bookgirl813 (Chapter 4) - Sat 11 Oct 2014

I love fairy tales.  I really like how you've formatted this as well.  The story speaks of how things were in that time period - Lords needed male heirs and the women were but chattle.  It's a shame that Kagome has to deal with her father's attentions, though.  

I'd like to see who this new mother is and what happens to Kagome and her sister.  I hope you write more soon!


Sesshomaru's Secret Admirer (Chapter 4) - Sun 28 Sep 2014

Hmmm...so the chapter realllyyy showed how creepy the Father is. But...if you didn't write the note at the top...I wouldn't have understood what happened at the end. Well...I'm still sort of confused. So who collapsed? And is Kagome the one that screamed? And how would the new mother take this? And wowww....I can't believe that just happened. Poor Kagome...being raised by such a Father. I can't wait for the next chapter! I am SOO curious as to how Kagome will grow up to be. And I can't wait for Sesshomaru's entrance. I think this story deserves much more attention! Well done!


Sesshomaru's Secret Admirer (Chapter 3) - Sun 28 Sep 2014

Oh my goodness...what a short but beautifully written chapter there. I LOVED the part where Sakura talks about their mother and praying for her. It was such a bitter sweet moment...because it was both a happy, yet sad moment. I thought that was so beautiful. The adding of imagery only enhances the beauty of this short chapter. Well done.


Sesshomaru's Secret Admirer (Chapter 2) - Sun 28 Sep 2014

OoooOOooohhhh evil Father~ The feel is EXACTLY like back in the medeival times. It wasss a shame if the child is not a boy. I guess...the Father is understandable...yet...to want his wife to die...so sad~ What a sad atmosphere the new born girl must live in.

Wonderfully done. I just found a few mistakes. And maybe...if you would like...the structure of the sentences can use a little bit more detail on who is saying what. I also noticed that you wrote everything in about two paragraphs. You could begin a new paragraph whenever someone new is speaking. This will force you to give more detail and expand on the story a bit more ^0^ I found it helpful!


Sesshomaru's Secret Admirer (Chapter 1) - Sun 28 Sep 2014

I thought the prologue was really really interesting. I LOVE fairytales...especially the Grim brothers and their twisted versions. From the start...I have a feeling that the feel is similar...no? Well...still caught my full attention~ now on to the next chappie!


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