all to see. In the scheme of things, that would help exactly nothing except making her life harder than it already was. Well, and for Inuyasha to exercise his overly muscular mouth even more. Then, well, she would almost guarantee the moratorium on violence between the two would be over in one of the most violent ways they had ever seen from them.
As Inuyasha honed in on the direction he smelled them coming from, Kagome fervently prayed this wouldn’t end up as badly as she envisioned, though she felt sure it would be an unanswered prayer.
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As he stood up on Ah-Uh’s saddle, Sesshomaru had his arms folded over his chest, his mokomoko streaming behind him, looking like normal with a blank expression on his face. Internally, though, he was fuming and snarling. Before the day was out, he would be taking his ire out on someone. Though he wanted to do so on the one who caused this latest disaster, he already had so he couldn’t do more. This meant he would be on the lookout for another ‘volunteer’.
Teeth grinding so hard he was certain he would end up with chipped fangs and cracked teeth from it, he focused on what he wanted to do to the foolish dark miko who caused this mess. He was drawn out of the litany of tortures he wanted to inflict on her by Jaken’s irritating voice. Head whipping that direction, he asked a curt, “What?” tone cold as an icy winter wind blowing down a snow covered mountain.
Though he cringed at the tone of voice, knowing his Lord wasn’t at all happy, Jaken stammered slightly then asked, “If I may M’lord—are you certain the miko, Kagome, can fix the issue?” This was oh so very bad. Not only was Naraku now a concern, but other Lords who wished to start a war with Lord Sesshomaru who were reluctant to do so because of his Lord’s power might rethink their position. Any of them learning of the situation would cause more problems than they could deal with.
“The miko, with the help of the hentai monk, can fix the situation,” Sesshomaru growled, eyes once more fixed ahead on the path in front of them. “It shouldn’t take long either.”
“Inuyasha, though, M’lord,” Jaken whispered, shaking his head. He knew he didn’t need to say anything beyond the name.
Teeth grinding harder, claws now digging into his palms, Sesshomaru didn’t look at the kappa then told him, “I’ll handle Inuyasha, you have my word. He’ll regret anything he says to this Sesshomaru on any topic.” The last part would sound fine to Jaken, nothing out of the ordinary on the topic of Inuyasha, but he knew just what it meant because he knew what else would come into play.
“Of course, M’lord,” Jaken chirped, bowing as he walked so as not to irritate his already angry Lord even more. If he did, he would be on the end of serious pain himself. With what happened he might not survive it. Best to make sure his Lord knew how much he worshiped him so he would know he wasn’t trying to irritate him.
“I will handle it when we get there,” Sesshomaru clipped out, golden eyes narrowed as he glared ahead, knowing the confrontation with Inuyasha wouldn’t end nicely. However, he also knew what else would end up coming out as well. It would be the worst topic to deal with and the one which would bring about issues for more than himself. Inuyasha—he would handle the boy in his way though not enough to upset the other party involved in this.
As Ah-Uh walked along, jostling Sesshomaru slightly, the Daiyoukai ground his teeth harder at what he knew was coming. In fact, he ground them so hard he felt a few of them crack and chip. Even the pain from that didn’t swerve his focus. They would heal in under an hour then he would move on from there. Besides, he would soon have something worse to worry about!
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When they reached spitting distance of the hanyou’s camp, Sesshomaru stopped Ah-Un and glared ahead. What he was really doing was stiffening his spine to deal with this. Going in would end up plenty hard, what with the consequences of his fight with the miko and the spell she had cast on him. Inuyasha would make a big stink over it and try to humiliate him. No, he wouldn’t allow that to happen.
Chin going up, he smirked evilly and decided he wouldn’t let the whelp get that far. No, he would go on the offensive then go from there. However, he was also sure the miko would help him. Once Inuyasha was eating dirt, they would move on to fixing the problem. After that—it would remain to be seen.
His chin still held high, Sesshomaru spurred Ah-Un on and prepared himself.
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After sensing whatever was coming would be within minutes of arriving in camp, Inuyasha went into full battle stance, ensuring the rest of his pack did the same. While this might not be Sesshomaru, it was best for all of them to be on full alert and ready to fight anyway.
When the two headed dragon demon stepped into camp and Inuyasha spotted Sesshomaru standing on the saddle, his bottom jaw dropped to where it scraped on the ground. Sesshomaru, the tall regal youkai who towered over even him, was less than a meter tall. Though he looked the same, he had become miniaturized.
Unable to help himself, Inuyasha started to shake with suppressed laughter. “What the hell happened to you?” He managed to stammer out without just bursting into gales of laughter.
