This one is better than the first one but it has holes unexplained. .

The plot is decent but the execution needs work, like you don't seem to have a clue on the differences between were & where, I think every single where should actually be were (you only used were once & it was correct). Where equals place as in; Where were you? We were over there. Look it up there are lots of good sites that will explain the difference in detail. You have a lot of he instead of her & she, you used taunt instead of taut at 1 point, stokes for strokes & trust for thrust in several places. Also his self instead of himself is wrong. Just lots of small errors all over the place.