This is a great story but I'm very sad that it is not being continued

O.O inu kitsu kit yay and the scene between jez and kags was friggen awesome <3

Hiya! As promised, a review.

I feel pressured to say something critiquing since that's what you asked for, but I was so caught up in the story, that I didn't really think to pay attention to how it was written, haha. Sorry! I'll try my best all the same, though.

First. I can't believe you just cut off in the middle of the smut. Seriously? Not cool. Not cool at all. I am very unhappy. But, I am happy that you used some of the challenge words! Kudos for that! Very good job for the ones that were used! It was still a good scene even though you have ridiculous words popping up all over the place. Like bombastic. I had trouble keeping it serious when I saw that, haha.

I was a little disappointed that Sesshoumaru didn't really show any acknowldgement of Kagome's pregnancy. I don't know if it was just a dream (maybe I didn't pay close enough attention between this and the last chapter, but I felt like this was a bit out of the blue), or realistic, but I would have thought Sesshoumaru would have noticed her being preggers, if not by scent then at least by visuals. A baby bump's pretty hard to miss that far along into it.

Actually, that brings me to another thing I noticed: several chapters ago, you mention that Kagome was in her sixth month of pregnancy and only showing a "small" baby bump. Not unheard of, but pretty uncommon. Okay, I can deal with that. Then, in a later chapter, you have Kagome calculating how long Sesshoumaru's been on Trial, and says that he only has a month left out of the year he's supposed to be there--so she's eleven months pregnant now? And still only has a small bump? For twins? I don't know if I'm just not understanding this right or what, but something smells not right here.

Also, what exactly is happening with Inuyasha now? Are Sango and Miroku just going to let him die? What's going ooooooonnnnn?

Just keep an eye out for spelling and typos. There were a couple that slipped by. Nothing too detrimental to the story, but there were several instances where I had to stop to figure out if the wrong letter was used, if there were supposed to be more letters in the word, or if some were missing. Nothing too serious--reading the rest of the sentence often cleared it up, but at first it's very disconcerting.

Ehm. I think that's pretty much everything.

I really enjoyed this chapter! Really good job getting it going and keeping it up! I look forward to the next update!

Thanks for the read!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR.  RAWR I SAY!  Deliciousness in many forms, the smutty kind, the fighting kind...but I have to say my two favorite parts are Kagome and Sesshomaru having an out of body experience at the same time as they get it on, and then Inuyuko going feral - well, half feral I supposed cause she's maintaining control of herself while still using the power of her royal rage to melt the universe down to....goop.  Gorgeous, gorgeous goop.  The descriptions are eloquent and elegant, and the end is a cliffhanger of evil doom, even if I am reasonably assured of Inuyuko's future victory - that laugh!  

HURRY!

THE MOAR!

:dies:

I really enjoy your story, the plot and the characters enthralling while the whole all together is very nicely detailed and dialogued. I would love to hear more and to have the chance to read the rest. Please update soon! 

Much, much improved! Seems like once you got Kagome to the wolves the story really took off. Wish I'd waited a few more chapters now before I commented. It flows so much better now and it's much easier to follow. I just hope that the difficulty of the first several chapters didn't scare anyone off.

I've been reading your story off and on throughout the day and I'm really enjoying it. The premise is interesting and the plot is good, but I have to say I'm having a very difficult time following what's going on at times. Normally, I would like to review earlier than this, but it's been difficult nailing down exactly where you're going wrong. Normally, I can overlook grammar errors and little things like wrong or left out words, I just fill in the gaps or I can figure out the general intent and keep reading. While you do have some issues with that, there is something more going on here.

I think you are rushing so fast to get your ideas out that you're skipping things and make leaps in logic. While the finished product makes sense to you, because it's your story, you're stranding your reader. For example, in this chapter when she raises the sword I have no idea what's going on. You write, "With bone shattering velocity and mass, it was as if the sword itself had attempted the strike, the blade's edge severed beyond her collarbone in a single breath." Severing what? Beyond her collarbone? What does that mean? Perhaps you meant into her collarbone? Then a few paragraphs down, "The blade gave an inch before falling and severing another two. She choked back a snarl and hefted again. She managed four inches this time and managed to sever only one inch on the fallout." I still don't know what the blade is severing. It's not until she's in the village recovering that I think what happened was she hefted it onto her shoulder and she couldn't lift it off herself? But this is only one example. There are several more in this chapter alone, much less the previous seven.

