I like your idea. It's entertaining, and I can see where you want to take this. But your grammar is off a hair. There are a few pretense errors in this first chapter. Dokugans are extremely picky when reading stories. As a trend in general, you'll receive less reviews if your beautiful work is littered with grammatical and tensive errors. (Don't worry though, plenty of authors and authoresses make this mistake. I still struggle with it.) Great job putting yourself out there! This is the hardest step, and I'm glad you took it. But consider going to the forms and finding a beta in the fanfiction help section. There are wonderful people who are willing to help. Also great job describing Sesshomaru, he feels aloof. But remember to draw your picture with words. Use a few more adjectives, and describe to me what is happening.
Example: I panted in exertion. 'I couldn't believe that dog! How dare he chose the jewels over me! After 4 years of wasting my life traipsing about this god forsaken demon infested lands with him, he chose the jewels instead of his jewel detector. Unbelievable! Ungrateful little bast-'
The bug demon screeched in excitement. A sound that resonated through my body, reminding me of my pressing delima.
My teeth gritted, as sharp talons pierced my shoulder, dangling me over the tree tops precariously. This bug had no clue who he was messing with. My energies crackled. But he would learn today.
Anyway! Great job putting yourself out there! welcome to dokuga!
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