I really adore your style. Especially since it is flowery. It creates an atmosphere I can easily dive in and enjoy. The words flow well as well. An intriguing start and I must read more. =)
Interesting start, though you're a bit trigger happy with those adjectives-- for one thing, it's a bit odd for Sesshomaru to be wonder why a "vixen" could "captivate him so easily" as vixens are generally accepted to be very attractive, no? Also, unless Kagome is sitting above Sesshomaru, his lips can't "ascend" to hers, but rather they would "descend".
My advice would be to get a beta whose style is naturally a bit less flowry than your own-- they should easily be able to keep this kind of thing in check. If you don't get one, you'll probably be OK, but you'll need to be careful that you don't loose the plant in the leaves, so to speak.
Other than that-- interesting start, and very intense. I look forward to seeing what happens. :D
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