Hello, I would just like to say you have a great storyline here. However, there are a plethora of grammar, spelling, and structural mistakes that make it hard to read your work.
Perhaps you should have your stories read by a beta before you post them? I wanted to give them a shot, but it's hard to read. The formating jumps around, the wrong words or tenses used and skipping words are the biggest problems I think.
Maybe you can post a beta request in the forum? Good luck with it!
Gotta say I'm not enjoying the story anywhere near as much as I was. The first maybe 22 chapters were awesome, but lately it just seems to kinda drag and seems to be less about Kagome and Sesshoumaru and more about how to screw with Sesshoumaru and his life. Gets tiresome to read after about 10 chapters of it.
Examples are make sure your sentences are complete. I've noticed a few sentences that have, for example, the letter t, but after reading the line I have no clue what word was suppose to be there. I've also noticed where your sentences have huge gaps between the words. Almost like you hit the space button a couple more times then continued typing. And as you've noticed in my typing this out I always use capitals after every period. This is part of the good grammer.
Don't place 2 conversations in the same paragraph. It can confuse people as to who is actually talking. Always start a new paragraph. Doing this can also help make a story longer. Example:
"Kagome" Inuyasha yelled as Kagome began to disappear down the well.
Kagome turned to Inuyasha with sad eyes "goodbye, Inuyasha"
Plus add more descriptions. More detail where they are, time of day, how they are feeling, what their wearing. Instead of using brackets like you were that would be the time to add detail to the story. With brackets it seems like it's you talking and not part of the story, like you're noticing something missing and adding the detail afterwards to let us know.
I hope these tips are useful to you. I know they've helped me when I first starting writing stories. My stories have come a long way, but I'm always improving and I've noticed my stories improving too. I now add more details and well take a look at couple of my stories. Check out Have yourself a merry little christmas (one of my earlier works) and then just read the first chapter of Loving History. Quite a difference in detail and length.
