Sad that we didnt get to see everyone's response...but good lemon

Quite the bit of passion. Whew. I can't wait to see what stories you come up with next :)

OMG!, that was hot and that's all i'm gonna' say. c'ya'

Holy fuckballs that was amazing!! I need more!!

They are so cute and hot! Whooo

I enjoyed the oneshot and I don't think it came across as rushed.  Athough, I think the posting was.  A little over halfway down the story starts over and completely goes through.  If you don't keep going you don't get to read the ending.  The other editing stuff is minor, like word swapping feel instead of fell (I think that was the order for those two).  I hope you keep posting!

I like your story but I want top point out repetitions in your paragraphs. If you want to know what I mean just reread your story.