dancingfingers (Chapter 1) - Tue 06 Jan 2015

Hmm.

First of all, I have to apologize beforehand if my review somehow hurt you in some way, okay?

There, of course, are some mistakes. For example, when it should be written for 'her', you wrote 'my', instead. If you ever come back to pick up this story again, I hope you'll correct them. Grammar mistakes, well, I can't help you with that, though I don't have problems on reading the story, so it's okay for me.

 

Second, for the first chapter and starter, in my opinion, this was too rushed. I thought I was going to see some setting-up-the-stage, for to speak, to give readers glimpses of what will make us interested to read more. Perhaps by prolonging the interaction of Kagome and Lia, or erm, the torture Kagome had to endure, or flashback on the day where her family is literally hostaged and she started her days as a slave. Or for you to strengthen your characterization of Lia, because there's not many who wrote cunning, evil lady like her who wants to hurt Sesshomaru instead of desiring him for power. Still, this is your story, so you may or may not take my suggestion :)

 

However, your idea for this story is brilliant. Even if I can't see Sesshomaru fell like a wounded dog, the potential of this being the super-angsty story - and I know many of us love angst, tear-jerker kind-of story - is very great.

 

-dee


Sesshomaru's Secret Admirer (Chapter 1) - Mon 05 Jan 2015

This is a unique concept.

There is not much information on this 'Lia' demonness...but I already feel a burning anger towards her. And it frustrates me to see Kagome trapped in her hands.

As for Sesshomaru....I can't believe he got caught so easily.

To think that these two are being played liked puppets by 'Lia' makes this all really really heart breaking. I can just imagine how this story leads on. If they fell in love with each other, a bigger mess is just awaiting them.


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