“That is none of your business, Inuyasha,” Sesshomaru snapped, glowering at the whelp. He knew this had been coming, but planned to stop it as fast as he could so he could get the help he needed. “I just need the assistance of your miko and monk, nothing more. This Sesshomaru will not cause issues if you don’t.”
“Not like you could in this state,” Inuyasha snorted, starting to chuckle aloud. Not only was Sesshomaru shrunken, but his voice was off as well, sounding not at all regal coming out. It sounded more high pitched and almost childish. Then, unable to help himself, he added, “Would be rather short-sighted of you, what with your problem and all.” Then he really began to laugh, holding his ribs with his free arm.
Head whipping in Inuyasha’s direction, Sesshomaru would not accept jokes about his misfortune from a mere hanyou! Mokomoko snaking out, it wrapped around Inuyasha’s ankle then began to whip him back and forth in an arc over his head, bashing Inuyasha’s head on the ground on first one side then the other.
While his mokomoko tended to the now swearing and struggling whelp, Sesshomaru focused his attention on the wide-eyed miko and monk. “I need your assistance in this matter. It was a dark miko who dared tangle with this Sesshomaru. She paid for doing so with her life. However, what she did didn’t revert back when she died. Since I know how to fix the issue, I can tell you. It just needs done by a monk and priestess.”
Kagome watched as Inuyasha flailed, cursed, wiggled, bandied his sword around uselessly, but continued to go back and forth in an arc that resulted in him smashing his head on the ground on both sides of Sesshomaru. It appeared to her Sesshomaru was in no mood to take his mouth when he normally just allowed it. Eyes following Inuyasha’s journey almost hypnotically, she told the daiyoukai distractedly, “Tell me what you need and we’ll tend to it, Sesshomaru-sama.” The honorific came out before she could stop herself and she bit her tongue over the mistake. Despite the repeated head smashes, Inuyasha would pick up on it.
“I will as well,” Miroku agreed with a nod, though he gave Kagome an odd look over the honorific. As far as he could remember, she hadn’t used it before. This was odd.
“What—the—Hell,—Kagome?” Inuyasha sputtered out between the times his head met the ground. This was plenty bad as he couldn’t seem to get himself free from the runner of fluff which held onto him in an iron-like grip. Though he was trying to slice through it with his sword, he couldn’t quite manage. “This—is—Sesshomaru—the—asshole! No—need—for—honorifics!” While it confused him she said it that way, he couldn’t really focus on anything besides his head meeting the ground. Once he was free of the fluff, he would figure it out. He would find a way, it would just take time.
Though it wasn’t long into this, Sesshomaru was sick of Inuyasha’s mouth already and planned to put a stop to the whelps yammering before it grew worse. While quickly explaining what transpired with the dark miko, his fluff wrapped around Inuyasha, making sure to gag him as it did, cocooning him in such a way that he not only couldn’t move, fight, causes issues, whatever, but couldn’t talk either. That would end part of this for a time anyway. The more the whelp struggled, the tighter the fluff would wrap around him. Sesshomaru just wanted peace until his issue was solved, then he would deal with the boy properly.
Inuyasha uttered muffled curses as the fluff wrapped around his face, making it to where he couldn’t speak. Then he began struggling against the part which was wrapped around him, trying to wield his sword. It didn’t work either. The more he moved, the tighter it seemed to wrap around him. This, of course, pissed him off.
Once more, Sesshomaru began to smash Inuyasha on the ground, first on one side then the other. This time it was more to keep the boy busy than anything else. As he did, he walked his miko and the monk through what needed done. Normally, the monk could tend to this alone, but because he and Kagome had what she termed a ‘relationship’ going on, she would need to help. And he was damned sure the monk would pick up on that fact very fast then say something. Once he did, Inuyasha would hear it and just completely blow up. Oh well. He would handle it as it came.
Miroku immediately caught on to what the dark miko had done to the daiyoukai and knew how to reverse it. However, he felt confused about Kagome being needed as well. The only scenario he could come up with had to do with them being together in some way. Of course, that was ridiculous.
“I think I can tend to the matter without Kagome beinginvolved, Sesshomaru-sama,” He said respectfully.
With an internal sigh, Sesshomaru gruffed, still standing tall on Ah-Uh, “The miko is needed as well.” He was sure the monk would know why, he just hoped he would keep it to himself as Inuyasha was already a handful to deal with.
Eyes wide, Miroku looked between Kagome and Sesshomaru, the whole thing connecting. While it connected, he decided, wisely, to keep the reason why to himself. He only had guesses, of course, so there was no point in asking as it would just make things all the worse.