But you have an even bigger problem, in that you keep alternating voice within scenes. You're using third-person objective (think Harry Potter) but it's like you're trying to use third-person omniscient, but not pulling it off. When you use third-person objective (or third-person limited) you have to pick one character and stick with that character throughout the scene. Towards the end you're using Kagome's POV with Kagome asking Sesshoumaru about her clothes, then all of a sudden Sesshoumaru seems to be musing about Rin, and then you're back to Kagome who is talking to herself? Maybe? The effect is extremely jarring because your reader has to constantly switch tracks with no transitions. You need to pick one type of voice and stick to it. If you decide to use third-person objective, you can still switch between characters, but you have to stay with one character for the duration of a scene (it will make your story more interesting too, because you're readers are more likely to connect with the character). You don't have to tell the reader when you're switching POVs between scenes like some authors do because that's just as annoying, just an extra return or horizontal line will do it. If you're doing your job, your readers will figure it out without further assistance. 

Now, the reason consistent POVs is particularly important in your story is because you've got a character that has a lot of internal dialogue in Kagome. Now that she's in human form again it might get better, but these shifting voices are making it very difficult to decipher when she's talking to herself, when she's broadcasting her thoughts, when she's talking solely to Sesshoumaru and when he's speaking back. It's a very complicated system you've set up which means you have to treat it even more delicately.

So I hope you don't take any of this too harshly, because I really do like the story and I'm going to keep reading. My suggestion is to go with third-person objective over third-person omniscient. Personally, I like it better because when you know more about what's going on than the characters it spoils the fun. If you have any questions about voice or POV, please ask.

More, keep it coming.

NEUUUU! I thought this story was finished! You're horrible! Evil! Not nice! Now I actually have to wait like a normal person to see what happens next?! D=

Herro!

Can I first say "bulbous hips"?! A couple of chapters ago, that's what you said. I think it was in the smut scene. Or maybe just after it. But what. Just what. I'm not sure what you meant exactly, but I don't know if bulbous was the right word for it. It might have been, and it might just be unpleasant imagery on my part. If so, then it's totally okay and never mind me, 'cause I'm a bit of a goldfish, haha. But bulbous? Wowee!

You say "Mother will be here on the marrow!" but I think you mean "morrow", wich means the next morning. You can think of it as in 'toMORROW'. But I'm fairly certain that's just a typo.

Why have you started calling babies/children pup-kits? The term 'pup' is more commonly used for young of the canidae family, which includes dogs, wolves and other carniverous or ominverous mammals, while 'kit' is typically used for the offspring of animals such as beavers, foxes, ferrets, I think even minks. Those sorts of animals, anyway. So pup-kit doesn't really make sense in this context. Maybe settle on just one and then get rid of the other term?

That also reminds me: you use slashes (/) in your writing to separate different terms. For example, you describe Kagome's eyes as multicoloured, but when actually doing so, you mention them indivually as in (and this is made up, but a represnetation of how you've done it in the past) ash grey/brown. Instead of doing that, you could try to describe it in more detail. For example: "Kagome's eyes, a swirling mix of ash grey and brown" or something similar. Maybe: "Her eyes, which had previously been brown, turned grey and flashed frighteningly with her ire" just to show that something's happening and possibly giving it a reason for happening. You don't always have to use emotion, but it's a good explanation.

Try using italics in times of clear expression. Anger is one of the best places to use it because it adds stress to words and gives them a more forceful edge. My advice for italics would be to use it in the place of any word that you would ordinarly try to put capital letters. So, for example, you write:

Kagome’s nose wrinkled and her chin dipped as aggression warred with logic; love and hate choking her and pride clawing to be recognized, “Do not misunderstand me-.”

“No, girl.” Nishimaskao was in her face, forcing the girls chin up with a small dagger, the Tiny General looked so her namesake that even her aura snapped and cracked with age-old hatred, “Don’t you underestimate me! ...Hear my words Hell Hound, you pledged yourself to the West. Do not fail us! The Gods have given you a chance to do things of your wish. To the both of you: do not throw this away!”

Kagome slapped her hand on the wrist of the Tiny General and used it to pull herself closer, her nose almost touching Nishimasako’s, “I do not believe that you are the one being underestimated, White General.”

I have to say that I'm quite impressed with your vocabulary, especially in later chapters. You're using some really strong words to describe things, which makes it more powerful and easy to imagine. Kudos!

I especially liked the scenes within the scenes. It was really neat to see how they correlated to what was going on in the actual timeframe. Very neat.

Herro!

Can I first say "bulbous hips"?! A couple of chapters ago, that's what you said. I think it was in the smut scene. Or maybe just after it. But what. Just what. I'm not sure what you meant exactly, but I don't know if bulbous was the right word for it. It might have been, and it might just be unpleasant imagery on my part. If so, then it's totally okay and never mind me, 'cause I'm a bit of a goldfish, haha. But bulbous? Wowee!

