i really wish that this was expanded b/c inupapa and inuyashas seem like jerk faces, and i would LOVE to see what Sesshmomma has to say about this all, i dont think i remember you mentioning her ni this, part of me also thinks you could go a few chapters with this!
kay (Chapter 1) - Tue 08 Apr 2014
very choppy. you should transition your scenes better. The conversation she had with Kouga isn't realistic because you have portrayed her as being a shy, innocent young woman who doesn't even lie to her mother. She's not going to just blurt out the aftermath of her one-night-stand with a guy she just met, and the line "Sperm acts how it wants, Kagome." Who says that anyway? Why did Inuyasha want to keep her away from Sesshomaru? None of the conversation she had with the Taisho family made sense! Your story is rife with errors like this I suggest a Beta for your next one.
I loved I! It'd be awesome to have an even longer version of it.
This story was wonderful and I enjoyed it, Happy Belated Valentine's Day
| | | | 