mari (Chapter 2) - Thu 01 Aug 2013

thanks for the long chapter i loved it.


Faux66 (Chapter 2) - Thu 01 Aug 2013

Love it can't wait!!!!


Aubrey Simone (Chapter 2) - Wed 31 Jul 2013

Very nice! I enjoyed the way you built onto this chapter, and I have to say that the dialogue in this chapter was phenomenal. I liked the interactions between the characters, as well, and just for the sake of giving you constructive criticism, I would say that I would've liked for Shippou's story to happen much slower. It seemed very improbable that he would have told Kagome anything, much less willingly gone into her house with the history of abuse that you gave him - a much more skittish Shippou would have made his introduction that much more potent, I think. 

Other than that, I really enjoyed this chapter! Great work!

~Aubrey


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 2) - Tue 30 Jul 2013

Keep it coming.


mari (Chapter 1) - Sat 20 Jul 2013

really liked it.


shintochick (Chapter 1) - Thu 18 Jul 2013

Great start. Eager to see where the story is headed. 


LoveAndFaith (Chapter 1) - Thu 18 Jul 2013

This story sounds interesting, keep it coming.


Aubrey Simone (Chapter 1) - Thu 18 Jul 2013

Oooh interesting! I've always wanted to write a story where Kagome is a baker and Sesshomaru was her reluctant patron - and now you've done it for me! Well, sort of, that is lol.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this. I liked the character interactions, and the way you kept everyone true to character despite their very different roles in the modern era. I also enjoyed the bits of authentic Japanese flavor; the mention of the festivals and holidays was great, and there aren't a lot of authors who know enough about Japan to add those realistic details, myself included. It's nice to see that much attention going into a piece of work, and you integrated all of it perfectly.

The only think I can say in the way of constructive criticism was that I found some of it to be sort of tell-y instead of show-y, do you know what I mean? I wanted to see more as I read, to feel a bit more movement in your writing, if that makes sense to you.

Other than that, though, this was a very enjoyable first chapter, and I can't wait to see how you incorporate the rest of your prompts!

~Aubrey


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