a very interesting story i should say the least and while i wont say anything about the lemon part i will say you have to work better on your puncturation. lots of run-on sentences and other things to say the least but all in all i liked the story. if you do another one, you should get a pervert to help your with your little writting problem, who knows, it might turn out fun :) *wink*
Just wanted to give you a small bit of advice, from a somewhat experience writer to another. When you want to dip into the past while in the present in a story, try to avoid the FLASHBACK device. Using FLASHBACK like you did in your story is an old screenwriting device, and it's not really used in prose writing (prose is pretty much another way of saying, "I'm writing a story" -- for fancy schmancy pro-types). Being that you are writing a story and not a screenplay, using FLASHBACK is pretty distracting and takes away a reader's enjoyment, as it pretty much breaks the fourth wall and pulls the reader back into reality, instead of allowing them to sink further into a story. I really try to discourage young writer's from this because it's better to get rid of bad habits before they become, well, habitual. Anyway, I do hope this helps! And I encourage you to keep writing, and know that if you ever need help, there's loads of people here who are willing to help you out! I want to help you be better! Happy writing!
