I like your writing style so far but I do have a few bits of constructive criticism for you.  Firstly let me say you have a solid grasp of the english language and that in and of itself is a blessing.  THANK YOU!

Generally speaking, fanfiction stories tend to be more successful if you don't use first person perspective, the people reading are not Kagome and I've found they tend to be more enthusiastic about a story if they can identify with each character in turn, the best way I've found to do this is by telling the story in 3rd person with periodic glimpses into their internal thoughts and feelings. 

If you change the story up a little by jumping from person to person in a chapter, it creates a more exciting and varied journey for the reader.  Generally you want to keep it to something like 1-4 different viewpoints per chapter.  Another really good way to elaborate a scene without rambling(not that you do this) is to tell the same action from different views, for example, let say Kagome is engaged in a battle, tell it from her point of view and then tell it from the POV of say Sesshomaru who's watching from the woods or something. 

Overall you have a very solid base from which many good stories will come.  I look forward to seeing your name again!

Cheers!

Kate