Kagome shot Miroku a pleading look and he shot her a confused one in return, but he moved on to discuss what they needed to do. While certain the reason for Kagome’s inclusion, he would keep his mouth shut on the topic until later on. Considering what was going on with Inuyasha, it appeared Sesshomaru still had all his considerable strength, something Miroku didn’t want to feel if he irritated the Daiyoukai. No, keeping his trap shut was wise. He felt certain what was going on would come out as Inuyasha, though only a hanyou, knew enough to figure it out soon enough. Especially with what would be involved in the ritual.
Once Sesshomaru finished explaining what needed done, Miroku nodded. “This should be easy enough. It won’t take but ten minutes, fifteen at most.”
“We’ll manage,” Kagome told Sesshomaru, giving him a reassuring smile, hoping Inuyasha didn’t see it. The whole mess would end up coming out sooner or later and she was hoping for later, much later, maybe a few centuries from now.
“Proceed,” Sesshomaru told them curtly, making certain Inuyasha was kept busy. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and waited. The faster this was accomplished, the happier he would be. Then he would deal with the fallout from all this as he knew there would be some from Inuyasha.
As Kagome and Miroku started the ritual, Inuyasha still struggled to free himself. That wasn’t working well, honestly. However, as he did, his puppy ears twitched, taking in everything which was said. And he didn’t like the sound of any of it. As Sesshomaru explained what needed done, his temper went through the roof. While he didn’t know everything that came with being a full demon, he knew enough that when it was described, he realized Kagome had to be involved because she was the bastards mate! Oh, he was furious and planned to not only take his temper out on Sesshomaru, but Kagome as well after he figured out how and when this happened. He couldn’t do that, though, because of the fluff.
Not one to over think anything, he did the first thing that came to mind: he bit down on the piece in his mouth. He didn’t feel a structure in the fluff, but gave it a shot. Much to his surprise, it worked! Sesshomaru let out a hiss then glared at him. Managing to spit the fluff out of his mouth, though do nothing else, he began to swear, “What the fuck? Explain this shit to me, Sesshomaru! I know just what it means to have Kagome involved and I want an explanation!”
Not wanting to go into that right now and knowing the ritual was almost done, Sesshomaru did the only thing he could think of. Zipping the fluff back, he spun Inuyasha like a child’s top, sending him right into a nearby tree. The whelp met it face first, arms and legs sticking straight out, his katana still clutched in his hand.
Though doing what she had to, Kagome winced as Inuyasha met the tree. Then she shook her head as he seemed to peel off the tree and fall backwards onto the ground, arms and legs still sticking straight up. She could practically see the swirly eyes and stars dancing around his head like in old cartoons. With a heavy sigh, knowing he wouldn’t stay down for long, she focused back on the ritual, hoping to get done fast. The jig was up, so it would take them time to explain how they accidentally became mated. Well, and she would have to help keep Inuyasha and Sesshomaru from killing each other. That would end up the hardest part of all of this.
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Seated on a small hill not far from their camp, Kagome leaned against Sesshomaru with a smile. The curse was broken and he was back to normal. Grinning as the fluff of his mokomoko twisted in her hands as she petted it, she then giggled softly as it tickled her under the chin. As she ran her fingers through the white fluff, she said, “All in all, it turned out better than I thought. At least body parts weren’t cut off and I didn’t have to do too much damage repair on Inuyasha. He’ll be like a bear with a sore head for a while, but will learn to deal with it.”
“If the whelp can’t learn to deal with it, this Sesshomaru will have no problem pounding it into his skull until he does,” Sesshomaru told her, smirking down at her. He loved it when she stroked his mokomoko. It felt amazing to him. While the mating wasn’t what he wanted going in, just something he felt he had to deal with after they encountered some kind of witch accidentally, he found he didn’t mind it at all. And now that the secret was out, he liked it more since they could be together. The mating wasn’t consummated and he certainly wanted to do so.
“No violence unless it can’t be avoided,” Kagome giggled as the mokomoko began to tickle her behind the knees. “It just makes life miserable for all of us when it happens.
“I will restrain myself,” Sesshomaru promised, one arm slipping around her, holding her close. Oh, he would, but he would also enjoy imparting the lesson to Inuyasha to shut his mouth since he knew the boy wouldn’t let it go.
As the mokomoko tickled her more, Kagome giggled harder, pressing tighter to Sesshomaru. Yeah, this would end up rough, but she rather liked it. Now they just had to wait it out.
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