You say "Mother will be here on the marrow!" but I think you mean "morrow", wich means the next morning. You can think of it as in 'toMORROW'. But I'm fairly certain that's just a typo.

Why have you started calling babies/children pup-kits? The term 'pup' is more commonly used for young of the canidae family, which includes dogs, wolves and other carniverous or ominverous mammals, while 'kit' is typically used for the offspring of animals such as beavers, foxes, ferrets, I think even minks. Those sorts of animals, anyway. So pup-kit doesn't really make sense in this context. Maybe settle on just one and then get rid of the other term?

That also reminds me: you use slashes (/) in your writing to separate different terms. For example, you describe Kagome's eyes as multicoloured, but when actually doing so, you mention them indivually as in (and this is made up, but a represnetation of how you've done it in the past) ash grey/brown. Instead of doing that, you could try to describe it in more detail. For example: "Kagome's eyes, a swirling mix of ash grey and brown" or something similar. Maybe: "Her eyes, which had previously been brown, turned grey and flashed frighteningly with her ire" just to show that something's happening and possibly giving it a reason for happening. You don't always have to use emotion, but it's a good explanation.

Try using italics in times of clear expression. Anger is one of the best places to use it because it adds stress to words and gives them a more forceful edge. My advice for italics would be to use it in the place of any word that you would ordinarly try to put capital letters. So, for example, you write:

Kagome’s nose wrinkled and her chin dipped as aggression warred with logic; love and hate choking her and pride clawing to be recognized, “Do not misunderstand me-.”

“No, girl.” Nishimaskao was in her face, forcing the girls chin up with a small dagger, the Tiny General looked so her namesake that even her aura snapped and cracked with age-old hatred, “Don’t you underestimate me! ...Hear my words Hell Hound, you pledged yourself to the West. Do not fail us! The Gods have given you a chance to do things of your wish. To the both of you: do not throw this away!”

Kagome slapped her hand on the wrist of the Tiny General and used it to pull herself closer, her nose almost touching Nishimasako’s, “I do not believe that you are the one being underestimated, White General.”

But speaking of which, I thought Nishimasako was the West General...?

I have to say that I'm quite impressed with your vocabulary, especially in later chapters. You're using some really strong words to describe things, which makes it more powerful and easy to imagine. Kudos!

I especially liked the scenes within the scenes within scenes! I thought that was really cool with the layered subtext and the look inbetween what was happening with Kagome at Sango and the risk that they were making.

Very cool. I enjoyed the read up until now! Thaanks!

Rawr!

Thing of noting the first: minor inconsistencies in the story, or just simple things that aren't exactly clear. In this chapter, near the beginning, Kagome's meditating, and in the same sentence, you have her kneeling on an island that's almost too small for her and then sitting in the centre of a koi pond. Another instance, though this is less of an inconsistency and more of a lack of description, from earlier on in the story is when she and Sesshoumaru go to get her sword forged by Totosai where they fight and then Kagome comes to on the fourth (fifth?) day and is unable to lift the sword. Later on in the chapter, or in the next chapter, Kagome says that she doesn't remember what happened after fighting with Sesshoumaru, but describes waking up naked with him. It doesn't quite add up the way it was written. I think there should be some kind of transition: maybe something along the lines of, "the last thing Kagome remembered before the big rift in her memory was X, and the first thing she was able to recall after the apparent jump in time was Y". Something along those lines would clear up the misunderstanding and allow for there being a period of time that's missing. An explanation for why that time period is missing might also be beneficial to the readers, too (which may be there already, and I just didn't pick it up in my mad dash to read it all last night =P).

An aside: semicolons. In a lot of cases in your writing where you use a semicolon, it's not implemented correctly. Semicolons are used to join two individual sentences together. In order to do so, they must be able to be read completley on their own and be fully functional (i.e. it has to make sense on its own if you were to isolate it) in order to be put together. The individual sentences may or may not be related to each other in order to use a semicolon. For example: "Sesshoumaru likes to watch girly movies and braid his hair; Inuyasha would much rather perform a strip tease in a gay bar." (I don't really know if that makes sense. If not, then just google semi-colon examples. Or not. The Oatmeal has a pretty funny comic on how to use the semicolon.)

In addition to the semicolons, I've noticed that you tend to use apostrophes to pluralize things. An example would be: "threw two exploding kunai and two star's behind them". It's a pretty common mistake that a lot of people make because it's really hard to separate them. You only use the apostrophe when you're indicating objectified possession (for example, a house that belongs to Sesshoumaru would be Sesshoumaru's house) or the conjunction of two individual words to make one (did not becomes didn't, etc...). In contrast, some words that indicate possession don't use an apostrophe at all--the classic example of a puppy and his paw: "the puppy raised its paw." Because you're not combining two words (which would be "it" and "is" here), you can't use an apostrophe, as that's what it would be implicative of. In this case, you leave the apostrophe out. You could, alternatively, say "the puppy's paw was raised" to sort of work around the split rule.

