Please consider bringing this story back!! I'm really loving the story line!! You are an incredible writer!
I don't know if I've reviewed this already... I may have, a long time ago, but I'm going to do it again anyway!
Off to a great start! I got a really great feeling from it - not a GREAT feeling, per say, but you definitely got the mood you were trying to portray across. It's only chapter one and I'm already part of the pity party for her.
Anxious to see what happens to our lone miko, and also hear the group's reasons for replacing her. I'm assuming Kikyo came into the group, though I have my doubts that they meant to 'replace' her. Well... Miroku and Sango, anyway, Inuyasha might have felt that way...
Much love!
Okay, this chapter you had a lot of errors...I don't understand why, when the first two chapters were so very well done. I have a couple of suggestions below, it's up to you whether or not to incorporate them.
Your writing is excellent, or should I say, storytelling. This is an intriguing, appealing, engaging tale you've got going. I have marked it for notice of when you update. You're doing a really good job of this and I am truly enjoying your lovely writing style. And don't rush your writing of this in any way! Ifyou start rushing, the quality of the writing will suffer and this story will become a fail. Readers who don't understand this SHOULD be allowed to read the original on FF.net. They should be MADE to read that version. Don't allow yourself to be bullied by ANYONE! Not even me.
Suggestions:
Not exactly in the mood for [some] in-depth soul-searching (I would delete some, I think it makes the statement stronger)
It felt nice[.]: [T]this floating in nothing, going nowhere.
Corrections:
Angrily, Sesshoumaru cursed his half brother
. No such luck, however, because, though she could not see him[,] or hear him, she could feel him, steadily closing the short distance between them. (Add the comma after because and delete the comma after him)
Ahhh...[..]very desperate (Elipses are 3 periods, no more, no less.)
needed...[.]comforting
He administered a [a] quick death to that thought.
Gritting her teeth, she concentrated on making her wobbly, disobedient limbs obey[,]; suppressing the urge to howl
There was too much on her mind right now: [-] jewel shards, puppy ears, school
and she had a sneaky feeling that [Sesshpoumaru] Sesshoumaru would
the blast had been an [involunatry] involuntary reaction on her part
she thought with a rising maidenly blush,#'he (add a space here)
She didn't know how on earth she was going to get out of this[,].
Who knew what went on in a male's mind at the sight of a [maked] naked female
He was [hs] his father's son, and yet, he was not.
A/N:
impatience is [flatering] flattering, but every#time someone (add a space here)
deviated from [it's] its intended
First thing, you have the text centered which can make it harder to read. Then there is this: by a monster that makes [ill] our cattle ill and ravages
This morning, however, my wife woke
But he was not anyone else, and, therefore, he merely smirked.
However and therefore are usually treated as parenthetical phrases and enclosed in commas.
These few technical matters aside, this is shaping into a very good story. You are a gifted storyteller with the ability to paint rich imagery with your words. This is beautifully written.
Okay, technically, I found but one thing: But, as the saying goes, no gain without pain,
As to the writing: You write like a poet, painting your imagery with words. You have caught my interest in this first chapter...
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