I sort of feel like I'm lecturing you on this and that you might already know this stuff. It could just be a typo that I'm picking up on, or it could be an actual glitch. I dunno. Feel free to take a bite out of me if you do know, haha.

I just realized that Nishimasako is the General of the West. I find that particularly fitting with her name. I can't believe it took me until now to realize the parallel.

Numma-numma. What else? There were a couple cases where there were words missing from sentences, and generally some residual typos or issues with grammar, but I'm sure those'll be fixed!

What happened to Miroku and Sango? You mentioned them in the very beginning of the story, and then all of a sudden they disappeared. Shippou came back into the picture, but they kind of dropped off the face of the earth. Even as two years passed, wouldn't there be some kind of mention of them somewhere? Having started a family or off travelling or even visiting on occasion or whatever their paths be.

What I've really appreciated about your story so far is that the attraction between the two of them hasn't exatly been subtle, but it hasn't been outright, either. It wasn't one of those "I feel absolutely no attraction to this person right now" and then ten minutes later "YOWZA! THAT PERSON IS MY SOULMATE. I WILL DIE WITHOUT THEM!!" stories. That made me happy. Also how naturally Sesshoumaru seems to have taken his beast's stance on Kagome, and how he's started going down that path as well. I thought it was really well done. Characterizations, althought different from the canon, are good, and aren't different enough that I'm going "who is this?!"

I also appreciate that you've made this one of those "work for your skills" fic instead of just giving Kagome a skillset to work with from nowhere. That's really classy 'cause not a lot of people do it, and it makes me want to tear my hair out. If you go from being a human one minute to a demon the next, you're not going to have impeccable control over your newfound abilities within the hour. That's unrealistic. Kudos on that!

Having Kagome still long for her family is anothet trait that isn't particularly seen expressed in fanfic often, especially after having turned into a youkai. You're just balling up the good, ain'cha!

I really don't know what else to say right now, haha, so I'll stop here. BUT I VILL BE BECK! Toodleoo!

Le bonjour! I had thoughts while I was reading this chapter, so I wanted to get them down and out before I forgot them! =D

Furst, I don't know your background with Japanese as a language, but from my experience with it in the past, my understanding is that a couple of the words you've used here are used incorrectly. First, "taiyoukai": I think it should be daiyoukai. Arguably, the kanji used for the "dai/tai" part can be read several different ways, depending on the application of the character and the kun/on readings, but in this context, I'm fairly certain it should be read as "dai", which is often used to indicate the greatness of something. For example "daisuki" which is to love, or great like (where suki by itself is just to like) or "daikirai", which is to hate, or greatly dislike (where kirai is hust don't like or dislike).

Similarly, but somewhat different, you use "omae" as an insult. While you're correct in that using this is offensive in speech, it's not used in quite the same way you're using it here. In Japanese, "omae" is a really rude way to say "you". There isn't really any kind of equivalent in English. I've never seen it be used as an exclamation by itself before, because it's not really an equivalent of saying "hey!" to get someone's attention. The best way I can think of it would be like calling royalty a peasant: you're lowering their status purposefully to degrade them.

I really liked the way you set up the story, and the dynamics you brought to it, especially with Sesshoumaru having a pack and acting like an actual pack with the alpha/beta dynamics. I thought that was really neat. I also liked that you were able describe how the characters were read through Kagome's thoughts, and how she was able to "read" that Sesshoumaru had changed from being sort of playful to serious and punishing.

Hum, I remember you mentioning that Kagome had silver eyes, and then in a sentence a couple paragraphs later, you mentioned her eyes being brown, and then again later as bicoloured, so I was wondering if that was something that just slipped under the radar or intentional?

I actually laughed at the image of Sesshoumaru punching Inuyasha in the kidney and then casually going on about beating him up. It was so blatant that it surprised me a little bit. =P

Anywaaay, I think that's pretty much all I have to say right now. I'll keep reading! Thanks for the read!

Loved it....LOVED IT!!!  Great fight scenes....wonder how Sesshomaru will handle it upon hearing of the pup.  Update, and I shall give you this whole plate of COOKIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep it coming.

AHHH so glad you told me about this story!! ^_^ Can't wait for the next update!

I like it so far!

I love this story so much! I thank you for not making Kouga gay(not that there is anything wrong with that), evil, dead or all three... I'm so happy! And your Lemons are citruslicious! Good Work!

Keep it coming.

*eyes glaze over* 0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

yanno i usuusally am not a rin lover but you made her a badass so i'm kinda in love with this!

Keep it coming.